Chapter 13: Sasuke's Journal

Seconds turned into minutes. Minutes turned into hours. Hours turned into days. Days turned into weeks.

It's been four weeks since Gaara, my Gaara, had left. I don't know but it felt so long.. It's not that I'm complaining or something but.. I felt so lonely.. So depressed.. So alone.. Gaara, when will you ever come back? I miss you so much..

My Gaara..

I never attended school since then. I already presented a leave of absence to Kakashi-sensei. Absence.. I might not be able to return to my school any longer. That's because of Itachi. That fucking Uchiha Itachi.

My parents still doesn't know about my situation. I'm afraid to tell them.. I knew they will hate me. They can never forgive me.. They called me about a week ago. They asked me about my studies, if I'm fine or something.. Of course I said yes. I wouldn't want to make them worry, would I?

I'm so glad they phoned me but Gaara.. I never received any calls or letters from him. How's he doing? Is he alright? Does he miss me? I wondered.

Like before, I continued experiencing fatigue. I can't get up from my bed because I felt so tired and sleepy. That was before but not this day. It's so strange..

I was lying on my bed, staring at the white cealing that time. I felt totally useless. I wished I would just die. I hate life now. I hate life because my Gaara isn't with me. Gaara, my life.

I looked at Gaara's valetine gift for me. It was still wrapped with the light blue paper. I decided to open it when he comes back. I want to open it with him. Gaara, my love.

Has he opened my gift by now? It's been almost a month since I last gave it to him. Since I last saw him. I thought it will be nice if he opened it in front of me.. I'll see his handsome face. What could have been his expression? I softly grinned.

For the past few days, I've only been thinking about Gaara. I smiled to myself as I remembered my gift for him-- Two silver rings with our names engraved inside each. I was hoping that he'll put one in my finger as a sign of his love and vice versa.. Like we were a married couple. I liked that idea. I wanted to spend my life with him..

Only with him..

I put a small piece of paper-- a letter, inside the box. I bitterly smiled as I remembered its content..

My Gaara,

I don't know how to start this letter. Uhm.. Thank you for always being with me. I am so lucky that I found someone like you.. I was too blind before. Let's just forget about the past. What matters to me is that I'm with you today and hopefully forever. Gaara, thank you for loving me. You're the reason I believe in love. You are my life, my love.. Without you by my side, I think I'd die. That's how important you are to me. You're my everything. You're my you.. You're my Gaara and you'll always be. I'll treasure all the days of my life with you. I love you forever..

Happy Valentines day, my Gaara!

From,

You're 'you'..

Tears blinded my vision. Oh, how I miss him.. It's so hard to live without him.

My train of thougts was distracted by the sound of the doorbell. Who would visit me by this time? It's already.. Exactly twelve midnight?! Strange I don't feel so sleepy yet. I reluctantly stood up, wiped the tears with the back of my palm and went down to see who my midnight visitor might be.

I opened the door and was surprised to see--

"Sasuke.." I said softly.

He was not looking at me. His eyes were focused on the flowers outside my apartment. That was rather unusual..

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"I.. Just want to see you.. I mean to see if you're fine.." He answered.

I felt quite pissed that time. I just want to lie on my bed all day.

"Well, I'm still alive so I guess I'm fine. Goodbye now.." I said.

He looked at me before slightly nodding, turned around and walked away.

"S-Sasuke, wait!" I suddenly said. I just felt like I want to talk to someone..

He turned back at me but said nothing. It's as if he's waiting for me to say something.

"Uhm.. Come in. Let's have a cup of hot chocolate or ice cold orange juice.." I said with a small grin.

He nodded then followed me inside.

-----

I prepared a cup of hot chocolate for the both of us. Argh! That orange juice reminded me of a certain someone.. And my stupidity. I sat across him. We were silent for a while.

"You still have classes tomorrow. Why are you still awake?" I asked, breaking the deafening silence.

"I already stated my reason." He replied. "How about you? Why are you still awake? I thought you get easily tired."

I looked at the steamy chocolate in front of me. I could see my reflection in it. My sad reflection..

"I know. It's strange that I still don't feel sleepy or tired yet.." I said then sighed.

"Do you feel dizzy or something?"

"N-No.. It's really strange. Before, I get sick every morning but not this day. I wonder why.." I replied.

I saw him stand up.

"Hmm.. Just as I thought." He said.

I raised my head and focused my full attention to him. He was slightly smiling.

"W-What do you mean?" I asked him. What he said kind of scared me a little. Am I sick and going to die soon? I felt afraid.. I hate my life but I'm afraid to die.

"You told me that Itachi gave you a glass of orange juice the night he.. touched you, right?" He asked me.

"Yes. Why are you asking me about that damn night?"

"Itachi does not know how to make good-tasting juice, coffee or whatever drinks and food. He is not good when it comes to those kinds of things.." Sasuke said.

"Really? Besides I was so thirsty that time. I drank it because it tasted so good. Now why are you telling me that he doesn't know how to make good- tasting drinks?" I asked. I can't believe what he had said because the juice really tasted delicious.

"That's the trick. The trick of that drug." He answered. Now I'm getting more confused.

"Drug? The sleeping powder?" I asked.

"Itachi may have mixed some sleeping powder in your juice. Actually, that was only a glass of water mixed with some orange juice powder to add color. What made it taste nice was the drug he put in there." Sasuke replied but I was still confused.

"Huh? Explain it to me further, Sasuke."

He sat back across me.

"I'm sure he included that drug in your juice. That drug, not known to many, was used by the Uchiha male members to 'seduce' anyone they desire. It is more effective when combined with sleeping powder because you can do anything you want to that person after she consumes the drink. Too much consumption of that drug will lead to fatigue and nausea-- like the signs of pregnancy. It takes effect for about three to six months. He added a lot so you experienced those symptoms but you stopped experiencing it today because now is the third month after that incident.. After you drank that juice." He explained.

