Here we go, chapter 4! This contains a lot of agonizing and thinking over, from multiple POV's. It might be a little boring, but trust me, it's all necessary to set the stage for what comes next. As a side note, everyone go out and listen to 'Kiss from a Rose' by Seal! It's an AWESOME song!
Sorry. On with the chapter, and thanks to everyone for your lovely reviews!
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The R-cycle motored down the lonely road, a streak of red flashing through the gray morning. The roaring of the engine echoed all too loudly in the silence, drowning out the muted crashing of the waves and the soft whispering of the wind. Robin's eyes narrowed, unused to the clean, cold feel of the wind on the skin of his face. It had been so long since the scratching cloth of the mask had been gone – a month? A year?
He glanced up at the sky, noting with a sense of bemusement that the world around him was slowly lightening. It wasn't dawn yet, not by far – it was not so much that the sun was rising as that the night was lifting away. The deep black and azure of midnight vanished with a sigh, leaving dark browns and green lying heavy over the land, and a troubled sky in its wake. Clouds still hovered ominously above the sleeping city, threatening to resume their deluge of rain, drifting like dark birds through the granite sky.
Robin almost laughed as the thought occurred to him, feeling Raven shift on the cycle behind him. She had her hands loosely clasped about his waist, her head leaning against his shoulder, her breath warm on the back of his neck. The slight sensation sent shivers up his spine, and he locked his wrists on the cycle's handlebars, steering a straight course through the stormy dawn as he allowed his mind to wander.
Raven, Raven, Raven, he thought vaguely, liking the way her name resounded in his head. There was more than that, much more – emotions and experiences, wishes and dreams, lurking just below the surface of his mind, that he longed to express – but they eluded his grasp, refusing to be pressed into thoughts he could see and acknowledge. So he repeated her name, again and again and again. Raven……
"Raven." His lips moved, forming the word as it burst its way free of his heart, his mind, tumbling out upon the air. The wind snatched it away almost immediately, casting the syllables to soar into the storm. "Raven……."
She stirred, slowly, her grip around his waist tightening as she drifted back from whatever dream she had been lost in. "What?" she asked sleepily. "Are we there yet?"
"Almost." He moved his hand to the throttle and hesitated, glancing up at the tower that was rapidly growing larger on the horizon. Most of him was eager to get home and sleep after being up all night, but there was a part of him that wanted to spend forever on the cycle with Raven, speeding through the budding storm, feeling her leaning on him, holding him, comforting him. Trusting him.
"Good. Unlike you, Boy Blunder, I am used to getting at least some sleep every night." The sarcasm that usually tinted her voice had softened, fading into something close to a gentle teasing – which, from Raven, was completely unheard of.
"Well, try to stay awake a little longer. We'll be there soon, and I don't want you to fall off." The cycle swerved a bit as a wild joy rose up in Robin for no particular reason, making him acutely aware of how close Raven was to him, as well as how close the cycle was to the looming figure of Titans' tower.
The cycle pulled into the garage, rolling deep into the shadows of the back and dying with a soft hum. Robin leaped from his seat, while Raven climbed more stiffly down to the floor. "Well, goodnight, I suppose," she yawned, then looked out at the white-and-gray swirl of cloud that was the sky. "No, good morning. Whatever." She laughed a little at her own foolishness, a sound that made him shudder with strange emotions.
"Friend Robin! Have you returned?"
The call echoed loudly down the stairs, startling Raven and Robin. Starfire's voice resounded in the cavernous garage, but it sounded as though she would be upon them in minutes. Raven smiled at the tone in them irrepressible Starfire's words, a sound far too happy for so early in the morning. She turned to look at Robin, meeting his frantic eyes.
Oh, God – his eyes –
She suddenly realized the reason for the look of fear that flashed across his face. "Run," she suggested quietly. "Go up to your room, quick. I'm sure you have thousands of masks stashed away up there. Hurry – I'll hold her off."
Giving her a grateful smile, Robin ran, darting out through another door. She listened to his receding footsteps for a moment before turning to face Starfire, who dropped into view looking – if possible – more cheerful than Raven had ever seen her before.
The pretty alien surveyed the garage, and her face fell as she saw only Raven, standing alone near the abandoned cycle. "Where is friend Robin?" she asked, disappointed. "He has come back, yes? Where has he gone?"
"He went to his room," Raven replied quickly. "He's pretty tired. We should probably let him sleep."
Star nodded reluctantly, then brightened up again so swiftly it made Raven jump as a smile blazed out of Starfire's face. "Come, friend Raven!" she said happily, gesturing up the stairs. "May I speak with you?"
