What do you mean you don't know? Spike paced beside the kitchen island where Willow stood staring at the vampire with a tiny bit of guilt written in her expression. You're the bloody brains of the operation! You've got to know something!
I appreciate the compliment, Spike, but I haven't found the entire truth yet. I swear I'm looking every chance I get, but there are too many pieces missing.
What pieces? Spike sighed heavily. Buffy and Angel meet, some guy shoots Buffy, I run to her, the three of us go to my crypt where we wait out the storm. Angel leaves, gets help, comes back, everything stops.
I know it's difficult for you right now, but I--
Difficult?! Difficult is a bloody understatement! I have these sodding emotions inside me and I can't do anything with them! I'm a vampire, remember? A killing machine! I don't have feelings! Spike spit out the last word as if it were some disease that had infected him.
You love Buffy, Willow reminded him.
Spike stopped his pacing to stare at the witch.
That's a feeling right? I mean it's not something that will make you emotionally supercharged like you are now, but you do feel some things. Don't you?
Spike looked at the kitchen floor and back up at Willow. Yeah, maybe. But that's not what this is, pet. There are these things in me--in my head! Half the time I want to drown in my bloody tears and the other half I just want to scream. I don't know what has happened to me but I assure you it is not normal.
Well I'll get back to my research and let you know as soon as I find something out. I promise.
Spike nodded in appreciation. The witch really wasn't too bad. She seemed sweet enough and certainly had a good heart.
So, uh, how's Buffy doing? Spike asked quietly.
She's still in some pain, but she's doing much better. She's upstairs sleeping right now--she's been doing a lot of that lately. It's nice to have her home again. Willow suddenly felt tired, but she was comforted by Spike's sincerity. He really did care for her friend.
Yeah I know what you mean. I'm sure she's glad to be home with her friends again. You guys mean a lot to her. Spike began to feel more comfortable talking to Willow, though he still felt as if he didn't belong. Well maybe I should go. Let you get back to your work. Spike nodded slightly and turned for the back door, reaching for his blanket that had been tossed on the table when he had first come in.
Willow smiled sympathetically and watched the vampire disappear into the sunlight, small wisps of smoke already beginning to shoot from the gray wool over his head. It was time to get back to work.
***
When Buffy woke she was very sore. Even the smallest of movements threw her into a mess of pain. She thought of calling for Willow or Dawn to help her sit up, but decided she rather stay lying down. It hurt less lying than sitting. Her painkillers only worked for a few hours and she tried not to take them too often, her body used to pain as it was.
It was getting dark and shadows began to form on her bedroom walls. A sliver of orange light under her door told Buffy that her someone was still awake. Buffy's window was open a crack to allow fresh air into the stuffy room and the light curtains swayed slowly in an invisible breeze. The slayer glanced at the alarm clock on her night table and saw it was only 30 minutes after sunset.
Buffy missed Spike.
A soft knock at her door prompted Buffy to respond with a come in before trying her best to ignore the pain in her body and sit up.
Willow walked into the room with a steaming mug of something in her hand. Hey. I didn't know if you were up. I thought you might like some hot cocoa. Willow moved to the bed and gently set the mug on the night table. How are you feeling? Need any painkillers?
Buffy smiled at her friend, thankfulness flooding her expression. Hot chocolate sounds nice, thanks. As for the painkillers, I don't know if I should take anymore. With all the injuries I receive during slaying, my body should be used to pain. I should be able to ignore it but I just can't seem to bear it anymore. I don't know if it's because I'm getting weaker, or if it's because i'm turning into a cry baby. Buffy attempted a laugh but all that came out was a half groan, half sigh.
Willow shook her head, You're not a cry baby. I think your body just isn't used to so much at one time. Sure you get messed up a bit on the job, but you had quite a bit happen to you all in one day. You're body's just trying to cope with it all.
Maybe. Or maybe my body is telling me I should take some time off, you know get a little R & R before I head back into the dangerous--and painful---art of slayage. Maybe it's right. Buffy shrugged.
Willow began to understand her friend. The slayer had become afraid of her job---and with perfect reason! Buff, you can't give up after one accident. You've had many mishaps in the last few years, but you've always come out of them better than ever. You've even died twice and come out of it kicking demon goo! You can't let this slow you down.
Buffy was quiet for minute while her mind rushed with thoughts of giving up and calling it quits. I depended on someone else. Even if it was for an instant, I still depended on someone else and because of it I got hurt and so did they. I can't go on depending on other people and vampires to get my job done for me. I should have known better but for that one instant I was so tired, Will! I was tired of always being the one who gets to stick her neck out in danger. I want to stay home, get married, have kids. I want to have a normal life where I can depend on someone else and they can come to my rescue every time something bad happens. I don't want to do this anymore. Buffy shuddered a sigh.
Angel called yesterday and he said he's fine. He's back in L.A. and already on another case. You relying on him didn't hurt him, Buff. After all, he is immortal being dead and all. Willow raised her eyebrows comically.
I don't mean that, Will. Angel found out about-- Buffy caught herself as she almost let her secret out, --some stuff and I think it really hurt him.
Willow moved on the bed to face Buffy better, confusion lit her eyes. What stuff?
N-Nothing important. Just something stupid I did a while back and he found out. Buffy kicked herself for bringing it up.
Well it must be important if you think it hurt Angel. I mean I know he's all broody and stuff, but it takes a lot to shake him. Willow spoke in her soft, reassuring tone.
