Disclaimer: Not mine. I like to pretend they are, but unfortunately, no. Curses! Yes. Well, this is Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle passing notes – to tell 'the other side' of the story -wink- That is, if you could call this a conversation...
Part Three,In WhichThe Extent of Draco's ObsessionIs Revealed and Voldie Is In Denial About His Sexual Preference
In Potions-
Draco: -sigh-
Vincent: ...?
Draco: You moron. At this point, I'd make some sort of sarcastic comment involving your brain capacity and that of cheese, but alas, I am too busy mourning my love.
Gregory: ... ?
Draco: Insert a comment about your odour here. Anyways, look at him...Mm. At our last Harry Potter Fan Club meeting, we discussed whether he looks more like Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom. Yes, we do address /very/ serious issues. I strongly suspect that the cookies were laced with something, though. Bloody Colin Creevey.
Vincent: ...
Draco: Yes, well, he does provide the whole range of Harry photographs for sale. I wonder what Harry'd say if he ever found out that anyone and everyone in Hogwarts knows that he owns a pair of ducky boxers. Y'know. Among other things.
Gregory: Something along the lines of, you sick bastard?
Draco: Gasp! Greg, you can talk! That puts you just about one brain cell above Vinnie-dearest. Well...Two is one more than one, isn't it? And neither of us is the sick bastard. Now, on the other hand, when one discovers that both Dumbledore AND Voldemort bought copies, questions arise...
Vincent: ...?
Draco: Yeah. I strongly suspect that the Dark Lord's whole 'Die Potter die!' obsession stems from suppressed sexual tendencies. More like 'Rawr Potter rawr!'. You know, over my dead body, really. As if he could hold a candle to me. He could, however, go indulge Snape – I don't think that man's had any action, since, well, ever. A bit sad for a Slytherin. I wonder if we can vote him off the island – I mean, out of our House.
Survivor music plays-
Gregory+Vincent: -something resembling nods-
Draco: During 'Sharing is Caring' time in our 'Evil Bastards Unite' group, I once heard that someone tried to dye his hair pink with that stuff that comes out with one wash. Obviously, they didn't succeed, otherwise it would still be pink.
Gregory: ...
Draco: You can say that again.
Gregory: ...?
Draco: You bastard. Remark insulting your mother, father, general relatives, and pretty much everyone in this entire world.
Gregory: ...!
Draco: Comment suggesting your sexual preference.
Gregory: ...
Draco: You're right, I shouldn't be talking. I mean, considering that Harry and I have spent the past countless years fighting and bickering, and attempting to deny our obvious passionate lust for each other, its only perfectly natural that we'd end up one day confessing our undeniable, sweet-sweet lurve?
Vincent: ...
Draco: Suggestion that you didn't get hugged enough as a child. Which is probably true, since your parents were off torturing Muggles and whatnot. S'okay, we all went through it at some point. We should form a club, but I suppose it'd be more like a cult – Death Eater Kids United. 100-percent kid-friendly!
Vincent: ...
Draco: Oh, you're right, we already have one of those. S'called Slytherin. Ooh, speaking of that, I had the most /fabulous/ idea yesterday! Little charm bracelets with various insignia on that symbolizes our deep devotion for the delusional prat who dubbed himself Voldie. -squeal- They'd be /all/ the rage!
Gregory: -squeal-
Draco: I know! Oh, last time I heard, he was referring to himself in third person and insisting everyone call him the Dark Lord of Sith. Duh, at Malfoy Manor, at tea last Saturday? Maybe I should bring those drugged cookies and get him addicted to heroin. So I could stalk Harry fulltime. Yes, but then I'd be all hero-y, and that's SO lame. Then again...
Vincent and Gregory slowly drift off to sleep as Draco drones on-
A/N: Poor Draco. Nobody cares. I would like a cookie though. How about you?
