A/N – Oh man, guys. Sorry for the wait to whomever's reading. I'm definitely only going to update once a week from now on. Too much schoolwork is starting to build up. Anyway, the whole line to the title (which will hopefully make it make more sense) is And there's something believin in her voice again, said, there's something believin, instead of just leavin.
-disclaimer in second chapter-
China
There's Something Believin
"Tala? What... I..." It was one of the few times in Kai's life when he found himself at a loss for words. He flushed and examined the other with startled eyes.
The redhead hadn't changed much physically since the last time Kai had seen him, besides the thinner physique and limp, ragged hair that framed a tired face. Kai blinked. And blinked again. When his eyes came back into focus, however, he found that Tala was still there. Kai could practically see the redhead's brain working, deciding whether his tense body should fight or flee.
"Hey, hey it's me, Kai. It's ok, it's ok," Kai repeated the mantra again and again in a low voice as he approached with careful, planned steps. Still, though, Tala made no sign of acknowledging the presence of his long-time friend.
Kai paused halfway towards Tala, thinking. He realized that although getting through to him was certainly important, the flashlight that was advertising their presence to half the block was definitely more of an immediate problem. Breaking eye contact with the crystal eyes, Kai cast a glance to the flashlight, a good ten feet away from Tala. Damn.
After a brief hesitation Kai limped towards the flashlight, bent over painfully, picked it up and turned it off. The sudden darkness forced Kai to rely on his other senses. He listened for Tala, trying to figure out if he had decided to take the opportunity to run. He hoped he hadn't, Kai wasn't in the mood or the physical condition to chase the redhead around the city.
"Tala?" Kai called out softly.
He felt a brush of cloth by his arm before a hand gently grasped his own. Despite himself, Kai couldn't help but smile tenderly at the childlike gesture. "Where are you staying?" Kai asked, voice barely above a whisper.
With a small tug on his arm, Kai was led blindly out of the alley and down the sidewalk.
There were distant whimpers and it reminded him of how he'd run into Tala in the first place. He hoped Mariah was all right, but knew that he couldn't go back and check now. It was Ray and Lee's business; it was the White Tiger's problem. It sounded cold, but they all knew their place and their duties. The White Tiger's responsibility was to the White Tigers, Kai's responsibility was to himself, Dmitri, and now it appeared Tala as well.
As Kai followed Tala into the black abyss and wondered how the other knew where he was going, the young Hiwitari found himself lost in memories of the redhead and him as children. They'd been carefree and close, with the kind of friendship where you could run your hand through the other's hair for no reason and no one would think anything of it. Between the ages of six and fourteen, Kai had lived at the Abbey with Tala. Dmitri had been too old when the Abbey had started up, and had therefore been passed over.
When Kai's parents had died so suddenly, Dmitri had attempted to make enough to keep Kai in the prestigious school but hadn't been able to do it. At the tender age of fourteen Kai found himself a slightly legal job and helped his then eighteen-year-old brother to make enough to pay the bills. The oldest Hiwitari found two jobs and was home only enough to make sure Kai was alive and well. Kai's work was a job that didn't care about age, only abilities.
In the Abbey, Tala had been his best friend. They'd been inseparable, like peanut butter and jelly- you could have one without the other but they was never as good separate as they were together. The Russians had shared a room and shared a life. Kai had known every aspect of Tala's past and vice versa, so when Dmitri suddenly appeared on the doorstep of the Abbey, Kai didn't face the devastating news alone.
Tala helped him pack his bags and kissed him goodbye. They hadn't seen or heard from each other since.
Until now, that is, Kai amended in his head as Tala turned him down another alley and out the other end. The redhead seemed completely oblivious to everything, including the fact that every quick step Tala dragged Kai through sent waves of aching through the silver-blue haired boy.
Kai hadn't ever known where Tala lived since there'd been no need when they both lived in the Abbey. He could picture it though, through the redhead's careful words, cautious actions, and wavering voice. It took Kai back to a time when he couldn't imagine facing a hard day at four in the morning without his roommate and best friend... and maybe something more than that...
--Flashback—
Kai cursed as he stumbled through the doorway to his room, his eyes were barely open and his brain had already started shutting down as he prepared for sleep. The problem was the fact that the annoyingly cocky redhead that shared Kai's room, had for six years now, was conspicuously absent.
