24. NIGHTLIFE

I don't own any of these characters,of course.

Oddly enough,no one had really been worried about Bart. Not even

his own family. His parents had sort of smiled at each other and

shrugged. Apparently, Bart kept their lives interesting.

On the way back to Hagrid's hut,they discovered a baseball game

going on, between the Springfield Isotopes and some other team

whose name wasn't important enough to advertise on their uniforms.

"Professor?" Harry asked.

Professor Dumbledore turned to him,smiling. Professor McGonagall

sat beside Dumbledore. Homer had accompanied them,and sat working

on a can of Duff. He was still sober,though they were sure that

wouldn't last long.

"What is it,Harry?"

"Is it safe being so close to the nuclear power plant?"

"Well,direct exposure to radiation can be fatal. But I'm sure we're

safe. We brought our own water. We're not staying long. We're

prepared for emergencies."

"Mr. Simpson said something about being sterile."

Professor McGonagall glanced at Homer in disgust.

"Well,he's lived here all his life, Potter," she said. She leaned

close to his ear and whispered,"Which explains some things."

Harry put a hand over his mouth,noting that Professor McGonagall

was grinning.

"Mr. Simpson?" Harry asked.

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever get sick from the radiation?"

"Nah," Homer said. "I'm used to it."

"Oh."

On the field,the umpire called "Steeerike THREE!"

The batter slunk back to the bench.

"You guys don't play baseball in Europe,right?" Homer asked.

"Well,no. There's cricket-"

"Mmmm...cricket..."

"But I play quidditch."

"How do you like baseball?"

"I understand it now. It's not that complicated."

The next batter struck out.

"This team needs Hagrid," Dumbledore said. "Can you imagine him up

there?"

"Have they gotten a hit yet?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"I think this pitcher has a no-hitter going," Dumbledore said.

"You like baseball,Professor?" someone else asked.

"I've seen a few games."

He turned around and saw Edna Krabappel sitting a tier or two above

them. "Mrs. Krabappel," he said,"What a pleasant surprise."

"Seymour would be here,but he has a ton of paperwork to do."

"I can sympathize."

"Oh. So you DON'T do paperwork by magic. We were wondering."

"I'm afraid not,Edna. May I call you Edna?"

"Of course."

"I read everything that comes across my desk."

"Which includes messages from the Ministry Of Magic," Professor

McGonagall said. She put on her best Cornelius Fudge voice:"Oh,

Albus, I'm too weak to make decisions by myself. Please do my job

for me."

Mrs. Krabappel laughed. So did Harry.

"Yes," Dumbledore said,through laughter. "I'm kept quite busy. Have

you ever written with a quill,Edna?"

She gasped. "You write with quills? I wish I could teach at

Hogwarts."

"Strike THREE!" the umpire yelled. Just like that,the game was

over. The winning team mobbed the pitcher; it seemed that he really

had pitched a no-hitter.

"Well,Edna,I think we'll be going," Dumbledore said.

"Oh. Could I walk with you? I feel restless."

"Dad," said someone to Harry's right.

The victorious pitcher scooped up the kid and they fell into the

grass,laughing.

Harry could only guess what it felt like.

A hand fell on his shoulder.

"Mr. Potter?"

It was Professor McGonagall. He hoped she hadn't seen him watching.

"I'll be at Hagrid's," Harry said.

"Harry-"

"I'll be fine."

She let him go; he was surprised. This year,he could percieve a

change in her. She looked at him differently,somehow.

"Minerva?"

Professor McGonagall bowed her head.

"Yes,Albus?"

"Are you ready?"

"I'm ready."

He slid his hands over her shoulders,pulling her to him.

"He'll be fine," he said.

For a long moment,she just let him hold her. He always had had

strong hands.

"I know," she said. "He's-" Say it. He's growing up.

Mrs. Krabappel led them through the dark town, pointing out

interesting areas. Homer hung back a bit, just strolling along. The

streetlights cast shadows across the sidewalk. Dumbledore had

visited the United States on numerous occasions; Springfield was a

pleasant town,but he still preferred home. To tell the truth,he was

beginning to miss it. But there was a situation that demanded his

attention here. Besides,there was nothing stopping him from going

back to Hogwarts,even if only for a few moments.

He looked over at Minerva and smiled. Merlin,she looked beautiful

tonight. She always did. She had worn that emerald dress; the only

thing missing was her hat. He felt honored to be arm-in-arm with her. The fact

that she was able to put up with him on a daily basis spoke of her

great patience.

