9. STAIRS
Minerva McGonagall stepped out of her office,deep in the book. It
was a work of fiction titled SKIN,by a muggle named Kathe Koja. It
had been recommended to her; so far,she was engrossed.
She had been working for hours,grading assignments. Most of her
students were doing well; she knew one day they'd be able to
transfigure lizards into sponges, hopefully without vital organs.
There were days when a bucket was her most useful tool.
She was so involved in the book,she almost didn't notice the
silence. When she reached the stairs,though,it became apparent.
She ran all the way to Albus's office. "Chocolate-"
The door opened. "Minerva?"
"Albus-the-"
"Breathe,Minerva,breathe..."
He took deep breaths along with her.
When she had calmed down,she said. "The stairs."
"The stairs?"
She led him to the railing.
Every staircase in the castle had stopped moving.
"How did this happen?"
A moment passed.
"Willie!" they exclaimed together.
Then,Dumbledore pointed downwards.
"Speak of the Devil."
Willy-hands on hips,scowling-stood on a landing with two staircases
on either side. They both terminated abruptly. The entire castle
had been turned into a gigantic puzzle; teachers and students alike
were trying to find their way. Fortunately,a few classes were still
going on. "It's like being inside Terry Gilliam's nightmares,"
Dumbledore said.
"Who?" Minerva asked.
"You know who he is,Minerva. MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS."
Even if it was made by Muggles,there was not a wizard alive who
didn't know about "Monty Python's Flying Circus." It was ingrained
in European culture,much the same as DOCTOR WHO.
"Oh,he's the one who drew everything."
"Precisely."
They leapt from staircase to staircase. In some instances,where the
distance was too great to jump,they floated to the next available
staircase,dancing through the air.
Willy stood on a staircase below them.
"Looks a bit like a Gumby," McGonagall said,not quite out loud.
"Willy," Dumbledore called. "Professor McGonagall and I were
wondering if you caused this to happen."
"Aye,Headmaster. I yelled at 'em."
"You...yelled at the stairs?"
Minerva muttered something Dumbledore didn't quite hear.
"Aye. I yelled at 'em to stop movin' and they did. Then the rest of
'em followed."
"I think he hurt their feelings," Dumbledore told Minerva.
Minerva cast her eyes at the ceiling.
"May I suggest an apology,Willy?"
"Well...aye." He hesitated a moment. Then he said "Ah'm sorry."
He said it loudly; after all,he was apologizing to the castle itself.
The stairs didn't budge.
"Keep going," Dumbledore said,urging him on.
"I'll never yell at you again...and I take back what I said?"
With a great,booming creak,the staircases came to life. Willy moved
downwards; Dumbledore steadied himself as their staircase floated
upwards,interlocking with another staircase waiting above. Minerva
leaned against the railing,propped up by her elbows. She had worn the
green tartan dress today; Dumbledore thought she looked stunning.
Then again,she always looks that way, he thought,and found himself
blushing as well as tumescent.
"I wonder," Dumbledore said. "Was this exchange program a good idea?"
"You say that as if it were your idea."
"I agreed to it."
"It's only Monday," Minerva said. "Cheer up,Albus." She placed her
hand in his and gently squeezed.
He looked down at her with his gentlest smile.
"I must be difficult,sometimes."
"I thrive on it. Your companionship makes my life more interesting."
"Is that what you want?"
"It's a bit late to turn back."
Her grip tightened.
"You know I'd follow you anywhere," she said.
He slid his arm around her shoulder.
The castle whispered all around them.
Willie found himself in what he guessed was the basement. He was
used to the basement at Springfield Elementary,playing his bagpipes
by the warmth of the furnace after everyone went home. It was cold down here,though,and too big to be a normal basement. Down here,there
were interconnected catacombs. The walls were dark and dank and
weird fungal things were growing on them. "Euuugh," he said.
A shadow passed over the wall.
Willy recognized the man; he had helped pull Willy away from the tree earlier. He looked at home down here,as pale as he was. He was
dressed in jet black,from head to toe; his greasy hair-hanging in
his face-was the same color. He needs a woman,Willy thought.
"Willy,is it?"
"Aye."
"Severus Snape. Potions master."
Snape did not offer his hand.
"A word of advice," he said.
"Eh," Willy said.
"Did you meet the man who traded places with you?"
"Nah,I sure didn't."
"His name is Hagrid. I don't make friends easily,but I like Hagrid.
I've smiled exactly five times in my time here at Hogwarts. Three
of those smiles were caused by Hagrid. He makes me want to rise above what I've become. He is one of the very best men I have ever known. His absence is already being felt,particularly by me. To shorten what could be an interminably long monologue,I'll make the message simple," He thrust his face an inch away from Willy's. "Don't. Make. Me. Hate. You."
All Willy could do was nod.
"The stairs are back that way," Snape said.
Willy left him standing in the shadows.