The signs of pregnancy.. But why did it turn out to be positive when I used the pregnancy test kit that Itachi gave me when the truth is that I'm not really pregnant? I asked Sasuke about that.

"Male members of the Uchiha clan also used a thick, cream colored liquid after a woman had taken the drug. That liquid was used to determine if a woman is pregnant or not. If the urine, mixed with the drug that he made her take, reacts with the liquid, it turns red, meaning that she is positive. The woman will think that she is pregnant and because of that, her parents will force her to marry the man. Itachi added that liquid to the pregnancy test that he gave you and it turned positive because you drank the juice with the drug mixed in it." Sasuke explained again.

I fell silent to think.

"You knew about that for a long time. Why didn't you tell me earlier?" I questioned him.

"I need to wait for at least three months to see the results." He answered.

"But.. w-why did he do that to me?" I asked, almost like a whisper.

Sasuke stood up again and turned away from me. He lowered his head before saying:

"That I don't know.."

There was something strange about his gesture. It's as if he's hiding something to me. What might it be?

-----

I went back to school three days after Sasuke told me about that drug and liquid thingy. I felt so happy because I was not really pregant. Still, my heart was filled with grief because of Gaara. Still no letters and calls from him.. I'm worried about him.

And I miss him damn lot..

"Sakura!" Naruto exclaimed as I stepped inside my classroom. He ran to me and hugged me. I didn't push him away. Well, I kind of missed him-- his clumsiness, loud voice..

"Hi Naruto!" I happily greeted him.

"I'm so happy that you're back!" His voice was still as loud as before.

"Yeah, yeah so please keep your voice down, Naruto." I told him.

He finally let go of me when Kakashi-sensei entered the room. Everyone sat back in their seats and fell quiet.

"You're here now, Haruno Sakura." said Kakashi-sensei. "I think I need some explanation."

I went to him and gave him my reason for coming back so early. Of course I didn't tell him the truth. I told him that my parents want me to go back to school immediately and that they will bring me back to our house if I don't. I wouldn't want that to happen, I told him. He seemed convinced but I think deep inside he knew that I was lying.

I sat back to my chair. I looked around, in search of Sasuke to thank him for the information he gave me. He wasn't present. I presummed that he was really absent because it was rather unusual for him not to come in school early.

"Where's Sasuke?" I asked Hinata who sat in front of me.

"H-He's been a-absent.. s-since yesterday." She answered.

"Why?"

"I.. I don't k-know. I'm sorry."

I wanted to ask him a lot of questions especially, why did Itachi do that to me? Why me? I had that strong feeling that he knew the answer but just wouldn't tell me. I wonder why..

I sighed deeply. Maybe Sasuke was absent because of another movie he was shooting. He's got a very busy schedule yet he still has the time to go to school.

I rested my chin on my palm and listened to Kakashi-sensei as he discussed his new lesson.

-----

It was finally dismissal time. Ino and I had decided to go to our favorite fast food chain together. Her treat, of course! Well, I kind of missed my bestfriend.

I opened my locker to put my stuffs inside but then I saw something that was not mine. I didn't remember putting that thing inside my locker. I picked it to have a closer look. It was a small brown envelope. I touched it and it felt like there was something hard inside-- like a book or something. I was about to lift its lid up when--

"Hurry up, Sakura! We don't have all day!" I heard Ino say.

I nodded in reply then quickly placed the envelope inside my bag. I'll deal with it later..

-----

Hmm.. I never thought that it'll be so nice to be back at school! Ino told me that she missed me a lot. We had a nice time in the restaurant.

I walked back to my apartment alone. It was almost six in the evening. The wind felt cold. I suddenly remembered the times when Gaara would lend me his jacket or would just hug me. That warm hug.. I really want to feel it again. I want to go back to the time when he was mine. I only want to be with him. I want to raise a family with him. I want to grow old with him..

But would that ever happen? Would it be just a part of my unfulfilled dreams? Gaara gave my freedom back. I told him that I don't want it back. I wanted to ask him, 'Gaara, is my love for you not yet enough? Tell me..'.

Before, I was so crazy about Sasuke. I also wanted to ask him the same question. Then I found that love in Gaara. But sadly, he left me.. Could it be that he wasn't really meant for me? Should I open my heart again and accept the challenges of love?

Tears blinded my vision upon seeing his house. I stood in front of its small gate. I remembered the day when I woke up in his room. I started to walk again. I don't want to remember those happy memories with him. I don't want to remember them for it only makes me sad..

I caught a glimpse of a cherry blossom tree. Its flowers were unquestionably beautiful. Something caught my attention. Something or rather someone I saw distracted me..

"Gaara?" I whispered.

Tears rolled down my cheeks. With a blink of an eye, he was gone. I shook my head. I was probably hallucinating. I continued walking back to my apartment.

-----

I just finished taking a bath. It was now time for me to sleep. I checked my bag because I might have forgotten to do something. Then I saw that brown envelope again.

I sat on my bed with that envelope. I looked at it for some seconds then I opened it. Inside was a navy blue hard bound book. I looked inside it and realized that it wasn't a book but a notebook.. A diary. A note fell while I was scanning it. I read it.

You want to know the reason why he left you? The answer is in your hands.

Was the sender talking about Gaara? Was he telling me to read the journal? I scanned it then realized that I have seen that hand writing. It was Sasuke's hand writing.

Sasuke's journal..

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I hate this chapter. I have a lot of problems right now about school. Please review. Thanks.

-eMpErAtRiS-