Summary: see chapter one
Disclaimer: see chapter one
A/N: It is late and I ask you to forgive any mistakes. Any reviews are welcome
To my reviewers! you rule!
Pure Black: Severus was never one to hold his tongue.
HecateDeMort: thanks!
CHild-of-Darkness1988: umm thanks!
opal: He is a wizard and he has potions for such things.
Ymmas Sirron: Sooo good to see you again and thanks!
athenakitty: You shall see! mwhahahahaha
Okay many people gone so I hope they have a happy holiday! Now to the fic!
Chapter 23
Another week went by without incident and everyone was starting to feel like the pranks were over. Little did they know that Sirius was plotting on Severus and vice versa. Each had come up with the perfect joke, and they had set their plans into motion. Early that morning Sirius was making his way to the bathroom to have a nice leisurely bath. He had turned on the tap and let the tub fill to the rim. Placing his clothes nearby he sank down into the depths of the bubbles and relaxed. With his eyes closed he did not see someone levitating his clothes out the door and then closing it again. He reached for the sponge to wash his back, but could not find it. Holding his breath he dived under the water and retrieved it. When he came back up there was a kitty sitting on the edge of the tub.
"Awww what a nice kitty. How did you get in here. Are you lost?" The kitty replied by purring softly. Sirius had always loved cats even though his animagus form was a dog. He gently picked up the kitty and went to rub it. The kitty at first sat purring, but then the kitty stopped. Sirius' eyes got round as saucers as he realized the cat could smell his form. The kitty's hair stood up on it's back and then it attached itself to Sirius chest, clawing for all it was worth while hissing. Sirius full of panic flung the kitty off him and into the water.. He jumped from the tub and grabbed a nearby towel. The kitty not liking water at all lunged out of the tub like a banshee. It was screeching as it flew towards him and Sirius turned around to make a run for the door. The kitty attached itself to his arse and commensed to clawing for all it was worth. Screaming Sirius ran from the bathroom and down the hall. Room by room opened their doors, all of them seeing a blur of nakedness with a fuzzy tail.
Peeves could not resist and had to comment on the humor in the matter, "You are a dog and yet you are afraid of a kitty"
"You would be too if it was clawing at your arse!"
Sirius was standing there trying to remove the kitty whose claws were imbedded in his flesh, and did not notice the crowd that had formed till he heard the woo hoo's coming from Professor Sprout. He did not like the look in her eyes, and tried to hide his nether regions from her gaze. "This is the worst moment of my life." Sirius thought, well until Severus and Minerva rounded the corner and stopped. You could have heard a pin drop in the hallway, until the snort from Severus sent the kitty into another hissing fit.
"Minerva, thank god, you are good with cats. Please remove this thing from me, before it decides to attack the front as well."
Minerva looking at the kitten laughed. "The Great Sirius Black brought down by a mere kitten. Who would have thought." she chuckled and then the rare smile turned into big bursting laughs as she removed the kitten from Sirius' arse. The kitten at once calmed down and began to purr. Sirius was outraged, but more than that he felt a chill, and realized he was still standing there naked. Fleeing the hallway, and Severus he vowed to get him back. Severus tried to look alarmed, but the sight of Sirius' clawed up ass running the other way kept him from it.
Severus had went about his day smiling rare smiles, as his plan had worked beautifully. The sight of the mutt was more than enough to have him burst out laughing. Harry had questioned him about his unusal cheerful mood. "Not to say anything Dad, but you are not usually so nice and polite."
Severus smiled down at Harry. True he was not so cheerful, but who could not be after this morning. "Come Harry let us go down to have dinner. I think I have worked up an appetite, and maybe Sirius will grace us with his presence since he missed lunch."
As they entered the Great Hall Sirius was nowhere to be seen and Severus quickly sat down with Harry. Harry seemed listless and was only playing with his food. After a sharp look from his father he filled his plate and attempted to eat. Halfway through a conversation with Hagrid about the uses of unicorn hairs in potions Sirius walked in. He walked around the table and sat down beside the half giant slowly, as his arse was still recovering from the kitty attack.
"Feeling better Sirius?" Harry asked
Sirius tried to keep his rage under wraps and answered, "Yes Harry I am fine, never better in fact. Now eat before your food gets cold."
Severus glared at Sirius as Harry's face fell when Sirius was so short with him. Harry began picking at his food again. Seeing Harry was not going to eat anymore he quietly excused himself and Harry. Halfway to the dungeons he turned to his son. "You do know that Sirius was not cross with you correct?"
"Yes I know, it's just well it reminded me of Uncle Vernon, and it kinda scared me" Harry shrugged
"Think of it no more Harry, as much as I hate to admit it the sorry excuse for a human loves you, and would never knowingly hurt you." Harry's eyes seemed to brighten just a little. They walked into the dungeon and Harry fell asleep. Hours later Severus was woken by screams as Harry tossed and turned. "Sirius I am sorry, please do not go." Sevrerus noticed that Harry was crying and he shook his shoulder to waken him. When Harry awoke he clung to his father and cried.
Severus knowing the boy would not be able to sleep unaided brought him some dreamless sleeping potion and watched him drink it. He then tucked Harry in and sat with him till he fell back to sleep. Sighing he got up to return to his bed after placing a kiss upon Harry's brow.
