Warnings: Hmm, lets see, Ed being weird, a Riza-style interrogation, a really weird dream, and Ed talking to himself. I think that covers about everything.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist or any characters but I do own the little girl and her conniving grandmother… (Grins evilly)

Notes: Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews! I'm really sorry that I didn't mention this in the first chapter but this is me we're talking about ((Very forgetful)). This fanfic includes modern day things, for example: roller coasters, technology, etc. If you don't like a Fullmetal Alchemist with these sorts of things don't read. ((Cries)) I don't include too much but still…


Avoidance

After several glances from people just trying to eat their lunch and many glares from restaurant employees Ed sat back down.

Embarrassed?

Uh, yeah, he just caused an old lady to rampage through the restaurant and now everyone was staring at him. Even with his back turned he could feel millions of eyes drilling holes into his back. One pair of especially inquisitive eyes were really making him feel embarrassed.

Riza Hawkeye continued to stare at Ed allowing a small smile to form on her face. To Ed this smile seemed to be radiating with evilness.

"Edward, when I told you to tell colonel Mustang how you feel, I never said anything about you liking him."

Ed felt like a mouse in a corner with a cat looming over him, a really big cat, with a gun and a tendency to use it even when unprovoked.

"I-I didn't say anything." Ed said mumbling a bit.

"Then where did that whole rant about not liking guys come from?"

Ed blushed; sure he'd been getting funny feelings in his stomach every time he was around Mustang, but that didn't mean he was attracted to him. Right? Even if Mustang was sexy, that meant nothing.

'Wait a minute,' Ed thought, "DID I JUST THINK THAT MUSTANG WAS SEXY?"

At this realization he nearly fell off his chair in surprise. If multiple attacks of surprise could kill you, Ed would have died several times in those few minutes.

Riza watched on as an internal battle raged on within the small blond alchemist. She quirked her eyebrows as Ed began to smack his head against the table in frustration. She crossed her arms, yes she was definitely right in thinking that this might take a while, a very long while.

"I-I d-dunno…" Ed admitted.

Hawkeye sighed; men really were stubborn.

"So then why are you two constantly flirting with each other?"

If Ed blushed any harder he could have blended in with his jacket and become the headless walking jacket of doom. Not that his jacket was evil or anything… It never plotted for world domination…

"We do NO such thing!"

"What's with the long stares, the intense teasing, the-"

"What is this? An interrogation?" Ed asked clenching his fists together.

"I'm merely trying to get two people who obviously have feelings for each other to admit it openly, I've seen the way Mustang eyes you and the way you-"

"ARGHH!" Ed yelled and ran out the doors of the restaurant in the same fashion as the old lady and her granddaughter.

Instantly the restaurant was quiet, each person and couple whispering something to one another: "Child mole-"

Hawkeye glared at the whispering woman and she immediately shushed. Riza glared around at the rest of the restaurant as if daring someone to say something. Everyone fell silent and resumed eating although somewhat nervously.

She leaned back in her chair, one down, next: Roy.

III

The young alchemist stopped running as soon as he was unable to see that damn restaurant anymore.

He laughed nervously to himself, 'Hawkeye has no idea what she's talking about… I do not have a crush or any feelings whatsoever for that colonel!'

Then why do you shiver whenever he's around? Why do your legs tremble and feel like they can't support your body? Why does your skin tingle at his every touch?

Ed growled menacingly at his inner conscience and banged his head against a conveniently placed pole in order to stop the annoying little voice.

Why does your- Hey! Stop that! I'm –ow- only –ow- trying –ow- to guide – ow- you in – ow – the right –ow- direction -ow- 'cause true –ow- love – ow- only comes –ow- once –ow- and –ow- love –OW! You know what? I quit this job! They don't pay me enough for this anyway! I'm going to Hawaii! Later dude, hope you make the right decisi- ow! Damn you!

Ed sighed in sheer relief as the pestering voice finally left and all he was left with was a huge headache. "Pshh! My inner conscience doesn't know what it's talking about… in love… With Mustang? As if!"

Then what about that dream you had last night?

'Huh? What the hell? I though you went to Hawaii!'

Actually, I'm your new conscience. I'm Russian!

'What the hell is going on around here? Why am I talking to myself? Why is my conscience Russian?'

Oh, err, right, now I'm supposed to lead your heart in the right direction…

'Well that's basically what annoying little voices in my head usually do.'

Okay! On with what I was saying: Then what about that dream you had last night?

'What about it? Everything was normal enough.' Ed thought pausing to recollect his dream the previous night.

