11. FRINK

"Put me down," Homer moaned.

"Nope," Hagrid said. "Yer too plastered to walk."

It was a lovely night,really. The night air might clear Homer's

head.

"I'm not drunk," Homer slurred.

"Yer absolutely shitfaced," Hagrid said. "And yer breath's makin'

me dizzy,too. Turn the other way when you breathe,will yeh?"

Homer was not the first or the heaviest person Hagrid had carried

home. He supposed his family would know what to do with him. He

had carried him a long distance; so far,they had not encountered

anyone else.

The first person Hagrid saw was standing in the middle of an empty

intersection. He was a funny little man in a tattered green coat,

bowtie and glasses,accompanied by a white shirt and purple pants.

He seemed to be setting up some kind of machine right there in the

street.

He saw Hagrid watching. He made some bizarre throat noises and

then motioned for Hagrid to come on over.

With Homer in tow,Hagrid stepped into the street.

""Okaay,this," Homer said,"This,Hagrid,this is Professor Frink."

"You're undoubtedly the giant guy from Europe," Professor Frink

said.

"Pleased to meet yeh," Hagrid said. He shook Frink's hand. "Hagrid."

"Frink. Professor John Frink...you're just in time to bear witness

to my latest cerebral confabulation."

"Well,I gotta get Homer back ta his family,Professor."

"Don't worry about Homer. The man's indestructible, with the

impossible,bottomless stomach and the fire-resistant tongue and the

stainless steel entrails of a killer eating machine..." He sort of

sang the last three words.

"Well," Hagrid said. "I'm sure yer latest idea's brilliant. Maybe

yeh could demonstrate it later?"

"If it doesn't punch a hole in the universe and send us all

screaming into nothingness...I'll show it to you later."

Hagrid nodded. They left Professor Frink there,in the middle of

the street. He continued to fiddle with the contraption,until,

finally,he knew that it was ready. He put on his goggles. Then,with

a flourish,he activated his latest baby. A pulse of greenish light

streaked towards the infinite night sky. Frink waited,all his

fingers crossed.

Something inside the machine blew up. "No," Frink moaned. The

light fell away from the sky; it fragmented into many different

beams as it fell over the street,revealing several people,who,up

until then,had been invisible. Professor Frink glavened when he

saw them,because they had seen him first.