Disclaimer: Don't you ever get tired of these?
SHORT HAND INFO:
Rating: T
Ship: None
Summary: Lupin is going insane with grief over Sirius's death, can he find comfort in an old friend?
Chapter 2: Insanity Is Calling Me…
Remus felt a little better after his meeting with Snape. It was so good to be with someone he trusted. He'd given him a Dreamless Sleep Draught, enough to last him the next few weeks.
"I'm afraid to go near her Severus…" Remus whispered as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.
"Remus…you can't keep yourself shut up in your room all the time. Meet with everyone, if only for a few moments. You need someone who can be with you all the time. I would but-"
"Don't be ridiculous, of course you can't."
"I'm worried about you." Severus sighed resolutely. Remus didn't look up to him, just left his eyes transfixed on his tea, letting his shoulders sag.
"I'm being silly."
"Dear Christ…" Severus spat.
"Still researching muggle religions Severus?" Remus teased.
"Don't change the subject Remus." Severus's tone was hard. "You can't keep blaming yourself for what happened-"
"If I'd only been there sooner-"
"Don't start-"
"If I'd looked back in time-"
"Remus please-"
"If I'd spoken to you sooner about Harry's Occlumency-"
"STOP IT!" Severus shouted as he pounded his fist on the table. Many people looked up abruptly, he didn't seem to care. "You can't do this to yourself Remus…you're going to kill yourself and then what? What will be left for that damned boy you work so hard to protect?"
"He wont even speak to me-"
"Then he's not worth it."
"Don't say that-"
"You need to get yourself together Remus. It wasn't your fault. Sirius wouldn't blame you, and neither should you."
At this Remus leaned forward, completely engulfed in tears. Again people, stared, again Severus didn't care. He moved to the other side of the table and wrapped his arm around the broken wolf. Not saying a word until Remus was able to compose himself again, which took some time.
"I'm so sorry Severus-" He began as he wiped away his tears.
"Shut up, now you're just being stupid." He scoffed as he handed him a pile of napkins from the table. "You know you can call on me anytime…"
"I know…thank you." Remus sighed as he gripped his new friend's hand tightly. Severus squeezed back, and clapped him on the back.
"I'll pay the drinks-"
"Don't be foolish I-"
"Will go to the washroom to wash your face." Severus smiled, and headed toward Tom, tossing a few Galleons on the counter. Remus washed his face, and took a moment to look at himself in the mirror. He was frightful. His eyes were puffed and red, he had circles under his eyes, and his skin was sunken and sallow.
More food and sleep could fix that. His mind sighed.
Yeah…maybe…The other cackled. Remus gripped the sides of the sink for a moment, he gripped so tight his knuckles turned white…but he could feel his mind coming at ease. He counted to ten, took a deep breath, and walked out.
"Thank you for meeting me Severus-"
"How long do I have to sit with you before you stop saying stupid things?" Severus sighed as he chuckled a bit.
"No truly…thank you." Remus smiled.
"It's good to see you smile again Remus. Feel free to call on me again if you need."
"I will." And he Disapperated. Remus would have too, but he thought a long walk would help him clear his head.
He tried to keep his mind clear of things. He stopped to admire flowers in women's gardens, the gloomy sky wasn't gloomy to him. It was calming and loving. He smiled at the Cumulous clouds above, inhaling the cold air deep, letting it run to every part of him before releasing it again. He even closed his eyes for a while, listening to the sounds of his feet on the pavement, Severus was right. He shouldn't blame himself, no one was blaming him. There was nothing to be blamed for.
"'EY!" The boy's cry shattered his peace of mind. He snapped back into reality and realized that he'd made a wrong turn, and was in an alley. He couldn't even recall what street he was on, but this muggle was not pleasant looking.
"Ca-can I help you?" At this moment he greatly thanked the giant trench coat he had on, it completely concealed his wizard robes underneath.
"Got anything?" This man was clearly not a Londoner, he had an American accent.
"I'm sorry?"
"Money! Got any?"
"I-I'm afraid not." Remus sighed as he tried to step around him…the ONE time he didn't have his wand…why didn't he have it?
"You know what I think?" The man asked as he stepped in his way again.
"Wha-what's that?" Remus asked, trying very hard not to seem afraid.
"I think you're lying. Don't you know it's not nice to lie?" What was he supposed to say to that? He instead tried to take a step back, but the muggle took out something black and metallic from his jacket and hit Remus hard over the head with it. He fell backward onto the cold pavement, his head spinning wildly.
Before he could properly register that he was on the floor, the muggle jumped on him, striking him again and again, he tried to reach up, thrash out, do something! But the object met with his right temple, and Remus's head smashed against the floor…everything went dark….
When Remus finally did wake up it was night time. A lone street lamp shone on the other side of the alley, and he wanted to vomit.
Whatever you do… his mind began as he rolled over, but his stomach wouldn't listen, and he spilled his afternoon tea with Hermione, his sandwich, and fire whiskey he drank with Severus, all over the pavement. He trembled on his hands and knees for a moment, unable to get a grip on himself.
Looney Looney Lupin…The voice cackled.
Go away. He spat.
Ooooo, standing up for ourselves are we? It cackled again.
I really have been full up of you…
Isn't that too bad for you then? It mocked.
Why?
I'll let you take a look around. It said, stifling a giggle. Somehow, in those few seconds that he argued, the beast had managed to get Remus to his feet, and take him home, Hermione was sitting with him, they were in his room, and she was jabbering on about something, holding a cup of tea.
"I've been really worried about you sir…you don't seem like yourself." She sighed as she took a sip.
The door is locked, don't think it's not…and that silence charm you put on it a few days ago will finally be put to use. Instead of hiding your pathetic crying.
No… Remus whispered.
"Thank you Hermione." His voice said as he rose from his seat, and kneeled down in front of his former student.
NO!
"How old are you Hermione?"
"Uh…17 sir…" She whispered. Her voice was quivering a bit.
"17…" His voice awed as his fingers slid gently up her leg.
NO STOP IT! Remus screamed.
"I better go-" Hermione gasped as he tried to get up, but Remus's arm slammed her back into her chair, leaning in far too close for comfort.
"No…I'd really like you to stay." His voice whispered.
What do you say Looney? Think she's a screamer?
STOP! WHY? WHY? He sobbed.
"Please…I just want to go…" Hermione whispered, tears running down her cheeks.
"That's not up to you anymore." Remus answered, his hands running through her hair. He leaned in closer. "You can scream if you like, it might make it more fun for both of us."
Remus curled into a tight ball, he wish he could will his body to do the same, he shut his eyes as tight as he could, but the beast pried them forward. He prayed it was all over, that he could black out and wake up to an empty room…but every time he opened them…it was only the beginning…