"-and this is the Guilded Truffle,over here. Not that I can afford

it-"

A man came clumping out of the Truffle. Mrs. Krabappel saw him and

blinked.

"Ah," Dumbledore said. "Edna,may I introduce Alastor Moody.

Alastor,Edna Krabappel."

"Charmed," Moody said,and kissed her hand. "Albus. Minerva. There's

somethin' in here you gotta see. You'll feel it first."

Snape walked in the door and I thought the devil was after him,the

way he ran out."

"Where's Severus now?"

Moody looked towards the alley.

Snape appeared at its mouth. "I'm here," he said.

"Severus?"

"I can't go back in there," Snape said. "I-Headmaster...please-"

It may have been the first time Snape ever said PLEASE to anyone.

"Of course," Dumbledore said,"There's a bench over there,Severus.

Just sit down. Would you like me to stay with you?"

"No. No, there's something in there you should see." Snape looked

over at Mrs. Krabappel. "You don't need to see it."

"Oh,really?" she asked. "Look,as a fellow teacher,I'm sure you can

appreciate the things I see every day. Do you have any pukers,

Professor?"

"I'm sorry,ma'am...what,exactly is a 'puker'?"

"You know, a kid who barfs at the drop of a hat."

"Not even Longbottom does that," Snape muttered.

"Well,I have one. His name is Wendell. When Willy's busy,I have to

clean up Wendell's vomit. Once he vomited all this brown gunk all

over Janie Grisham. I've also mopped up diarrhea,scraped used

chewing gum off of the desks, and wiped away enough mucus to put in

a request for a protective suit. So I think I can handle whatever's

in there,Professor."

Professor Snape said nothing more. He sat down on the bench.

Homer sat across from him.

Snape edged to the very end of the bench.

By that time, Dumbledore had entered the Guilded Truffle.

He had to take a deep breath. The restaurant was well-kept,

intimate in candlelight.

It was truly quite nice for a muggle establishment. But all around

him,in the air,he could feel death in the air.

He felt Minerva at his back.

"Albus-"

"I can feel it, too," he said.

Edna looked around. "What is it?"

"An aura," Dumbledore said. "Something awful happened here quite

recently."

The hostess came over. She was built like Professor Sprout. This

woman,however, had lifeless red hair that hung in her face; Addie

Sprout's hair was almost a separate,living entity. The hostess wore

an enormously fake smile; her eyes told another story.

"Table for two? You're in luck,our most romantic table is free-"

He could feel Minerva blushing.

"We're not here to eat," Dumbledore said. "Look..." he lowered his

voice. "We are here to help you."

"H-help us?"

"We know something terrible happened here."

"How do you...how do you know?"

"I can feel it."

"You're some kind of psychic,or something?"

"Oh,yes,I'm very psychic," Dumbledore said. "Not that I need any

powers to see that you're trembling."

The hostess swallowed. "We called the police. But the cops in this

town...I mean,they didn't even take the body."

"The body is still here?"

She led them into the kitchen.

The man had been laid out on a long table in the middle of the

kitchen. Dumbledore checked his wrist. "He was a Death Eater."

"What's a Death Eater?" Edna asked.

"A follower of Lord Voldemort," Professor McGonagall asked.

"Lord Voldemort?" Mrs. Krabappel gaped at the professors. "Who's

Lord Voldemort?"

"A former student of mine," Dumbledore said. "He used to be called

Tom Riddle. Now he's pure evil. He's murdered people very dear to

me. He murdered Harry's parents."

"Harry has foiled his plans on a number of occasions," Professor

McGonagall said. She smiled softly. "He's very special to me. Don't

tell him I said that."

"I won't,don't worry."

"How did this man die?" Professor Dumbledore asked.

The hostess shrugged. "He just got up and started thrashing around.

He was turning blue,like he couldn't breathe."

"Was he eating or drinking anything?"

"Just water. The cops bagged the glass as evidence and never took it."

"Did they take anything?"

"Just his wallet."

Dumbledore raised his eyes to the ceiling.

"Could we see the glass?"

"It's right there on the counter."

The glass was inside a plastic bag. It was full of ice.

The thing was that the counter was above one of the stoves. The

surface was quite hot.

"Why hasn't the ice melted?"

"It was just water when I gave it to him."

Dumbledore looked from the glass to the dead man.

"What are you doing?" Alastor asked.

"Poppy taught me a few things," Dumbledore said. "She studied

pathology for a time."

After a moment,he looked up.

"I think you'll find ice blocking this man's esophagus."

He turned to leave.

"What should I do with him?" the hostess asked.

"Try the hospital," said Mrs. Krabapple.