Minerva McGonagall stepped out of her office,deep in the book. It
was a work of fiction titled SKIN,by a muggle named Kathe Koja. It
had been recommended to her; so far,she was engrossed.
She had been working for hours,grading assignments. Most of her
students were doing well; she knew one day they'd be able to
transfigure lizards into sponges, hopefully without vital organs.
There were days when a bucket was her most useful tool.
She was so involved in the book,she almost didn't notice the
silence. When she reached the stairs,though,it became apparent.
She ran all the way to Albus's office. "Chocolate-"
The door opened. "Minerva?"
"Albus-the-"
"Breathe,Minerva,breathe..."
He took deep breaths along with her.
When she had calmed down,she said. "The stairs."
"The stairs?"
She led him to the railing.
Every staircase in the castle had stopped moving.
"How did this happen?"
A moment passed.
"Willie!" they exclaimed together.
Then,Dumbledore pointed downwards.
"Speak of the Devil."
Willy-hands on hips,scowling-stood on a landing with two staircases
on either side. They both terminated abruptly. The entire castle
had been turned into a gigantic puzzle; teachers and students alike
were trying to find their way. Fortunately,a few classes were still
going on. "It's like being inside Terry Gilliam's nightmares,"
Dumbledore said.
"Who?" Minerva asked.
"You know who he is,Minerva. MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS."
Even if it was made by Muggles,there was not a wizard alive who
didn't know about "Monty Python's Flying Circus." It was ingrained
in European culture,much the same as DOCTOR WHO.
"Oh,he's the one who drew everything."
"Precisely."
They leapt from staircase to staircase. In some instances,where the
distance was too great to jump,they floated to the next available
staircase,dancing through the air.
Willy stood on a staircase below them.
"Looks a bit like a Gumby," McGonagall said,not quite out loud.
"Willy," Dumbledore called. "Professor McGonagall and I were
wondering if you caused this to happen."
"Aye,Headmaster. I yelled at 'em."
"You...yelled at the stairs?"
Minerva muttered something Dumbledore didn't quite hear.
"Aye. I yelled at 'em to stop movin' and they did. Then the rest of
'em followed."
"I think he hurt their feelings," Dumbledore told Minerva.
Minerva cast her eyes at the ceiling.
"May I suggest an apology,Willy?"
"Well...aye." He hesitated a moment. Then he said "Ah'm sorry."
He said it loudly; after all,he was apologizing to the castle itself.
The stairs didn't budge.
"Keep going," Dumbledore said,urging him on.
"I'll never yell at you again...and I take back what I said?"
With a great,booming creak,the staircases came to life. Willy moved
downwards; Dumbledore steadied himself as their staircase floated
upwards,interlocking with another staircase waiting above. Minerva
leaned against the railing,propped up by her elbows. She had worn the
green tartan dress today; Dumbledore thought she looked stunning.
Then again,she always looks that way, he thought,and found himself
blushing as well as tumescent.
"I wonder," Dumbledore said. "Was this exchange program a good idea?"
"You say that as if it were your idea."
"I agreed to it."
"It's only Monday," Minerva said. "Cheer up,Albus." She placed her
hand in his and gently squeezed.
He looked down at her with his gentlest smile.
"I must be difficult,sometimes."
"I thrive on it. Your companionship makes my life more interesting."
"Is that what you want?"
"It's a bit late to turn back."
Her grip tightened.
"You know I'd follow you anywhere," she said.
He slid his arm around her shoulder.
The castle whispered all around them.
Willie found himself in what he guessed was the basement. He was
used to the basement at Springfield Elementary,playing his bagpipes
by the warmth of the furnace after everyone went home. It was cold down here,though,and too big to be a normal basement. Down here,there
were interconnected catacombs. The walls were dark and dank and
weird fungal things were growing on them. "Euuugh," he said.
A shadow passed over the wall.
Willy recognized the man; he had helped pull Willy away from the tree earlier. He looked at home down here,as pale as he was. He was
dressed in jet black,from head to toe; his greasy hair-hanging in
his face-was the same color. He needs a woman,Willy thought.
"Willy,is it?"
"Aye."
"Severus Snape. Potions master."
Snape did not offer his hand.
"A word of advice," he said.
"Eh," Willy said.
"Did you meet the man who traded places with you?"
"Nah,I sure didn't."
"His name is Hagrid. I don't make friends easily,but I like Hagrid.
I've smiled exactly five times in my time here at Hogwarts. Three
of those smiles were caused by Hagrid. He makes me want to rise above what I've become. He is one of the very best men I have ever known. His absence is already being felt,particularly by me. To shorten what could be an interminably long monologue,I'll make the message simple," He thrust his face an inch away from Willy's. "Don't. Make. Me. Hate. You."
All Willy could do was nod.
"The stairs are back that way," Snape said.
Willy left him standing in the shadows.
