Trapped Within Two Worlds: Chapter Four

Relena woke slowly, her mind blurred and unfocused from the previous day's exertions. She looked around, and smiled at the sight of Duo sprawled on the floor beside the bed, and was careful not to wake him as she got out of the bed. She pulled off her hospital gown, praying to God that Duo wouldn't wake up, and pulled on a pair of khakis and a t-shirt that she found on the desk. They fit her fairly well, and made her wonder why Duo had women's clothing in his room.

She shrugged to herself as she exited the room, shutting the door behind her. She could feel faint traces of the feelings of the woman who'd worn this. She had been so sad. Relena rubbed her arms as she crossed the living room to stand in front of the window. She could hear someone out there, calling to her, compelling her to return to the hospital.

She didn't want to, she was certain of that, but the voice in her mind was insistent. You will not be hurt, it assured her, I just want to talk.

A hand fell on her shoulder, and she jumped. "Heero?" She gasped, placing a hand against her heart. "You scared the life out of me."

"What did you do?" He asked her in a low voice, caging her against the window with his arms. "I can feel you, there in my mind. What did you do to me?" He was trembling with suppressed rage. She had destroyed him, changing into something he didn't want to be. A freak of nature who would be forced to share his mind with a woman he hated.

Her head snapped up at his last thought, and she looked at him carefully, before easing out of his arms. He made no move to stop her, just like she knew he wouldn't. "I can understand your feelings on this," she said quietly. "I was mad, and what I did was inexcusable. I tried to break down the barriers of your mind, so I could understand you."

"You invaded my mind." He snapped, and moved away from her before he got mad enough to do some serious damage.

She noticed the movement, and caught the thoughts in his mind, and decided to be brief. "It wasn't quite an invasion of your mind. I had only just broken down the barriers you had put up before I lost consciousness. I didn't see anything."

He lunged for her, anger overwhelming reason, and shook her like a rag doll. "Then why are you in my head? Get out."

Physical contact made the bond stronger, and he could feel her. He could feel his hands on her arms, and knew that he was gripping her tightly enough to leave bruises. He could feel the resignation she felt, it was like a heavy weight pressing down on her mind. Just give in, it whispered, just give up and let it all go away.

He could see images of her dead, or worse, a mental vegetable because her powers were too much for her to handle. There was a part of her, a very strong part of her that wanted to let go. She had been ripped away from everything she had known, been threatened, and abused.

He pulled away from her, and studied her silently. She was wearing Sylvia's clothes, and in the early morning light, she looked identical to the woman he had loved. He felt the first stirrings of desire in the pit of his stomach, and had to look away before he did something that he regretted.

"I'm not her," there were tears in Relena's eyes, but she refused to let them spill over. "I'll never be her, and I'd rather have you hate me, then touch me while you're thinking of her." She moved past him, needing to get out, get away from his thoughts.

"I'll be back in a little while," she said quietly, opening the door, and preparing to step out in her bare feet.

"Take the sandals," Heero ordered and all but threw them at her. "You can't walk barefoot in the city, people will think you're insane." His eyes jerked up to meet hers as he realised what he said, equal amounts of guilt and pride rising in him.

"The thing about living in a mental institution all your life," Relena began as she pulled on the sandals, "is that you get used to being thought of as insane."

Heero stared at the door for a few long minutes after she had closed it behind her. He just didn't know what to do with her anymore. He was attracted to her. Angry as hell, but still attracted to her. He didn't want that attraction, he wanted Sylvia, and as she had said herself, she would never be the woman he loved.

He thought about what had just been said, and remembered the feelings that had overwhelmed him when he had touched her. That was it, he decided. It was that he felt sorry for her. That was why he'd felt attracted to her.

He could still feel her in his mind, and wondered if she could still hear his thoughts. He shuddered at the thought. It was an invasion. A complete invasion of something that should have belonged to only him. He hated it.

It's not like I wanted to be connected to you. Heero jumped as Relena spoke in his mind. I only wanted to find out more about you, this connection never should have happened.

Then undo it! He thought angrily. I don't want this!

He felt something that he figured was a sigh. I can teach you how to only let people hear what you want them to, but it'll take time.

Teach me now. He ordered, and felt another sigh echo through his mind. Tell me how to get you out.

