Chapter 14: Princess

I touched the journal's hard cover. Should I open it? It's a journal.. It contains Sasuke's thoughts, ideas and feelings. Although I am so much eager to know deeper things about him, I knew I shouldn't be touching his private property.. No, not that way.

My eyes fell on the note that lie beside me. I read it again.

You want to know the reason why he left you? The answer is in your hands.

Who could have sent me that diary? What was his intention? Did he do that to help me or to break Sasuke? Why?

I was eager to know the reason why Gaara left me. I set my mind that I'm going to read the journal because of that single reason.

I was about to open it when the phone rang. I sighed before standing up and answering the phone.

"Hey Sakura!"

It was Ino.

"Hi! What made you call me by this time of the night?" I asked.

"Oh, it's just that I forgot to tell you that we will be having an exam in Science tomorrow regarding the whole chapter.. Uhm.. Chapter 10." She answered.

"What? But that's one of a hell long chapter and it's almost past my bed time!"

"Quit whinning now. If I were you, I'm going to start studying now so I'll get finished soon." She said followed by a sigh.

"You're right, Ino." I sadly answered. I was tired that night. "So, see you tomorrow. Good night now.."

"Good night!" She then hung the phone.

I checked my backpack for my Science book. Oh, damn Orochimaru-sensei! I took another glance at Sasuke's diary before heading to my study table.

-----

Whether I liked it or not, I woke up as early as before. I went to school as early as before-- when my clock ran out of battery and when I heard Gaara and Sasuke's conversation..

I was about to turn the knob of our classroom door open when I heard something. Something nice.. Something sweet yet so painful. Something quite familiar..

The sound of a flute..

It came inside the room. I carefully opened the door. Sasuke was alone inside, playing the flute. He played it really good. But then the tone was rather sad..

He stopped playing the flute. I realized that he was staring at me.

"Oh.. I.. I'm sorry if I disturbed you.." I apologized to him.

"You came so early." He said. "Come here."

I obeyed and sat across him.

"I didn't know you could play a flute." I said with a small smile while looking at the long, silver musical instrument.

"Itachi taught me when I was still a young boy."

"The piece you've played.. That was beautiful but sad. Can you.. Play it again?" I said. My smile slowly vanished.

"Why would you want me to play that piece again if it sounds sad?" He asked. "If.. It will make you feel sad and think more about Gaara?"

I was silent for some seconds.

"I.. Just want to here it.." I finally answered.

Sasuke looked at me. He nodded slightly before playing again.

The walls of my castle speak

They tell me that you're not hear

The heart of my kingdom weeps

Knowing you're nowhere near..

Tears sprang from my eyes as he played that sad song. I remembered Gaara. It made me cry a lot. Sasuke stopped playing his flute.

"Sakura?" He said.

I looked at his raven orbs.

"I miss him so much, Sasuke." I said between sobs. "It hurts a lot when the one you love left you.. It hurts damn lot. I don't know the real reason why he left me but.. It just hurts! Sasuke, if the time comes that a girl will truly love you, don't let her slip away. You will never know how much she means to you until she's gone. Don't let that happen. For.. It hurts to be alone."

He was so silent. I sobbed more.

"I know." He answered. "I let her slip away. She left me.. But.. I just want her to be happy."

"You know, Gaara also told that to me." I said with a very small smile upon remembering that day. "But he made me sad.. Because he left me.. And every night, I cry myself to sleep. I kept on telling myself 'Sakura, the love you've shown him was not enough that's why he left you. No one will ever love you because you are so helpless and weak!' Sasuke, don't you think I've shown him enough?"

I lowered my head as I continued to sob. Suddenly, I felt two arms encircle my waist. Sasuke's chin rested on my head.

"I think that was enough. Gaara is so lucky that he found someone like you. Too bad.." He paused. "I let you go.. That was the biggest mistake I've ever done in my life. But I want you to be happy.." He paused again. He spoke, this time like a whisper. "If only.. I could turn back time and correct my mistake.. And be with you.. For the rest of my life.."

