These characters belong to J.K. Rowling and Matt Groening,except
Teresias,who walked into my head and wouldn't leave. "Creepy Green Light"
belongs to Type O Negative.
30.
SNAKEBITE
THURSDAY
One A.M.
Not much irritated Kingsley Shacklebolt, but every time
he went out in public,someone always mistook him for a muggle
named Todd Tony. Or was that Tony Todd? He couldn't remember.
They thought he was the same man,even though he had seen pictures
of the man,who seemed to be an actor. Kingsley was bigger and there was the ring in
his ear that was certainly unique to his person. His voice was deeper.
He looked over at Teresias, a recent addition to the order. He
was an American Dumbledore had found in his last sojourn to
Cleveland. Teresias had once had his own face; however, he was a...
Kingsley couldn't remember the word,but Teresias's face kept
shifting; at times the flesh moved slowly and sometimes he went
through a dozen faces a minute. He could switch or merge genders
at the drop of a hat. The one drawback; he had no control over it.
Kingsley had not asked him if the changes affected his entire body;
it seemed pretty personal,being a man one second,a woman the next,
then both and neither. He supposed Tonks had that problem. He
didn't want to ask her if metamorphosing into a man-if she could-meant carrying
male genitalia around.
At one in the morning,someone came up the walk of the Wiggum
house. She wore a plain green dress and her hair was like a
blue,de-spined cactus.
"Teresias," Kingsley whispered.
Their base of operations was the house next door. There was a
family of three currently occupying the place, but they were
oblivious to the presence of Kingsley and Teresias. They were
in the kid's room because it afforded a nice view of the Wiggum
house. Teresias had been leafing through a magazine he found under
the kid's bed when Kingsley called him. Never mind that the room
was absolutely dark; Teresias could read without light. Not that
he was technically reading at the moment.
Teresias looked up; his jaw was cracking,grinding, as if it had
dislocated itself and was attempting to realign itself with his
new face. As Shacklebolt watched, Teresias opened his mouth and
asked,"What is it, Kingsley?" in a garbled voice that kept changing
pitch and timbre. Of course,it would be hard for anyone to talk
while their face played hide-and-seek with itself.
"Marge Simpson," Kingsley said. Tonks had posed as a Jehova's
Witness and found out all they needed to know from that Ned
Flanders fellow. No one was safe from Jehova's Witnesses,not
even wizardkind.
"What's...she...doing...there?"
By the time Teresias finished his sentence,Marge Simpson was
knocking on the door.
--
"Come on," Marge said,"One of you has gotta be awake."
A light came on in the window.
The door opened.
"Marge?" Clancy Wiggum asked
Marge felt that, during the time she had been on the police
force, she had gotten to know the man a bit better. He could be
thick-headed sometimes, and of course,he was corruptible...but
he was also a good man who loved his family.
Right now,he was wearing pinstriped pajama bottoms and a strapless white
t-shirt. She had heard kids refer to a shirt like the one he wore
as a "wife-beater," which really put her teeth on edge.
"Can I come in?"
"Marge,it's one in the morning."
"Please,I need to talk to you."
"Well...yeah,all right. C'mon in."
He stepped out of her way.
"Would you like some coffee,or something?"
"No,no..."
She had never really been in the Wiggum house. The living room
was spare,but comfortable; a brown leather easy chair, a TV,
a sofa near the stairs. A radio was playing somewhere in the
house,probably in the kitchen,which was just off of the living room.
"Siddown,would you?"
Marge sat in the chair.
The Rolling Stones were just finishing up "Mother's Little Helper."
"Is Sarah up? She should hear this,too."
"Sarah-"
"Clancy?"
Sarah Wiggum stood at the kitchen door, backlit in soft light.
She always looked dollish; Ralph had inherited her wide,staring
eyes and thankfully,only some of her voice. It was as if she
had swallowed a duck while it was playing a kazoo. She wore a
purple nightgown crawling with orchids. She looked like she'd
been sleeping.
"Marge?"
"Sarah,good."
"Marge,it's-"
"One in the morning,I know. I couldn't wait."
"Well,what is it?"
"Ralph."
"What about Ralph?"
"Has he been...I don't know,acting weird lately?"
"He said he had a headache yesterday."
"Yesterday?"
"When I picked him up from school. That old guy
with the beard? He subbed for Miss Hoover yesterday-
do you know what his deal is?"
On the radio: Led Zeppelin: "Dazed And Confused."
"Professor Dumbledore? He's a kind, gentle old man."
"Ralph said he had a bird that made his head hurt."
"Right," Marge said. "Fawkes. Lisa was taking care
of him today,and I could tell he was sick-"
"You think Ralph made Fawkes sick?"