Like I said, it will take time. Relena said quietly. For the moment, try emptying your mind. I'll do my best to block out your thoughts, and when I return, we'll work on completely blocking your mind from mine.

Curiosity overcame anger, and Heero looked out the window in vain to see her. Where are you going?

That's none of your concern. Relena answered quickly, and threw up impromptu mental barriers.

Heero tried calling her again, and felt a strange barrier that prevented him from reaching her. He shrugged. No skin off his ass if she wanted to get out of his head. He told himself that he preferred it, but for a reason that he refused to acknowledge, he stood by the window, watching the people on the street below, as he tried to empty his mind as she told him to.

For some reason, she knew the way back to the hospital. Relena found that she was easily able to navigate the strange and unfamiliar streets, and stood in front of the hospital a mere hour after she had left the apartment. She didn't want to be back here, she knew that, but she felt that she had to go in.

Dr. Curtis was waiting for her outside, taking her arm and walking her away from the premises. "It's nice to see you again, Relena." He murmured as he lead her to a small café that overlooked the lake. "We were all very worried about you."

"I'm never going back in there," Relena said through gritted teeth, not even trying to hide her rudeness. "I'll die before I go in there again."

"Were you so badly treated?" Adam raised an eyebrow, a look of genuine concern marring his face. "Was there anyone on the staff that abused you or made you feel inadequate? Please, tell me if there is something I can do."

"You were all very kind, but you tried to convince me that I belonged in St. Mildreds. Belonged in a mental institution." She paused to recover her train of thought, trying not to allow thoughts of her time there interfere with what she was trying to say. "I'm not crazy. The other world, the Gundam world does exist, and the things that I can do, jumping between worlds, it's all real."

"And what makes you so sure?" Adam leaned forward, and placed his hand over it. "What makes you so sure that you have these special powers?"

"I shared an… experience with another person in this world." Relena began quietly. "Someone who is completely sane, and who was as sceptical as yourself about my abilities…. Until I proved to him just how real they are."

"You can really make the jump between worlds?" Adam asked, and when Relena nodded, his shoulders slumped forward. "It's against my better judgement, but I'm going to trust you. You can stay with these people if you promise to check in every once in awhile. I'll deal with the necessary paperwork to release you completely from St. Mildreds."

Relena nodded, completely ecstatic with the news. She graciously waved Adam off when he took his leave of her, and all but skipped back to the apartment that Duo and Heero shared. When she got there however, her mood faded, and she found herself standing outside the apartment building, unsure whether she should go in or not.

As it turned out, the decision was made for her as Duo strolled out the door, his hair sexily mussed, and his clothes wrinkled. "Hey Lena!" he called, rushing across the street to see her. "I wondered where you had got to." He looked her over appraisingly, noting to clothes she wore, and let out a low whistle. "You talked to Heero, didn't you?"

Relena nodded, the hurt and resentment that she had felt this morning, remerging as she looked down at her clothes. The rejection still cut like a knife. Heero had wanted her this morning, but only because she'd looked like the woman he loved. It was hard to get past that.

Duo noticed the look on her face, and glanced up at the apartment he shared with Heero, knowing that his friend would be watching them. "You wanna get away for awhile?" He asked softly, and when she nodded, he took her arm, leading her down the street. "I'm heading to work. It's not the funnest place in the world, but it's not bad, the people are really nice there. We could stop and pick up a book or something on the way there, and you could read it while I slave away at the counter." He grinned his oh-so-familiar grin at her, and she felt her heart break a little. He was so much like the Duo from her world.

Then, linking her arm in his, she let him lead her through the maze of streets, listening to his commentary on the buildings they passed. She found herself relaxing as they made their way to his work, dodging people and traffic as they went, and when they had found her a novel that interested her, and a quiet spot at a table in the back of the shop, she realised something.

Heero or no Heero, she could make her life here.

Relena was so engrossed in her book that at first, she didn't notice that someone had taken a seat at her table, it wasn't until the intruder coughed that she realised that there was someone there. Shyly, she looked up, her nervousness dissolving as she looked into her best friend's face. She only just managed to stop herself from launching herself across the table to hug the other woman. Instead, she gave a warm smile and introduced herself.

