Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, which as you all should know by now, is actually property of Jo Rowling, Warner Bros. and Scholastic books. As such, I own none of the characters, either.
Also, I do not own Cowboy Bebop- that wonderful series belongs to Sunrise- all I do is quote it extensively.
Author's Note: Anyone who can name the quotes used, and what episode they are from, receive points for their respective Houses… and who knows, if you get enough right throughout the story, you might even come away with a Peking Duck or Ganymede Rock Lobster…
Prologue: Don't Bother None
The past week had been extremely strange, but it had started inconspicuously enough; Hermione was annoyed with Ron. As any Hogwarts student knew—or even staff member—this was not an unusual occurrence. In fact, it would have been more worrying had the two not been squabbling every five minutes; it was a well-known fact—to perhaps all but the pair in question—that a major cause of these constant fights was the ever-present Unresolved Sexual Tension. If the bickering had suddenly stopped, all would be pondering the question as to where the dreaded UST had disappeared to, and that was a question no one wanted to ponder.
In any case, Hermione was annoyed with Ron. Ron was oblivious to this fact for one reason: he was asleep. Of course, as he was snoring away loudly in the middle of History of Magic, this was also the reason for Hermione's annoyance-- and, as it turned out, the reason for the rest of his classmates' annoyance as well. His snoring was so loud that he was keeping all of his classmates awake. Professor Binns every so often would send bemused glances his way, showing an awareness of his students that was completely unprecedented.
At last, the bell rang and the class quickly dissipated. As his classmates filed out of the room, Ron stirred and blearily opened his eyes to see a very sour looking Hermione glaring down at him.
"Having ourselves a little nap, huh?" she asked sardonically.
"I had a sweet dream," Ron informed her.
"That's heartwarming," she replied, "but next time, please leave your 'sweet dreams' in the dormitory."
Ron heard a snort of laughter behind him and turned to look at the source. It was Harry, arms crossed, and clearly trying to keep an impassive expression.
"What?"
"Ron," started Hermione in her perfected prefect voice, "you were sleeping in class."
"So what? I bet you were the only one awake, Hermione—"
"Actually, nobody else was asleep," interrupted Harry.
"Huh?" said Ron, so very articulately.
"You were snoring so loudly you kept the entire class awake, and—"
"And I wasn't able to concentrate on the lecture enough to take sufficient notes!" Hermione exclaimed, not seeming to be able to wait any longer to berate Ron about his academic blasphemy.
He tried to protest, "I'm sure it wasn't that bad—"
"Ron, even Binns noticed," stated Harry.
Ron's eyes widened and his ears began to turn red. "But—but Binns always just drones on, the great bore—he's practically asleep himself!"
"Not today," supplied Harry. It was really getting quite hard for him to suppress his laughter.
"Congratulations, Ron," Hermione said sarcastically, "we can now officially say you snore loud enough to wake the dead.
With that apparently marking the end of the conversation, Hermione stalked out of the classroom. Harry and Ron followed behind her, quietly and cautiously.
"Harry," said Ron, trying to get at least one person on his side, "it can't have been that bad, can it? I mean, there's no reason for her to be so upset, right?"
Ron was looking at him expectantly and Hermione, apparently having heard the last comment, had stopped and was now staring at Harry as if just daring him to say something.
Sensing danger, Harry quickly backed out verbally: "I don't know and I have no opinion."
Despite Harry's obvious effort at neutrality, Ron would not give up on his quest to gain his best friend's support. All through lunch, and then on the way to Potions, Ron badgered Harry to give an opinion of the episode that morning. For his part, Harry kept up an admirable impression of Switzerland.
Finally, as they entered the Potions dungeon, Ron arrived at the conclusion that maybe, possibly, there was a small chance that Hermione just might actually have at least a little justification in her annoyance. This revelation might have been caused by the fact that she had refused to sit anywhere near Ron in this class, apparently for fear that he had suddenly contracted narcolepsy and would distract her once again from her schoolwork with his deafening snores.
Ron sighed as he sat down next to Harry. "Okay, you're right. Maybe it was that bad."
Harry repressed a snort of laughter at the long-delayed statement of the obvious.
"So, what should I do to get back on Hermione's good side?" Ron continued, sending a pleading look in Harry's direction.
Sensing the danger of giving Ron advice that had a very good chance of backfiring spectacularly on the both of them, Harry played the broken record:
"I don't know and I have no opinion."
Oh, if Harry only knew what trouble that statement would cause.