"Or,the other way around?" Sarah said. She and her husband
shared a concerned look.
"No,no...Look...you know I know about Ralph's..."
"Yeah, I told you about Wiggle Puppy-"
"I wish this was about Wiggle Puppy," Marge said. "Look,
there are some terrible people interested in Ralph-"
"Who are these people?" Wiggum asked,his eyes narrowing. "Did
they come with the exchange project?"
"Those people want to protect Ralph...look...you're going to
think I'm nuts,but I saw something this afternoon-Ralph-"
"Something Ralph did?"
"Well,Lisa was taking care of that bird-"
Above them,there was the sound of breaking glass.
Sarah gasped.
"Oh,great," Clancy said.
Every light in the house went out.
The streetlights shone into the living room.
"Get out of the light," Wiggum said.
Marge moved into shadow.
She could feel Sarah next to her.
Upstairs,an unmistakable sound; footsteps.
"What-"
"Shhhh..."
Wiggum dropped to the floor.
He crawled over the carpet,and braced himself against the door.
He looked through the peephole.
There were people gathered outside on the lawn.
They wore black robes; hoods hid their faces.
"Who are these guys?" he asked.
"-and now,here's Type O Negative,off of their WORLD COMING DOWN
CD...this is called 'Creepy Green Light' on KBBL..."
For a moment,no one moved.
"This Halloween...so unlike...any other..."
Then one of the hooded figures started towards the door.
Wiggum spun away; "Upstairs," he hissed at the ladies.
"Upstairs?"
Marge spun around-
-and tripped over something in the dark.
"Agh," she said,"Sarah-"
A hand closed over her wrist.
"Is that you, Sarah?"
There was no response.
"Sarah?"
The grip on her wrist tightened.
"Marge?"
"Sarah-"
"Up here."
Sarah stared down on the second floor landing. Clancy was with her.
Then whose hand-
"GAAAH-"
She threw her elbow back; she hit something solid,that fell
away from her.
"Don't be afraid...of the green...light..."
"Get behind the couch," Wiggum hissed. Then he looked
towards the door and vanished from sight.
Marge got to her feet.
For a moment,she stared at the door.
"...of the green...light..."
Marge dove behind the couch.
"...of the green light..."
The door creaked as it opened.
The music began skipping.
""Be afraid...of the green light...be afraid...of the green-"
A dark shape stood on the threshold.
Its shadow spilled into the room. In moments,it was joined by
others.
"This is the correct house,isn't it?"
--
"Ralph."
"Daddy?"
"It's me,Ralph. C'mon,get up."
"I was dreaming," Ralph said.
"Shhh. Whisper,okay?"
"Okay." He looked out the window. "It's late."
"Yeah,it sure is."
The hallway was deserted. In the darkness,he could just
make out Sarah's hair.
"Watch Ralph a second," he said.
Sarah bent down and picked up Ralph.
He walked into the bedroom.
It was definitely time to open the Forbidden Closet Of Mystery.
--
Sarah backed down the hall,daring anything to come up the stairs.
She wished something would,just so the silence would end.
"Hold on,Ralph," she said. He held on tight.
She glanced at the picture of her mother,which had been
hanging there forever. Clancy's father stared at her from the
opposite wall. She stepped past them,wishing the floor would
quit creaking.
Sarah backed into the bathroom,holding Ralph.
"They won't get you,honey," she said,"I swear."
Behind her, the darkness moved.
"Hi," Ralph said.
Sarah spun around.
A very deep voice said "Please don't scream, Mrs. Wiggum."
"Who-"
"My name is Kingsley. Kingsley Shacklebolt. I'm here to help.
My partner Teresias is around here somewhere,too. You'll know him
when you see him, trust me."
The stairs creaked.
Sarah looked out into the dark hallway.
"Someone's-"
"Shhhh. These guys are hardcore killers."
"My husband's in the other room," Sarah said.
"Daddy..."
---
The hooded figure reached the top of the stairs.
On the landing,two others seemed to step out of a pocket of
nothing. There were now three figures upstairs.
Marge was wedged between the sofa and the wall.
There were others in the room now,prowling,stalking.
Then,one of the hoods upstairs began to speak.
"We've kahm for dah boy," he said. He had an unfamiliar
accent. Perhaps he was Polish or Russian or of Czech descent.
"Geeve heem to me,and no wahn vill be hurt."
He stepped away from the staircase.
"Lumos," he said. The tip of his wand lit up,revealing an
unpleasant,thin, twisted face,and malicious,cold eyes. He tapped
the banister with his wand.