Outside, Dumbledore put a hand on Snape's shoulder.

"I know who did this," Snape said.

"You do?"

"Mother Shabubu," Snape whispered.

"Mother who?" McGonagall asked.

"You mean my cousin Frank?" Homer asked. "I mean,Francine?"

Snape looked absolutely sick. "Mother Shabubu is your cousin?"

"So my cousin Frank had a sex-change operation and formed a cult.

Aren't we all entitled to-"

"Mr. Simpson,let me enlighten you. Muggles have the boogeyman.

Well, the Death Eaters get to tell their children that Mother

Shabubu isn't hiding in their closets. You know how Death is

usually pictured with a scythe? She borrows it for gardening

purposes. You know Death's black cloak? Sometimes he lends it to

her so she can go jogging. Voldemort has very few fears. He's

afraid of the Headmaster. He's developed a phobia of Harry Potter.

And he is so petrified of Mother Shabubu that speaking her name is

punishable by death."

"Is that why you're afraid of me?"

"I'm not afraid of you," Snape said. "I just can't touch you

because when I do,I can see her. She is the Mother. The Eater of

Death Eaters. And she is here."

"Haven't seen Francine in a long time," Homer said.

Hagrid was sitting on the front steps of the school.

He looked rather melancholy.

"Trouble,Hagrid?"

"Harry. He's over by the swings."

"Is something wrong?"

"E's just sad,sir."

"Sad?" Snape sounded unconvinced.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand," McGonagall said. "Human

emotions,I mean."

"Oh,right. I forgot,without his fan club,he's emotionally-"

"You mean his friends,don't you? Friendship? Another concept that

escapes you."

"Why is he so sad?" Mrs. Krabappel asked. "I mean,his parents,

of course-"

"There are a number of reasons," Dumbledore said. "Much weighs on

his thoughts. He blames himself-"

"I blame him," Snape muttered.

"You seem to be the only one,Severus."

Snape shut his mouth.

"Jus' let him be," Hagrid said. "He'll be all right. 'E's in a dark

place,but he'll be all right."

"What are you doing here?"

"I've been searchin' for Fang. He got out, and he ain't back yet."

"Fang never runs far," Dumbledore said. "Wherever you are,there he is."

"I should probably go," Edna Krabappel said. "If I see any unfamiliar

dogs-he is a dog,right?"

"Yep. Were yeh thinkin' he's a dragon?"

"I was. But he's a dog?"

"E's a dog. Bloody coward,but he's faithful."

"See you tomorrow," she said.

"See yeh," Hagrid said.

She left.

"I guess I should get some sleep," Hagrid said. "What time is it?"

Dumbledore checked his bizarre watch. "Not even ten o'clock. The

night's still young,Hagrid."

"Would yeh like some tea?"

"Tea sounds lovely," Professor McGonagall said.

They found Hermione Granger sitting on the steps of Hagrid's hut.

She held a wet cloth against her left eye.

Snape stayed back. The other three immediately went to her.

"Miss Granger?"

"Yeh all right,Hermione?"

"Have you injured yourself?"

Hermione looked up at them. "Someone just attacked me. He's in the

hut,Hagrid."

"E's in the hut?" Hagrid asked.

"Right."

"I'll kill 'im." Hagrid said. "Well,in a minute." He bent down in

front of Hermione and pulled her into the gentlest hug he had ever

given anyone.

"My head hurts," Hermione said.

Dumbledore and McGonagall sat down on either side of her.

She was surrounded by the three people she knew would never hurt her.

"What happened,Miss Granger?" Dumbledore asked.

"Someone was in Hagrid's hut," she said. "I surprised him. He...

tried to strangle me-"

"No," Professor Dumbledore said.

"Yes," Hermione said,and then the professors were hugging her.

Professor Dumbledore actually kissed her forehead.

"Everything happened so fast. I opened the door, and then...I

broke a teapot over his head,Hagrid,I'm sorry."

Hagrid just laughed. "I'll get another teapot."

"There's really no need for the fuss," she said. "I'm all right."

"We're so very glad," Professor McGonagall said.

"I don't know what we'd do if we lost you,my dear," Dumbledore said.

He made a hesitant move towards the cloth. "May I see it?"

"Go ahead."

Gently,he removed the cloth from her eye.

Professor McGonagall made a tch-ing sound. A pair of tears slid

down Hagrid's cheeks.

"I'm afraid you have quite a bruise,Miss Granger."

"I wanted to help," Hermione said. "Now I just want my cat."

She wrapped her arms around Dumbledore's neck.

