Alan Rogers was a happy man. Work was coming along wonderfully, and he was having the time of his life. Katherine Kreuger's therapy show was in full swing, and he'd finally offered a permenant position as one of the three psychologists on her panel to help each show's guests. It was busy work, to be sure, especially since that meant his own, private practice was taking on more clients as a result, but he couldn't be happier. He wasn't the first in his family to finish college, but he was the first to be successful at his chosen profession, the first not swamped in debt from following his dreams, and he was so proud that he was able to help his family. Life was perfect, but for one thing....
He leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes as he thought. His mother, God bless her, kept badgering him to get married and give her grandkids. She wasn't getting any younger, she kept reminding him, and neither was he. At 44 years of age, he supposed he wasn't, but he'd wanted to make sure he had his life together before bringing a wife and kids into the mix. He'd seen the way his parents had struggled, his mother as a cook, and his father as a studio musician, to provide for themselves and their four children. His twin brothers had been a suprise, loved by their parents of course, but a strain on the already meager finances. Alan and his siblings had tried extra hard, growing up, to try to take the burden from their parents. Alvin and Maria had married young, two high school dropouts, and kids had followed in short order. Though Alana and his siblings had tried to take on jobs at early ages to help with the cash flow, their parents had refused, insisting that all their children study hard, finish school, and go on to make something of their lives. There was nothing to be afraid of in hard, honest labor with your hands, his father had been fond of saying, but if you can use your mind to further yourself, take the advantage. His father had meant don't break your back and grow old before your time doing work you have to because you've got no other choice, when you can have so many other options. So Alvin and Maria had pushed, and their children had taken those words to heart, graduating at or near the top of their high school and college classes, and going on to follow their dreams. Shayla was in New York, following her dream in fashion. Donovan and Darius had gone into music like their father; only more successful. They'd been signed on to a major R&B label and their debut CD was due to drop in less than a month. Already though, their names were on everyone's lips and more than one teenaged girl was clamoring over the handsome duo. And as for Alan, he was happy tending to the minds of America. But lately he'd found his life lacking in one area.
And he knew what it was. He'd usually been too busy climbing the ladder of success; a Black man striving to reach the top, keep his nose clean, and make his family and community proud of him. He'd dated, of course, but the women his age were as dry as some of the cases he read over. The few younger women he'd dated made him feel like he was the find on an archeolgical dig. He'd despaired of ever finding a woman who had that perfect balance of mature sophistication and youthful fun. Then he'd met Kathy....
Katherine Krueger. He'd never forget the day he'd gotten the call, one of her people saying she was interesed in having him do a guest spot for her show. Of course he'd seen it, watched daily. He liked her style, the way she talked to people, never condensending or mean, never pretending to understand or grandstand for the sake of ratings. She truly got the people she worked with, young and old alike. She really cared, and wanted to help. She was gentle, yet firm, and never shied away from hard subjects or tried to sugarcoat or placate. And the few times they'd talked after one of his guest spots, he'd sensed that a wildcat lurked behind her professional exterior. He'd found himself enchanted.
Of course, his friends and family teased him about it. He didn't know when he'd started watching her every move, or putting her name into every sentence, but he did, and man, was it noticed. His brothers had started throwing Kobe Bryant jokes his way whenever he spoke to them on the phone, and his sister thought it was funny. His parents had never put an emphasis on race or age, firmly believing that true love was hard enough to find without further limiting yourself, but there were other members of his family who disagreed. And voiced their opinions. Stridently. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face tiredly. Not that it mattered anyway, she was with that asshole Foster. Doctor Dale Foster, his mental voice added snottily, mimicking Dale's tone each time he announced himself. Alan hated the bastard, wondered why the hell a vibrant woman like Katherine would get involved with the scum in the first place, but it wasn't his right to judge. He and Kathy were just friends, though they'd gotten a lot closer in the months they'd been working together. He thought of her beautiful smile as they talked about a show over lunch, the way her eyes sparkled behind her glasses when she got worked up over a case. He smiled to himself, then started as the phone rang, jarring him from his pleasant thoughts. He reached for the phone and his smile grew as he recognized the voice on the line. It faltered, however, when he heard her panicked voice.