"My name eeze Antonin Dolohov," he said. "I serve the Dark Lord.
Resistance vill be met vith an unspeakably painful death, I
promise you. I have two others vith me now,and more downstairs.
Just geeve us the boy and you vill be spared."
"All you want is Ralph?"
The voice surprised both Dolohov and Marge.
"That ees all, Chief Viggum."
"What if I'm not prepared to give him up?"
"You'll be revorded beyond your vildest dreams if you cooperate."
"Yeah,just ask Barty Crouch's kid." Shacklebolt said.
"What happened to Barty Crouch's kid?" Wiggum asked.
"He's minus a soul."
"Euugh."
"Ees that you,Shacklebolt?"
"It certainly is, Dolohov. You're not getting the kid without
the fight of your life."
"We are prepared vor a fight," Dolohov said.
Something skittered across the carpet and stopped at Dolohov's feet.
He picked it up.
The figure on Dolohov's left gasped. "Throw it back,Dolohov-THROW
IT BACK-"
Instead,Dolohov turned. "Macnair,vot-"
---
Wiggum pulled the pin out of the grenade.
He tossed it down the hall. It bounced end over end a few times,
before it rested at Dolohov's feet.
Dolohov did an absolutely amazing thing.
He bent down-
-and PICKED UP THE GRENADE.
"Throw it back,Dolohov,THROW IT BACK-"
He read the message,and then looked back at his comrade.
Dolohov said "Macnair, vot-"
"Maaarge,FIRE IN THE HOLE-"
Wiggum threw himself back into the room.
A second later, there was a huge explosion.
---
Pieces of Dolohov,Macnair and the other one-Jugson, if it
matters-rained down into the living room.
A fine red mist mingled with the smoke; it hung in
the air. Marge hoped there was no blood on her.
She had been hit by a piece of the railing; the
stairs were now a mass of shredded wood.
She didn't remember screaming at the explosion.
Certainly,she hoped she hadn't.
"Well,hello."
Marge took her hands away from her eyes.
Another one-the hood shadowed most of his face-she
could make out bad skin,pockmarked like ruined chrome-
stared at her from the top of the couch.
"What's your name?"
"Marge," she said. "Marge Simpson."
"Augustus," said the man.
Marge smirked.
"Your last name wouldn't be Gloop,would it?"
He kept smiling.
"I didn't understand that," he said. He pointed something at her.
It looked kind of like the wands Professor Dumbledore's people
carried with them.
"Get up," he said. "Or die there."
"Don't hurt me," Marge said.
Then she brought her legs up and donkey-kicked him full in the face.
With a surprised shout, he fell off of the couch.
She stood up.
"Who's next?"
She roared it like a lioness.
"STUPEFY!"
An arm slipped around her waist.
A burst of light blasted a hole in the wall, mere inches away;
she felt the heat,even after she'd been yanked to safety.
"Gaah-"
---
"Cover your ears,Ralphie. You too,Sarah."
Ralph covered his ears. So did Sarah.
Clancy Wiggum,in full body armor,stepped onto the remains of the
second floor landing,away from the smear on the wall. He
crouched down and looked through the scope,down into the dark,
living room,which was foggy with plaster dust and smoke. Someone
was coughing down there.
No one was paying any attention to him.
There was a standoff happening down there.
Marge was with some guy-his face kept moving around,as if his
skull were constantly reshaping itself. They were surrounded by
at least three of the hooded figures. The guy whose face wouldn't
stay still brandished a pointy stick at them. They,in turn,had
pointy sticks of their own.
"Marge?" Clancy called. "You all right?"
"I'm fine," she said. "You got three of them,there are four-"
"ADAVA-"
Wiggum aimed at the general area from whence the voice had
come and opened fire. He saw someone fall through the light
streaming through the windows.
There was a long silence.
Then:
"You shot Avery." There was anger in the voice, anger and
sadness and then a scream of "ACCIO GUN-" and before Wiggum knew
it the sniper rifle had been wrenched out of his hands.
Wiggum reached for his backup revolver-
-and the rifle roared. The pair of Kevlar vests he'd put on saved
him; the force of the impact turned him around,teeth gritted. He
heard a second shot,and a moment later,he felt such a pain in his ass and realized
he'd been shot as he fell off of the landing and landed so hard
on the floor that he bounced.
"Clancy-" Sarah put a hand to her mouth.
"Get down here," Augustus said.
"STUPEFY!"
The Death Eater who'd claimed Wiggum's shotgun went down,but
not before he got off a shot that hit Kingsley in the shoulder
and spun him around on his way to the floor.
"I told you to come down here," Augustus said. "If you don't,
I'll torture her."