"Uh……sure." Wondering how soon she would be able to escape, Raven started walked towards the main room, Starfire floating beside her.
"Tell me, friend Raven, did you and Robin have fun this past night?" Star asked, still cheerful, but now with a shadow in her voice that might have been sadness – or anger. "What activities did you engage in?"
Raven blinked. She was finding Star's mood swings extremely confusing – and annoying. Such a vibrant display of emotion unnerved her, even more so than before now that she herself could feel. She felt as though anything she did could cause Star to burst into tears, or laughter, or fury – and by so doing, stir up strange reactions and feelings in Raven herself that she wouldn't be able to deal with.
"Last night………. oh, it was nothing. We got lost when it started raining, and by the time we found our way back to where we were supposed to be we were both soaked anyway, so we just wandered around a bit. Nothing, really."
"Oh." Star was silent for a moment, digesting this. Raven reached the top of the stairs and entered the main room, which was surprisingly empty. Hoping to get away, she increased her pace, but Star continued to drift along beside her. "There was nothing else?"
"No, nothing at all," Raven lied swiftly. For some reason, she sensed that telling Star all of what had happened would not be a good idea.
"Did friend Robin say nothing about……… me?"
Raven was saved the necessity of answering as they reached her room, drawing level with the dark and forbidding door across the hall. "I'll talk to you later, Star," she said hastily, tapping in her access code and fleeing into the dark, familiar haven, leaving Starfire hovering dejectedly behind her.
Raven allowed the door to hiss shut in Starfire's face, crossing the room and throwing herself into the dark shadows that covered her bed. She rolled over to the edge of her mattress, pulling herself up and sitting cross-legged, resting her hands on her knees, in the pose she normally adopted for meditation. There was little point in meditating anymore, now that she no longer had to worry about her powers breaking free, but sitting in the position calmed her somewhat.
It might be worth it to meditate now, she thought anxiously, just to sort everything out. After what happened last night, and now Star's asking me about Robin – I just need to think.
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"Azarath ………. Metrion ………Zinthos. Azarath…….. Metrion…. Zinthos. Azarath….."
Stars flashed above her, pulsing erratically, blazing with cold fire in time with her beating heart. Comets flamed through the void, soaring on molten wings, their tails leaving trails of light behind them that burned their path into watching eyes. Faraway suns exploded like fiery flowers blooming against the darkness, raining shards of rock and ice, wreathed by flame, through endless space. And in the midst of it all, Raven stood, perfectly still on a swaying isle of stone suspended in the darkness.
As soon as Raven's feet touched the ground of Nevermore, her emotions spoke up, clamoring for attention, crowding behind each other into her mind. None of them manifested, but none of them needed to. Even though the landscape was devoid of multi-colored-cloaked Ravens, their voices were more than loud enough to make themselves heard. And now that she was in their realm, it was much harder for the real Raven to push them aside.
So she did not try to silence them; instead she opened her mind to their insistent prodding, allowing them to flood into her thoughts, listening to each in turn. Images and emotions, colors and sounds swirled through her mind in a bewildering storm; heat rose in her face as Happiness shrieked with joy, warring with the cold that Fear called up, setting her skin tingling and burning. Red flashed across her vision, warring with soft blue as Anger and Tranquility battled for supremacy, and Jealousy's screeching rang in her ears. Raven closed her eyes, gritting her teeth, feeling as though she were being tossed about in a wild tempest of howling winds, clinging grimly to the core of calm acceptance that was her own mind.
Finally, after what could have been a period of hours or only minutes, the emotions wore themselves out and the storm faded, leaving Raven with her emotions willing to listen. Sighing, she relaxed physically, even while mentally preparing herself for what she was about to do.
Physical sensations did not exist in Nevermore, but Raven could vaguely feel her legs aching through the tenuous link she shared with her body. She lay down on the stone raft that twirled sedately through space, staring up at the stars through sightless eyes, her focused turned inwards. She caught her emotions' attention with the mental equivalent of clearing her throat, and sorted through her recent memories, reliving all that had happened in the past few days.
She decided to try one of the most recent memories first. Pulling forth the memory of riding with Robin on the R-cycle, she laid it out in her mind, so her emotions could clearly see and feel it as well. Happiness shrilled with joy, ignoring Timid, who raised a cry as well.
Raven stored the memory back where she had found it, reaching for another. She brought forth an image of Starfire, asking about Robin, asking if Robin had said anything about her. Immediately, Anger and Jealousy sprang to life, shouting, along with Guilt and something that might have been Despair.
