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"I've grown certain that the root of all fear is that we've been forced to deny who we are." Frances Moore Lappe
Alex's Apartment
Marissa Cooper walked around the empty apartment that she now shared with Alex, trying to get acquainted with her unfamiliar surroundings. She still couldn't believe that she was there, that she had actually moved in with Alex. Everything was happening so fast. At this time last year, if someone had asked if she would ever pursue an intimate relationship with a girl, she would have wholeheartedly replied no. Now, here she was, living with, and even sharing the same bed with a girl. Marissa wasn't sure if the feelings she was experiencing were signs of regret, or just apprehension.
It wasn't as though Marissa wasn't emotionally invested in their relationship. She definitely was, and became more and more with each passing day. Alex was everything Marissa strived to be all her life, rebellious, independent, and free of her parents. And she was beautiful… Marissa couldn't describe the attraction she felt for Alex. She undeniably loved kissing her, it was so sensual and caring, something that she had never experienced with a guy.
But something was holding her back…it was her undeniable feelings for Ryan that held her back from becoming too attached to Alex. Earlier at the pier, she stood with him for a long time. They exchanged no conversation, but it was a comfortable silence; that it almost reminded Marissa of the way things used to be. The only thing was that Ryan was still hung up, and possibly in love with Lindsey. Marissa would have to move on, and Alex had definite potential to keep her mind off of things.
Suddenly, Marissa realized what time it was, and she began to worry. It was getting late, past 2:00 in the morning, and still Alex wasn't home. She knew that the Bait Shop closed at 1:00, and therefore Alex should have been home not long after then. Images of Alex being raped in a dark alley clouded her mind, and she became restless. Not long after she realized Alex was late coming home, the phone rang. The voice on the other end of the line confirmed Marissa's worst fears. Alex had been run over by a car, and was rushed to the hospital in critical condition. The doctor on the line told her she had better come down, because situation was serious.
Marissa hung up the phone, still overwhelmed with what she had been told. Her heart started beating faster, and she tried to calm herself down. She grabbed the keys to Alex's jeep. As she was about to head to the door, there was a knock. She opened it in surprise.
"Hey." Ryan greeted her from the other side of the door.
"What are you doing here?" Marissa asked, shocked that Ryan was even there, let alone that it was in the middle of the night.
"I
just wanted to talk," Ryan started, but seeing the car keys in
hand, paused, "are you going somewhere?"
Marissa tried to
ignore the lump that was forming in her throat.
"Alex was hit by a car. I have to go to the hospital to see her."
"Then I'll come with you." Ryan said without a second thought. Marissa smiled at him, and then started to cry. This was way too much for one night. She felt as if her heart were being tugged into opposite directions. On one side, her ex-boyfriend, former love, and one the one she had just spent the last few months learning to get over, and tonight it seems they have at last broken through the invisible wall between them. On the other side was her spunky girlfriend, whom she spent the last month with, and who was in dire need of someone right now, lying in a hospital bed, and hurting. She couldn't take it.
"Hey, hey, it's ok. Alex will be alright. I promise." Ryan soothed, pulling her into a hug. He felt completely helpless; because a year ago, he could just kiss her and all her problems would go away. It didn't work that way when you were only friends. So, he just hugged her, while she composed herself.
"We have to go now." Marissa stated, and led the way through the door. She and Ryan got in the car, and Marissa's hand shook as she failed to stick the key into the ignition. A sob escaped from her throat. Ryan unbuckled himself after just having done so.
"Maybe I should drive." Marissa nodded, and they switched places. The whole way to the hospital, Marissa sat, crying quietly, while Ryan fought the urge to kiss her passionately.
