17. SNAPE
JK Rowling owns all except "Dazed And Confused" by Led Zeppelin,
Monty Python's "The Lumberjack Song" and,of course, Willy,who's
the property of FOX.
Professor Snape didn't know about the disappearances,and did not
know that he was now in charge. Right now,he would have settled
for the tune in his head to go away. "DAAAAZED and CONFUSED..."
Jimmy Page's voice reverberated in his head; Pansy Parkinson
had been wailing the tune through the hall. Snape thought her
singing voice was slightly more bearable than the sound of
fingernails dragging across a chalkboard,but not by much. Blaise
Zabini,now that girl had a singing voice. Not that he had ever
told her.
He had been left in charge of the dueling club. Professor
Lockhart's mind had spiraled down the drain (not that there was
much to flush) and now Snape was in charge of the blasted
organization. Madame Hooch assisted him. He had found Madame Hooch
to be a competent duelist,but she was much better at hand-to-hand
combat; she was a third-degree black belt,and knew several martial
arts,including the curious art of tessenjutsu. Basically,
tessenjutsu involved using a fan with deadly force. She was a
fascinating woman,and her eyes-
Snape snapped out of it. He stalked down the runway,staring down
the students in turn. He nodded at Madame Hooch,who nodded back.
"Today,we shall study an advanced concept. It is the use of what's
known as...a focus."
He paused. Ordinarily,there would have been confused mumbling,but
not around Professor Snape. He was aware the students hated him,
very much so. Yet they respected him. Some of them even feared him.
Merlin,was he evil. But,blast it,Dumbledore was right; there was
just as much-if not more-good in him. Sometimes,it really drove him
nuts.
"Now," he said,"I need some people who do not get on at all.
Madame, your choice."
"Potter," she said immediately.
Potter was nowhere to be found.
"Hmmm...has anyone seen Potter?"
Potter would not miss this. Snape tried to form a vitriolic thought
about Potter,but only came up with "Potter would not miss dueling
club because he likes showing off to his classmates too much."
No one had seen Potter. "Not since breakfast," Miss Granger said.
Hermione Granger,Snape mused. She hung around with Potter, but he
admired her ambition. It was a most Slytherinian...Slytherian?
Slytherinesque? Slitheriny? Well,anyway,it was a Slytherin trait.
"He had a meeting with the Headmaster," Mr. Ron "Potter's Right
Red Hand Man" Weasley said. Bloody teenagers. Curse the lot of the
masturbating wankers. Still,teaching them was preferable to killing
them,as he had come to find out. He would defend to the death any
one of these students. Not that he'd ever admit it to them. Well,
perhaps not Potter. He could put up his own defense. Speaking
of Potter,where was the little maggot? He'd have to go up to
Albus's office and find out.
"All right,then. Granger. Longbottom."
Granger and LONGBOTTOM?
"Granger might as well go up alone,Madame."
"Nonsense, Professor."
Neville joined Hermione on the platform.
"All right,then. Malfoy, Flint, join them."
Neville raised his eyebrows.
Malfoy mouthed WHAT? and Professor Snape pulled him to his feet
by the back of his Slytherin blazer. "Down there. Now." He shot
a look at Marcus Flint,who got up and followed Draco.
Poor Marcus, Madame Hooch thought. Everyone thinks he's half
gargoyle and it's just a case of bad teeth.
When he got within ten feet of Granger and Longbottom,the four of
them stared so hard at each other, the people nearest to them began
to sweat.
"You are so dead," Malfoy said. "You may think you know what death
is,but I'm going to redefine death for the both of you. All the
dead people who've ever died,ever, are going to rise up singing the
whole of CARMINA BURANA. They're going to look incredibly alive
compared to you two."
"Really,CARMINA BURANA?" Granger asked. "I'd think "The Lumberjack
Song" would be just your speed,Malfoy."
"Are you going to take that?" Marcus asked,grinning.
