Okage Densetsu - Lookit the Fancy Japanese

Chapter 4 - The Perils of Unpreparedness

Having gone into the bar, making sure Corona was parked over her drool bucket, Ari wandered to the added-on section to the bar to find who exactly it was spreading word about other Evil Kings. To his surprise, it was the Ringmaster from the circus, the mustached man being relatively intoxicated. "Uh, hey there… I wanted to ask you something…"

"Eh?" The man looked back at Ari, examining him. "Woah… you're like… terribly overshadowed. You gotta watch yourself, kid."

"…Yeah. Uhm, about this Evil King thing…"

"Isn't all… hic… government evil?"

"I'll agree with that, but I need to k-"

"Shut up, slave. Let me try." Stan slowly rose up, most indeed having a killer headache now, "Why are you spreading slander about Evil Kings? I am the -only- one! King means ONE! There cannot be many! So why?"

"Hic… Royalty divides…"

"Grr… Then what is this about the 'Map o' Evil Kings', eh? What's all that about?"

"Oh, you- hic- want that? You can have it." He threw it at Ari's head, who managed to catch it with expert reflexes, "I think I'm gonna barf…"

"Ugh! Move away from him, Slave, then let us examine that map!"

"Right." Ari relocated to the space next to the totally-asleep Corona. Unfolding it, Ari saw it had his town and the others around it scribbled on it- he ALSO saw Chantal, and was utterly surprised. "Wow, so that town DOES exist… now where do we find-"

Slowly, words appeared across the top, "In industrial lands breed dark things - The sewer evil brings - Head down with care - Take steps in stride and with flair…"

"Woah! Awesome special effects!"

"What ARE you talking about, Slave? Look at all those little dots- each one is a fake king! UGH! JAMES!"

"Right away sir!" James suddenly appeared in the area next to Ari and Corona, "What can I do for you, Sir?"

"Am I not the only Evil King! What is this tripe?"

"…Sir! They must be imposters! You did loose your magic- perhaps they stole it and are now trying to infringe on your brand name?"

"…Brilliant, James, I'm glad you're here to remind me of my thoughts. Yes, they must be imposters, trying to infringe on my brand name. Well then, there is but one thing to do: We'll scour the countryside and beat these beings senseless! Hahaha!"

"Does that involve switching rooms, Miss Koronori?" Corona slowly stood upright, awake once more.

"…Yeah. You have to follow this Slave there, slave Corona! Got it?"

"Aye aye, captain Pemmikan."

"…Whatever. But before we do leave… ugh… I have such a headache and I'm mentally weary… Slave, to your house to rest. It will do us ALL some favors, and it gives me time to formulate an attack plan…"

"Yeah, okay. Am I to go directly to bed or is dinner in order?"

"No! We never- oh wait. I almost forgot. You as an inefficient human creature need regular meals, don't you? Ugh. Fine. Quick dinner, and then I demand silence!"

"Yes sir."

Dragging Corona home (who Mom was more than happy to see, agreeing totally to give her a room and some food, finding her slow, lethargic mannerisms to be adorable) Ari spent the night pretending everything was relatively normal, ignoring Stan's words and Annie's pink shadow. He also tried to accept his Dad's social 'attacks', nodding at most of whatever he said. In the end, he wound his way up to his room and forced himself to sleep. However, again, he woke up due to a nightmare, at a decent hour.

"Ugh. I've got to stop this. I like sleeping in."

"Ah!" Stan suddenly shot up, seemingly renewed with a night's rest, "You NEVER get to sleep in under my command, stupid! Come, up, up! Our conquest awaits us!"

"Conquest? Are you SERIOUS?"

"What did you think I was?"

"Alright, alright!" Ari rolled out of bed, convinced that he'd be absolutely insane by the end of the week. His foot instantly made a splash as it connected with a wet object on the floor. Suddenly giving off a HUGE shudder, Ari knew he had stepped into Corona's bucket. She was snoring away, standing up in the corner of the room, but not drooling. "GROSS!"

Removing his foot carefully, he hopped the rest of the way out to the bathroom. After a shower, he safely emptied the bucket in the sink and then disinfected the entire bathroom. By this time his foot was itching something terrible, but he wasn't sure if that was his own insecurity or what. After getting things back into order, he nudged Corona. "Wake up now. It's morning."

"I am awake…" She snored…

"Wake up more."

"Okay…" She stopped snoring, but kept her eyes closed.

"That'll do. I'll have to pull you along downstairs, okay?"

"Okay…"

Dragging along Corona, Ari was surprised to see his entire family in the foyer, awaiting him. Even James was there, still dressed in that fine blue tuxedo, looking as dead as ever. They all called good morning to Ari, and he blinked. "What's going on?"