Dream

Everything started out normal enough; Ed was running through the forest followed by his brother who seemed to have trouble keeping up.

"Brother wait! Wait for me! Wait for-"

SLAM

Al crashed into a nearby tree in his attempt to catch up to "brother." Ed laughed at him, and began to slow down a bit.

'See that was a very normal dream, hehe.'

Are you forgetting the next part?

'I think I'd remember if I was forgetting anything! It was my dream you know.'

Yes, and they say dreams reflect inner desires.

'Are you implying that I want my brother to crash into a tree? What do you think I am an evil brother?'

((Sigh)) You are hard to get along with.

'Damn straight.'

Lets just get on with the rest of your dream.

'But there's nothing else.'

Maybe this will jog your memory.

As he kept running with his head turned in the opposite direction he crashed into a familiar figure wearing a blue military uniform.

"Shit that hurt!" He said rubbing his head gently.

A hand reached down and lifted him to his feet. Ed looked up into the face of Colonel Mustang. Roy placed both hands on the lithe waist of the young alchemist in order to keep him upright.

"Roy?" He asked, almost looking innocently up at the older man, "What are you-"

He was cut off by Roy's demanding mouth. Ed moaned, Mustangs kiss was so fiery he felt like he would never be able to breathe again.

'Hehe… So umm, I guess there was more to that dream, well… umm… that's it so, uh, Mr. Conscience, you can leave now.'

But we've gotten to the most important part! I'm trying to guide your heart here! The least you can do is allow me to perform my duty!

'But… But… This is my brain!'

Well guess what? I'm going to help you make the right decision in your life so STEP ASIDE JERK FACE!

'Jeez… No need to be testy.'

As Roy parted the kiss Ed smiled, "I love yo-"

'Whoa! Whoa! Okay! I think we can stop there!'

B-B-But I have to recount everything!

'Uh, no freaky little voice! I'm in control now so shoo! Shoo!'

Ungrateful little -

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE THAT HE CAN DROWN IN PUDDLES?"

'Great! Even my conscience makes fun of my size.'

This was the point at which he realized everyone in the nearby vicinity was staring at him, everyone as in a huge crowd of people each beginning to think that he was a mental hospital runaway. Ed couldn't blame them, if he saw a teenager randomly begin bashing his head into a pole and then have a huge mental battle with his conscience he would have already called the cops.

"Um, hehe, nothing to see here, nothing to see here, nothing to-" At this point Ed ran off in the attempt to find a quiet place to think things over where no one would interrupt him.

A peaceful place, a sacred place of quietness… Somewhere to regain his composure… Somewhere like…

The bathroom?

'How low have I sunk? Me? The Fullmetal alchemist, hiding in a stall because of an extremely hot Colonel who-'

"Aww! Damn it I did it again!" Ed yelled before punishing himself by hitting his head on the wall of the stall.

Ed rubbed his pounding head and sighed, yep, things couldn't get worse. The young alchemist swallowed his words as an all too familiar figure in blue entered the bathroom. Correction: Yes, things could get worse.

Ed stood on the toilet in order to hide his familiar black boots from Mustang and to get a better look at what the colonel was doing.

He should have known, Mustang walked over to the large mirror on one side of the bathroom after checking to make sure that no one was in there with him.

'Conceited, looser…' Ed thought, 'Probably making sure he looks good for some woman he somehow managed to pick up…'

The blonde alchemist didn't know what should scare him more. The fact that he actually felt a bit jealous at this thought or the fact that he was slipping from his place on the toilet and the stall door wasn't securely locked.

Probably the latter of the two but at this moment all he could feel was the urge to go beat the living daylights out of some poor unsuspecting woman who was spending time with his Roy.

Wait a minute. HIS ROY?

His?

As in a pronoun meaning "that which belongs to a person" No, he couldn't mean that… Roy didn't belong to him…

Before Ed was able to properly punish himself for this thoughts he tumbled off the toilet he was currently standing on, hit the stall door, heard the hinges in the old door give out, and went flying to Roy's feet.

Needless to say Roy was very surprised. Probably the most surprised Ed had ever seen him. Well, besides that time Ed had put mistletoe over his office door and had managed to get both the colonel and Armstrong under the doorframe. But still, there had been fury mixed in with that surprise, and fear, he couldn't forget fear, Ed still had the burn marks to prove it.

"Fullmetal?"

Roy's voice snapped Edward back to reality.

"Umm, What are you doing here?" Ed asked.

"I think I should be the one asking that question."

"Oh, right, hehe… Uh, well, GATTA GO!"