"I'm Hilde," the pixyish girl replied, and held out her hand for Relena to shake. "I was surprised to see someone at this table. A guy who works here usually keeps it vacant for me."

"The one with the brown hair?" Relena asked, pointing at Duo who was hard at work behind the counter.

"Yeah, and the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen," Hilde laughed, and tossed back her head to clear the hair from her eyes. "Do you know him?" She gestured vaguely with her cappuccino before setting it down. "They cute guy, I mean."

"Yeah," Relena watched as the other girl's eyes clouded with disappointment, and quickly kept going. "We've been friends for a little while now, and I was down on my luck, so he let me live with him. His name's Duo."

Hilde grinned. "I might impose on you for an introduction later," she shrugged her shoulders, and reached for Relena's book, never even considering that it could be considered rude. "So what are you doing in here, and reading this cheap romance for?"

It was Relena's turn to shrug as she reclaimed her book, and set it in her newly bought bag. "I guess I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. I've been sick for a long time, and now that I've recovered sufficiently, I've found that I'm unprepared for anything that this world has to offer."

Hilde nodded sympathetically, and then tapped her finger against her chin as she thought about what they could do. "Well, first you're going to need some kind of cash flow," she explained, hr mind at work as she tried to think of places that were hiring at the moment. "And then you're going to need to find a permanent place to stay."

"Is that hard?" Relena asked, and Hilde shot her a conspiratorial grin.

'Usually, yes, it is, but you've got Lady Luck on your side this time. Normally I wouldn't offer this to someone who I just met, but I figure that you need the support. Plus," Hilde grabbed Relena's hand and pulled her toward the front counter. "I like you, and that definitely counts for something."

"Hey Duo!" Hilde called when they reached the counter, pulling Relena up beside her. "Can you take a break for a couple minutes?"

Duo looked at her, his expression as perplexed as Relena's was, but he nodded, and followed them back to Hilde's regular table. "What's going on, Lena?" He asked, shooting a concerned look at her, and wondering if it had been a mistake to bring her here. "Is everything alright?"

"No, it's not." Hilde said quickly, and Duo's eyes snapped to the pixyish girl. "Relena needs a job, and a permanent place to stay. She needs to find a place in this world." Hilde squeezed her new friend's hand for support. 'And then, once she has some stuff to fall back on, she can start thinking about taking classes or something."

"Sounds like a plan," Duo nodded and ran his hand through his hair. "But this couldn't wait until after my shift?"

Hilde shrugged. "I suppose it could have, but I wanted to see if you were okay with it before I helped Relena move in." She caught Duo's look, and laughed. "She can move in with me. She's looking for a place to stay, and I'm looking for someone to split the rent with. If you help us move her stuff, she can move in today."

"I don't have anything other than what's with me," Relena said softly, and Hilde gaped at her.

"For real?" Hilde shook off her shock, and laughed again. "Wasn't expecting that one. You can share some of my clothes until you can afford your own." She turned back to Duo. "Is that okay with you, sport?" She asked as she handed him a piece of paper with her address and phone number on it, and when he nodded, she turned back to Relena.

"Come on then. Let's get you settled in," Hilde tugged on Relena's hand and helped her pack her book into her bag. "Hey, Duo… Why don't you come by tonight? Just to make sure Relena's all settled in and stuff." Duo looked to Relena, who smiled and nodded.

"Sounds great," he smiled and hugged his angel. "Good luck, Lena."

Heero was pacing around the apartment when Duo got home from work. "Where the hell is she?' He snapped, not caring if he was being crude. "I know she left with you, Duo. So where is she now.?" He opened their apartment door, and peered out into the hallway as if expecting her to appear at any second.

"She's at a friend's place." Duo explained, with just a hint of a sigh in his voice. He went into his room, and started digging through the dirty heaps of laundry. One day, he promised himself, he was going to shovel through this crap and discover what colour his floor was. "Do you need the shower?"

"She doesn't have any friends." Heero snapped, and continued his pacing, pausing for a second to pick up a towel and toss it at his friend. "Where the hell is she, Duo?"

