31. LUCIUS AND NARCISSA

The usual disclaimers apply here. These people don't belong to me.

This chapter's rated R...

Lucius woke up in front of the computer. It was on,and he seemed

to have been typing unconsciously. He didn't recognize the language.

Wherever he was,it certainly didn't look like the Ministry. It was

a rathole of a motel room.

Narcissa was lying on the bed, as drunk as he'd ever seen

her. On a good night,she could drink nine or ten hardcore

alcoholics under the table. Lucius had often wished she would just

drink herself to death. Cirrhosis of the liver couldn't be that

hard to contract if you really tried,could it?

Lucius sat hunched in front of the computer. He didn't quite

understand everything about electronics,but he was certainly

learning. The Dark Lord had always been notoriously computer

illiterate; the last time Lucius had seen him,he had expressed

an interest in getting wired. Or whatever the expression was.

The problem was that the Internet...well,there certainly were

a lot of people who used it to enhance their carnal knowledge.

Lucius had become one of them; instead of leading Voldemort

into a new age of electronic domination, he had become addicted to

Internet porn. Nott had lent him his email address: nott_here@hotmail.com,

and it was full of messages with subject heads like "Pound Her

Senseless With Your Huge Joystick" and "Cheerleaders At Your Door!"

It had been used against him,of course. Every single picture he'd

downloaded was scrutinized; it helped them lock him up and throw

away the key.

"What're you doing, Lucius?"

"You wouldn't understand," Lucius said.

Narcissa took a long swig of whatever she was drinking. He could

smell it from clear across the room.

"Y'don't love me anymore," she said. It was an accusation Lucius

had heard a lot. He wondered if it were true. In

Azkaban, the dementors had not taken all Lucius's memories of her-

because they were all rather awful. He stayed sane by visualizing

her death. Blown up, crucified upside down, shot in the belly, shot in the head,

shot in the foot,which led to a fatal gangrene infestation, death

by the good old cruciatis curse, eaten alive by trained insects, eaten from the

inside out by a ravenous fetus monster, defenestrated, eviscerated, vivisected,

drawn and quartered, thrown into a vat of sulfuric acid, beaten to death-

the list just went on and on. He had been tempted to just adava

kedavra her and then himself.

He couldn't follow Voldemort anymore, his ego would not allow it. Someone like Nott,

he was basically a coward, a yes-man extraordinaire. He still bore the Dark Mark,

as did Lucius.



He didn't know how many of the other Death Eaters felt that way.

"Luchus," Narcissa slurred,flopping back on the bed,which was

vibrating in an ominous manner. "Come here. I need a good laugh."

Then she burped.

"Had enough to drink?" he asked,eyes on the computer screen.

"Not hardly," she said. "Tell me a story,Lucius. You remember

when we were students,and Sirius Black...he was-"

"What about Sirius Black?"

"How'd he turn your arse into a portkey?"

"I'd rather not talk about it." He closed his eyes,trying not to remember.

"Better your arse than your-" She lost herself in drunken giggles.

"I should do it...turn your John Thomas and his little friends into

a portkey...then I'd wind up on a beach in the bleedin' Bahamas

every time you want suckety-suck-"

"SHUT up."

"Don't tell ME to shut up," She wavered onto her feet. "I'm the

one who never-"

"Narcissa,I REALLY think-"

"Who do you THINK you ARE, KERMIT THE BLEEDIN' FROG?!"

He got out of the chair,picked it up,and threw it across the

room. It missed her by a mile,and sailed into the bathroom.

"I'll be outside," he said. "You'd best be sober when I come back."

He slammed the door on the way out.

A moment later,a pipe in the bathroom burst.

The Sleep-Eazy Motel was a dump.

Of course,the sign out front was malfunctioning,and

read SLEAZY,which suited the place. He stared down at the motel

pool; there were firefighters down there,trying to assist

one of the motel guests, as he'd become stuck in the filter.

"Enjoying the show, Lucius?"

Lucius didn't turn. He knew Voldemort would be standing

just out of the reach of the lamp spilling dusty light onto

the walkway.