"What's going on? Son, surely you must know!" Dad laughed, standing at the head of the family, watching Ari come down the stairs.

"No, seriously. What is going on?"

"That's right…" Stan popped up, "I've decided on our trip to purge fake Evil Kings I will just take over the world while I'm at it. I told James and it seems the message was sent along to the family. Good work, James!"

"Oh, thank you sir, and let me say you are looking beautifully evil today!"

"Taking over…? Dad! I don'-"

"Don't worry son, you'll be okay! Haha! Now, say goodbye to everyone."

Ari instantly glanced at Mom, wearing a face that screamed 'HELP ME', whimpering out, "Mom?"

"Dear, don't be sad. You'll have a very good time. I went off on adventure at your age, you know. Now, don't drink dirty water, and write me letters every month otherwise I'll track you down. Oh, and I should give you this." Mom handed over a small music box, then she spoke quietly, "Your father gave this to me the day I knew he loved me. Now I'm passing it to you so you can give it to somebody you meet. On your adventure, there is no doubt you will meet many, many people and one of them could very well be the one. When you find her, don't be shy and push, push, push, Ari! Or you could give it to her…"

"Corona? Holy crap, no! I barely even know her!"

"You need to stop being so shy then! You take care, alright? Always remember there are open arms waiting for you back at home."

"Yeah…" In desperation, Ari instantly turned to Grandpa, again looking like he needed to be rescued.

"There isn't much for me to say, grandson. You've already made me very, very proud! So get out there and LIVE that adventure, and come back stronger!"

"O-okay. A-annie?"

"Yeah yeah, have a good time. But… ah… don't worry too much about my shadow. I'm beginning to think it's kind of cute!" She giggled.

"…G-G-Grandma?"

"Dear me," Grandma sighed, probably startling Ari by saying something -different- for once, "You are growing before my eyes. Child, never forget somebody loves you. That can make all the difference in times when there is no light. But… also remember… sometimes retreating is as honorable as winning a battle."

"…Okay. Thanks Grandma."

"Oh! Oh! Talk to me next!" James tugged on Ari's sleeve.

"Okay. Fine. Hi James. What is it?"

"You are blessed by doing such an honorable task! Helping the master… the master take over the world! Oh, I'm going to cry!" James instantly started blubbering, "The beauty of it all! If my services are required (sniff) just call me and I'll be there! Wah!"

"Gee, uh… thanks."

"So slave, is that it?"

Ari glanced around the faces, feeling he had TRIED to get help from everyone- then he remembered Corona. Walking to her (she was standing at the bottom of the stairs, actually awake) he asked, "Stan, does Corona come too?"

"Well of COURSE! I can't rule over my slaves if they aren't with me! Stupid Slave."

"Corona, do you -want- to come with? Really think, please? Do you REALLY want to take over the world?" He stared hard into her eyes, as if trying to see if her mind was actually working.

"Maybe." She blinked, then added, "But I'm more interested in finding strawberry heaven. Perhaps Stanley-chan will help me find the door. And somebody needs to keep the Nice Guy in one piece."

"…Thanks." Ari smiled softly, then turned back to the family, "I… uh… guess this is goodbye for awhile, huh?"

"Alright guys, ready? Three, two, one…"

"GOOD LUCK!" The entire family cheered, everyone waving goodbye as the mismatched party took their leave. Corona paused at the door to turn around and get a good look at everybody- her eyes scanned their faces, and then they narrowed.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves."

She left without seeing the looks of confusion sent back.

On the road to adventure, Ari couldn't help but think of all the terrible ways he could die. In fact, he had a whole mental argument over it, that went something like this: "Alright, your shadow is possessed and the only human near you is insane. I bet you I'll get hit by lighting next. Or we'll be walking and some masked chainsaw murderer will pop out. Or I'll get bit by a rabid squirrel and die. Or we'll stop at a restraunt and they will feed me poisoned food. Or I'll get hit by a deer. Maybe I'll just wake up and be dead. Yeah, that's what's gonna happen. I better buy a plot now."

"...Chantal..."

"What?" Ari looked up suddenly, just barely missing a tree.

"...I don't know if... we can get there in the normal fashion... or... if the door opens..."

"Listen, I really don't understand anything you say. Is there, like, something wrong with your thinking?"

Corona continued to stumble along, partially asleep, bucket in hand. She was leaving behing yet another trail, silent for some time. "What makes it wrong?"

"Well... nothing, really. I should have used a different term, but-" Ari paused to bend down and itch his foot- it still was bothering him from the time he stuck it in that stupid bucket, just now noticing his foot was slightly swollen. Shaking it off, he continued, "I just wonder why... er... it's so different in your head compared to, oh, anybody else's."

