16. WARREN

The driver woke up around sunrise.

"Man,that's bright. Bet it's 'cause of all the nuclear-"

"Knock knock," said Warren.

"What?" said the driver.

"I said,'Knock knock'." Warren had never learned his name. He wouldn't take the cap

off. He had said something about having sensitive eyes.

"Knock knock what?"

"It's a JOKE. I say 'knock knock' and you say...ah,FORGET it. Where

are you from, you don't understand jokes?"

"Iceland," said the driver.

"They tell jokes in Iceland,don't they?"

"I was raised in a very serious family."

"What's your name,anyway?"

"My name is better left unsaid."

Warren gave him a dirty look.

"If you must call me,think of words to describe the sight of a

mountain of ash darkening the sky. Call me that."

"What are you talking about?"

"Volcanoes."

"Volcanoes?"

"We have them in Iceland. I miss them."

"...shut up. Just shut up. And open your window,s'too hot in here."

The driver rolled his window down.

As he finished,and let go of the crank,a huge shadow rose up on the

other side of the door. A distractingly big man with a headful of brown hair and

beard stood there.

"Had a witty remark all prepared," he said. "Can't remember it now."

With that,he wrapped his fist around the driver's shirt collar and

pulled him through the open window.

"Oh crap," Warren said.

The back door was wrenched open. Another man eased himself into the

backseat. This one was tall,thin,and not merely old-he was ancient,

but the years had been kind to him. He wore half-moon spectacles,

golden robes, and those eyes Warren had tried to forget were right in his face

again. This time they weren't twinkling,and he looked

angry enough to eat sand and crap out a glass sculpture.

"Dumbledore," he whispered.

"Long time,Mr. Brecht."

"Wh-what do you want?"

"Get out of the car."

"What?"

He talked slowly and enunciated every syllable. His eyes were ice.

"Get out," he said,"of the car."

Warren opened the door. He slipped out of the car,and stepped onto the sidewalk.

A huge number of people-a hundred,maybe even more- were staring at him. A lot of

them looked like parents,some of whom were accompanied by children. One of them,

Warren realized,was wearing a bee costume,and there was a guy dressed like a

clown...he could just imagine all the nuclear mutants who'd stayed home.

One of the crowd was Harry Potter.

To Harry,Warren Brecht was rather handsome; he was big, thick-faced, with hair dark

as his suit. He looked quite capable of attacking Professor Dumbledore without a

second thought,but right now he was afraid.

He kept glancing at Harry,who stood there,unafraid,next to Hagrid

and a teacher everyone kept calling Mrs. Krabappel. Next to her

was Mr. Skinner,the principal of Springfield Elementary.

As Warren made his way around the front of the car, a tomato hit

him right in the face.

"Ha ha!" someone laughed.

Warren wiped the tomato away; it splattered against the asphalt,

splashing and ruining his expensive shoes.

"N-now what?" Warren asked anyone who would tell him.

"Get in the driver's seat," Hagrid said. Usually,Hagrid was

friendly,gentle,utterly affable; Harry honestly loved the enormous man and he knew

Hagrid cared deeply for him; it was an unspoken

and powerful thing. Right now,he had his arm around Harry's shoulder.

Harry felt both protected and calm,not to mention warm. The thing was

that at the moment,Hagrid was not a friendly giant. He was a huge,

dangerous doomsday machine,and if anyone were to endanger the

lives of Harry or Professor Dumbledore,he...well,Harry didn't want

to imagine what might happen.

Warren opened the door.

He looked back at Hagrid. Then he climbed into the driver's seat.

"And now?"

"Oh,a few times around the block should be fine," Skinner said.

"Hah!" laughed Mrs. Krabappel. "Drive all the way to Shelbyville."

"Once round the block," Dumbledore said.

"Around the block?"

"No more,no less."

Warren started the car; in moments,they pulled away from the crowd.

"Well,I'm glad that's over," Skinner said. "Can't thank you enough,

Hagrid. You haven't been here two days and we're already indebted to you..."

Hagrid blushed. "S'nothin'."

Kids began wandering over to Hagrid. So did some parents. Harry

heard "Who is he?" and "Does he live here?" and "Arrr,he's a big'un."

"That was so cool,Hagrid," a kid said.

Hagrid seemed to know him."All right,Bart?"

"Oh yeah," he said.

"Hey,Harry? This is Bart Simpson."

Bart turned around."Hey," he said,grinning.

"Hey," Harry said.

"You're Harry?"

Harry turned again. Somehow,he knew she was Bart's sister.

"Mornin' Lisa," Hagrid said.

"Good morning,Hagrid," she said. "Normally,I'm opposed to violence,

but you handled that so well."

"What did he want?" a woman with short,neat hair asked.

"We don't know,Louanne."

"Professor Dumbledore'll find out everything," Hagrid said.

"He's the headmaster of the English school," Skinner explained.

"Is he available?" Miss Hoover asked.

Hagrid had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing.

"Well-"

The car rounded the corner,and stopped on a dime,at the exact spot

it had begun its journey.

The door opened.

Warren stepped out; he looked the same,except for his hair.

Warren's hair had turned white.

Without a word,he stumbled away from the crowd,walking with a sick

gait that threatened to make him a member of the Minstry Of Silly

Walks.

The back door opened after a moment. Professor Dumbledore eased himself out of the

car,shaking his head. He looked like he usually

did,an elderly gentleman with blue eyes warm and twinkling. "These door handles,"

he said, "Uneccessarily complicated,really."

Everyone was staring at him,now.

"What'd yeh say to him,Professor?" Mrs. Krabappel asked for them all.

"I told him to leave your children alone," Dumbledore said.

"Did he tell you anything?"

"Nothing I didn't already know," Dumbledore said. He suddenly had

the full attention of the crowd. "Your children are safe," he said."There's

nothing else to say. However,I would appreciate knowledge of a good place

to have lunch."

"Anywhere but the school cafeteria," Bart said.

"Dumbledore grinned. "Hello,Bart." His gaze wandered to Lisa. "Miss

Simpson,it is wonderful to meet you."

"You called me 'Miss Simpson,'" she said,her eyes wide.

Meanwhile,Warren stumbled past an alley. There was a shadowy figure in the alley,

concealed by a Dumpster.

The lid of the Dumpster flew open,and a funny little man in filthy clothes rose out

of the trash. He yelled something that sounded like "Hoyven MAAAVEN-" and fell out,

landing in front of a pair of boots,which,as he found out,were attached to legs,

and more.