"Alan? This..this is K.Kat...hy...Kreuger. Please come." The phone dropped; so did his heart. Oh God, he thought, please let her be okay. He raced into suitable street clothes, almost forgetting to lock the door in his haste, mind racing as he fired up his car and sped into the night. The trip seemed to take forever even though they lived less than ten minutes away from each other. He cursed each red light, each car on the road, each obstacle keeping him from his love. Was she okay? What had happened? He almost sobbed with relief as her house came into view; he damn near killed himself as he lept from the car before he'd even finished bringing it to a stop. He raced up her porch steps and banged at her door, alarm growing as nobody answered. He banged louder, calling out. "Kathy? It's me, Alan, I'm here! Kathy? Kat?? Katherine!!" He pounded the door as hard as he could; it rattled on its hinges nearly. A neighbor poked her head out of her window and he turned, yelling, "Do you know what's going on over here? Call the cops!" The neighbor hurriedly shook her head, almost beheading herself as she muttered something about not wanting trouble, the window crashed shut. Stupid bitch. He banged again and had just decided to kick the door in when it opened, revealing a woman he didn't recognize.
Oh my God. She was a mess, her face black and blue, lip split in at least two places, the whole puffy with swelling. And her eyes, wide and scared in her face as she stared at him like he was her savior. He noted she'd tried to add makeup to cover the mess, but it was tear-stained and wouldn't have done the job anyway. "Oh God, Kathy.." he said as he opened his arms. She fell into them, sobbing, and without thinking he picked her up and carried her back inside. He locked the door behind them, then carried her over to the couch. Alan tried to get up, telling her she needed a wet washcloth, perhaps something to drink. Anything to let him think and not shake her until she told him who he needed to go kill. That bastard Foster's face flashed across his mind and his rage increased until he thought his head would explode. Calm, Rogers, calm down until she's told her story. She could've been robbed. It could've been a disgruntled client. It could've been...he lost his train of thought as she clung to him, telling him not to leave her, she didn't need anything, just please stay and hold her. He complied, mind racing. "Kathy, we need to call the police."
"NO!" she cried, flinging her arms around him, tears flowing. "No police, please, it's okay, it's okay. I should've seen this coming. I should've known he would do this, it was my fault that I didn't see and he said not to say anything and it was my fault my fault myfaultmyfault.." She'd started rocking back and forth, looking like some of the rape victims he'd seen in his office. A fresh wave of anger and fear burst over him and he quickly scanned the rest of her body. She caught him looking and calmed a bit, shaking her head.
"No, he didn't...didn't..do...that. Though he tried. I stopped him Alan, but just barely. What am I going to do?" Her voice slid into a wail and his heart died. It was all he could do not to take her into his arms and hold her until the world went away. But first he had to find out exactly what had happened. Hating the professional manner he had to adopt, he faced her. "Katherine, I need to know exactly what went down. Please, calm down and tell me what happened."
She looked at him with a touch of anger, sniffing defiantly. "Don't psych me, Alan. I need a friend right now, not a shrink." As his face crumbled in shame, she softened. "I'm sorry, I really am. I'll tell you everything, but please, please promise me you won't do anything about it. I need to fix this on my own. Please Alan? I just need a friend right now." He nodded, relenting, and she related her tale, from beginning to end, watching as his face darkened, his hands clenching into fists. For a moment she was afraid all over again and she shrunk back into the couch, until she realized that his anger wasn't directed at her. He was looking at her, not with pity or sympathy, but as if he'd experienced her ordeal himself, and she felt her heart expand. Dear, dear Alan! What a wonderful friend. She touched his hand, offering comfort.
He started at her touch. Just like my Katherine, he thought, to be offering comfort when she's the one who needs it most right now. He was going to kill that son of a bitch, if it was the last thing he did. But how, when he'd promised Kathy he wouldn't do anything? He looked at her bleakly, catching her hand in his. "What do we do now?" he questioned.
"Just hold me Alan, that's all for now. Just hold me." She replied, and he did, taking her into his arms. He held her as if she were a fragile, cherished heirloom, and she felt that way, wrapped in the strength of his arms. She snuggled into his chest, thinking My Alan. How many times have you been here for me these past months? She blinked. "My" Alan? When did that happen?? She shrugged mentally; it felt right. All the talks, the lunches, the occasional dinner that Dale had disapprovingly laughed off. All the talks after a taping, the phone calls. They'd unknowingly slipped into a more personal relationship during this time, discovering how much they had in common, their likes and dislikes, the insanity of having close-knit, loving families. His arms feel so right around me. Sweet heavens, I think I'm in love with this man! The thought hit her like a blow--it was too much to take in in one night. But she had to act on it; it was like an unseen force was guiding her hands, her movements. She looked up into his face, his dear, sweet face, and caught the emotion he thought he'd been so careful to hide from her. He loves me too, she thought in wonderment as her hands seemed to take on a mind of their own. She looped her arms around his neck and pulled him down into a kiss.