"Don't come down here,Sarah," Marge called.
Wiggum moaned.
"Then again-"
He pointed his wand at Wiggum.
"Crucio."
Wiggum arched his back and screamed.
He whisked the wand away.
"How did that feel, Chief?"
Wiggum failed to say anything coherent.
"Now,come down or-"
Sarah just looked at him,defiant.
"Are you an idiot? Come down here this instant and no one-"
"Whenever my husband's in a hostage situation," Sarah said, "He
doesn't negotiate. No bargains. You won't get anything from me,
either."
"Oh,I think after a few Cruciatis Curses, you'll be begging me
to just take the boy."
"Surrender the boy,Mrs. Wiggum," said an unfamiliar voice. A
rather bent man appeared out of the smoke.
"Careful,Nott," Augustus said.
"Rookwood,do shut up. She'll listen to reason. She must. I have a
son of my own. I know I'd probably do the same thing you're-"
He stopped in midsentence.
Teresias had caught his attention.
"It must be quite difficult trying to talk with a face like that,"
Nott said.
"Aghh..."
"Nott-don't provoke him."
"Oh,Augustus,really-what can he do?"
Teresias's face was a maelstrom, a whirlpool of flesh.
"Sometimes Dumbledore really amazes me," Nott said. "You'd
think he'd be more selective. Why would he want to be associated
with a thing like you? Oh,look,Augustus,his mouth is-"
Teresias screamed "AVIS MALEFICIO-"
and a flock of birds erupted from the tip of his wand.
They attacked Nott. They swarmed around him and punctured
his skin with their beaks. He whirled and twisted, finding
the door. "Alhom-"
He opened his mouth and one of the birds bit his tongue.
Nott twisted the doorknob one way,and then the other. He
managed to get the door open,and fell across the threshold.
In a second,he was up and running,the birds on his heels.
"Nott-" Rookwood called,rushing out the door. "Nott,come back-"
Marge Simpson let out a wild yell and brought both her hands into
the back of Augustus Rookwood's neck. He dropped the wand and
in one fluid motion,Marge swept it off the grass and jabbed it
deep into the center of his forehead.
She backed away. The grass felt cool against her ankles.
Rookwood began to convulse.
He pulled the wand out of his head.
Slowly,he turned to Marge.
"Uh-oh," she said.
"All you did was give me a third eye," he said.
He pointed the wand at Marge-
A jet of flame knocked it out of his hand.
Rookwood screamed,clutching his charred hand.
He looked up and saw the little boy.
His arm was outstretched. The tips of his fingers were aflame.
"That's what my mommy calls this," said Ralph. "Uh-oh."
"How long have you been able to do that?" Sarah asked.
"I don't know,the leprechaun won't let me."
"The leprechaun? What leprechaun?"
"You see?" Rookwood asked. "This is why the Dark Lord wants-
AUUUGH, that hurts-that's...why he aaaugh...wants your son."
"I don't care who wants Ralph,they're not getting him."
Rookwood reached into his pocket.
"Wrong," he said. He brought his hand out of his pocket.
Marge saw the knife,but it was too late to move-
"STUPEFY!"
Rookwood flew across the lawn. He landed in the driveway,and
didn't get back up.
Two women were making their way towards the house. Marge had
met one of them; she was walking with a cane now,but her gait
was strong.
"Professor McGonagall," Marge said.
"Evening, Mrs. Simpson." It was as if they'd met at the movies.
She glanced inside the house."Simply dreadful mess you've made
here. I daresay I could have done worse, but not by much. Oh,
by the way,this is Molly Weasley."
"Hi," she shook Molly's hand.
"You know her, Marge?" Sarah asked.
"I know Professor McGonagall," Marge said.
"She certainly does. I-"
She saw the boy. Molly Weasley instantly smiled at him.
"You're Ralph," she said, with her friendliest grin.
Ralph nodded, and then laughed.
"Mggh," Teresias said. "Gmmr-"
Frustrated,he pounded the table.
"Take your time," Dumbledore said.
After a moment,the bones in his jaw seemed to
coalesce with the rest of his face.
"I can't do this," he said,in an impossibly low voice.
Dumbledore nodded. "If you don't feel ready-"
"I duhhnt-"
Dumbledore put his hands on either side of Teresias's face.
"All your life,people have called you a monster,have they not? I
know your landlady and your neighbors did."
Teresias nodded. His flesh shifted under Dumbledore's fingertips.
"I don't think you're a monster,Teresias. No one here does. I find
you wondrous. You're not hideous, you're beautiful."
Teresias would have cried if his tear ducts hadn't been inside
his head at the moment.