Raven banished the image of Starfire, pulling out the memory she had saved for last – a pair of bright gold eyes, flecked with grays and greens, burning with a fire that blazed like the sun, unmasked at last.
Every emotion Raven could feel went haywire, all screaming, shouting, fighting for control, blending together – Joy, Anger, Courage, Fear, all swirling and crashing into each other until they formed something entirely new, something impossibly incredible that she had never felt before. Heat spread throughout her entire body, burning in her hands and face, as a cold layer of ice formed around her heart, sending shivers up her spine. She felt as though lightning was prickling along her very skin, leaping the gaps between her fingertips, charging her with electricity until she could feel herself glowing, blazing in the darkness of Nevermore. She was flying, for the first time since she had lost her powers, lifting off the ground; floating, flying, soaring away into the endless night, with dark wings rippling behind her, and the soft pressure of someone's hand in hers. She turned her head, staring straight into a dark mask – then the mask fell away, snatched by the wind, a pair of fiery golden eyes burning themselves onto her brain.
Then it was gone, and she was left lying flat on her back on the ground of Nevermore, all of her emotions silent, vanished as suddenly as they had appeared. The dark sky was quickly shattering above her, breaking apart and fading into the equally dark ceiling of her room, as the stone beneath her gave way and she fell, landing with a jolt on her own bed.
The darkness and the silence folded itself around her, comforting in its familiarity, echoing with her ragged breathing. Raven lay utterly still, staring wide-eyed at the ceiling, panting in the wake of the unearthly euphoria that had coursed through her.
She sighed, closing her eyes, trying to calm her racing heartbeat. "I think I might be going insane."
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Robin settled another mask over his eyes, breathing a sigh of relief as the familiar weight of the cloth fell into place again. Being without his mask made him feel nervous, vulnerable, unprotected. With his mask, he was Robin, invincible superhero; without it, he was an ordinary human being, foolish, flawed, and weak.
But that's not how I felt, he thought suddenly. When I took my mask off with Raven, I didn't feel foolish or weak – I felt……… wonderful. Incredible. Brilliant, perfect, strong – I wonder why?
Recalling his close brush with Starfire, he winced, his hand flying to his face to confirm his new mask was indeed in place. He didn't want Star to see his face – not now, at least. Not yet.
That's strange, too. Why do I mind Star seeing my eyes, but not Raven? It's not that I don't trust Starfire – I trust all my team. They're my friends. So why do I feel more comfortable around Raven than anyone else?
Maybe it's because I know that Raven will never misuse the information. Maybe it's because she's always so calm, so steady and reliable. Or maybe – maybe it's because when I look in her eyes, I see a caring heart buried somewhere beneath her icy walls. Maybe it's because I can see the emotions fighting to be free in her expression, and I know that the strength she needs to keep them in is so much greater than anything I could hope to have. Maybe it's because – because she isn't just a friend.
Well, what is she then? More than teammate, more than friend – our relationship just isn't something I can analyze or name. She understands me – with just a glance, she knows how I feel, what I'm thinking, whether I'm agonizing about Slade or dreading Starfire's cooking.
His mouth turned up at the corners, a slight smile emerging at the thought. And I think – I hope I understand her, as much as anyone can. She's let me closer to her than anyone else. She's been inside my mind, and I've at least gotten a glimpse of the kind of demons she's faced. So what does that make us?
Robin reached for his cape, meaning to exchange his casual clothes for the familiar uniform that hung by a peg on the wall. Halfway there, he paused, turning to look at himself in the mirror across the room. He sighed, letting his hand drop to his side, and crossed to his bed, collapsing on the edge of the mattress and staring up at the ceiling.
"Am I insane?" he wondered out loud. I'm supposed to be in love with Starfire. Everyone knows it. But am I? Why don't I want her to see me, my eyes, my face? Why don't I want to give her that familiarity, that power over me? Why does her voice make me flinch, and her laugh make my head ache?
His mind drifted off into memories, recalling Raven's quiet chuckle, her soothing words, her voice soft and rough around the edges, as subtle and cool as her hand in his. Why can't I stop thinking about Raven? Why is her voice ringing in my ears, and why can I feel her touch even now?
Robin rubbed his temples, trying to quiet the questions that echoed and re-echoed through his skull. What's wrong with me? Why is there this ringing in my ears, and why does my skin feel so hot just thinking about Raven? Am I sick or something?