"I will personally escort you to the Hospital Wing," Dumbledore

said.

"How did you get here?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"I went to the Headmaster's office,but you weren't there. What I

had to tell you couldn't wait,so I plucked a strand of your hair

off of your chair and wrapped it around one of your books. Then I

turned it into a portkey and it brought me here."

Hagrid looked impressed.

"Miss Granger," Professor McGonagall said,"that was-"

"Ingenious," Dumbledore said.

"It sure was,Hermione. Now,'scuse me."

He opened the door and disappeared inside the hut.

"Now what is it you have to tell me?"

"There's a spy posing as a student,Headmaster. He says his name is

Bart Simpson, transferred from the Bonerville Academy Of Magic...

well,I looked up Bonerville-"

Something crashed inside the hut. Hagrid yelled something

unintelligible.

"Rest easy,my dear. Bart is on our side."

"There's something else," she said.

"What is it?"

"I can't get my wand to work. I tried making a fire,but nothing

happened."

Professor Snape clapped himself across the forehead. "I should

have anticipated-"

"What happened,Severus?"

"I showed the dueling club how to affect a focus. Miss Granger,I'm

afraid your powers have been transferred."

"Transferred? To who?"

"To your...oh,no..."

"That fool groundskeeper. He's in full possession of Miss Granger's

abilities.Although,without a wand-"

Snape's eyes got as big as bludgers. "Oh my," he said. "Longbottom."

"Draco and I transferred our abilities to Willy and Neville?"

"Oh," Professor McGonagall said. "Joy."

Behind them. "Hermione?"

Harry stood there.

"I should've been there," he said. "I'm sorry."

"Harry. You know I'm perfectly capable of defending myself.

Besides,you should see the other guy."

His alarmed expression melted into a grin.

"Who is the other guy?" he asked.

The door opened. A man flew out of the house; he hit the grass

face-first, skidded a bit,and lay motionless.

Hagrid appeared in the doorway.

"Yeh know,I feel better. All right,Harry?"

"All right,Hagrid. I feel sleepy."

"C'mon in,then. Professor Dumbledore?"

"I'm taking Miss Granger to see Madame Pomfrey,Hagrid. I'll be back

as soon as I know something." He took Hermione by the hand.

Professor McGonagall followed. He escorted them behind the hut and

they didn't come back.

Hagrid sat on the step.

"She'll be all right,Hagrid," Harry said,sitting besid him.

"Yeh. Hermione's tough. Yeh know,of all the kids at Hogwarts,I know

her the best. Besides you,o'course. No matter how tough she is,

she's still so sweet-"

"Right,right..."

"Just seein' her does me good. Brightens th' worst days, yeh know?"

"She loves you,Hagrid."

Hagrid blushed.

"I mean...you know what I mean."

"I know what yeh mean,Harry," he said. "I feel the same way."

"Anyone who doesn't like you can blow a toad. Blow up a toad,

excuse me."

"Yeh mean,make a toad explode."

Harry laughed. A moment later,Hagrid joined in.

When they were done laughing,Harry gestured to the man in the

grass.

"So who is he?

"All yeh need ta know," Hagrid said,"is that his ass is grass and I

am the lawnmower."

Harry gaped at him.

"Jus' somethin' I heard in the hall today."

"What time is it?"

"Pretty late,probably."

Harry yawned. He put his head on Hagrid's shoulder.

In minutes,he was asleep.

Hagrid picked him up and carried him inside.

He laid Harry down on the enormous bed. Then he took Harry's

glasses and put them on the table nearby. He could sleep in the

chair. First,though,he covered Harry with the blanket he and Addie

and the others had enchanted. "'Night,Harry," he said.

He sat on the bed,to comfort Harry in case he had a nightmare. As

far as he could tell,Harry did not dream at all.

In a while,someone knocked on the door.

Hagrid opened it to see Professor Dumbledore.

He stepped inside.

"He's sleeping."

Dumbledore nodded.

"How is she?"

"Hermione will be fine."

Hagrid breathed a sigh of relief.

"My feelings exactly," Dumbledore said.

"Did yeh see Fang?"

"I did not. Don't worry,Hagrid. He'll come back."

Professor Dumbledore sat in the chair,next to the bed.

"If you'd like the chair-"

"Nah, I'm jus' fine,sir."

Harry opened his eyes.

He noticed Dumbledore,and wondered if he were really there. It's

like that,between sleep and waking.

"Do you sleep?"

Maybe he said it out loud. Then again,perhaps not.

Dumbledore's eyes were twin half-moons.

He saw them behind his eyes when he fell asleep.