Happy Holidays…well they're mostly over, but we can still hope for some snow days at least.
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Kiba clutched his arm as he made his way back through the maze. All the shelves looked the same. Books. And he still wasn't closer to finding her.
Cheza was still gone.
And, meeting another person from his past just made the pain harder to bear. His memories came again, but, now, they focused on the girl with eyes like ice. She wasn't like them, but was at the same time. More importantly, she had died too.
Finally, he found the table they agreed to use as a base, tucked away in the corner. Moon was asleep on a padded chair and Toboe was bent over a book, reading intently. He looked up as soon as he heard Kiba.
"Any luck?"
"No," Kiba sat down. "Just another memory."
"Huh?"
"Nothing." Kiba glanced at Moon, asleep on the chair. The Book of Red Moon. It sounded familiar after the cat said it, but why couldn't he remember? Moon was so sure. He had answers…
"I found a book about wolves," Toboe said as he held up his find and derailed Kiba's train of thought. "Wolves have been extinct for a long time. They're almost like a myth, you know. There's a bunch of stuff about werewolves in here."
"Really." Kiba listened to Toboe's explanations of silver bullets and full moons as questions ran through his head. He was trying to order them again. Place some sort of meaning out of the chaos and answer them one by one. What was the Book of Red Moon? How did the cat know everything? Where was Cheza? Where were the moonflowers?
"Wait what did you just say?" Kiba snapped.
"Huh? Oh. Sometimes werewolves were commonly associated with flowers that only blossomed under the moon. These moonflowers were thought to be created by the Flowermaiden."
"Moonflowers…Do they have a picture?"
"No. Just a description. A four petaled white blossom that only opens at night…"
"I've seen them before, but where?" Of course he had. Images of moonflowers where everywhere in his mind as he saw them before death, creating a new world. But, he knew he had seen them somewhere else. Where? When?
"This flowermaiden," Toboe said doubtfully. "It makes me think…of Cheza. Could she have something to do with that?"
"Yes! Yes! I saw them where she must be now… But, maybe it was then. Why can't I remember?!"
Toboe got up and placed a comforting hand on Kiba's shoulder. "Don't worry. We'll find her and…we'll find paradise." He went back over and closed his book with a slam. Moon stretched his front legs out and flicked his tail.
Keep it down.
Kiba's head snapped up. He had heard that. The cat's voice. He knew it. But where? Who was this cat? Moon had put his head back down, and had his eyes closed. Kiba looked at him, trying to figure him out.
"I'm sorry we're being so loud, Moon."
One blue eye opened slowly. Warily.
"Hey, you heard that? That's great!" Toboe said, smiling broadly. Kiba didn't feel the same way. He kept an intent glare at the cat, who looked back at him with mild interest.
So, you got some better ears.
"It seems so." This voice. This voice. His dream.
"We'd better get going. It's so late already! I'm starving." Toboe picked up his book and trotted to the main desk to check it out. Kiba quickly picked up Moon and stuffed him in his jacket. The cat remained quiet.
"How did you know about that book?" He said quietly as they walked toward the large wooden doors of the exit. The library was an old cathedral and the stained glass windows made patterns on the floor. Kiba walked through the sea of color.
I'm tired.
Kiba stopped as Toboe got to the front desk.
"What are you hiding?" he whispered down to his jacket.
Nothing.
"WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?!"
Everyone was looking at Kiba now. As the silence of the library became deafening once again, people moved out from the aisles of books to see what had happened. Toboe turned around from the front desk to look at Kiba, who was just standing there looking down at the color stained ground. The boy glanced at the woman checking out his book. Blue was also staring at the former wolf.
"Ummm….sir…do you need some help with something?" she glided out from behind the desk. Toboe stayed frozen.
Blue moved closer to Kiba. He was shaking. The cat is the link, he thought. The real link. I have the answers right here! He opened his jacket and took Moon out.
"Who are you?!" he shouted and shook the cat. Audible snickers came from the bookshelves.
"Please! No animals in the library!" Blue pleaded. She had crept almost next to him. "Look," she whispered. "I let you off before, but you're making a scene. Please stop. I don't want to call the police." She tried to touch his shoulder, calm him down.
Kiba turned and bared his teeth. "Get back, half wolf," he growled. "I don't need your help."
"…half…wolf…"
He glanced around to see all the eyes on him as he still held the cat, who was desperately clawing at his hands. So many people. He looked at them all held their gazes, until he got back to Blue.