"...I tried to live beyond the stereotypes... to find strawberry heaven..." She suddenly snapped wide awake, looking ahead at the rope bridge they were approaching, listening slightly to the rushing water, "A bridge... I love bridges."

"...Yeah. Wh-"

"Slave! Look!" Stan popped up and pointed at the end.

There was, of course, a little ghost there.

"Corona, why don't-" Before Ari could finish his suggestion, he was, of course, cut off.

"No, Corona has more than proved her worth to my conquest. But you, Slave... you'll need to know how to fight! Take this one solo! Corona! Stand off to the side and watch!"

"Yes sir!"

"But-"

"The only 'but' in this conversation is a kicked one! Go go go!" Stan disappeared, as Ari walked onto the bridge, leaving the guy totally alone. It seems Stan also forgot the slight fact that Ari was totally unarmed. As soon as our hero was in the center of the bridge, another crabby ghost appeared behind him as well. They slowly closed in on him - Corona was asleep, Ari thought, so it wouldn't do to call for her. So he did the only thing anybody could do in this situation: Plead for his life!

"Holy - ! Uhh, hey, never mind! Listen I-I really think ghosts and supernatural beings are totally awesome! P-please don't hurt me- ohmigod, m-m-mercy!""WAIT!" A strong voice peirced the air, as a yellow, pink and white flash shot past. The gleam of thin metal whipped up and around Ari, barely missing his hair but slicing clean through the ghosts. As fast as all the chaos had started, it ended, with Ari cowering in the center of the bridge, his arms over the back of his head. Quickly, the figure ran over to him, shouting, "What in the WORLD do you think you're doing?"

"Uhm..."

"You don't even have a weapon! You shouldn't take on foes unprepared, kid!" The woman switched which hand was currently holding onto her pink parasol, then managed to take a spare sword from her belt. She forced it at Ari when he stood up, and before he could say thanks, the blonde woman had taken off back across the bridge, parasol back in her left hand.

"...Huh." Ari looked at his new weapon- it was clearly worn, but sharp enough to do what he needed it to do until he could either get it fixed or find another. He was glad to find it was relatively light, perfect for a beginning weapon. By now, Corona had wandered over, so Ari only muttered, "I guess I got lucky for once."

"Lucky? That was pathetic!" Stan lurched up, boiling over this incident, "You go to slay low-class demons and get saved by some passing woman! Listen," He spoke with a sigh now, "Your shadow is now very important to me. You'll HAVE to learn to just go ahead and KILL things! I occasionally render aid to my servants, but you'll be damned from the start if you rely on me, boy. So get your act together otherwise I'll devise a painful way to TEACH you the things you need to know!"

"Sorry, I just-"

Shriek!

"Woah! Where'd that come from?" Ari instantly looked around for the source of the little shriek.

"Nice Guy, down there!" Corona was hanging off the bridge, pointing underneath at the short shore. She needn't say much more before he had jumped off the side and was down there- two ghosts, not unlike the ones from before (actually, they were the same, rather pissed off ghosts- they both had bandages strewn about them by now) were getting revenge on a totally innocent target: a little girl, no older than four, trembling in the center.

"Hey, bastards! Take on someone your own size!"

The ghosts instantly reformed themselves into much more physical shapes- it was easier to hit things that way, after all- looking like flippy-floppy, killer rabits.

"Why is it always bunnies?" Ari suddenly brought his sword across the first one, managing to shear it down in one hit. With a spare second, he yanked the little girl by the arm around behind him as he took on the second rabbit. "Damn you, you cute (slash!) furry (slash!) demonic (slash!) mammal! Take that! (slash!) And THAT!"

Nothing remained but a tail.

"Whew."

"...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" The girl suddenly started screaming her head off, holding a stuffed cat close to herself.

"Woah woah now! Sssh!" Ari quickly put his sword away (only later would he realize he fumbled it into his belt and he could -swear- it disappeared when it did) and got down to her level, putting his hands on her shoulders, "Stop screaming! I'm not going to hurt you!"

"EEEEEEEEEE-Oh." She stopped, blinking tearfully, "You're not?"

"No, of course I wouldn't."

"Okay then." She shifted a bit, moving the stuffed cat closer. She had mid-length, messy, curly black hair. For whatever reason, a bit of it was combed up and had a band of beads around it, creating a little tuft that stuck straight up from the right side of the top of her head. She had on a red dress with a white-flower print, and had a pair of really simple sandals on that looked terribly worn. Though she was upset, there was a certain happy glint to her big brown eyes. "Are you my Da?"

"Huh?"

"My Da! And is the lady hanging off the bridge my Ma?"