"I won't force you to remain in the Order if you feel you cannot."
Teresias,who walked into my head and wouldn't leave. "Creepy Green Light"
belongs to Type O Negative.
30.
SNAKEBITE
THURSDAY
One A.M.
Not much irritated Kingsley Shacklebolt, but every time
he went out in public,someone always mistook him for a muggle
named Todd Tony. Or was that Tony Todd? He couldn't remember.
They thought he was the same man,even though he had seen pictures
of the man,who seemed to be an actor. Kingsley was bigger and there was the ring in
his ear that was certainly unique to his person. His voice was deeper.
He looked over at Teresias, a recent addition to the order. He
was an American Dumbledore had found in his last sojourn to
Cleveland. Teresias had once had his own face; however, he was a...
Kingsley couldn't remember the word,but Teresias's face kept
shifting; at times the flesh moved slowly and sometimes he went
through a dozen faces a minute. He could switch or merge genders
at the drop of a hat. The one drawback; he had no control over it.
Kingsley had not asked him if the changes affected his entire body;
it seemed pretty personal,being a man one second,a woman the next,
then both and neither. He supposed Tonks had that problem. He
didn't want to ask her if metamorphosing into a man-if she could-meant carrying
male genitalia around.
At one in the morning,someone came up the walk of the Wiggum
house. She wore a plain green dress and her hair was like a
blue,de-spined cactus.
"Teresias," Kingsley whispered.
Their base of operations was the house next door. There was a
family of three currently occupying the place, but they were
oblivious to the presence of Kingsley and Teresias. They were
in the kid's room because it afforded a nice view of the Wiggum
house. Teresias had been leafing through a magazine he found under
the kid's bed when Kingsley called him. Never mind that the room
was absolutely dark; Teresias could read without light. Not that
he was technically reading at the moment.
Teresias looked up; his jaw was cracking,grinding, as if it had
dislocated itself and was attempting to realign itself with his
new face. As Shacklebolt watched, Teresias opened his mouth and
asked,"What is it, Kingsley?" in a garbled voice that kept changing
pitch and timbre. Of course,it would be hard for anyone to talk
while their face played hide-and-seek with itself.
"Marge Simpson," Kingsley said. Tonks had posed as a Jehova's
Witness and found out all they needed to know from that Ned
Flanders fellow. No one was safe from Jehova's Witnesses,not
even wizardkind.
"What's...she...doing...there?"
By the time Teresias finished his sentence,Marge Simpson was
knocking on the door.
--
"Come on," Marge said,"One of you has gotta be awake."
A light came on in the window.
The door opened.
"Marge?" Clancy Wiggum asked
Marge felt that, during the time she had been on the police
force, she had gotten to know the man a bit better. He could be
thick-headed sometimes, and of course,he was corruptible...but
he was also a good man who loved his family.
Right now,he was wearing pinstriped pajama bottoms and a strapless white
t-shirt. She had heard kids refer to a shirt like the one he wore
as a "wife-beater," which really put her teeth on edge.
"Can I come in?"
"Marge,it's one in the morning."
"Please,I need to talk to you."
"Well...yeah,all right. C'mon in."
He stepped out of her way.
"Would you like some coffee,or something?"
"No,no..."
She had never really been in the Wiggum house. The living room
was spare,but comfortable; a brown leather easy chair, a TV,
a sofa near the stairs. A radio was playing somewhere in the
house,probably in the kitchen,which was just off of the living room.
"Siddown,would you?"
Marge sat in the chair.
The Rolling Stones were just finishing up "Mother's Little Helper."
"Is Sarah up? She should hear this,too."
"Sarah-"
"Clancy?"
Sarah Wiggum stood at the kitchen door, backlit in soft light.
She always looked dollish; Ralph had inherited her wide,staring
eyes and thankfully,only some of her voice. It was as if she
had swallowed a duck while it was playing a kazoo. She wore a
purple nightgown crawling with orchids. She looked like she'd
been sleeping.
"Marge?"
"Sarah,good."
"Marge,it's-"
"One in the morning,I know. I couldn't wait."
"Well,what is it?"
"Ralph."
"What about Ralph?"
"Has he been...I don't know,acting weird lately?"
"He said he had a headache yesterday."
"Yesterday?"
"When I picked him up from school. That old guy
with the beard? He subbed for Miss Hoover yesterday-
do you know what his deal is?"
On the radio: Led Zeppelin: "Dazed And Confused."
"Professor Dumbledore? He's a kind, gentle old man."
"Ralph said he had a bird that made his head hurt."
"Right," Marge said. "Fawkes. Lisa was taking care
of him today,and I could tell he was sick-"
"You think Ralph made Fawkes sick?"