Alan's first reaction was suprise. She'd never given him the slightest hint that she'd wanted anything more from him than simple friendship. His second reaction was purely that of a man in love. He crushed her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist as he deepened the kiss. She wants me, he thought, and gave in to his desire; it was like an unseen force guided his reactions. She was so warm and alive in his arms! The way she strained against him, matching him kiss for kiss, tongue dancing with his as though they were created for that sole purpose. He couldn't think, pure need made him trail his hands down her back back to cup the sweet swell of her behind. She stiffened and moaned, arching against him, and that broke the spell for him. He couldn't know that her reaction was one of a need that matched his own; he only knew that she'd been through an ordeal tonight, a terrible one, and here he was, her supposed protector, forcing her to the same thing! And she was fighting him. He abruptly released her, so hard she almost stumbled, and took a long step back, fighting to control his breathing and need.
Kathy was in Heaven. Her head was swimming with the force of her newfound love for this man; already she had forgotten her trials with Dale earlier. All she knew was that she'd finally found her soulmate, under her nose all this time while she'd wasted time, taking refuge in what she had thought of as a safe bet. Alan's kisses, his hands on her brought her alive, made her body sing in a way she'd never experienced before, with any man she'd ever been with. Dale's chaste kisses had been swept from her memory, and she knew that had he tried anything more, sooner, she'd have been repulsed. Not with Alan, though. The feel of his body against hers made her forget her aches of the night, and made her ache in a new way. She wanted this man, and she wanted him to know it. She moaned into his mouth, ready to follow him into the Tenth Level of Hell if he asked her to, and needing to let him know. She was shocked when he almost violently pushed her away. She reeled, almost falling, feeling naked and vunerable as he let her go and stepped back.
"Alan?" she questioned. She felt expose and afraid again without his arms around her. Then ashamed as he looked away from her. He doesn't want me, after all. He thinks I'm a victim blindly reaching for comfort wherever I can get it. Or worse, a whore. Dale's right, I'm a whore who would take advantage of a friend's support less than an hour after breaking up with my fiance. She wrapped her arms around herself and burst into a fresh wave of tears.
"Katherine, don't....Kathy?" Alan could've cried himself. His angel looked even more wretched now and he felt like the lowest life form possible. He reached for her again and she stepped back, shaking her head violently as she cried, saying the worst things to him. That she was sorry. That she couldn't take advantage of a friend like that and she was sorry, she was a whore and she'd deserve it if he'd walk out now and never speak to him again. He couldn't speak, he was floored. How could she think those things about herself? Damn you Foster. He couldn't think of words, so he took her in his arms again, despite her protests, murmering comforting words to soothe her as she cried and tried to free herself, apologizing, asking him to leave, begging him to stay.
Finally, she stopped crying. To hell with it, she thought, and voiced what was in her heart. "Alan, I'm sorry, but I have to say this." He shook his head, opened his mouth to speak but she covered his mouth with her hand. "Please, hear me out. I..I think I love you. No, don't shake your head, I know what I'm saying. I've known it for a long time now but I couldn't say anything. You'd never indicated you'd wanted to be anything other than friends, then...then, there was Dale. I know now what a bastard he was, and I'm sorry it took so long, that it took this to make me see that. I need you Alan. I need you in my life."
"You don't know what you're saying," Alan responded. "Katherine, you've been hurt tonight and you're looking for something to cling to. Lord knows I want to be the one you cling to, but I can't take advantage of you like this. I love you. I've loved you from the moment I met you, but I can't do this. Take some time, Katherine, to get your head together and decide what you want to do. I'll be here, but I'm not what you need now. Not like this."
His mouth kept moving, but she'd only heard one thing. I love you. I've loved you from the moment I met you. He loved her! She had to do something, and fast, as he looked like he was going to go into Mother Hen mode, make her shower, then tuck her into bed with some chicken soup or something. Her mind was made up. He could tuck her into bed if he wanted to, but there was no way in Hell she'd go without him at her side. She rushed forward again, rising to her tiptoes and cut his words off with her kiss. Gone was the frightened need of moments ago. The need was still there, yes, but not the fear. This was right, she knew it as surely as she knew her own name or what she wanted her life's work to be. He pushed her away again, preparing to say something, but she stopped him.
"Enough, Alan. No more words tonight. I'm a grown woman and I know what I want. It's you. I know what I've been through tonight, and trust me, you're not a comfort zone or a security blanket for me. I need you tonight. I need you to make love to me. I need you to help me erase Dale from my mind. You can leave if you want to, but I'll be damned if I let you leave without me." She wore that look of determination that he'd grown to love; she reached for his hand again and he knew he was one plea away from caving. He tried to protest one last time, but she was ready for him, kissing his lips again and pressing his hand urgently to her breast. She whispered "No more words" against his mouth and he was hers.
He picked her up and carried her up the stairs, to the room she'd pointed out. And spent the night erasing Dale from her memory.
And neither felt the eyes that watched them, nor heard the triumphant laughter.
