Summary: The Ring Inuyasha style. Can you stop the evil vertically challenged youth before your seven minutes are up? Inuyasha learns the true meaning of, "Don't watch the tape." InuyashaRingxover. R&R No flames please.
Disclaimer: If you see anything you recognize we don't own it (ex: Inuyasha, The Ring, comedians, various jokes, puns, etc. etc.)
This fanfic was brought to you in part by XxgestlblondyxX and Animeangel77. (Note I forced her to do this, because I can and because she's my sister. MUHAHAHA!)
The Curvically Challenged Ring
Chapter #1: Full Ramen Cup
It was a dark and stormy night where the air chilled you to the bone...Okay so it was actually early evening on a bright and sunny day with temperatures in the mid 70's are you happy now?
Inuyasha was sitting at home with nothing better to do then watch TV while eating ramen noodles aka his favorite activity in his bean bag chair. We join him as he is flipping through the channel for something to watch.
Commercial #1:
Announcer: "Are you just sitting at home in a bean bag chair?"
Inuyasha looks around stupidly, "Yeahhhh."
Announcer: "Are you drinking those ramen noodles again?"
Slurp slurp. Inuyasha looks down, "Yeahhh."
Announcer: "Are you going to donate 100 to our charity fund?"
Inuyasha looks around, "Noooo."
Inuyasha continues his search for something to watch. He stops when an upbeat songs hits his sensitive ears.
Theme Song:
Singer: "I Want to Change the World..."
"Who would watch this garbage?" Inuyasha now turns to his favorite show.
Theme Song with Inuyasha's vocal assistance:
"I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over...something something something..." 'I love this show. Dawson your my hero.' As he hugs his Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper to his chest.
Half Hour Later with yet another bowl of ramen and a box of used tissues...
"Dawson...WHYYY? HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF!" Inuyasha weeps his salty tears slowly falling into his ramen cup. "No Dawson she'll only betray you again..." He trails off as he hears a knock on the door.
"Eww mailman time to get my bite on." Inuyasha runs to the door and rips it off its hinges only to find the mailman scurrying away in fear. "COWARD! COME BACK HER SIMON AND FACE ME LIKE THE DISGRUNTLED POSTAL WORKER YOU ARE!"
"YOUR SINGING IS UTTERLY REPULSIVE!" Simon yells behind his back as he continues to run away as his shorts crawl up his butt.
"DON'T DISS MY SINGING YOU AMERICAN IDOL JUDGE WANNABE!"
"YOU'LL SEE! JUST ONE DAY EVERYONE IN AMERICA WILL HATE ME AS I CRUSH THE HOPES AND DREAMS OF SO MANY!"
"WELL I ALREADY HATE YOU SO THEIR'S ONE ONLY BILLIONS LEFT TO GO!" Inuyasha sees Simon giggling like a schoolgirl as he runs off and saves an butt kicking for another day. "He'll be back!"
Inuyasha now draws his attention down to the mail that the disgruntled postal worker left for him. "Bill, Bill, You Might Already Be A Winner, Final Notice, Get Off Your Fat Butt And Pay This, Kagome's High School Diploma, We Really Mean It, We Will Take Legal Action Soon...all junk mail." He throws it the conveniently placed waist basket.
"Well now...What's this?" Inuyasha looks to the ground at what appears to be Blockbuster movies conveniently delivered to his front door. "Cool, with no late fees."
As Inuyasha is conveniently opening his mail his neighbor Jeff walks by. "Hey Jeff"
"Hey Inuyasha, can you hear me now?" Inuyasha sweat drops and simply nods his head. "GOOOOOD!" 'That guy really needs to get a job.'
Inuyasha returns to his house and makes himself comfy on his beanbag chair as he looks at the movies he received. "Inuyasha Move #1 junk, Inuyasha Movie #2 junk, My Ramen and Me oh yeah that's the stuff, Pitch Black Vin Diesel I love him (giggles like a schoolgirl ;), and what the hell is this?"
Inuyasha tossed the other movies aside and began to stare blankly at the coverless DVD he know held in his hand. The movie was clearly labeled, "DO NO WATCH THIS!" Inuyasha scoffed and set it next to the DVD player. "I'll make some more ramen for this one."
Inuyasha came back with a full cup of ramen and set in on the stand next to his chair. "Okay lets pop this baby in and see what it is? I really hope its Pooty Tang." A hopeful look came on his face.