She didn't move. She didn't look away. The two just stared at one another, Kiba in pure anger at being cornered, and Blue…Blue was trying to make sense of the chaos he had just created.
Suddenly, Moon bit deeply into Kiba's hand. Blood red was added to the greens and blues of the light's painting on the floor. Before Kiba knew it, he had dropped Moon and the cat was out the door as someone walked in.
"NO!" He ran out one of the doors, knocking passersby as he lept down the stairs.
Back inside the library, people began to go back to their reading. A janitor came out of the back room to wipe up the blood. Everything became normal again, like nothing had happened, and Blue snapped out of her revery and headed back to the desk.
"I'm sorry," Toboe muttered as Blue returned.
"Do you know him?"
"Yeah…sometimes Kiba gets a little…riled up…"
"I've never seen him like that before…" Blue muttered.
"What? You know Kiba?!"
"Oh… of course not," she smiled sadly. "Here's your book."
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Toboe found Kiba sitting on a bench on the route home. He hadn't been too worried about his stunt (Toboe had gotten used to Kiba's mood swings) but the public setting had made him freeze in surprise.
"Hey, you okay?" he asked putting his book down on the bench and sitting.
"Moon knows something," Kiba said to the pavement. "He knows about our past…about Cheza."
"Yeah, I thought it was kinda strange the he knew about that book. Not to mention that he's a talking cat…" Toboe said thoughtfully. They sat in silence as the realization sank into Toboe. This was his fault. If he had been more careful about the strange cat, they could have captured him and learned more. It even occurred to the boy that their meeting had been prearranged. It was like Moon had been waiting for him in that cardboard box, by the end of the street. The cat had distracted Toboe when he saw that man outside the bookstore...Then, he had disappeared just as Kiba came into his life. The accident…
Toboe looked over at Kiba and sighed. "We'd better get home. It's not going to do us any good sitting out here. I'll make us some lunch."
Kiba nodded and they both got up.
"Don't worry. We'll figure it out."
But Kiba was already worried. As they walked, he kept his eyes down and followed Toboe's shadow. Black. His mind was black. He could barely remember Cheza's voice and it had only been…a day? Maybe it had been his imagination all along. This was ridiculous. There had never been a voice in the first place. It was all him going insane.
By the time they walked up four flights of stairs and were standing outside the apartment door, Kiba was ready to give up on Paradise…and Cheza.
"This is all a dream," he muttered. "I'm going to wake up normal."
"What?" Toboe said as he opened the door. "The lock was jammed. I wasn't paying attention, sorry."
He pushed the door opened and turned on the living room light.
Someone was lying on the couch.
Tsume had passed out. An empty bottle of Jack Daniels had toppled onto the floor beside him.
He woke up as Toboe slammed the door and rushed over to him.
"Tsume! What are you doing?! What happened?!"
His brother glared hazily at Toboe then looked past him. Kiba stood still.
"You," he pointed. "What the fuck did you do to me?"
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Hige finished the last sentence of a chapter when he heard the door slam in the front hall. He looked up from his computer and smirked.
"Is that you, Blue?" he yelled, knowing the answer but keeping the daily ritual alive. It was a game they played. Blue got home everyday at exactly five thirty, and as Hige looked at the clock on his desk it was…six o'clock. The time must have passed him by as he became absorbed in his writing.
A few minutes staggered by, and Hige still didn't hear a response. Usually, he would have been greeted by a "You could get up and greet me after a hard day of work" from his lover as she came into his study and kissed him on the cheek. This was usually followed by a "I'm glad you're not dead." They didn't know why they always said this to each other, nearly everyday. But, it was true. To Hige's surprise, only silence echoed down the hallway; then, a few rustling noises as Blue probably took off her coat.
"Hey, don't make me come out there," he jibed and continued to type at his computer. Blue still didn't come in. So, he waited and shifted in his chair, losing his train of thought on the plot he was creating. Hige got up from the desk.
"Blue?"
As he padded down the hallway, fear entered his mind. In the six years he had known Blue, she would never ignore him (even if she was mad at him.) And, since the time they had lived together (about two years), they had always said the same things when the other came home. Now he was walking the narrow hallway to the front door of their apartment, and everything seemed different. He could almost smell it.
When he was almost to the alcove, he slowed and crept, picking an umbrella out of the stand, and holding it like a club. Something was wrong. Hige continued towards the living room, umbrella at the ready. Then, he saw her. Blue was leaning against the wall, staring out the window. Her shoes and coat were still on. Hige realized that she had left a trail of mud from the front door, very sloppy, very unlike Blue.
