Thanks Lappy. My, you are teh good friend. Myyyyy oh my. ALL DEH TIME!
Anyway. I don't have much to say this time, my peeps. Which means Lappy.
Enjoy.
Hopping out of the Popemobile, Kupo turned and kissed the Pope's ring on the hand extending out of the front seat of the cart.
"Thanks John. You're always there in a pinch."
"That is why I am the Pope!" he declared in a "duh" kind of voice as Rren stepped out of the vehicle and gazed in awe at the Man himself, making a habitual sign of the cross. At that, the Popemobile started up and motored off, the Pope waving casually back at them as they made some serious mileage.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU KNEW THE POPE?" Rren screamed at her friend as the car disappeared in the distance. Kupo laughed because her face was like, really red.
"What? I don't know the Pope, Rren." Kupo headed in the direction of the school entrance. "God, you're so random."
Staring after her in disbelief, Rren finally dashed after her yelling obscenities.
"Be respectful! The Pope is still within a fifteen mile range!" Kupo shouted over her shoulder.
Outside of Kupo's old science classroom, Rren pushed open the door carefully and peeked inside. Kupo pushed open the door forcefully and Rren fell all over the floor. Grabbing a broom, Kupo swept her up and emptied her in the lab area. "That isn't the way to properly dispose of waste…" Rren grumbled as she got up and brushed herself off. Ignoring her, Kupo grabbed a microscope in a storage cabinet and placed it carefully in the middle of the table. As she set things up, Rren wandered around the classroom, gazing at all the scholarly posters thoughtfully.
"It's been a while…" she thought out loud, running her fingers along all the old slightly dusty desks. Suddenly the classroom around her melted as she receded into a flashback.
"Will you stop having a flashback moment thing please? I can't find the outlet in all this melty room darkness stuff."
"Ah. Right." Blushing, Rren brought things back into reality for Kupo. As the outlet swam into view, Kupo jammed the plug into it and retrieved the crumpled letter from her pocket. Sliding it under the lens, she began to investigate it under the microscope, occasionally swapping the lens. Rren watched in utter fascination.
"OH MAN, HOW DO YOU DO THAT MAN?" she frothed at the mouth.
Kupo swapped the lens some more and Rren clapped enthusiastically.
"Okay. That's enough, idiot." And Kupo proceeded to hit her friend on the head with a baseball bat.
"Where the heck did you get that?" Rren asked after the barrage ended.
"In that closet." She pointed to the left.
"Oh, good." Rren headed that way.
As she sifted through all the junk in the musty closest, Kupo said a lot of interesting things like, "Ooh" and "Ah" and sometimes, "Fung Shui". But not that often.
Finally she stood up just as Rren came out of the closet wielding a dropper and a few Erlenmeyer flasks. "I have reached a conclusion." Kupo announced loudly.
"Is it Sirius' blood?" Rren screamed. Kupo stared at her and finally said quite coldly, "Lower your tone of voice missy. Screaming is a bit dramatic." "Sorry," Rren muttered sheepishly and fell silent.
After much staring, Kupo finally straightened back up and said, "I have found out that things are Very Hard to find under a microscope."
Rren went nutso and pelted Kupo with Erlenmeyer flasks.
Suddenly the door to the room banged open and Mr. John hobbled in. He was, like, really old now. It was funny. He had really only intended to teach for maybe a year or two, but since the Science Teacher Holocaust of 2008, there was an unexpected shortage of science teachers. One thing led to another, and Johnsie ended up teaching for a Very Long Time.
And now back to the story.
Where was I?
Oh yes. Johnsie hobbled in with his cane and stuff.
"What the cracket is all this racket?" he wheezed. Suddenly he laid eyes on Kupo and gasped.
"Hey. Hey! You're that girl who sneaks in here all the time, eating cheetos and listening to the Master Musicians of Joujouka! Plus you made 100's all the time in my class! God, you don't know how long I've been wanting to kill you!"
All this time he was really mumbling since he was old and all. Rren paused in her Erlenmeyer bashing and stared at him open-mouthed. Kupo followed suit.
After he stopped talking, she said, "Hey John, will you help me find this thing under the microscope please?" John nodded agreeably and hobbled over.
Soon the spot of blood was finally under the view and Kupo was carefully investigating it.
"Hey Rren, how many chromosomes does a human have? Like, twenty-seven or thirteen? I can never remember."
"Um, I think it's five."
"Twenty-three!" coughed John. But nobody listened to him. He was totally old.
Rren and Kupo debated for a while and finally agreed on one hundred and two. Then they had a heated argument on whether Dementors even bled or not. It was…passionate.
Finally, Kupo looked up from the microscope and stared Rren straight in the eyes, taking her hand.
"Rren…this is definitely blood."
"NOOOOO!" howled Rren.
"Yes. And it is Sirius' blood. I'm sorry."
"Oh. Alright." Rren said brightly. And then a bunch of their old science teachers came in with their canes and walkers and chased them both out of the classroom.
Feet pounding the ground, breath coming in labored gasps, Sirius raced across the Hogwarts grounds, cape flowing dramatically behind him like a flag. A flag of DOOM. A piece of parchment was in his hand, and somehow despite all the running and crap, he was scribbling furiously on it. He tried not to think that this would be the last thing he ever wrote.
And the Dementors approached.
And Sirius ran a bit more.
And the Dementors got a bit closer. Maybe by 3 square roots of eight feet or something.
And Sirius…ran a bit farther. Maybe not by 3 square roots of eight feet, but pretty darn close.
"Okay, okay, enough of this crap!" Yelled D00d the Demented Dementor. Huffing like a nutso on crack, he slowing to a stop and held out his arm as if to make Sirius halt, also. Surprisingly enough Sirius did so, still holding his unfinished letter.
The two eyed each other for a moment, both wheezing after their long flight.
"You run fast, man." D00d finally spoke up.
"Yes." Replied Sirius quite modestly.
"…" D00d scowled under his hood. "You're supposed to comment on how fast I run now. That is custom."
Sirius nodded amiably. "You run about as fast as a snail on a trail of molasses."
The group of Dementors hissed. D00d shrugged it off and held out a gloved hand. "Let's stop this stupid game, friend. Come get a beer with me."
Straightening up and brushing his cape off his shoulder, Sirius considered the offer for a moment. Then, he strode forward with a smile, hand extended. Just as D00d reached forward to grasp his hand, Sirius pulled back and impaled D00d's hood with his wand. Then he went ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM, crying out over his shoulder: "I can't believe you fell for it!" in a classic impression of Dark Helmet, giggling the whole time. D00d stood there for a minute in utter disgrace, wand sticking out most unceremoniously from the darkness of his hood, hands still at his sides. Suddenly he lifted his hand slowly, finger pointing at Sirius' retreating form and a blast of green magic streamed from the wand in his head.
"Pretty colors," breathed all the Dementors as the magic zoomed toward poor Sirius and caught him straight in the back. Sirius stood there for a moment; then crumpled up into a totally SB heap on the ground. Everyone laughed, including me. But you know.
Stepping forward in unison, the Dementors led by D00d all surrounded Sirius, cackling evilly. Eyes opening slightly, bleeding hand shaking, Sirius attempted to hide his letter from the Dementors. However, D00d planted his foot firmly on the crumpled parchment and with both hands tried to wrench the wand out of his head. It didn't really work the first time, and he had to get a couple of his peeps to help him. But they got it out soon. Then D00d pointed the wand at Sirius and threw back his hood, just as the moon hid its face behind an ominous dark cloud.
