Pardon this shameless bit of self-promotion,but a bit of news about Boneyard Press's

SEX CRIMES anthology: I just found out my story-"All The Pleasures Of The Flesh"-will

contain illustrations by none other than Bernie Wrightson. The lineup for this

antho is amazing. Wayne Allen Sallee, David J. Schow, Christa Faust, and a whole

slew of other very talented writers. Coming in October,from Boneyard Press.

These characters, of course, do not belong to me. They sprung from the heads of

J.K. Rowling and Matt Groening.

33.

THE FOREST

Willy woke up with leaves in his mouth.

He sat up, and spat them out.

For a moment, he just sat there.

"How'd I get here?"

The trees around him were twisted and dying; in some places, they were

burnt, bent, like elderly men with crooked spines. Sunlight shone through

them, illuminating the wide circle in the dirt. He was careful not to step on any of

the symbols etched within the circle.

There was a note stuck to one of the trees.

WILLY,

Last night was amazing. As I write this, I am still tingling.

You don't remember anything because I erased your memory.

Sorry.

The circle is there for your protection.

When you leave, run.

I have included arrows as per the quickest

route out of the forest.

See you later.

The note was signed MADAME X.

Willy tried to remember last night. Of course, he couldn't.

"'Cause me memory's been ERASED," he said, rolling his eyes.

As far as he could tell, he was alone.

He took a step outside the circle.

Nothing attacked him.

A few feet in front of him, an arrow had been burnt into the ground.

He found another one a few feet away.

"I ain't running," he said to himself. He didn't care what else heard him.

Run. Right. There's nothing here, he thought. But something was

calling me-

He came to a small stream. On the other side, there was another arrow.

Willy rolled up his pants.

Then he stepped into the shallow water, which was pleasantly cool.

He bent down,closed his eyes and splashed water on his face.

Then, he took a long drink, opened his eyes-

-and saw someone watching him from under the water.

He yelled,surprised, and threw himself backwards.

It rose out of the water; at first,he thought it looked like a clown. Its bloated

face was rich with color, vivid purples and blues. Rags hung loose from its flesh.

In some places, cloth and skin were one, spreading over the surface of the water

like a jellyfish's tendrils.

It shuffled towards him; its eyes had burst, but it was almost on top of him.

It's tracking me by smell, Willy thought, or maybe it feels me movements in the

water-

From behind, he felt hands close over his shoulders.

Willy was yanked to his feet.

"Funny meeting you here," Professor Chillinger said.

"Is this funny?" the man on the left said.

"Funny? That's not funny," said the man on the right.

"What in the hell is it?" Willy asked.

"It's called a draug," said the center man.

"Norwegian," came from the right.

From the left: "Spirit of a drowned man. Or woman,I can't really be sure..."

"Wasn't buried properly. Not the nastiest the forest has to offer, but very,

very close..."

"What're we gonna do?" Willy asked.

"Hit it with the shovel?" the man on the left said.

He showed Willy that he was carrying a shovel.

"All we have to do is get out of the water," Chillinger said. "This is a

water draug. They can't follow us onto land. If there are any land draugs

around, they'll fight with the water draug."

Willy edged towards the other side of the stream.

The draug bared its teeth. When it growled, water spilled out of its mouth.

"Oh,Gaawwwd..." the man on the right moaned.

"Stop simpering," the center Chillinger said.

"I can't. That's what I do, I run around screaming-"

"Then scream silently."

Willy edged his way onto the dirt.

The draug threw its head towards the sky. Willy expected it to howl, but

all it did was gurgle.

"Get out of here," the middle man said.

"What about yeu?"

"I'll be fine. Just go before-"

The sound of hoofbeats reverberated around the forest.

"Oh, damn," Chillinger said.

"What?"

"The centaurs," Chillinger said. "They'll kill you if-"

Willy's gaze traveled upwards.

"-they find you,now run-what is it?"

Chillinger turned. A group of centaurs stood on the other side of the stream.

All of them held a combination of bow and arrow.

"Well," said one,with very dark hair. "Professor Chillinger."

"Morning, Bane."

"That's not Bane, is it?"

"It's Bane."

"We have repeatedly warned you not to enter our domain."

"Oh, right. I forgot you'd laid claim to the entire forest."

"I do not know this one."

Bane crossed the stream. The draug had vanished.

"M'name's Willy."

"Willy," Bane said, testing the name. Then his eyes widened. "You were the

one making all the noise last night. You kept us all awake."

"M' memory's been erased," Willy said. "Can't remember nothin'."

"How very convienient." Bane said. "You may go. Professor Chillinger

will not be joining you."

"I ain't leavin' without any of 'im."

"You won't kill me," Chillinger said. "Not if you ever want to see Ronan again."

Bane's nostrils flared.

"Where is Ronan?"

"Who's Ronan?" Willy whispered.

"Put your weapons down," Chillinger said. "I'll lead you to him."

The centaurs on the other bank did as he said.

Bane looked like he wanted to put an arrow through Chillinger's head.

"Do it," Chillinger said.

Bane reached down to the ground.

The instant he put his bow and arrow down, Chillinger tossed the shovel to Willy.

Willy bashed Bane over the head.

Bane fell to the ground with a WHUMP.

By that time, Willy and Chillinger were fleeing.

An arrow thwocked into a tree,right above Willy's head.

He heard Chillinger cry out.

"Don't stop, just get out of here-"

Willy ran and ran, the sharp ends of branches stabbing his arms, his face. The

trees stretched so tall, they blocked out the sun. He couldn't see any more

arrows.

The darkness was alive with noises so terrible he closed his eyes and covered his

ears-

-so he didn't immediately realize he'd cleared the trees.

He opened his eyes and saw the castle in front of him, and before the

castle, a great big expanse of green grass.

"Willy?"

Willy looked back.

Two of the Chillingers were holding the middle one upright.

There was an arrow in his back, right between his shoulder blades.

"There's an arrow in my heart," he gasped. "I don't know how long

I'll last."

Willy now saw that the two other Chillingers were fading in and out of

existence.

"The id and the ego and the superego...none of them can exist without the others...

If I die...they'll die, as well...help them get me to the castle-"

"I'll get ya there," Willy said. He waved off the men. Then he slung Chillinger

over his shoulder and carried him towards the castle, the other two fading, but

still following.