"Hey, why didn't you answer?"
"What?" she started and glanced at him. He dropped the umbrella. Then, Blue regained her pensive look as she turned her head and once again and studied the skyscrapers. "I'm sorry," she said with a sad smile. "I didn't hear you."
"Obviously not. Jeez, you scared the crap out of me. You sounded like a burglar…all silent and creepy. And, then I realized you were late; you could have been killed or something…" He moved closer. "Baby, what's wrong? You look terrible."
"Well thanks for the compliment," Blue answered wrily and sat on the couch, wiping an eye with the back of her hand.
"Have you been crying?!!" Now, Hige was very worried. Blue rarely shed a tear. He had taken her to the saddest movie he had ever seen (ended up bawling himself) and barely gotten a misty eye from Blue. Even the discovery of her father having cancer barely made an impression. (Though Hige was sure Blue was just trying to be strong for her pops.) Hige would never accuse Blue of being cold...but crying was so unlike her.
Now, she was sitting on their couch, fighting tears. "Let me take your coat," he said, slipping off the black jacket and slowly unwinding the red scarf from her neck. He dropped them on the floor and sat next to Blue, pulling her over to rest her head on his chest.
"Do you always have to wear this ratty, yellow thing?" she asked as she nestled into him.
"Hey. I love you, but don't diss the hoody. It's lucky…Don't change the subject!" Hige said suddenly, then felt sorry for the outburst. "Sorry…what happened to you, Baby?"
"What did happen," she said quietly.
"Come on. You're freaking me out," he coaxed in his usual dim way.
Blue got up and looked him in the eye.
"Do you remember when we first met?"
"Yeah, of course." Hige was totally confused. "Did…Did I do something wrong? Is it our anniversary or something?" He was grasping at straws and running all the important dates over in his head. What was going on? Nothing…Had the hospital called? Hige sucked in his breath.
"No," Blue looked away. A moment's silence passed. "I remember looking across the library on a summer day and seeing someone familiar putting a book back in the wrong section. You were standing in a ray of sunlight, wearing that silly hoody," she touched his arm, "and I knew."
"Knew what?" He let the shirt comment slide.
"I knew I was in love with you," she whispered and stared at the tv infront of the couch. "It sounds so dumb, but I had this feeling of déjà vu. And, I knew you and…And you felt it too! I know you did!" Blue slid a silver ring off her finger and gazed at tiny letters that wrapped themselves around the inside. "It was meant to be," she read aloud. "You have to know what I'm talking about. I'm not crazy!"
Blue looked at him in desperation. Hige had never seen her so frightened. He reached out a hand and placed it on her cheek. Blue closed her eyes.
"I remember seeing the most beautiful girl in the world," he said, "glaring at me in the library. I know her smile is even more beautiful, I thought to myself. I'd do anything to see her smile again. And, I'd never even seen you before. Sometimes things like that happen, like past lives or something like that. You're not crazy."
With his other hand, Hige opened Blue's fist in her lap and took out the ring she'd been clutching. He slipped it back on her finger and kissed her lightly. "Or maybe we're both crazy. Is that all that's been bothering you?" He leaned close and put his forehead against hers so they were nose to nose.
"I felt it again."
"Huh?" Blue smelled so good. So right. Hige could fall asleep against his fiancée right now.
"That feeling of knowing. I felt it again."
The words slowly melted into Hige, until he processed them. He bolted upright.
"Wait…are you saying…Are you in love with someone else?!!" Fear again clawed at him. But, fear of another kind. They were meant to be. God, Blue couldn't leave him. "Is that why…"
"No!" she yelled and looked almost like falling apart. She reached out for his hand and he let her hold it against her cheek.
"I just remember this person, this man in the library. He was in the restricted books section and he looked…he looked like I remember. But, more unsure…He used to be so sure…".
"Are you saying you know him?"
"No." She kissed his hand and put it down. "Maybe. We only met today. But, it was like with you," she held up her hand, "except I only feel he could be a friend."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I could tell he needed help. He still needs help…I think we can help him."
"Help who?"
"Kiba."
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When the answers seem so close,
the moon goes behind a cloud
and everything is black again.
But, the stars will
come out and shine in a different way.
They are always there,
unlike the moon, who
hides herself to make you look into the black.
