A/N: I forgot to mention that Mia may be a little OOC. She will act a little more aggressive than the Mia from the books. I also forgot to add my disclaimer. So, for those of you who don't know, (where have you been hiding?) Meg Cabot owns all rights to the Princess Diaries, Mtv owns the rights to My Super Sweet Sixteen, and I own Paulette, Yvette, Carlos, Lori, and the desperate cameraman. R/R please!
April 22, The loft
When I woke up this morning, my mother was standing over me, trying to shake me awake.
"Mia," she hissed, "they're here!"
The way she said "they" made me immediately think Mawmaw from Indiana was here to visit.
"They?"
"Yes Mia, the camera crews from Mtv are downstairs right now, setting up their sound and lighting equipment."
I thought my mom was joking and almost rolled over and went back to sleep, when I remembered.
GRANDMERE.
She called them anyway and invited them to set up shop in my home. I pulled the pillow over my face and let out a scream.
"Do I even have time to attempt at applying makeup?"
"Oh, honey, I don't think you have to worry about that. You should see the army of stylists they brought with them."
HA! Even Mtv thinks it takes an army to make me look good in front of the camera, and they don't even know me!
"Mia, you might want to get down there. I think Fat Louie has one of the crew stuck in a corner."
Oh crap.
Later…
Okay, I have been poked, prodded and tweezed to within an inch of my life. I don't even think Paolo subjected me to this much torture. Obviously he still has much to learn.
As soon as I stumbled downstairs, a woman wearing a Britney Spears concert shirt rushed toward me, clip board in hand and began barking out instructions to everyone.
"Your highness, my name is Paulette; I'm the crew manager for this segment of My Super Sweet Sixteen."
"Hello."
She rushed on, simpering, "It is such an honor to be able to meet you in person. I'm not usually star struck, you know, working with them almost daily, but you… you're special."
I'm not sure if I should have been wary of her compliments, but I thanked her, blushing furiously.
Paulette clapped her hands. "Okay people, as you can see, we have a lot of work to do, Yvette, Carlos, I believe the Princess is ready for you."
She guided me to a chair that had been covered in some kind of cushion, and plunked me down in front of a mirror.
"Now, Princess," she began, "your Grandmother stipulated as part of the contract that you look presentable for the camera at all times."
"Umm, okay."
"So, let me just introduce you to our hair and makeup people." She went around the room, pointing out various team members. "That is Yvette, she will be doing your hair, Carlos will be makeup, Lori will do your manicure, and I believe you already know Paolo, he will be over seeing everything, as he knows what the Dowager Princess likes."
I looked over at my mom, and mouthed "Help!"
She was holding Rocky and trying to fend off one of the cameraman's advances. I saw her hold up her left hand, with her tiny little wedding band on it. She looked at me and raised her eyebrows.
Just then, Yvette began pulling on my hair, trying to untangle the mass of knots I had accumulated over the night.
"Ouch!"
"Sorry," she mumbled under her breath. Paolo rushed over and counseled Yvette on how to manage the unruly mane sitting on my head.
"You must grab the roots, like thees."
I stifled a giggle and motioned for Paulette. She rushed over to me, and I asked her what I had been dying to ask her since I woke up.
"Can I get something to eat? Maybe a bagel?"
She tsked and then proceeded to tell me that if I ate before they began filming, I would blow up like a helium balloon.
She drifted away and Yvette, who had finally managed to untangle my hair, began applying a bleach solution to my strands, covering them with squares of aluminum foil. When she stepped back, I took a hard look in the mirror. I looked like a freaking television receiver!
I didn't have long to reflect on my appearance however, because then Carlos came after me with the Tweezerman. He plucked what felt like was my entire eyebrow and then repeated the process on the other side. When he was done, he slathered some green goop all over my face and left me to marinate.
After about thirty minutes, Yvette came back and guided me to the kitchen sink. She made me hunch over the counter so she could rinse the dye out of my hair. All of the foil squares came off with it and water began filling the sink as it was stopped up with the metal. Yvette swore and then glanced around the room. "How bout that just being our little secret?"
"Sure."
When Yvette had shampooed and conditioned my hair, she roughly toweled it dry and led me across the room.
The goop on my face had dried onto my skin, pulling it taut across my cheekbones. Carlos rushed over and peeled the masque off in one fluid motion.
"Wow." Was all I could manage. My skin felt so revitalized.