To Inuyasha's great pleasure it appeared to be Pooty Tang, "Yes I knew it!" Then suddenly it changes to Oprah.
Oprah: "Today on the Oprah show I will be piercing my ears for the first time. Here we go." Inuyasha sat there in utter amazement holding up his hand in the Oprah salute. 'How did they know this was my favorite episode.' "Be strong Oprah! Be Strong! We're all here for you!"
The scene again changed to something truly horrifying he almost wet himself. It is so awful that we cannot include it...but we will anyway. "NO NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!" As he gets into the fetal position sucking his thumb.
TV: "COME ON PEOPLE FEEL THE BURN!"
Yes that's right Richard Simmons in tight spandex. "OH THE HORROR!" Finally after much unrest and a million squats later the scene changed yet again. "Who the heck taped this stuff?"
This time it was Sesshomaru licking his arm then cleaning his head. It looked just like a cat brushing its hair. "Sesshomaru, what are you doing in my television?" Sesshomaru doesn't answer and the silence continues.
Then we cut to a scene of one of Koga's lackeys doing a swan dive off of a cliff. "What a moron!" The lackey plummets to the ground only to be stopped by a tree. His woo-hoo lands in the middle and you hear a distinct, "I'm never gonna have pups now." The lackey falls off the other side of the tree.
"Ewwww that had to hurt." The shot quickly went to a clearing in the forest somewhere that Inuyasha knew all too well. "Isn't that the Bone Eater's Well?" The shot goes above the well to see down it.
"Hey is that Rin?" It was indeed the vertically challenged youth also known as Rin slowly in her decaying state climbs up the curvically challenged ring that was the wells opening. Inuyasha tilts his head to the side and his ears do the little twitch. "What is she doing?"
Next it cuts to Rin in an open field slowly, and I do mean oh so slowly, working her way toward the television screen. By this time Inuyasha had moved to peering behind the couch with ramen noodles in hand. "If anyone can see me I lost my contact lense, I'm not scared of Rin."
All of a sudden the screen cut out and there was the horrifying sight of the curvically challenged ring (also known as a square) that was the Bone Eater's Well. Then the television went blank. "Okayyyy, that was interesting, but what happened to Pooty Tang?"
All of a sudden Inuyasha's phone goes off along with the vibrate, "I DON'T WANNA WAIT FOR OUR LIVES TO BE OVER..."
"hee-hee that tickles." Inuyasha fishes his phone out from the mysterious third dimension in his hair. "Talk to me."
Static static
Inuyasha gets up and stand on his couch trying to get better reception. "HELLO, HELLO! CAN YOU HEAR ME KNOW!"
Jeff: "HEY, THAT'S MY LINE!"
"Oh good you can hear me. Now what's up?"
Voice: "Seevvvveeennnn miinnnuutteesss."
"Huh?"
Voice: "Youuu heeaarrdd mmmeee."
"Yeah, but I don't understand."
Voice: "Yoouuuu nnneevvveeerrr uuunnnddeerrrssttannnddd."
"Could you cut it out that is getting really annoying."
Voice: "Fine be that way. It means dumb ass that I'm coming in seven minutes to kill you. Okay make that six and a half cause you just wasted my time."
"Okay see you in what is it six and a half minutes. Bye then." Hangs up phone. "What a weirdo? Wow six minutes I have just enough time to make two cups of ramen noodles while I wait." Inuyasha walks to the kitchen to prepare his last meal while he turns up the radio. "I DON'T WANNA WAIT FOR OUR LIVES TO BE OVER..."
While Inuyasha makes himself some noodles and sings that awful song the vertically challenged youth to some known as Rin is telling Jaken to drive faster as they approach Inuyasha's house.
"I can't go any faster or I will blow the fuse on my electric car."
"Jaken does it look like I care about your environmental awareness right now? NO I don't! Drive FASTER!"
"Fine be that way."
"Uh-Oh!"
"What happened?"
"My watch stopped."
End Chapter
I know I know what you're thinking, but I don't care. I have nothing against Dawson's Creek but it's a good show tune. R&R now that that's finally over I can release my sister from my evil grasp. HAHAHA yeah right. Don't worry it's not the end just for now it's only the beginning. "Death is only the beginning..." AnimeAngel77
XxgestlblondyxX and AnimeAngel77
Next time on the curvically challenged ring: 7 minutes later
"No not my Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper you monster." As he sucks up his ramen noodles. Slurp slurp.