Severus walked back into his room and crawled back into bed. Tomorrow was Harry's birthday party, and he knew he would need all his rest for Harry's friends would be there, all of the Weasley's under one roof could not be good. Just as his eyes were beginning to close he heard a movement and reached for his wand. Placing his hand under his pillow he noticed that it was not there and panicked. When he lit the bedside candle what he saw made a little yelp fall from his lips. There at the end of his bed stood Minerva McGonagall wearing nothing more than a purple thong and a bra.
Severus' mouth opened to say something, but she came over placing her finger to his lips. "Sshh I know, you are amazed at my beauty under all those robes. I have watched you for a very long time, and now I think we should let go of our inhabitions. She then placed a kiss upon his lips and licked his neck. Severus had never been more horrified, not even the night Voldemort made him a death eater.
"Minerva, I respect you, let's not ruin that over this." he said backing away
"Severus Snape you know you look at me that way, you know you want me" she said reaching for the clasp on her bra.
"STOP! I do not love you, I never have and never will, and stop drooling and looking at me like that." Severus said trying to make his way to the door.
"Perhaps a song and a dance will bring you around to my way of thinking" she said and then the room was filled with the sounds of music as Minerva began to wiggle and jiggle.
Severus was in shock and wanted nothing more than to escape. He tried to go for the door, but she ran in front of it. "You are a naughty boy and should be punished" she said with an evil glare on her face.
Before Severus knew what hit him he was stunned into submission. The only thing he could move was his head. He was then leviatated over to the chair. Minerva sat down and placed him over her knee." You should learn to be a good little boy, you should refrain from being so cruel to Sirius" she said as her hand made contact with his bare arse. Severus cried out. It had to be the most humiliating thing he had ever experienced, and he wished to shrivel up and die. Thanking God and whomever else he could, he quickly performed wandless magic and stood up before another smack could be delivered to his backside. Quicker than any house elf had ever moved he was at the door, and running towards the headmaster's office.
Hot on his heels was Minerva chasing him begging for him to come and get his sweet rewards. This only made Severus run harder. As he rounded the corner he saw the stone gargoyle moving and sighed with relief. He stopped waiting for the headmaster to appear and was shocked when he was tackled to the ground. Immediately he was pinned to the floor and unfortunately drooled upon profusely. Minerva had managed to undo his shirt and was working on his pants as he closed his legs. "Get off me Minerva!" he screamed as the headmaster stepped out into the hallway.
Severus turned his head when he heard a gasp and a thud. There laying beside the headmaster was Minerva McGonagall. She had obviously fainted, and if that was her, who was this imposter trying to accost him? He did not have to wait for long as Sirius rounded the corner, the biggest grin ever on his face. "Severus, I never would have guessed" he said feigning shock.
"Sirius I will kill you for this" he said while trying to pry the woman off him.
"Sirius Black you will explain what this is about,and please return this person to whomever they are now before Minerva comes to.
Sirius flicked the wand he pulled from his pocket and suddenly it was no longer Minerva on Severus, but instead some burly and very hairy man. "I would like you all to meet Hans. He had seen Snape in Diagon Alley before, and shall we say was dying to get to know him better. When I came to him with this proposition he was all too willing."
Severus looked at the man who still looked at him, slobber forming at his mouth,.and flung him off. "You insufferable bastard. You are lower than dirt! " Severus screamed snatching his wand from Hans. Raising it he was about to hex Sirius into who knows what when Dumbledore stepped between them.
"You both have had your revenge. You had both better turn the other cheek so to speak, and put aside your differences for Harry." This brought snorting, and snickering from Remus who was standing off to the side. "Kitty, Hans, I have seen it all" he snorted again as the tears ran down his face from laughing so hard. "I mean it, tomorrow is his birthday and I will not have it ruined by either of you. Now get back to bed we have lots to do tomorrow."
Both men got up. Sirius was being led back to his room by a chuckling Remus who kept saying Sirius did the kitty really attack you?"
Severus got ready to leave as he saw Minerva revived. She had looked at him in horror,and then at Hans. She had reached for her wand to do something no doubt horrible, but Dumbledore led the woman away while she muttered.
Severus would put his hatred on hold for tomorrow for Harry's sake, but the bastard would pay for this. He had never been so ashamed in all his life. Minerva would never look the same way again. Rubbing his arse where he had been spanked he turned to head back to his room, ignoring the pleading look of Hans as he was led away by Dumbledore. "Sirius you should have rotted in that cell, and if I had my way you would still be there. Away from me and Harry."
Severus returned to his room and checked on Harry. Harry, thank goodness had slept through all the commotion. He was glad for he did not want to even speak of girls, much less what appeared to be a girl, who was indeed a man. Severus went back to his room to crawl into bed and try to get at least a few hours of sleep. When he walked in all he could picture was Minerva standing over him drooling like some rabid thing. He placed his wand in this robe and was about to lie down when he noticed the purple bra. That was it he could not sleep here, not after Minerva, no Hans. Shaking his head he went to his potion cabinet and pulled out another vial of Dreamless Sleep and downed it. This was one night he did not wish to have any dreams of what just happened. He would burn those visions of Minerva in a thong out of his mind somehow, until then he went in Harry's room and crawled up on the end of the bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.