The silver-blue haired boy sighed in weary acceptance as he realized he'd have to go out and find him before he got them both into trouble. Since their room consisted of one bed, two drawers, and barely enough space to open the door without hitting something it also left no hiding places. Kai immediately left their room (and all hopes for sleep) behind and headed for the bathroom down the hall.
It was only quarter after ten, but the boys were expected to be in bed as soon as they got to their rooms. It was a reasonable expectation too, considering the amount and difficulty of the training they all did. If someone was caught wandering the halls at night it was assumed that they weren't tired and therefore would have to stay up an extra two or three hours for more training. Kai and Tala had both been through nights that never ended, dragging into the next day of training without pause.
That was definitely the last thing Kai wanted. So if Tala didn't get his ass in bed within the next five minutes...
It was at that point, as Kai hugged the walls in one of the carefully discovered blind spots from the security cameras, when Kai heard the soft humming. It crept through the air, bringing with it the calm remembrance of autumn nights that didn't involve laps and push-ups and other, more violent, unspeakables.
Kai sighed for the second time that night, the thrumming behind his eyes that always happened when he was overtired was beginning to start up. Following the soft noises that danced along scales with little care, Kai found himself in the only rundown bathroom on their floor.
Tala stopped abruptly as he heard Kai enter, his last note left to hover in the silence. His eyes revealed nothing, but the faint blush on his cheeks made Kai soften the rebuttal he had been planning since he'd learned his sleep would be delayed.
"Tala, you know what time it is. If we get caught..." He left the sentence hanging. They both knew what would happen and the bags under the redhead's eyes coupled with the ache behind his own eyes, showed that neither could afford it.
They stood in silence, the faint dripping of a rusty tap keeping them grounded. All of it: the bored white walls, the peeling paint of the stalls, the grime on the showerheads, it had become home.
Tala was leaning against the sinks, white knuckled hands clutching the counter with a desperation that belayed his casual posture. Kai hadn't moved. He stood a step away from the door, the mirror over the sink beside Tala covered his profile with a haze of fingerprints and fog.
"Aren't there times when you can't stand yourself?"
Kai stared at the floor tiles as if they held the secret of life. The grey blended into a navy blue pattern of swirls and gentle lines. They were just what he expected, just like everything and everyone else in the place. Bland, everyday, made to blend in. Just like everyone except Tala and him.
"Every day"
"Then why are we still here? We think these things and we question them and we hate and follow orders and always, always obey. Why? I can't take this, Kai." His laugh was slightly hysterical, bordering on insane. Clear blue stared at the ceiling as tears gathered in his rapidly blinking eyes. Thin lips quivered as he struggled to keep himself together.
Kai was scared. This wasn't the Tala he knew, he'd always known. This wasn't the Tala that had cringed in disgust upon learning he'd have to share a bed with someone else, nor was this the Tala that had smoothed back his hair when he was worshipping the porcelain god after a particularly gruelling session.
The Tala he was seeing now was vulnerable and scared, he was the one thing that Kai had never seen. He was open.
"Tala, Tala no," Kai's voice was nearly a whimper, but he didn't know what to say.
Instead he just wrapped his arms around the taller boy's neck and held him close. Tala didn't respond for a few long moments, but just as Kai was about to pull away he felt hands snake around his back and hold him in a bruisingly tight grip. As if Kai was the only thing keeping him anchored.
And then he just collapsed. Kai gasped as he found both of them tangled on the floor with Tala limply gazing into Kai's scared eyes.
"I'll tell you what you're doing here," Kai whispered fiercely, "You're here because the Tala I know doesn't give up like this, you're here because I couldn't do this without you. You're here because I..." As he faltered, his eyes flickered away.
"... You're here because I love you. And I need you here."
Kai knew he would never have admitted it at any other time, but with this new Tala and with his eyes blurring with sleep and with the picture of a vulnerable, scared little boy etched into his mind, Kai wasn't exactly himself. He almost felt like laughing himself. There they were in a grungy bathroom inside a building filled with daily abuse, and he was confessing his love for his very male roommate and his only tie to sanity. It couldn't get much more perfect than this.
But before Tala could even answer, if his tense body tangled in Kai's wasn't answer enough, the bathroom door opened and Kai found himself staring at the well-known feet of the one person he absolutely did not want to have seeing him in such a compromising position. And that person was none other than Boris Valcov. Both of them froze.