Ari figured it out after that refrence and suddenly freaked out, shaking his head, "No way! I barely know her! Why is everyone assuming she's my girlfriend? I don't HAVE a girlfriend anymore! Stop accusing me!"

"Hehehe!" The little one giggled something terrible, "You're funny!"

"Funny... until..." Stan suddenly popped up, trying to be as big as he could (which wasn't easy as the space under the bridge was rather confined, so he really wasn't anything but his normal size) speaking loudly in order to surprise the youngster, "Until the demonic spirit that rules him lurches up and comes out to eat little children! BWAHAHAHA!"

"...? Grampa?"

"HEY! You're suppose to SCREAM!"

"Oh? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"STAN! I JUST GOT HER TO SHUT UP!"

"HURRY UP AND DO IT AGAIN!" Stan had his hands up against the thickness-free side of his head, which was useless because he could STILL hear the shrieking, "It's making my mind bleed!"

"Quiet! Sssh!" It had no effect, so Ari decided to take another tatic, "If you're quiet I'll buy you ice cream!"

"Okay!"

"...Amazing, Slave. However, promising to torture her is a much better way. That way they don't expect anything from you but pain."

Ari rolled his eyes, then led the little girl up onto the bridge to Corona, who was actually awake enough to greet her. "Hey, Corona, here's our little yelper."

"Hello, Rin." Corona waved.

"Hello, Corona!"

"Woah! You two... you know each other?"

Both nodded, then spoke at the same time, "She's an orphan and I hung out with her for some time to find her parents and mind but we didn't have any luck and by a twist of fate we were seperated and it's been a month or two since we've seen each other but I'm glad she's here." At the end of the outburst, Corona instantly fell over, entirely asleep, snoring up a storm.

"Woah... Oh, but that means- Rin, do you know where Corona lives?"

"Chantal."

"Yeah, but... where is it?"

Rin looked around for a minute in all directions, one finger in her mouth. Then she looked back at Ari and whimpered, "I'm lost!"

"Ugh... you better come with us, then."

"WAIT WAIT WAIT!" Stan shouted, "Who gave you permission to bring this bedwetting tearbucket? This is MY conquest! -I- CHOOSE WHO COMES! We can't have a little baby-child with, she'll get in the way and ruin everything!"

"Grampa, I never gets in the way!" She beamed, "Me and Sampson- that's my kitty-witty- we gets out of the way real fast. We're as quiet as snow and as 'nbisible as air when we need to be! Plus we can hide in places smaller than a peapod! And I'm not afraid of very, very big things at all!"

"But you ARE afraid of rabbits," Stan coughed.

"Oh COME ON, Stan. She just needs to get to an orphanage or something. Madril is just another bridge-crossing and short walk away. It's not like she's going to ruin EVERYTHING in that short of a time."

"Grrr... Fine. But no more random additions! And you, child, disobey me and you'll die!"

"Okay, Grampa!"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Okay, Grampa! I love you!"

It was all Ari could do to keep from laughing...

So after getting Corona up and taking Rin by the hand, Ari led off the makeshift party once more. Heading across the field, he had to chase a few ghosts away, who Rin would stick her tongue out at first (no wonder she was attacked, he thought) and then Corona would meet them on the other side and deliver strong justice with her bucket. All went well until they went across the second bridge, meeting a roadblock at the end of it.

"Uh, excuse us, sir..." Ari tapped his shoulder.

"Quiet, quiet... I'm formulating something..."

"But mister, we gotta get through here!" Rin's shrill little voice kicked in.

"..."

"Please sir?" Corona snored, "Can I have some more?"

"Yes, yes..."

"We can? Thank y-"

"I do believe that is it! The magnificent plane of existence beyond time and space in a continuos fashion are interspersed with humanoids and paranormal existence- the arrival of the auguries of nature's calling henceforth the titles of tribulations over tumultuous eons, the physical representation of paradoxes and metaphysical theories with a bit of the nonexistent peripheral points on the dark horizon no doubt indicates that I am -indeed- Guten Kisling, famous doctor of ghost study! My hobby is clipping toenails!

Everyone blinked. Several times in unison.

"Hello," Stan suddenly spoke, "I am King Stanley Trinidad XIV. My hobbies are beating up on false evil kings. My other hobby is removing people who refuse to get out of the way and fill the rest of the space with nonsensical technobabble! Now get out of my way before my hobby side kicks in!"

"Hahaha! And the world's axis spins evenly due to fairy magic. Indeed!" The spikey-haired, lanky man laughed, heading off, making it seem like he was never really there.

"What... in the...?"

"No matter, Slave! Come, on to Madril! We have a fake Evil King to punish!"