Olivia's POV
Another day of work is over. Today we closed our latest case – a 5 year-old-girl raped by her own father, in her own bedroom. I'm worn-out, but still I accept Munch's offer to go have a drink. Elliot and Fin were going too, so it seemed like a nice opportunity to talk, and maybe put this case behind us. What an illusion. We never put the cases behind us. The new cases don't let us think about the old cases all the time, but they're still there, somewhere in the back of our minds. In the back of my mind, at least.
No, you can't put them behind, either. I glance occasionally at you and your eyes are immersed in bitterness. You can't stop thinking about that little girl, I know. And while I'm partially happy that her little sister will never go through the same horror, I can't forget her either. I pretend to laugh at a joke Fin just told us, but the truth is I didn't even hear what he said. I'm worried about you. There's something more in your eyes. It's not only about that little girl. I glance at you one more time, and I smile. I'm trying to make you see that I'm here for you. I hope you're noticing that.
However, you're quite quizzical today and I can't seem to get through to you. We all have days like these, and I should respect that. I go back to Munch and Fin. We talk about that lame Defense Attorney and his humiliation in court today. You occasionally nod at our conversation, but your eyes are wandering throughout the bar. You seem to be finding all those young couple's pretty interesting to observe. Some of them are dancing to a romantic song, which seems to be bothering you.
Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song
Come away with me on a bus
Come away where they can't tempt us
With their lies
The lyrics are sweet and tender. Perfect for the ones in love. It's too loud, though. Can't they see some of us are simply trying to get together with our friends? Some of us don't need to be reminded that they're alone.
When I turn my gaze at you, I see that you're watching me. But you're so lost you don't even realize I caught you; and I'm not even sure whether you're actually looking at me, or if your eyes just happened to be directed at me when you drifted into whatever dream you're having. I'm really starting to worry. Talk to me, El. You're driving me insane.
You've got something bottled up. For the last couple of weeks, you've been looking like you could explode at any minute. And most of the times it's not that loud rage, it's this quiet agony that you're going through now. And you've been shutting me down ever since. Did I do something wrong? If I did, please let me make it right, because I can't live another day like this. I need to have the Elliot I had before. I need to have at least the Elliot I had before.
Your eyes are fixed in a young couple at the dance floor. I can see a trace of envy in your eyes, and sense your agony growing. The music keeps playing, the chant from the angel of mercy...
I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come
You reach for your glass of scotch, but stop midway to your mouth. If not even drinking seems appealing to you, maybe I should take some action. You're clearly not well and you need someone to point that out, even though you surely know it. Come on, El, I'll take you home. Somehow I can't manage to get the words out of my mouth. There's a part of me that knows that you're closed for me today. Yet I'm desperate to know what's going on, because, in case you haven't noticed, your pain is my pain.
I think about your wife and your kids. My heart hammers fiercely in my chest.
Through my whole life, I tried to tell myself I didn't need any of these things. A husband? Kids? Nothing against them, but no, thanks. Now, when the clock of life is ticking louder, I envy you. Tonight you're going home to your family, and I'm going home to no one. You've found your better half, while I… well, I'm not even sure there's another half for me. Back in college I had this friend who said each soul had their mate. I used to laugh at her. I still do, but now the laugh is bitter and poignant.
If there's no other half, why does it feel like I'm missing something?
Damn, what is it about that couple that you find so interesting? I wonder if they remind you of a moment you shared with your wife. But that should be a happy memory, and you don't look happy at all. An almost imperceptible smile has formed across your face. It looks like the last page of a kids' fairytale. The couple dancing... gazing one at the other. The only thing missing are the colorful sparks of love coming out of them.
But the sparks are there, aren't they? Only they're coming out of our eyes.
Come away with me and we'll kissOn a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you
I feel like my heart is speaking through my eyes, so I look down, in a desperate attempt to run away. In the distance, I hear some bits and pieces of Fin and Munch's heated political discussion. I'm too out of it to fake participating in a political discussion, so, in need of something to do, I reach for my glass. I take it to my mouth but I don't drink. My throat is shut, this moment is suffocating me.
I have all the words, but right now, they're not necessary.
I cross my arms over the table and lean in your direction. "You're awfully quiet tonight." I say, unable to wait any longer for you to say something. I'm cautious, though. "Is everything ok?" Instinctively, I start reaching for your hand, but this otherwise natural thing between us seems dangerous right now. I can see in your eyes that nothing is ok, and I feel the need to say that it'll be ok. I can help you go through whatever it is. I'd give my life if I need to. However, no words come out of my mouth and you don't answer my question either. This place is eating me alive and I need to get out of here immediately. "You want to go home?" I ask. I'm your ride tonight, so my question doesn't sound strange. There were times this question would never cross my mind as strange, but those times are gone. You don't need to know that. You finally answer, "Yeah, I want to go home." Your voice comes out hopeless. It seems like there are a million places you'd rather go. Same for me.
And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me
You toss a couple of twenties on the table and we leave. We walk quietly to my car. You're waiting by the passenger door. I start moving in the direction of the driver's door, but suddenly I find myself standing right in front of you. This time I'm not afraid to reach out my hand to you. I squeeze your arm in an attempt to replace the thousands of words I want to say. Your eyes are telling me probably more than you want me to know. You're also missing your other half.
The End
A/N: Thanks for all the nice reviews for chapter 1! I'm tempted to write more for this lovely fandom. ;)
And a special thanks to Jill who pointed out some grammatical errors I made. :)