"No?" Duo smirked, and grabbed the towel out of the air. "Okay, so shower's mine now, and you can use it after. Wouldn't want to smell when we went to see Relena. No, sir." He gasped as Heero grabbed the back of his shirt, and pulled him back from the tiny bathroom. "What do you want, Heero?" His voice was almost a whine as he slapped his friend's hand away. "You never cared about her before. You would go out of your way to hurt her before. So why the sudden concern?

"I want her out of my head," Heero growled, releasing Duo, and moving to run his hands over the sketchbook he hadn't touched since Relena had entered his life. He turned back to face Duo. This wasn't his fault after all. "Hurry up with the shower then," he ordered with something close to a smile. "If you're not out in ten minutes, I'm turning off the hot water."

Duo gave a little wave before he disappeared into the bathroom, and Heero turned back to his sketchpad. There was dust on the cover, but he didn't bother to brush it off as he opened the tattered book. He'd had this sketchbook since he started college, and if one with a trained eye looked at it, they would see his entire life spread before him.

The ordinary and simplistic pictures that he had started with, to the detailed, realistic pieces the book ended with. You could see his moods as easily as you could see the skill of the drawings. When Sylvia had still been alive the drawings were filled with light and laughter. A child smiling, a young couple on the beach, but then the images, the ideas behind the art had changed. With Sylvia's death they had become darker, bloodier, haunting.

There was no laughter in his later sketches, no light. Only a darkness that mirrored the feelings in his soul. That's why he was having so much trouble with his final project for his art course. His teacher knew about Sylvia of course, the whole faculty did. She had been the most promising student that the college had had in years, and her sudden demise had shocked people. They also knew of the trouble that he was having moving on. A year had past, but he was no better than he had been a day after she had died.

So his professor had given him a special assignment. One that was different from what the other students were doing. She wanted him to a painting for her, and it was to reflect the light of the world. Heero's hand tightened around the book for an instant. There was no light in his world now.

On an impulse, he slipped his sketchbook and pencils into his bag just as Duo exited the bathroom. "It's all yours," he gestured grandly before moving into his bedroom.

Heero entered the bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror, and analysing his features as he had been taught to do years ago. Anyone with half a brain would see the pain there, the lines on his face, and the dark smudges under his eyes. He cursed his professor for giving him such an impossible assignment as he stripped out of his clothes and shut the door.

The light of the world, he mused, turning on the cold water full blast, letting the initial shock clear his mind, and wash away his pain. What light was there now that Sylvia was gone?

Relena couldn't sit still. She knew that he was coming, and wondered what he would see now that she had changed out of Sylvia's hand-me-downs into one of Hilde's slinky dresses? Would he finally se her as the woman she was or would he continue to see her as the shadow of his dead lover?

She smiled at Hilde as the spunky young woman entered the room, but didn't stop pacing. She wondered if Hilde felt any nervousness about Duo coming. If she did, the pixyish woman didn't show it. She lounged on the couch, her face the very essence of indifference. "Sit down, Lena," Hilde laughed, patting the cushion beside her. "You're going to wear a hole in the floor."

"How can you be so relaxed?" Relena asked, envious of the other woman's composure. "Aren't you nervous at all?"

Hilde laughed again, tossing back her hair and gently drawing her newfound friend to the couch. "There's nothing to be nervous about. All that's happening is a couple of your friends are coming over to check out your new place. That's hardly cause for a nervous breakdown."

"You're right," Relena swallowed hard as someone knocked on the door, and steeled herself for what was to come.

Hilde was right, why was she so afraid of facing them? Duo would never judge her, and Heero… well Heero had made his thoughts quite clear about her. She knew exactly what would happen tonight so there was absolutely nothing to fear. Duo and Heero would look around the apartment, they would go out for some dancing, and after she made sure that Duo and Hilde hooked up, she would make her exit.

All thoughts and fears were pushed away as Duo's arms came around her in a bear hug. "Lena, babe," he smiled at her, and Relena felt herself relax in his comfortable embrace. "Show me around the apartment."

Hilde was quick to intercede, grabbing Duo by the arm, and leading him away. When he shot her a look, Hilde smiled and grinned at him. "I just wanted to give her and that other guy a chance to be alone. She's been agonising over seeing him since we left the coffee shop." She noticed the look on Duo's face and her smile fell. "Is something wrong?"

