a/n: Ok, so to be honest, as I am (finally) sitting down to get this next chapter out I only have ONE idea of what is to take place. This feels great. But I felt that I have to write some more. Or else I might never get to doing it. So. Don't flame me for the crappyness of the content of this chapter. Just so. I just had the most interesting review I've ever gotten. By Beena-Pani. She made a song! For the hamster! Lol!

"I'm in the lap
Of Mrs Black
Doo do doo, doo do doo
Take that, take that
Mrs Black
Doo do doo, doo do doo
You tried to squish me...
But now I am free...
Take that, take that
Mrs Black!"

Freedom of expression really is wonderful ;)

I also had a(n anonymous) review saying that this fic is a bit nasty and gross. And... well... thinking about it... if its' because Sirius is gay then I do not agree at all. But if it's because of my constant repetiton of words with equal or similar meaning to that of 'arse' then I have to totally agree. I wonder how many times I've mentioned that particular bodypart in this fic... but I'm too lazy to count... :P

Went to Germany two days ago, and Mum who's put us all on the weight-watchers diet nearly cried when she saw the cheese. I bought lots of candy. And I'd better get to writing before the m&m's start melting in my hand...

Disclaimer: I don't get why these are needed at this point. I mean, come on, here I am saying that mr Black is a clumsy, nice, naïve guy who runs around in a Santa suit. I mean, JKR would never have written something like that, only an idiot would... erm... oh, forget it. 'Snot mine, K?

The Woes of Sirius Black

"Look Pads, I don't get what you're so upset about."

"You wouldn't." Sirius mumbled.

He was lying in his bed with his head dug deeply into the pillow. The rest of the marauders were sitting around the dorm room and seemingly minding their own buisness, but their attention was focused on Sirius, who seemed to be having quite a bit of a bad day.

"But it's not like it's a bad thing!" James continued, "I mean, I'd be honoured if it was me..."

Sirius lifted his ruffled head up and scowled at James.

"So you wouldn't care that you'd won on faulse grounds? That you knew that someone else would have been more worthy?"

"What are you talking about? It's not like it's a competition or anything... People just voted for you! I mean, you can't actually be upset about it, listen to this..." he cleared his throat and started to read off a crumbled and straightened out parchment. "We hereby proclaim that Sirius Black is the winner of the first annual 'most praised posterior' vote-"

With a growl Sirius launched himself at James, tearing the parchment from his hands, balling it into a slightly wonky ball in his fist, and throwing it to the floor. He then sank down on his bed again, covering his head with the pillow. This, however, did not give the desired effect of James shutting up. In fact, it was a catalyst of quite the opposite.

"I don't get you! You've just been told that people like your arse, and you're MOPING about it! Anyone else would be thrilled! What's WRONG with you?"

Sirius once again popped his head up, not wanting to be cut out from the part of yelling back because of lack of air.

"There's nothing wrong with me! It's just a fact! I wouldn't even have been mentioned if somebody would have thought to look in Remus' direction!"

"WHAT?"

Uh-oh. Sirius cheekes flushed and not daring to look over at Remus who had been the one to utter the last exclamation he dived under the pillow, dragging the blanket over his head. There was some pulling in the bedcloth and attempts to talk to him, but Sirius just clutched the blanket and loudly repeated 'I'm not listening, I'm not listening, I'm not listening' over and over. The assault on Sirius blanket suddenly came to an abrupt end, and as Sirius silenced his chanting in favor of listening, there were some mumbling voices and a second later footsteps leaving and the opening and slamming shut of the dorm door.

With a relieved huff at getting out from the warmth Sirius threw the covers off, just to hurriedly try to pull them back up at the sight of Remus standing close and peering down at him. But as he was tugging at the hem of the blanket, Remus had apparently sat on the same, for the Gryffindor was now effectively holding down the fabric with his knees on either side of Sirius' legs. This discovery was quickly followed by another startling thought: Remus was straddling him. Sirius stared up at his friend.

"We need to talk."

Sirius tried to respond in an eloquent way, he really did, but all that managed to make its way out of his mouth was a little squeak, and after realising that this was probably all his poor vocal chords could manage at the moment, Sirius stopped trying. Instead he shot Remus an inquisitative look, and at this the other boy resumed talking.

"I can't take this any longer. I've tried, I really have, but under these circumstances..."

Sirius stared at him. He hadn't thought that Remus knew. He could actually feel his face filling up with colour and he was uncomfortably aware of the position they were in, Remus sitting practically on top of his... thing.

"The nights are the worst. I mean, at day there are classes and stuff, but at night it's constantly bugging me. I've tried stroking it, but it's always all over the place! I don't know what to do!"

Sirius eyes were now impossibly wide. Remus had been STROKING IT?

"I'm not sleeping well and for Christ sake, I don't even know what to call it!"

"W-well, I'm sorry that my crush on y-you is effecting you in that way." he stammered.

"What?" Remus said obliviously.

Sirius mind went blank. Wasn't that what Remus had meant?

"Err... What were you talking about... exactly?"

Remus looked at him oddly.

"The hamster..." he said slowly,"...which you dumped in my care two weeks ago. Which has been interrupting my sleep from crawling around squeaking and scratching in my bed, it won't stay in the shoebox the house-elves got for me to keep it in, I put spells on the box and everything but it's not working - we need a cage for it Pads!"

Sirius stared at Remus with a mix between relief and horror, he had just expressed his not-so-platonic liking for the boy sitting on-bloody-top of him, but seemingly (and luckily) that had slipped by unnoticed.

"And I don't know it's name. What's the hamster called?"

It took a few seconds for Sirius to collect his wits enough to answer.

"Err... well... when Mum first saw it she called it 'Scary bugger with teeth!'..."

Remus snickered, and slapped Sirius lightly over the head.

"You stupid sod..." he mumbled, "Well, we'd better give it a name then. Any suggestions?"

"I've always liked the Swedish name 'Rutger'."

"Do you want him to get the shit kicked out of him by other hamsters? You can't call him something like that, that's social suicide! Well, homicide since it's you doing it to him. But he's not human so... Err... Hamsticide?"

"...Right. Not Rutger then. What about 'Spam'?"

"Spam?"

"Yes," Sirius grinned, "that would go well with my fluffy beanie bunny Pickles!" he held up a very fat and stuffy pink bunny with long floppy ears. "That would be so cool, 'Pickles and Spam'! We could make them matching nametags and-"

"Sirius," Remus interrupted him, "that is indeed a very charming idea, but I'm afraid that for the hamster being paired up with a pink stuffed rabbit whould be rather... crushing. I'll come up with something. Don't you worry about that, but please get a cage for him, ok?" With that, Remus slipped off Sirius' bed, and stopping and leering at him in the door, made his way down to the common room.

Sirius sat up in bed gaping at him long after he'd disappeared down the stairs. His heart was beating erratically and his mind was reeling. How much did Remus know?

a/n: K, so this is a bit short, but it'll have to do... I'm too tired to do any reviewresponses, I'm sorry, but I got inspiration for the hamster bit from a few of them ;) I hope that wasn't too much... I have to blame tiredness and insanity on my brain's part. I have nothing to do with it. :P The hamster became rather important here... It was the same thing with the beaverhat in TIR... gah. Anyway, please please please do review, I need to not feel totally crap when I'm studying this week. Puh-lease? Oh, and Pickles is a little bit inspired by Kumagoro. Not much though... just... a little. And I love 'Pickles and Spam'. When I get kids I'm gonna call therm that ;) And to those who've reviewed: I love you all :D