My eyes widened upon hearing those words. How I longed to hear those from him. But I got tired of waiting for him. And now he's in front of me, his arms around me.. How I longed to feel that..

But things changed when Gaara came in my life..

I tried to compose myself and was, fortunately, successful.

"Sasuke, does it hurt?" I asked.

He pulled slightly away from me. His raven eyes met my emerald ones.

"What do you mean?"

"It hurts right? It hurts when the one you love left you.. That's exactly how I felt when Gaara left me.. Do you get me, Sasuke?" I said, raising my voice.

".."

"That's how I felt when you took my Gaara away.. You sent him away! It's your fault.. It's your fucking fault that he left me!" I spatted at him. I was angry.

He looked at me, his eyes full of surprise and fear. He mustn't deny the fact. The fact that he was the reason why Gaara left me. Now that I know the truth..

He turned his back to me. I saw his hands curled into a tight ball. He lowered his head slightly.

"Maybe I am the reason why he left you. But.. I don't do things for nothing. Maybe he left you because he has his own reason. Maybe he needs time. Maybe.. It's time for me to.. Love you again."

I grabbed his arm and turned him around so that he was facing me. Anger consumed my mind and my heart.

"Don't you lie to me! You planned the whole thing from the start! You planned that.. That night when that Itachi touched me! I was surprised you didn't tell him to get me pregant maybe because you want to do it yourself, right?!" From being loud and fiery, my voice turned soft. "Because of that.. He left me.. Sasuke, how can you be so selfish?"

I slowly let go of his arm. There was a long pause.

"Yes.. I am selfish, Sakura. I am selfish because I.. I want your love. I am jealous of Gaara because even if he's not here, you still continue to love him." His voice was surprisingly soft.. Full of emotions. I've never heard him speak like that. "Remember the day you first 'talked' with Gaara so sincerely in that playground? You were sad because of me.. I've thought about it a lot of times-- that I'm going to swallow my pride and apologize to you. Seeing that it will rain soon, I brought two umbrellas with me and looked for you. I was happy when I saw you in that playground.. But with Gaara. Your face was full of sincerity and sadness so I decided to listen to your talk about that thing called love. Then soon he hugged you.. I felt so disappointed that I left with a heavy heart."

So that was what happened.. He should have shown up that time. He should have--

"I learned from that conversation. Love makes people weak.. That's why I killed my heart and became a numb person. But then you came in my life and brought it back to life.. I am afraid, Sakura. I am afraid to be weak.. I hate to be weak. I am afraid of you because you make me so damn weak.." He whispered.

I was speechless for a long time.

"Sasuke, I wish you've said that to me a long, long time ago.." I managed to say. "But things are different now. No matter what happens, I will still wait for the one I love.. Even if it takes forever. I.. I don't.. w-want you.. anymore."

"Sakura, when will you ever stop waiting for nothing?" He asked, his voice raised a bit. "When will you ever stop waiting for Gaara?!" This time his voice was loud. He grabbed my arms and held it tightly. "Don't you understand me? You've got to stop living in the past! Open your heart again and start a new life.. With another person who will love you forever.. Sakura, Gaara is your past and I am your present, why can't you see that?" He shook my body.

I was trembling a lot. Tears sprang from my eyes because of so much fear. I've never seen him so enraged.

"..I.. I.." I blurted out. "I-It hurts, Sasuke! L-Let me go!" I tried pulling myself away from him but was unsuccessful. His grasp grew tighter. He was hurting me a lot! I whimpered.

"No. No I won't until you tell me that you will--" He said almost possessively but then the door suddenly opened, surprising the both of us.

It was Naruto.. An enraged Naruto.

"Na-Naruto.." I whispered.

He ran to us. With a great force, he pulled Sasuke away from me followed by a hard punch on his cheek. Blood spurted from Sasuke's mouth. He nursed his swollen cheek.

"What the-- What is wrong with you, dunce?!" Sasuke angrily asked.

