Honestly

A/N: Just some musings. What if Draco wrote his thoughts down in a diary? I was trying to clear my thoughts and emotions and this popped out. Well...my muse came back apparently. I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and Co. I'm a broke college student, so please don't sue me. Thank you.


Honestly, I don't want to hurt anybody. I don't want to make them suffer. But this is how I'm expected to act. I'm supposed to want to hurt people, to destroy them emotionally. It's the beginning to a glorious future, they say. I know what the world expects of me. But I don't know what I expect from myself. I've never felt this way. Nobody has ever wanted me to be anything else. I don't even know who I am, aside from what others want me to be.

So I am who they are. Who they want me to be. I toy with people, with their emotions. I make it my goal in life to see them cry. I smirk at their pitiful retaliations, when in reality their words wound my soul.

scoffs Yes, believe it or not, I have a soul. Ok, honestly, stop laughing. I don't know why it's so hard to believe that I have a soul. Something that the Dementors of Azkaban could suck out and keep for their own. What do they do with those souls? Do they eat them? Is that the purpose of the Kiss?

When I'm by myself I ponder over my actions. Then I remember the words that were spoken to me. And I wince as they cut my skin. The words that wound me and slowly kill me. Though there are some in this world who would love to see me dead. I've created enough enemies, but still. I don't want to die.

But the words do hurt. There's a muggle saying (yes I do know about muggle sayings, despite my obviously superior upbringing) that sticks and stones may break bones, but words won't ever hurt me. I'd love to meet the genius who thought that saying up. Cause he's wrong. And the entire world knows it, yet that saying is extremely prevalent.

So in conclusion (yes, I know it's like ending an essay, but bare with me), I have to say, that I'm not who people think I am. I don't hate muggleborns, even though I act and say I do. Even though it is clear that one of the possible saviors of the wizarding world is a muggleborn. Merlin is she beautiful. She really is. After I shot that spell at her in fourth year that enlarged her teeth, she shrunk them. It really made a difference in her smile, it's even more beautiful now. But I can still claim that I use more hair products than she does. That is a good thing in my honest opinion.

Not that you were asking for it. Oh shut up you. What do you know? You're just a stupid book that one of my aunts gave me to write in. And I refuse to say that word. If I say that word it will make me sound like a sissy boy. Which I am not. Are you done now? What? No, I will not say that word. sighs Fine, since you won't leave me alone otherwise. Diary. There happy? Good. Now shut up. Thank you.

As I was saying before this stupid book so rudely interrupted me, that is my honest opinion. She'll never know that I fancy her, that I admire her. HE'LL never know that he's actually a role model to me. A standard of propriety. Nor will the other one know that I admire him and envy him for having such a large family, full of happiness, that I'll never know. Yes, I envy and admire the "Golden Trio" as they are called here at school. For they are happy and know who they are. And they are put in a gilded tower for it, while I, I am stuck in the dungeons, at the bottom of the ladder.

On an ending note: If Slytherins and purebloods are so superior, how come they put us in the dungeons? Isn't that like saying you're at the bottom of the ladder?