"Let's just say that Heero and Relena don't have the healthiest of relationships. It's one of the reasons that I thought it would be so good for her to move in with you. So they wouldn't be in each others' faces all the time."

"Well," Hilde shrugged and glanced over her shoulder. "Healthy relationship or not, I think they need some time. Let's just give them five minutes or so. Nothing will happen, and if Relena needs us, we won't be far." She waited until Duo smiled and nodded before leading him away, throwing one last glance over her shoulder and wishing her friend luck.

Relena watched as Hilde and Duo left her, the fear that she had felt earlier returning in full force. "Heero," she nodded self consciously. "How are you?" She watched as his gaze flickered downwards over what she wore, and then back up to her face.

"Why don't you just read my mind, and tell me?" He tossed out, throwing himself on the couch opposite her. "You can do that, right?"

"I figured that you would prefer me asking instead of just…" she searched for the word that he had used earlier, "…invading your mind." With an air of nonchalance, she sat beside him, keeping a careful distance between them. "Have you been practicing blocking my presence?" When he didn't answer, she moved closer to him, placing her hand over his as she gently probed the barriers that he had thrown up. "You're remarkably good at this," she smiled sadly at the instant frown that appeared at her words. "Whether you want to be or not."

She almost sighed with relief when Duo and Hilde re-entered the room, and moved away from Heero to join them. "It's a nice place," Duo winked at her and held her hand. "Much better than ours." He admitted sheepishly, and led the two girls to the door, waving a hand at Heero. "Come on. The sooner we leave, the sooner we can dance."

Relena felt more than a little out of place at the smoke-filled bar that Duo took them to. When she thought of dancing, she thought of waltzes, ballrooms, and gorgeous dresses. She had no idea what to do in this tiny club where the women were scantily clad and the men had no problem with touching the woman more intimately then she was used to.

Duo led them all to a small table in the corner and ordered a round of drinks. "What do you think, Lena?" He asked as he held Hilde's hand, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles, and couldn't help smiling when she moved closer to him.

"I don't know," Relena answered truthfully, shrugging her shoulders. "I've never been in a place like this before, and it's…. a lot different from what I'm used to."

"I know how we can fix that," Duo pulled Hilde out of the booth, and led her out onto the dance floor. "Dance with her, Heero!" He called back over his shoulder, and swung Hilde into the crowd of dancers, disappearing from sight.

Heero sighed, and grudgingly held out his hand to Relena, glaring at her when she pushed it away. "Don't let him pressure you into dancing with me," she said quietly, turning away from him to scan the crowd. "I'm sure that I can find someone else."

"Like hell you will," Heero snapped, and pulled her onto the dance floor, not giving her time to protest before he wrapped his arms around her. Relena blushed as he placed his hands on her hips, guiding them in circular motions as he pulled her hard against him.

"Heero," she began to protest, to move away, but he held her firm. "Why are you doing this? Why are you being nice?"

"The hell if I know," Heero shook his head, and moved his mouth close to her ear. "I can't seem to get you out of my head. Why do you think that is?"

"Your barriers are holding up fine…" Relena trailed off, all thoughts leaving her mind as Heero nipped at her neck.

"You know I'm not talking about that," Heero turned her around, and traced her lips with a finger. He leaned in, his mouth capturing hers, and she clung to him, letting his closeness wash over her. She had wanted this ever since she had woken up in the hospital that first time. She had needed…

What is she doing to me? Is she controlling me?

The thought drifted through her mind, and she knew that it wasn't hers. She jerked away from him furious with herself for believing that he had begun to understand her. But no, he simply thought that she was forcing him to do her bidding.

He'd noticed the look on her face, and she could hear his thoughts as he watched her. He thought that she'd been using her powers on the people who were close to her… Duo, Hilde, himself. He thought it was suspicious that people trusted her so easily, so quickly. Tears welled in her eyes as she registered his thoughts.

Is that what he thought of her? Someone who would manipulate the thoughts of other people in order to get her own way? The club suddenly felt too small, and she felt like she would die if she didn't get some fresh air. She pushed past him, knowing he would feel the full force of her thoughts in that brief moment of contact.

"Relena…" He began and reached for her, but she moved away, shaking her head slightly.

"There's nothing to explain," she said, and then vanished into the swirl of bodies.

TBC