"Or,the other way around?" Sarah said. She and her husband
shared a concerned look.
"No,no...Look...you know I know about Ralph's..."
"Yeah, I told you about Wiggle Puppy-"
"I wish this was about Wiggle Puppy," Marge said. "Look,
there are some terrible people interested in Ralph-"
"Who are these people?" Wiggum asked,his eyes narrowing. "Did
they come with the exchange project?"
"Those people want to protect Ralph...look...you're going to
think I'm nuts,but I saw something this afternoon-Ralph-"
"Something Ralph did?"
"Well,Lisa was taking care of that bird-"
Above them,there was the sound of breaking glass.
Sarah gasped.
"Oh,great," Clancy said.
Every light in the house went out.
The streetlights shone into the living room.
"Get out of the light," Wiggum said.
Marge moved into shadow.
She could feel Sarah next to her.
Upstairs,an unmistakable sound; footsteps.
"What-"
"Shhhh..."
Wiggum dropped to the floor.
He crawled over the carpet,and braced himself against the door.
He looked through the peephole.
There were people gathered outside on the lawn.
They wore black robes; hoods hid their faces.
"Who are these guys?" he asked.
"-and now,here's Type O Negative,off of their WORLD COMING DOWN
CD...this is called 'Creepy Green Light' on KBBL..."
For a moment,no one moved.
"This Halloween...so unlike...any other..."
Then one of the hooded figures started towards the door.
Wiggum spun away; "Upstairs," he hissed at the ladies.
"Upstairs?"
Marge spun around-
-and tripped over something in the dark.
"Agh," she said,"Sarah-"
A hand closed over her wrist.
"Is that you, Sarah?"
There was no response.
"Sarah?"
The grip on her wrist tightened.
"Marge?"
"Sarah-"
"Up here."
Sarah stared down on the second floor landing. Clancy was with her.
Then whose hand-
"GAAAH-"
She threw her elbow back; she hit something solid,that fell
away from her.
"Don't be afraid...of the green...light..."
"Get behind the couch," Wiggum hissed. Then he looked
towards the door and vanished from sight.
Marge got to her feet.
For a moment,she stared at the door.
"...of the green...light..."
Marge dove behind the couch.
"...of the green light..."
The door creaked as it opened.
The music began skipping.
""Be afraid...of the green light...be afraid...of the green-"
A dark shape stood on the threshold.
Its shadow spilled into the room. In moments,it was joined by
others.
"This is the correct house,isn't it?"
--
"Ralph."
"Daddy?"
"It's me,Ralph. C'mon,get up."
"I was dreaming," Ralph said.
"Shhh. Whisper,okay?"
"Okay." He looked out the window. "It's late."
"Yeah,it sure is."
The hallway was deserted. In the darkness,he could just
make out Sarah's hair.
"Watch Ralph a second," he said.
Sarah bent down and picked up Ralph.
He walked into the bedroom.
It was definitely time to open the Forbidden Closet Of Mystery.
--
Sarah backed down the hall,daring anything to come up the stairs.
She wished something would,just so the silence would end.
"Hold on,Ralph," she said. He held on tight.
She glanced at the picture of her mother,which had been
hanging there forever. Clancy's father stared at her from the
opposite wall. She stepped past them,wishing the floor would
quit creaking.
Sarah backed into the bathroom,holding Ralph.
"They won't get you,honey," she said,"I swear."
Behind her, the darkness moved.
"Hi," Ralph said.
Sarah spun around.
A very deep voice said "Please don't scream, Mrs. Wiggum."
"Who-"
"My name is Kingsley. Kingsley Shacklebolt. I'm here to help.
My partner Teresias is around here somewhere,too. You'll know him
when you see him, trust me."
The stairs creaked.
Sarah looked out into the dark hallway.
"Someone's-"
"Shhhh. These guys are hardcore killers."
"My husband's in the other room," Sarah said.
"Daddy..."
---
The hooded figure reached the top of the stairs.
On the landing,two others seemed to step out of a pocket of
nothing. There were now three figures upstairs.
Marge was wedged between the sofa and the wall.
There were others in the room now,prowling,stalking.
Then,one of the hoods upstairs began to speak.
"We've kahm for dah boy," he said. He had an unfamiliar
accent. Perhaps he was Polish or Russian or of Czech descent.
"Geeve heem to me,and no wahn vill be hurt."
He stepped away from the staircase.
"Lumos," he said. The tip of his wand lit up,revealing an
unpleasant,thin, twisted face,and malicious,cold eyes. He tapped
the banister with his wand.
"My name eeze Antonin Dolohov," he said. "I serve the Dark Lord.