Feeling restless, Robin rolled off his bed and headed for the door, his mask securely in place. Slipping out into the hallway, he headed for the training room, hoping he could work whatever was wrong with him out of his system – because he knew that if he didn't he wouldn't be able to fall asleep, haunted by dreams of graceful white hands and deep, captivating violet eyes.
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Raven closed her eyes, breathing deeply, turning her focus inwards again, searching to return to Nevermore. It was no use; her emotions were still too riled up to allow the peace needed to penetrate her inner self. So she lay still on the mattress, seeing those golden eyes staring at her out of the darkness, their gaze kind and smiling, their swirling depths utterly enchanting.
Myriad emotions wandered across her mind, entwining themselves with the odd stray thought that flickered through her consciousness. For once, she had entirely dropped all pretense of control, letting her emotions surface, trying to examine each feeling as it overtook her soul. All of them seemed to evade her, refusing to be analyzed or dissected, but she didn't mind much. She had fallen into a kind of trance – the closest she could get to meditation with her mind and emotions in such an uproar. Lack of sleep cast a wavering haze over the world, making the shadows shiver, as though stirred by ripples in a dark pond. Raven watched with bemused eyes, wondering whether the shadows were moving of their own accord, or whether her tired mind was playing tricks on her.
A sense of peace engulfed her, contentment that was somehow linked to the memory of golden eyes that would not leave her thoughts. Exhaustion overtook her, and her eyelids began to droop, conscious thought giving way to half-dreams of thunder, music, and rain. Robin……..
Raven opened her eyes, catching a sudden movement at the edge of her vision. Her room was exactly the same; the dark ceiling, the gently moving shadows, the sunlight trying and failing to penetrate the drawn curtains. Then what ?
Raven soon forgot the mystery, allowing her mind to drift away once more. Once more, her thoughts returned to the lightning-lit dance of night before……..
This time Raven turned her head sharply, catching the movement out of the corner of her eye. She was just in time to see a spurt of black lightning, only a wisp of energy, flicker in a swift path from the ceiling to the floor before disappearing.
She sat bolt upright, all weariness forgotten, her eyes widening in surprise. My powers are gone she thought shakily, trying to make sense of what she had just seen. She repeated it out loud, to reassure herself; "My powers are gone."
It was true. She knew it was. She had shown all kinds of emotion these past few days, and nothing had happened. Nothing!
Panic surged up in her, an unreasoning fear – her powers were gone. She could not use them, she could not feel them where they had once been in Nevermore. They were gone – then how had black lightning manifested itself in her room? It did not make sense. It was not possible.
Her fear only increased at the thought, and there was another flicker of moving black. Raven closed her eyes tightly, clenching her hands into fists, trying to bring herself under control. Calm down, Raven. Think. What do you know about your powers? What could allow this to happen?
Think. Whatever Slade did took away your powers, right? But remember what you learned in Azarath – your powers are a part of you, a vital part, as necessary to your life as the blood in your veins. So he couldn't have taken it all, or you'd be dead.
Okay. That's how this happened. One very small remaining bit of power, manifesting as a reaction to extreme emotion. Simple. Nothing to worry about, nothing to get worked up over. I just need to be more careful.
Careful about what? I've thrown all control to the winds lately, and nothing's happened. So what kind of extreme emotion have I experienced in this past minute that would have caused that? What kind of emotion should I avoid?
"I haven't felt anything," she said out loud, wryly. "Nothing at all. Unless, of course, you count my temporary insanity – or whatever the hell that was – in Nevermore."
Temporary insanity…….. that seemed to occur only when she was thinking about Robin's eyes.
Robin? She blinked, her nails biting in her palms as she clenched her hands on her knees. What does Robin have to do with anything?
Oh, nothing. Except for the fact that thinking about him in Nevermore caused some kind of implosion with your emotions, and thinking about him outside Nevermore is making what's left your power go crazy. So what does that mean?
I don't know. Raven crawled over to the head of the bed, where she fell into a pile of pillows and blankets that had been left there the previous night. Exhaustion overtook her, and she was asleep almost before her head hit the pillow – but not before one last thought made itself heard above the blur of weariness in her brain. I don't know anything anymore……….
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"Oh – oh yeah! Take that, you little grass stain! I just kicked your little green butt!"
Beast Boy grumbled something unintelligible and threw his controller to the ground in a fit of temper, standing up and stomping from the room. If he had been able to slam the metallic doors, he would have; instead, he kicked them before leaving, just to demonstrate his anger with the world in general and Cyborg in particular.