"Right," Snape said. "These three obviously do not get along. You
may find yourself,someday,in a deadly situation; at your side are
one or more wizards facing the same threat as you,and the only
choice is a collaboratory effort. However,the amount of animosty
between you may hinder your abilities,and that is where the focus
comes in. A focus is someone,with no feelings towards the people
by which he is about to be used. Care to take over,Madame?"
"Gladly," She stepped onto the platform. "It takes a certain amount
of concentration to use a focus. Otherwise,it's deceptively simple.
Just close your eyes and picture your magical abilities flowing into
the focus; it's like pouring water into a glass. Not that it's
without its dangers. A number of unfortunate individuals have
exploded; their bodies just couldn't handle it."
"Now,Malfoy,get in front."
Malfoy did.
"I'm a lumberjack and I'm okaaay..." Hermione whispered.
Draco flared his nostrils. Somewhere in the jungles of Brazil,a
mosquito had a heart attack.
"Right,then-"
That's when he saw Willy.
He passed by the door,handling the tools in his grasp with
expert precision. Snape pictured the man's messy demise; the
house-elves would be sponging his remains off of the walls for
days.
"Professor Snape?"
"I'll be right back," Snape said,and rushed from the room. To some
of the students,his exit was like the rush of blackened wind. He
came back with Willy.
"Step up there," he said.
Willy did that. He grinned at Hermione; Hermione's stomach turned,
but she managed to be pleasant. "Do you like Hogwarts?" she asked.
"Aye,lass."
"There you go,Mudblood,make friends with the-"
"Sod off,Draco," Neville said. "Or should I say...sod off,Slugger."
Draco would have been angry had he not been so surprised.
Hermione squeezed Neville's hand.
"Now,this is wandless magic," Snape said,"First,take hold of Willy.
Or just press your palm between his shoulder blades."
"Leave his arms free," Madame Hooch said.
Hermione spread her fingers exactly where Professor Snape had
indicated. She could feel solid muscle under the clothes. Neville
put his hand against the small of Willy's back and Draco reached up
to touch Willy's neck. Marcus touched the back of Willy's head.
"Now,he'll need one of your wands."
"Just keep yours,Longbottom," Snape said.
"Shove it up your ass, you greasy-haired git," Neville said. He
didn't whisper it,either. He heard someone stifle a laugh; he was
amazed when he realized it was Madame Hooch.
"Nobody uses my wand but me," Draco said.
"Who'd want to use your wand?" She handed her wand to Willy. "Be
careful with it,please."
Snape walked to the other end of the platform. "Now. I offer myself
as the target. Remember,concentration is the key."
They'll never get it,Snape thought.Willy would be ripped to shreds
from the inside out.
"What are we going to do?" Neville asked.
"I think a nice,hard Expelliarmus would be perfect," Hermione said.
"I agree," Marcus said.
"Sounds good," Neville said. "Draco?"
"Are you asking for MY opinion?"
"Well...yeah."
He blew a breath of air towards the ceiling. "Fine. Expelliarmus is
just bloody brilliant. Not that I want to sound like Weasley."
"Concentrate on Willy,Mr. Malfoy," Madame Hooch said. This isn't
going to work,she thought. Put Malfoy in a group and forget it.
Draco closed his eyes. So did Hermione and Neville. A moment later,
Willy did too.
There seemed to be an abundance of nothing happening on the other
side of the platform. Snape stood there,humming to himself. Then
he caught himself doing so. "I got that from the Headmaster,"
he thought. "Three million bottles of beer on the wall...three
million bottles of beer...if one of those bottles should happen to
fall..."
Willy's eyes flew open.
"EXPELLIARMUS-"
A beam of light flew out of Granger's wand,catching Snape
completely by surprise. It lifted him into the air; he landed hard
on the floor,skidding a few feet. The wall stopped him.
"Gaaaaaaah," Willy said.
"My sentiments exactly," moaned Snape.