"It's a secret family weapon." He smirked.
At the mention of the word weapon, Lars poked his head in the room. With all of the commotion going on, I hadn't even given Lars a thought. I motioned wildly for him to cross the room. When he was directly in front of me, I pulled him in closer and begged him to go to the kitchen and get me a bagel. He obliged, and moments later came back with a piping hot bagel.
"Thank you so much!"
I was just about to take a huge bite, when Paulette swooped down and snatched the bread out of my hand. "Now Princess," she berated, "we wouldn't want to gain an instant ten pounds would we? Plus, you know all those carbs are bad for you."
I was getting fed up and was ready to snatch the bagel back out of Paulette's talons and then tell Paulette where to stuff her carbs when the door opened and Grandmere sailed in. A hush fell over the room, except for Paulette, who was gushing to anyone who would listen about how "absolutely thrilled" she was to be working with us.
When Grandmere strode to my chair, toting an ever quivering Rommell, my stomach let out a horrific growl.
"Amelia, what was that vulgar noise?"
"Paulette wouldn't let me eat breakfast."
She raised one of her razor thin eyebrows and looked around the room.
"Ahh, Your Majesty, I was just telling Amelia here how eating before a shoot was scheduled to begin would immediately make her bloated for the cameras."
"Ahh, how long before you begin?"
Paulette checked her clipboard and replied, "We will be ready to begin as soon as Carlos has completed his first stage of makeup."
Grandmere looked over at me, where Carlos had begun applying a thin coat of foundation. Yvette was blowing my hair out with a large round brush and was nearly finished. I shot a pleading look toward Grandmere, but she just raised her eyebrows again and turned to speak to Paulette in hushed tones.
Yvette smoothed something on the top layer of my hair and stepped back to admire her handiwork. Carlos was busy brushing something onto my eyelids and Paulette glanced back at me.
Great. Now the bagel Nazi and Grandmere are in cahoots. I thought Grandmere might have taken mercy on me, being the sole heir to the throne and her granddaughter and everything, but that flew out the window when Paulette began clapping again.
"Alright people, we will be ready to begin in five. Lori, get your stuff together. I want a shot of you fixing the Princess' nails while Carlos completes the makeup."
I glanced over and saw Lori sitting in a makeup chair having her lipgloss applied. She stood up and grabbed her nail kit. She opened it up to reveal about a hundred tiny surfboards and some glue.
"Now, Amelia," Paulette began.
"My name is MIA." I hissed.
Paulette stared at me blankly for a moment before collecting her thoughts and continuing.
"We will be filming Lori giving you a manicure. What I would like to have you do is chat with her like you normally would."
"But I don't even know her. How am I…"
Paulette waved her hand in the air as if to dismiss my comments.
"Surely this is something you are used to. Now, just act normal, try to loosen up while Lori paints your nails. Maybe you could talk to her about what you want your party to be like."
Lori rolled her eyes when Paulette turned her back. "Don't worry about her. She's been on a sugar and flour free diet for about ten months, she's just a little wound up."
"Is she always like this?"
"Mmm, most of the time. You just have to show her that you aren't just a bubble head with Daddy's credit card. You should see some of the head cases we follow around for this show."
Lori popped her gum loudly, shaking a bottle of OPI. "So, Mia. What color do you like?"
I inspected her wide range of colors and finally settled for a soft baby pink called Coney Island Cotton Candy. She began buffing my nails and I didn't even realize the cameras were rolling until Lori kicked me under the table. She jerked her head in the direction of the cameraman, who had parked himself at the table, and begun filming.
"Okay, now, Mia, the most important thing for this documentary to work is for you to act like we are not even here. Just carry on as usual, and don't be nervous."
The bagel Nazi had returned.
Still April 22, Much, much later, the loft
I am finally free!
The film crew followed me around all day, but luckily for me, they are taking a break until tomorrow afternoon. I really don't know how Nick and Jessica manage. I would die if I had a camera in my face all the time.
Lilly stopped by earlier this afternoon, but she had to leave after a few minutes because she was running an errand for Mya.
I haven't gotten to see Michael yet today. I wonder what he got me for my birthday. Not that presents are important or anything, but he just gives all of my gifts so much thought, I can't wait to see what I'm getting.
I am so exhausted; I can barely hold the pen up to write, so I think I am going to bed.
Nine days till my birthday!