You're right. Maybe I'm just overreacting. Buffy gladly agreed hoping her friend would drop the subject. I think I'm just shaken up.
You should get some rest. Willow slowly stood up. If you need anything I'm right across the hall. Give me a holler and I'll be right here for you okay?
Buffy had grabbed the mug from her night table and was now wrapping her hands around the warm chocolatey concoction. Thanks, Will. This means a lot to me. I don't know what I'd do without your help. If you hadn't been here... Buffy left off and smiled at her friend who knew exactly what the slayer was saying.
Willow walked to the bedroom door and into the hall.
Buffy watched as her friend shut the door and disappeared. She sipped her hot cocoa and waited for her eyes to become heavy with sleep once again.
***
Buffy's heart sank as she saw the tower. It was the same as she had seen so many times before, yet this time it was somewhat different. The high structure of wrenched and twisted metal looked more evil in the dark now than it had on that fateful night. Nobody stood on the platform at the top for it was no longer there, it had fallen a long time ago when the world Buffy had known, had come to an end for her.
The wreckage seemed to moan and groan in a wind that had somehow picked up. Buffy slowly walked around the heap, she was searching for something although she had yet to figure out what it was. A noise to her right made Buffy jump. Another noise ahead of her frightened her more and she scolded herself for being afraid. She was the slayer for crying out loud! She was feared, not in fear.
Buffy rounded a corner of part of the tower's rusting corpse and stopped. A tall figure stood a few feet from where she stood. His long leather duster waved frantically in the fierce wind making him seem a lot taller than he really was. An evil grin gave his face a nasty look in the shadows and the slayer found herself wanting to be anywhere but here.
Come to play, pet? We'll have lots of fun. The vampire's voice was thick with mischief. I bet you like you like charades. Can you guess what I am? Spike suddenly changed into his vamp face and leaped toward the slayer.
Buffy was taken fully by surprise and jumped out of the way, the vampire narrowly missing her. Buffy cowered in the shadows watching her enemy's next move. Shivers of fear ran through her body and mixed with adrenaline. Quickly Buffy searched her jacket for a stake but found none. She wondered how she could have forgotten to bring one---she always had one with her! Instinct forced the slayer to look around for something she could use as a weapon. Spotting a large steel rod a few feet away, she dived. She was too late. Spike had arrived first and grabbed the rod.
Now now, slayer. You need to learn to play nice. With a surprise move, Spike slammed the rod into the side of Buffy's head, blood began to trickle down the side of her face and her vision blurred.
The slayer stumbled and frantically searched for another weapon while keeping a foggy eye on her foe. Spike grinned and cocked his head to the side in fascination.
You bleed well, slayer. Now how's about a little taste for good ol' William, huh?
Buffy panicked, looked for a way out, but found none.
Come on, luv. I won't hurt you...much. In a flash he was behind her holding her tight as he bit into her neck and began to drink.
Buffy tried desperately to escape his grasp but the vampire was far too strong. Fear was overcome with hate which was overcome with more fear. Buffy began to feel weak as Spike drained her. The slayer gave one last effort to scream but no sound came to her lips and her world faded to black.
***
Buffy woke with a start and sat up groaning as pain engulfed her. Her head felt like lead and she was all groggy. Buffy thought about calling for Willow but changed her mind. She didn't feel like explaining why she had woken in the first place.
The image was still fresh in the slayer's mind and made her cringe. She tried to think of nicer things like her watcher, her friends, and her sister. Still the sight of the vampire bent over her, the sound of the life leaving her and entering his throat, it haunted her! The heat in the room was heavy and the air suddenly seemed too thick to breath in. Gasping for oxygen, Buffy's mind scrambled in panic searching for a solution! Her side burned with the fury of being disturbed! Her head pounded with a rhythm to an unknown sound! The room began to whirl around her and she quickly grabbed the edge of the bed to hold her still. What was going on?!
***
Spike sat up soaked in his own sweat which beaded his brow and slowly slid down his naked body! The images of his nightmare were burned into his memory--never to be forgotten! The taste of fresh human blood still stung his taste buds and his tongue tickled with delight much to his dismay and terror!
Somewhere a clock struck three and the sound rang inside the vampire's head! His eyes burned as more sweat beaded him brow and ran down into his eyeballs! The heat in his crypt was suddenly unbearable! His cold skin felt as if he were inside a roaring furnace being scorched by flames and shredded by sharp pokers! His mind began to wail and his head felt as if it were going to explode! The room began to spin unforgivingly and Spike did the only thing he could think of doing!
He screamed!
***
Buffy's throat was tight with the urge to breathe. She grabbed the corner of her night table and tried to stand but her legs refused to carry her and she landed on the floor with a thump! She tried to scream for help but there was no air. She scrambled for the corner of the table and tried again to force herself to stand but to no avail.
It had been so real! The nightmare had been so convincing! The slayer's neck felt torn as it had in the dream when he had bit into her. She felt the lingering necessity to fight back and fix her mistake. The slayer had hesitated and let herself go for only an instant, yet it was enough to doom her to death.
Buffy rubbed her neck where the bite had been and was shocked to find two tiny holes right below the left side of her chin. Again she tried to call for help but no sound would pass between her already dried and cracking lips. She could feel the cold grip of death reaching out to her again as it had so many times before. For once in her many lives, the slayer was terrified of it!