Resistance vill be met vith an unspeakably painful death, I
promise you. I have two others vith me now,and more downstairs.
Just geeve us the boy and you vill be spared."
"All you want is Ralph?"
The voice surprised both Dolohov and Marge.
"That ees all, Chief Viggum."
"What if I'm not prepared to give him up?"
"You'll be revorded beyond your vildest dreams if you cooperate."
"Yeah,just ask Barty Crouch's kid." Shacklebolt said.
"What happened to Barty Crouch's kid?" Wiggum asked.
"He's minus a soul."
"Euugh."
"Ees that you,Shacklebolt?"
"It certainly is, Dolohov. You're not getting the kid without
the fight of your life."
"We are prepared vor a fight," Dolohov said.
Something skittered across the carpet and stopped at Dolohov's feet.
He picked it up.
The figure on Dolohov's left gasped. "Throw it back,Dolohov-THROW
IT BACK-"
Instead,Dolohov turned. "Macnair,vot-"
---
Wiggum pulled the pin out of the grenade.
He tossed it down the hall. It bounced end over end a few times,
before it rested at Dolohov's feet.
Dolohov did an absolutely amazing thing.
He bent down-
-and PICKED UP THE GRENADE.
"Throw it back,Dolohov,THROW IT BACK-"
He read the message,and then looked back at his comrade.
Dolohov said "Macnair, vot-"
"Maaarge,FIRE IN THE HOLE-"
Wiggum threw himself back into the room.
A second later, there was a huge explosion.
---
Pieces of Dolohov,Macnair and the other one-Jugson, if it
matters-rained down into the living room.
A fine red mist mingled with the smoke; it hung in
the air. Marge hoped there was no blood on her.
She had been hit by a piece of the railing; the
stairs were now a mass of shredded wood.
She didn't remember screaming at the explosion.
Certainly,she hoped she hadn't.
"Well,hello."
Marge took her hands away from her eyes.
Another one-the hood shadowed most of his face-she
could make out bad skin,pockmarked like ruined chrome-
stared at her from the top of the couch.
"What's your name?"
"Marge," she said. "Marge Simpson."
"Augustus," said the man.
Marge smirked.
"Your last name wouldn't be Gloop,would it?"
He kept smiling.
"I didn't understand that," he said. He pointed something at her.
It looked kind of like the wands Professor Dumbledore's people
carried with them.
"Get up," he said. "Or die there."
"Don't hurt me," Marge said.
Then she brought her legs up and donkey-kicked him full in the face.
With a surprised shout, he fell off of the couch.
She stood up.
"Who's next?"
She roared it like a lioness.
"STUPEFY!"
An arm slipped around her waist.
A burst of light blasted a hole in the wall, mere inches away;
she felt the heat,even after she'd been yanked to safety.
"Gaah-"
---
"Cover your ears,Ralphie. You too,Sarah."
Ralph covered his ears. So did Sarah.
Clancy Wiggum,in full body armor,stepped onto the remains of the
second floor landing,away from the smear on the wall. He
crouched down and looked through the scope,down into the dark,
living room,which was foggy with plaster dust and smoke. Someone
was coughing down there.
No one was paying any attention to him.
There was a standoff happening down there.
Marge was with some guy-his face kept moving around,as if his
skull were constantly reshaping itself. They were surrounded by
at least three of the hooded figures. The guy whose face wouldn't
stay still brandished a pointy stick at them. They,in turn,had
pointy sticks of their own.
"Marge?" Clancy called. "You all right?"
"I'm fine," she said. "You got three of them,there are four-"
"ADAVA-"
Wiggum aimed at the general area from whence the voice had
come and opened fire. He saw someone fall through the light
streaming through the windows.
There was a long silence.
Then:
"You shot Avery." There was anger in the voice, anger and
sadness and then a scream of "ACCIO GUN-" and before Wiggum knew
it the sniper rifle had been wrenched out of his hands.
Wiggum reached for his backup revolver-
-and the rifle roared. The pair of Kevlar vests he'd put on saved
him; the force of the impact turned him around,teeth gritted. He
heard a second shot,and a moment later,he felt such a pain in his ass and realized
he'd been shot as he fell off of the landing and landed so hard
on the floor that he bounced.
"Clancy-" Sarah put a hand to her mouth.
"Get down here," Augustus said.
"STUPEFY!"
The Death Eater who'd claimed Wiggum's shotgun went down,but
not before he got off a shot that hit Kingsley in the shoulder
and spun him around on his way to the floor.
"I told you to come down here," Augustus said. "If you don't,
I'll torture her."
"Don't come down here,Sarah," Marge called.