"Not me. What the fuck is wrong with you, dumbass, good-for-nothing Sasuke?! What are you doing with my Sakura?!" Naruto retorted. He was so angry. His sweet and gentle cerulean eyes turned into an angry and fiery ones.

Sasuke wiped the blood on the side of his lips.

"It's none of your business. Not even you would understand me." Sasuke said. He gave me an angry yet sad look before he went away from our classroom.

"Come back here, you piece of shit! Come back and face me! Be a man!" Naruto said angrily.

"No,Naruto. Let him be.." I sofly said. I don't want to cause more trouble.

Naruto gave Sasuke his last glare before turning to me and said:

"A-Are you alright, Sakura?" He softly asked. His eyes were now back to its normal, gentle and sweet look.

I nodded slightly even though deep inside I was really worried about Sasuke. Not to mention Gaara. I've been carrying a lot of sadness and problems in my heart that I would explode anytime.

-----

I went back to my apartment. I was in my room after I took a bath. While wiping my hair with my pink towel, I spotted Sasuke's journal. Anger slowly filled me.

I've already read it. Chapter 10 of our Science book was long but easy so I finished early. After that, I read the journal.

I got it and sat on my bed. I opened it and again, I read its contents.

The first two pages were blank. There was something written in the third page. If I remember correctly, the date was when we had our practice for our play in his mansion.

I.. I think I found her. But I'm still confused.

The next page..

She asked me if I like her. I was filled with fear so I answered 'No'. Did I hurt her? I hope she didn't take that so seriously. I just don't know what to say for I'm still confused about my feelings for her.

The next three pages were blank. The next paper..

I finally realized my mistake. I do love her. I'm not confused any longer. I decided to apologize to her but then.. He came along and hugged her.

Love. I've never felt that for a long time. How does it feel? Does it feel happy? Does it.. Hurt?

I don't know..

The next entry was dated September 20, the day we went camping.

It does hurt.. Love does hurt. That's why I don't want to feel that emotion. It is more on sadness than happiness. And now that she is with him, what would I do?

I think I'd die..

Another blank page. The next one..

Jealousy is slowly killing me. Day by day I'm getting more jealous. It hurts me to see them together. It hurts me to see them happy while I'm dying. Why should it hurt so much? I want.. No.. I need her so badly up to the point that I would do everything to win her back.

Everything..

The next five pages were blank. The sixth page.. That really stung my heart.

I hate to seek help from him but I have to.. Because of her. I sought Itachi's help. I made her believe that she is pregant. What would be the outcome?

Tears slowly rolled down my cheeks, not because of sadness but because of anger. I read the next entry. It was a song, I thought. The one he played in the classroom with his flute.

The walls of my castle speak

They tell me that you're not here

The heart of my kingdom weeps

Knowing you're nowhere near

Give me one more chance

To be with you

To prove my love is forever true

But you're miles away

So far away

Hoping that you would stay..

My princess has left me

I am so empty, I'm all alone

My princess has left me

I have nobody to call my own

Sitting in my own room

Humming a lonely tune

Staring up at the moon

Wondering if you'd be home soon

Have I done you wrong

That you went away?

Would do anything just to make you stay

Thinking of you through day and night

Wanting to make things right..

My princess has left me

I am so empty, I'm all alone

My princess has left me

I have nobody to call my own

More tears sprang from my eyes. Pity slowly inhabited my heavy heart. However, anger crept back when I read the last entry..

He left her because he cannot support her. Did he gave way for me? He should. He knows she's mine from the start.

Am I bad? I'm only doing this because I love her. Is that being selfish? Is that what love would make me do? It would make me do everything for her.

Now that he's gone, I can have her again. I can have my Sakura back.. She's mine. My Princess..

-=-=-=-=-

Ok. Uhm.. That song is usually played with a guitar and BTW, I don't own it. It just reminds me of a certain someone who calls me his Princess. To 'him', thanks for liking me the way I am. Thanks for being kind despite of my unkindness towards you.

If you want, also read my other fic 'Forbidden Love' but it is a SasuSaku fic. I hope you'll like it!

Anyway, thanks for reading and please review!