The Play's The Thing
"But it was an accident!" Todd wailed. "You can't kill Marsha, Jan and Cindy! They have to raise their babies!"
"NOT IN MY SCHOOL!" Principal Kelly screamed. "NOW GET ON THE BUS WITH THE OTHER MANIACS!"
"But I have to stay and find the hamsters!" Todd cried. "They're my responsibility!"
"Yes, your responsibility. Which you so responsibly lost them in the ventilation systems!" Kelly held his head with his hand. "Thanks to you, we now have to fumigate the entire school! Tolensky the only reason I am allowing you and the rest of your idiot friends from the Brotherhood to go on this field trip is to give me some peace and quiet for one day! So get on the bus and get out of here!"
"Fine, you don't have to yell…" Todd grumbled as he hoisted his backpack on his shoulders and got on the bus. "Oh well at least we get out of class for the day."
"Wonderful," Kurt grumbled. The Brotherhood and X-Men were on the bus. "Just when I think you goons couldn't screw up our school any more…"
"Hey, for once I think they did all right," Bobby said. "You seriously telling me you'd rather be in class than go to a play downtown?"
"What the heck are we gonna see anyway?" Fred asked.
"Something about food," Todd told him. "Ham something or other."
"Hamlet, Toad," Scott winced. "We're going to see Hamlet."
"Hey that's by that Shakespeare guy right?" Fred asked.
"Wow Fred that tutoring really is paying off," Lance said sarcastically.
"This is gonna be a disaster, I know it!" Scott groaned. "I don't know why, I don't know how but I just know that this is not going to be a peaceful field trip! Then again since none of our field trips have been peaceful…"
"Let's just enjoy the day. Hopefully the Brotherhood will look at this as an opportunity," Jean said.
"That's what I'm afraid of," Scott moaned.
A few hours later the students were watching the play. Well most of them. "Blob! Stop snoring!" Rogue hissed. "How come I had to get stuck sitting next to him?"
"I'll trade places with you," Kurt sighed. Todd was fidgeting in his seat looking under it.
"Hey I found some gum!" Todd said.
"Geeze for a play about a guy tormented by ghosts and an evil step dad who wants to kill him this thing is boring," Lance yawned.
Suddenly Pietro walked up to them. "Don't worry! It's all gonna get better! I took a little tour backstage!"
"What did you do?" Jean hissed.
"Jean you know I can't spoil the ending," Pietro grinned.
"Why are Rosencrantz and Guildenstern dressed like penguins?" Kitty blinked.
"That's not in the script is it?" Lance blinked.
"No, it's not," Kitty told him. "And neither is that disco ball."
"And why is Polonius in a clown costume?" Bobby asked.
"I just thought their costumes could use a little spice," Pietro grinned. "Check out what happens to the queen in five…four…three…two…"
"Oh my god…" Kitty winced. "I've heard about performing in your underwear before but I never dreamed…"
BOOM! BOOM!
"Tabitha is there any chance you didn't put any of your time bombs in the orchestra pit?" Lance winced.
"There's always a chance," Tabitha shrugged. "Hey Lance is right! This play is boring! So when Pietro said a few small explosions might liven the place up…"
"Which it did," Rogue said. "Oh look the king's throne is on fire."
"Toad what are you doing?" Kurt hissed. "Stop moving around!"
"I'm looking for something!" Todd told him.
"What could you be looking for?" Scott asked.
"Well I rescued some of the baby hamsters," Todd whispered. "And I put 'em in my backpack. But I kind of forgot to zip it up after I got my drink so…"
"They got out didn't they?" Lance closed his eyes. "How many did you rescue?"
"Only two or three dozen," Todd shrugged. "They're real small."
"Oh god no…" Kurt rolled his eyes as one of the actresses started to scream onstage. "Cue the big disaster."
"I never knew hamsters could swarm," Scott blinked. "Or could run up an actresses' leg."
"All right!" Lance shouted. "Now this play is really getting good!"
"To be honest you gotta admit he has a point," Evan said.
"I won't say I told you so…" Scott groaned as the fire alarms went off.
"But you just did, didn't you?" Jean said.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
"It took four hours to coax the actress down off the balcony," Jean groaned.
"Fortunately none of the hamsters were hurt," Todd said. "The ones in the theater ran away. And even better a local chapter of PETA showed up to protest Kelly trying to exterminate the hamsters. One lady in a hamster costume bit him. We saw it on the news. And Marsha, Jan and Cindy were all rescued."
"And to this day no student from Bayville High has ever gone to see another play," Rogue ended the story.
"Whoa now that's a story," Tim blinked. "I'm impressed! You guys have done a lot of damage."
"Mostly them!" Scott pointed to Lance, Todd, Pietro and Fred. "Every single field trip we went on they wrecked. The zoo, the park, the aquarium, the planetarium…They even stole a bus during a fire drill and kidnapped Kurt for the day!"
"That was Tabby kidnapping Kurt," Pietro pointed out. "And we brought the bus back in mostly one piece."
"And I think the paint job we all did made the bus look much better," Todd said.
"What about the soccer game where you nearly revealed our identities?" Scott said. "Which turned out to be delaying the inevitable."
"Hey you're the one who set the gym on fire when you shot that flaming hawk statue out of my hands!" Fred pointed out.
"Oh like you wouldn't have done that yourself," Scott shot back.
"Well we certainly didn't let those monsters out at the Sadie Hawkins Dance!" Lance told him.
"Am I ever going to be able to forget that?" Forge groaned.
"No, along with all your other stupid inventions that backfired!" Rogue told him.
"Yeah but the old Brotherhood did ten times the damage Forge ever did," Scott pointed out. "Remember the time you guys got the Governor's wife to duke it out with Kelly's secretary in front of the entire school?"
"Oh yeah man that was classic!" Todd laughed.
"So were all the times Blue Boy's image inducer failed and he freaked people out in the boy's bathroom!" Pietro said. "Not to mention all the vending machines Boom Boom blew up!"
"Not half as freaked as Kelly was when Beast first appeared and nearly tore him to shreds," Lance said. "Or when Cobra attacked us during that dance."
"There's never a dull moment with you people is there?" Betsy blinked.
"I'm afraid not," Kurt admitted.
"No wonder everyone at school hated us when they found out our secret," Kitty groaned. "Still you guys from the Brotherhood have to admit you really did a lot of damage!"
"You have nothing to complain about," Rogue said. "At least you never lived with any of them!"
"We weren't that bad," Todd said. "Name one time we were really bad!"
"Oh yeah?" Rogue looked at him. "I can name at least three times! The day after Pietro moved in for starters! Do you know what I caught these idiots doing when I came down for breakfast…?"
The hamster thing was based on one of my fics 'Brotherhood Hamsters'. Up next an old favorite of mine returns in non script form. Sorry folks but I couldn't resist rewriting this one!