Perfect. Perfect, perfect, abso-fucking-lutely perfect.
Boris didn't laugh, he didn't move, he didn't make any noise that warned the boys anything was about to happen. Kai didn't look up. His head was located conveniently under the counter, Tala's arm under his head and his own arm stuck under the other's body. He had ended up on his back with Tala's fiery red hair tickling his stomach and other arm with both sets of legs entwined. Kai was suddenly glad he couldn't see the look in Boris' eyes.
"Well, boys. It appears we have a situation. No explanations are needed. I'll see you out on the field in five minutes, there'll be no sleep all week for you two. We can alternate between fun and work just to keep things interesting."
His voice was filled with perverse excitement, as if seeing Kai and Tala tangled together on the dirty floor had been his one life's wish. Which, Kai thought with a mental sneer, it probably was. And then Boris was gone, with only the lingering promise echoing in Kai's mind. 'Fun' meant exactly the opposite of any sort of pleasure. Or maybe it was named for the fun in which Boris always had.
Tala looked up at him with clear eyes, clearer than he'd seen in a while, and Kai found himself entranced.
"You know what, Kai. I think you're right. But don't get used to it."
Kai blinked, trying futilely to retrace the conversation back to where he could've possible done something right. His arm was starting to go numb, but he didn't complain as soft lips met his own under the counter of the bathroom.
And afterwards, even the training didn't seem that bad. Boris was still as insane as ever, the 'training' was still as humiliating and painful as it'd always been, but the memory of the bathroom made it close to OK. Plus, the secret glances and furtive winks Tala would send his way behind the adult's back was almost enough to make him forget how damn tired he was.
But still, if Kai ever got his hands on that redhead. He was sogoing to pay for keeping him from a week's worth of beauty sleep.
-- End Flashback –
Kai felt more tired than ever, if that was possible, when he remembered the times he and Tala had spent together. It had been the one bright spot in all the horrors that the Abbey brought back.
Besides Tala, the only other memory worth remembering was that of the Demolition Boys. Not the team in particular, but the boys. Sure they were harsh and almost too akin to him for them all to become the best of friends, but Kai had respect for the trio and would give them his life without a second thought. And he knew without a shadow of a doubt that they would do the same for him.
But where were they now? And where was Tala, because it seemed to the silver-blue haired boy that although the other's body was with him, Tala's mind was no where to be found. The redhead hadn't uttered a single word to him.
Back in the Abbey, Kai wouldn't have cared or even noticed for that matter. They'd been able to communicate through body language and grunts and sighs. Back then all Kai had to do was look into the crystal eyes that were shielded to everyone else and he would understand what Tala was feeling or wanted to say.
Now it was like looking into a blank slate or, even worse, a mirror. It was then that Kai noticed they'd stopped moving. Tala was waiting patiently in front of the few pieces of wood, illuminated by a couple stars that had escaped the thick layer of clouds, that hardly could be classified as a door into a rather shabby looking house. The redhead was toeing the dirt of what should've been a front lawn with his shoe, eyes downcast and shy.
Kai just shook his head. He was learning more and more to never make assumptions about Tala; he seemed to change daily. He wondered momentarily what was wrong with his friend before he grasped Tala's hand a little tighter and felt his way to the door handle, pulling the redhead in behind him. This was proving to be a longer night than anticipated.
I figured that was a good a spot as any to finish up this chapter. Wow, didn't realize how huge that flashback was! My bad! There will be more action in the next chapter, which should come out sometime next week. Adv. English bites and is sucking up all my time and creativity! Title from The Wrong Band by Tori Amos.
And you know what, computer? Who doesn't want to let me connect to the Internet and restarts for no reason at all? SCREW YOU!
Reviews? Please?
Lefty – Mmm sugar, caffeine and lack of sleep. Least two of those taste good! Hehehe, yay, and thanks!
Spyrit Pheonyx – Hehe and right after you say that it takes me two weeks for a chapter :P Oh, I'd like to read this other story, but maybe after I finish this one. I wouldn't want to copy it (even if it wasn't a conscious effort). And reviews ye shall have. I'm very glad there's so many Tala/Kai fics. And that the pairing's active, it makes me verrry happy.