Wiggum moaned.
"Then again-"
He pointed his wand at Wiggum.
"Crucio."
Wiggum arched his back and screamed.
He whisked the wand away.
"How did that feel, Chief?"
Wiggum failed to say anything coherent.
"Now,come down or-"
Sarah just looked at him,defiant.
"Are you an idiot? Come down here this instant and no one-"
"Whenever my husband's in a hostage situation," Sarah said, "He
doesn't negotiate. No bargains. You won't get anything from me,
either."
"Oh,I think after a few Cruciatis Curses, you'll be begging me
to just take the boy."
"Surrender the boy,Mrs. Wiggum," said an unfamiliar voice. A
rather bent man appeared out of the smoke.
"Careful,Nott," Augustus said.
"Rookwood,do shut up. She'll listen to reason. She must. I have a
son of my own. I know I'd probably do the same thing you're-"
He stopped in midsentence.
Teresias had caught his attention.
"It must be quite difficult trying to talk with a face like that,"
Nott said.
"Aghh..."
"Nott-don't provoke him."
"Oh,Augustus,really-what can he do?"
Teresias's face was a maelstrom, a whirlpool of flesh.
"Sometimes Dumbledore really amazes me," Nott said. "You'd
think he'd be more selective. Why would he want to be associated
with a thing like you? Oh,look,Augustus,his mouth is-"
Teresias screamed "AVIS MALEFICIO-"
and a flock of birds erupted from the tip of his wand.
They attacked Nott. They swarmed around him and punctured
his skin with their beaks. He whirled and twisted, finding
the door. "Alhom-"
He opened his mouth and one of the birds bit his tongue.
Nott twisted the doorknob one way,and then the other. He
managed to get the door open,and fell across the threshold.
In a second,he was up and running,the birds on his heels.
"Nott-" Rookwood called,rushing out the door. "Nott,come back-"
Marge Simpson let out a wild yell and brought both her hands into
the back of Augustus Rookwood's neck. He dropped the wand and
in one fluid motion,Marge swept it off the grass and jabbed it
deep into the center of his forehead.
She backed away. The grass felt cool against her ankles.
Rookwood began to convulse.
He pulled the wand out of his head.
Slowly,he turned to Marge.
"Uh-oh," she said.
"All you did was give me a third eye," he said.
He pointed the wand at Marge-
A jet of flame knocked it out of his hand.
Rookwood screamed,clutching his charred hand.
He looked up and saw the little boy.
His arm was outstretched. The tips of his fingers were aflame.
"That's what my mommy calls this," said Ralph. "Uh-oh."
"How long have you been able to do that?" Sarah asked.
"I don't know,the leprechaun won't let me."
"The leprechaun? What leprechaun?"
"You see?" Rookwood asked. "This is why the Dark Lord wants-
AUUUGH, that hurts-that's...why he aaaugh...wants your son."
"I don't care who wants Ralph,they're not getting him."
Rookwood reached into his pocket.
"Wrong," he said. He brought his hand out of his pocket.
Marge saw the knife,but it was too late to move-
"STUPEFY!"
Rookwood flew across the lawn. He landed in the driveway,and
didn't get back up.
Two women were making their way towards the house. Marge had
met one of them; she was walking with a cane now,but her gait
was strong.
"Professor McGonagall," Marge said.
"Evening, Mrs. Simpson." It was as if they'd met at the movies.
She glanced inside the house."Simply dreadful mess you've made
here. I daresay I could have done worse, but not by much. Oh,
by the way,this is Molly Weasley."
"Hi," she shook Molly's hand.
"You know her, Marge?" Sarah asked.
"I know Professor McGonagall," Marge said.
"She certainly does. I-"
She saw the boy. Molly Weasley instantly smiled at him.
"You're Ralph," she said, with her friendliest grin.
Ralph nodded, and then laughed.
"Mggh," Teresias said. "Gmmr-"
Frustrated,he pounded the table.
"Take your time," Dumbledore said.
After a moment,the bones in his jaw seemed to
coalesce with the rest of his face.
"I can't do this," he said,in an impossibly low voice.
Dumbledore nodded. "If you don't feel ready-"
"I duhhnt-"
Dumbledore put his hands on either side of Teresias's face.
"All your life,people have called you a monster,have they not? I
know your landlady and your neighbors did."
Teresias nodded. His flesh shifted under Dumbledore's fingertips.
"I don't think you're a monster,Teresias. No one here does. I find
you wondrous. You're not hideous, you're beautiful."
Teresias would have cried if his tear ducts hadn't been inside
his head at the moment.
"I won't force you to remain in the Order if you feel you cannot."