With this the Fullmetal alchemist raced out of the now forsaken bathroom and raced by the old lady and her grand child who were both currently enjoying an ice cream cone.

At the speed at which he was going he couldn't stop from bumping into the small girl. Her ice cream cone splattered onto the ground in a mess of vanilla and chocolate.

"Sorry!" He cried over his shoulder as he continued to run as though his life depended on it.

"MY ICE CREAM!" The young girl yelled as her grandma began to yell obscenities at Ed's retreating figure.

"YOU YAHOOLIGAN! YOU'LL HEAR FROM OUR LAWYER ABOUT THIS I SWEA-" She was cut off as Roy Mustang also ran out of the bathroom and trampled over her. Unfortunately he didn't have the speed of the youth and was soon brought to justice by the old lady and her cane.

Roy learned a lot in those ten minutes. 1) Never judge people by age or gender… They can still hurt you. 2) Don't try to escape from a potentially dangerous grandma if you haven't been excused from the beating and 3) don't leave without buying both grandma and granddaughter ice cream unless you wanted to be in excruciating pain.

Roy hobbled in the direction Ed had ran off in, "All this because of you Fullmetal.'

III

Ed stopped running once he realized that there was no way that Roy could ever catch up to him. Unless of course he sprouted wings and flew, which was actually quite amusing to imagine.

The young alchemist could only think of one thing to do, only one person to turn to, only one person who would understand his plight…

"Bwa-hahaha-haha" Al laughed evilly into the phone. "So now Ed you come running back to me, after you leave me with this insane woman?"

"I am not insane! GIVE ME BACK MY FISH YOU BACKSTABBING SALMON PINCHER!" Winry yelled in the background before a series of grunting noises, screaming hollers, and slaps were heard.

"Uh, Al? Could you just hear me out? I think something's wrong with me. I really need someone to talk-"

"ARGGHH! NOT THE STICK! ANYTHING BUT THE STICK! DEAR BROTHER! HOW COULD YOU HAVE FORSAKEN ME SO? WHY? WHYYYYY? WH-"

Click

"Al? Al? Damn it! I need to talk to you!"

I'm sorry; the person you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please try again later or press one for more options.

"So much for a brother… I guess I'll try again later. I wonder why the phone died though." Ed said in complete innocence.

At the Rockbell home

"Winry! Nooooo! Not the electrical wires! Nooooo!"

"This is what you get you lousy fish stealer!"

ARGHHHHHH

Back with Ed

Ed hung up the phone and sighed, all he wanted was someone to talk to.

He turned around and slouched on a nearby wall until he saw the flame alchemist inching his way through a crowd of people looking every which way.

Looking for who?

For him?

For Ed?

Oh crap, too much for him to handle at this moment, "I guess all I can do is run…"

With this said the Fullmetal alchemist sped off before Colonel Mustang could see him.


I hope you all enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please Review! The more reviews I get the quicker I type. O.o

Anyway, a lot of weird stuff in this chapter huh? I hope it didn't freak you all out… I just loved his Russian conscience… It was all very random…

Next chapter: Catch me, if you can

Review section (Today: Hands out Roy plushies)

kori hime - I have to object… Your writing skills are way better! Everyone go read her I'll Make A Man Out Of You fanfic. It is a hilarious Roy X Ed song-fic, and while you're there read her drabbles! Review them! Review them! (Attempts to hypnotize) Oh, and now I can't get that Mulan song out of my head! My family is getting very annoyed with me...

Honey Flavored Lubrication - I think I did spell Fullmetal Alchemist with capital letters… But then again… my bad memory might be kicking in. I'm sorry I didn't write in a warning at the beginning of chapter one about the modern day things…

Dragons Maiden – I'm glad I made you laugh! No, I don't live in California, I wish…

PunkRockVash271 – Thank you! I love making my reviewers happy… Hmm… I'm thirsty… Uh, be right back…

PlayingwithFire – I know this pairing is the best! I'm glad you thought it was funny, that's what I was aiming for )

Genkai-chan – Here's some more! I'm glad you liked it!

Sharp23 – Thank you! I updated! Yay! (Crashes into wall)

Kimenomi – I'm glad you thought it was funny!

Cassandra - Ed is hilarious isn't he? I'm glad I made you laugh )

finalfantasys-child – Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

lazerducky27 – I meant for it to be funny, my evil attack lady… Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.

FlameBrake – Lol, the "child molestation", I just had to get that in their somewhere… I mean it was bound to happen…

Please review and look at my profile for the next update time, I'll either update on that date or before it. I promise to try not to break it, unless there is an extreme emergency.

Amber