"Narcissa certainly sounds blended," he said.

"Narcissa's working through some things."

"She's sick of being who she is," Voldemort said.

"What am I doing here?"

"You were on your way to the Ministry Of Magic. I interrupted the

portkey."

"I had a tape recorder-"

Lucius finally looked towards the shadow.

"Come into the light," he said, not at all because he had seen

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST for the first time a while ago. Draco found

him sobbing like a baby,and had not spoken to him since.

With a slight hesitation, Voldemort moved into the light.

Lucius had a look at him. Then he turned away, leaned over

the railing,and splattered the ground floor with vomit.

"Do I really look so awful?" Voldemort asked.

"Your...FACE-"

"It's only skin," Voldemort said. "Shedding it-"

"Has anyone else seen you?"

"Just a bus driver," Voldemort said. "I used his body, Lucius. He died on me

a few blocks back...I had to walk the rest of the way like this..."

"The last time I saw you, you didn't look like that."

"Potter's blood did this to me. Took its time,it did."

"Potter," Lucius spat. "He's taken away your body again."

"More than that,Lucius. Much more than that. You weren't

there when I developed blood clots in my legs...I couldn't

go to a hospital because they thought I had leprosy...and

then I figured it out...bloody Dumbledore. I'll bet he knew

this would happen. I'm still thinking about what he said last

year..."

"What's that?"

"What's worse than death,Lucius?"

"Nothing."

"THAT'S what I told HIM. I suspect Wormtail had something to

do with this...he gave part of himself to resurrect me...trouble

is, I think he may have been ill..."

"Pettigrew? I don't understand."

"Do you know how long he spent as a rat?"

"Years. He penetrated the Weasleys-"

"He did not penetrate the bleeding Weasleys. Penetrate,Lucius?

All that pornography's turning you into a degenerate. Go to a

museum. When was the last time you saw a film or read a book? I

used to go to plenty of films, back when I could be seen in public."

"When was that?"

"Years and years ago."

"But-"

"He didn't find out a blessed thing, Lucius."

"Well,he was an idiot."

"YOU'RE an idiot. The BEST KIND of idiot-A RICH idiot. I wonder how stupid Pettigrew

really is. After all, he spent all those years as a rat and I can't help thinking

he was exposed to all sorts of things."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I think I may be infected with bubonic plague."

"You're serious?"

"Look at me,Lucius. If my skin wasn't so pustulent, I might tell you a joke."

"But bubonic plague-"

"I came here to warn you," he said. "Once,I had designs on this

town. Those plans are in ruins. I still have a plan,though. And

I need you."

"Why are you telling me this?" Lucius asked.

"It's either you or Draco."

"Stay away from him."

"He wants what you had. I know you know that. He seeks power.

All he has to do...is ask."

"Why do you need me?"

Voldemort grabbed him on either side of his head.

"This way, you can't get out of town," he said.

---

He stood there for a long time. Finally, in the pool below,there was a noise; the

unmistakable sound of extreme resistance to suction. The sound of my life, Lucius

thought. The sound of a dark empire crumbling, like some strange version of the

Arthurian canon.

Then,inside his head,another thought,not his own.

My empire is at hand,Lucius. It's far from crumbling.

"Well,back to Guinevere," Lucius said. He wondered who

Lancelot could possibly be. It certainly wasn't him. It definitely wasn't

Voldemort.

"My Lord,if I offered you my wife-"

"No,Lucius," Voldemort said. "Do you know how many people rogered your wife

while you were rotting in Azkaban?"

They reached the room.

"They started calling her Doorknob Malfoy-"

A puddle of water had collected under the doorframe.

"What-"

The door creaked and cracked as it bulged outwards.

Lucius backed away,but the door burst open and a

torrent of water sent him,Voldemort and all, over the railing. As he

went over,he could see the contents of the room-a drawer,a lamp,

Narcissa-being carried out the door by the rushing

water. The current blasted the railing away from the ground.

Lucius hit the concrete neck-first. A portion of railing

landed in the pool, and the last thing he saw before the world

went black was the bed, vibrating even as it fell.