JK Rowling owns all except "Dazed And Confused" by Led Zeppelin,
Monty Python's "The Lumberjack Song" and,of course, Willy,who's
the property of FOX.
Professor Snape didn't know about the disappearances,and did not
know that he was now in charge. Right now,he would have settled
for the tune in his head to go away. "DAAAAZED and CONFUSED..."
Jimmy Page's voice reverberated in his head; Pansy Parkinson
had been wailing the tune through the hall. Snape thought her
singing voice was slightly more bearable than the sound of
fingernails dragging across a chalkboard,but not by much. Blaise
Zabini,now that girl had a singing voice. Not that he had ever
told her.
He had been left in charge of the dueling club. Professor
Lockhart's mind had spiraled down the drain (not that there was
much to flush) and now Snape was in charge of the blasted
organization. Madame Hooch assisted him. He had found Madame Hooch
to be a competent duelist,but she was much better at hand-to-hand
combat; she was a third-degree black belt,and knew several martial
arts,including the curious art of tessenjutsu. Basically,
tessenjutsu involved using a fan with deadly force. She was a
fascinating woman,and her eyes-
Snape snapped out of it. He stalked down the runway,staring down
the students in turn. He nodded at Madame Hooch,who nodded back.
"Today,we shall study an advanced concept. It is the use of what's
known as...a focus."
He paused. Ordinarily,there would have been confused mumbling,but
not around Professor Snape. He was aware the students hated him,
very much so. Yet they respected him. Some of them even feared him.
Merlin,was he evil. But,blast it,Dumbledore was right; there was
just as much-if not more-good in him. Sometimes,it really drove him
nuts.
"Now," he said,"I need some people who do not get on at all.
Madame, your choice."
"Potter," she said immediately.
Potter was nowhere to be found.
"Hmmm...has anyone seen Potter?"
Potter would not miss this. Snape tried to form a vitriolic thought
about Potter,but only came up with "Potter would not miss dueling
club because he likes showing off to his classmates too much."
No one had seen Potter. "Not since breakfast," Miss Granger said.
Hermione Granger,Snape mused. She hung around with Potter, but he
admired her ambition. It was a most Slytherinian...Slytherian?
Slytherinesque? Slitheriny? Well,anyway,it was a Slytherin trait.
"He had a meeting with the Headmaster," Mr. Ron "Potter's Right
Red Hand Man" Weasley said. Bloody teenagers. Curse the lot of the
masturbating wankers. Still,teaching them was preferable to killing
them,as he had come to find out. He would defend to the death any
one of these students. Not that he'd ever admit it to them. Well,
perhaps not Potter. He could put up his own defense. Speaking
of Potter,where was the little maggot? He'd have to go up to
Albus's office and find out.
"All right,then. Granger. Longbottom."
Granger and LONGBOTTOM?
"Granger might as well go up alone,Madame."
"Nonsense, Professor."
Neville joined Hermione on the platform.
"All right,then. Malfoy, Flint, join them."
Neville raised his eyebrows.
Malfoy mouthed WHAT? and Professor Snape pulled him to his feet
by the back of his Slytherin blazer. "Down there. Now." He shot
a look at Marcus Flint,who got up and followed Draco.
Poor Marcus, Madame Hooch thought. Everyone thinks he's half
gargoyle and it's just a case of bad teeth.
When he got within ten feet of Granger and Longbottom,the four of
them stared so hard at each other, the people nearest to them began
to sweat.
"You are so dead," Malfoy said. "You may think you know what death
is,but I'm going to redefine death for the both of you. All the
dead people who've ever died,ever, are going to rise up singing the
whole of CARMINA BURANA. They're going to look incredibly alive
compared to you two."
"Really,CARMINA BURANA?" Granger asked. "I'd think "The Lumberjack
Song" would be just your speed,Malfoy."
"Are you going to take that?" Marcus asked,grinning.