Cyborg watched him go, then turned back to the TV, reaching for the reset button to try and beat his highest score. Before he could push it, however, he heard the doors hissing open again and turned to meet the visitor. He expected Beast Boy to be back and ready for a rematch, which is why it surprised him to see Starfire, floating about three inches off the ground and looking utterly crestfallen.
"What's going on, Star?" he found himself asking, not wanting to see her upset. The pretty alien had that effect on most people. "Is something wrong?"
Star blinked, evidently pulling herself out of her thoughts. She glided over and dropped onto the couch beside Cyborg with a sigh. "I do not know, friend Cyborg," she said miserably. "Everything is strange. I do not understand anything now."
"I know what you mean," Cyborg lied quickly. "Ever since Slade took Raven's powers, things have been different around here." Yeah, in the fact that Raven and Robin are finally starting to see what's been right in front of their noses.
Star shook her head. "It is not friend Raven of which I speak," she sighed, "but friend Robin. He is acting most strangely. He does not talk to me as he used to, and he runs away when I approach him. Have I done something wrong? Have I made him angry? I only want to be friends with him again."
Cyborg's human eye widened as something slid into place in his brain. Why hadn't he seen this coming? With Raven's emotions coming to the surface, and Raven and Robin acting like they were – Damn, I completely forgot about Star! And I'll bet she doesn't have a clue what's going on. How the hell am I supposed to tell her that the boy she likes fell for another girl – and not just any other girl, but her only girl friend?
"I feel strange when Robin is not my friend," Star continued, apparently oblivious to Cyborg's discomfort. "It is most unpleasant. My stomach feels as though it is being twisted, and my heart is aching most painfully." She placed a hand over her heart and looked at her palm, as though expecting to see blood, then looked back up at Cyborg. "Are these normal sensations to feel at separation from a friend?"
Cyborg swore under his breath. How was he going to explain the intricacies of the human heart to innocent and simple-minded Starfire? Should he make up some lie to spare her feelings, or tell the truth so as not to falsely raise her hopes?
Sighing, Cyborg set his game controller aside, switching the TV off and turning to face Starfire, pausing before he spoke. "Listen, Star," he began, choosing his words carefully, "Sometimes, people who start off as really good friends get a lot closer to each other, and start wanting to be together more and more. They start to feel strange when they see each other – their heart beats faster, their ears ring, they feel happy and sad and angry and shy all at once."
Star was looking at him with interest, as thought listening to some great story. Cyborg gulped, dreading what was to come, but continued. "It usually takes them ages and ages – and some help from their friends – to figure it out," he said quickly, a smile fighting to emerge on his face, "but after a while, they realize that they like each other – as something more than friends."
A look of understanding suddenly dawned over Starfire's face. "I see!" she said happily. "Are you saying that Robin and I are something other than friends we were before?"
Cyborg shifted uncomfortably, unsure of how to tell Star what he was thinking. "Not – not exactly," he stammered. "Look, Star, I know you really like Robin, and I know you want to be around him a lot – but I don't think you're the one closest to him. You're still important to him – just not –"
He fell silent, trying to find a way to break the news to Star without injuring her feelings. It was too late – he saw hurt flash across her features, as she suddenly realized the full truth of what he was saying. "You mean to tell me that Robin likes another better than me? And that is why he is avoiding me?" she asked, clearly feeling betrayed. "That does not seem like Robin!"
"It's not that he likes someone better than you, Star," Cyborg reassured her hastily. "He just likes them in a different way than he likes you, that's all. You'll still be friends with him, and he still likes you as much as he always has." And not a bit more. I'm sorry, Star. You should have seen it coming – hell, I should have seen it coming. I guess we all get a nasty surprise now and then.
"Oh. I see." Star seemed to droop, her shoulders hunched in misery. "Is there nothing I can do to change his mind?"
Cyborg shook his head. The last thing he wanted was Star seeking revenge on Raven! "No, I'm afraid not," he sighed. "You'll always be Robin's friend, Star, and he'll always care about you. Okay?"
"Okay." Star rose from the couch, floating over the back and drifting off towards the door. "Thank you for explaining this to me, Cyborg. I must think about what you have told me. I will see you again at the time of dinner."
Cyborg leaned back on the sofa, staring up at the ceiling through the red film of his robotic eye, his human one closed in thought. She's taking it well, he though absently. Too well, for someone as emotional as Star. God, what have I done?
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So, what do you think? Okay, I'm curious – where do you think this should go? The stage is set, so what would you like to see happen next? The best idea gets the next chapter dedicated to them, and extra brownie points from me! Review, please!