"Right," Snape said. "These three obviously do not get along. You
may find yourself,someday,in a deadly situation; at your side are
one or more wizards facing the same threat as you,and the only
choice is a collaboratory effort. However,the amount of animosty
between you may hinder your abilities,and that is where the focus
comes in. A focus is someone,with no feelings towards the people
by which he is about to be used. Care to take over,Madame?"
"Gladly," She stepped onto the platform. "It takes a certain amount
of concentration to use a focus. Otherwise,it's deceptively simple.
Just close your eyes and picture your magical abilities flowing into
the focus; it's like pouring water into a glass. Not that it's
without its dangers. A number of unfortunate individuals have
exploded; their bodies just couldn't handle it."
"Now,Malfoy,get in front."
Malfoy did.
"I'm a lumberjack and I'm okaaay..." Hermione whispered.
Draco flared his nostrils. Somewhere in the jungles of Brazil,a
mosquito had a heart attack.
"Right,then-"
That's when he saw Willy.
He passed by the door,handling the tools in his grasp with
expert precision. Snape pictured the man's messy demise; the
house-elves would be sponging his remains off of the walls for
days.
"Professor Snape?"
"I'll be right back," Snape said,and rushed from the room. To some
of the students,his exit was like the rush of blackened wind. He
came back with Willy.
"Step up there," he said.
Willy did that. He grinned at Hermione; Hermione's stomach turned,
but she managed to be pleasant. "Do you like Hogwarts?" she asked.
"Aye,lass."
"There you go,Mudblood,make friends with the-"
"Sod off,Draco," Neville said. "Or should I say...sod off,Slugger."
Draco would have been angry had he not been so surprised.
Hermione squeezed Neville's hand.
"Now,this is wandless magic," Snape said,"First,take hold of Willy.
Or just press your palm between his shoulder blades."
"Leave his arms free," Madame Hooch said.
Hermione spread her fingers exactly where Professor Snape had
indicated. She could feel solid muscle under the clothes. Neville
put his hand against the small of Willy's back and Draco reached up
to touch Willy's neck. Marcus touched the back of Willy's head.
"Now,he'll need one of your wands."
"Just keep yours,Longbottom," Snape said.
"Shove it up your ass, you greasy-haired git," Neville said. He
didn't whisper it,either. He heard someone stifle a laugh; he was
amazed when he realized it was Madame Hooch.
"Nobody uses my wand but me," Draco said.
"Who'd want to use your wand?" She handed her wand to Willy. "Be
careful with it,please."
Snape walked to the other end of the platform. "Now. I offer myself
as the target. Remember,concentration is the key."
They'll never get it,Snape thought.Willy would be ripped to shreds
from the inside out.
"What are we going to do?" Neville asked.
"I think a nice,hard Expelliarmus would be perfect," Hermione said.
"I agree," Marcus said.
"Sounds good," Neville said. "Draco?"
"Are you asking for MY opinion?"
"Well...yeah."
He blew a breath of air towards the ceiling. "Fine. Expelliarmus is
just bloody brilliant. Not that I want to sound like Weasley."
"Concentrate on Willy,Mr. Malfoy," Madame Hooch said. This isn't
going to work,she thought. Put Malfoy in a group and forget it.
Draco closed his eyes. So did Hermione and Neville. A moment later,
Willy did too.
There seemed to be an abundance of nothing happening on the other
side of the platform. Snape stood there,humming to himself. Then
he caught himself doing so. "I got that from the Headmaster,"
he thought. "Three million bottles of beer on the wall...three
million bottles of beer...if one of those bottles should happen to
fall..."
Willy's eyes flew open.
"EXPELLIARMUS-"
A beam of light flew out of Granger's wand,catching Snape
completely by surprise. It lifted him into the air; he landed hard
on the floor,skidding a few feet. The wall stopped him.
"Gaaaaaaah," Willy said.
"My sentiments exactly," moaned Snape.
