Cleanup On Aisle One Two And Three
"Daddy?" Five year old Althea looked up at her father as they walked into the grocery store. She was wearing ribbons in her hair and had a sailor suit on. "This doesn't look like our usual grocery store. There's food here."
"Well that's because your father usually takes you to a place that's called a package store," Lady Jaye told her. "That's for selling other things. Grown up things."
"Oh you mean that store is where he gets his booze?" Althea asked.
"Yes dear," Lady Jaye said. She glared at Shipwreck. "You're seriously warping this child you know that?"
"It's not like I've been giving her free samples down there," Shipwreck grumbled. "You know you guys didn't have to come."
"Yes we did," Roadblock said. "Someone has to look out for the kid."
Roadblock, Lady Jaye, Low Light and Bazooka were accompanying them. "It's a good thing Mara asked us to keep an eye on you!" Roadblock told him.
"So much for the only advantage of having a wife that lives in a tank most of the time," Shipwreck grumbled.
"Lady Jaye? Can I ask you something?" Althea tugged at Lady Jaye's shirt.
"What is it sweetheart?" Lady Jaye grinned.
"Why do they call it a package store when they sell alcohol?" Althea asked.
"Well because…" Lady Jaye was at a loss for words. "Because…uh…"
"I got this one," Low Light sighed. "You how your Daddy likes to hide his booze from Mommy?"
"Yeah he carries it in these brown bags and doesn't tell her how much he got," Althea nodded. "Then he hides them in a big box in our cellar."
"How do you know that?" Shipwreck asked.
"Mommy pays me a whole dollar to tell her," Althea said truthfully. "And another dollar if I can get the paper stuff you hide in the trash."
"You mean the receipts?" Lady Jaye asked. Althea nodded. "Smart Mommy."
"So they call it a package store 'cause you have to hide the beer in packages?" Althea asked.
"Close enough," Low Light glared at Shipwreck.
"Sweetie," Shipwreck gulped. "How about if Daddy gives you two dollars not to tell Mommy any more?"
"Shipwreck!" Lady Jaye snapped. "You're bribing your own child? That's terrible!"
"Mara started it not me," Shipwreck said. "Think of this as teaching her a lesson in economics. So what do you say kiddo?"
"Make it ten," Althea looked at him.
"She learns fast doesn't she?" Roadblock asked Low Light.
"Ten dollars! Are you crazy?" Shipwreck snapped. "The most you'll get is five!"
"Ten," Althea stared at him. "And I won't tell Mommy about the funny magazines you have down there that you hide too."
"Funny magazines?" Lady Jaye asked. "What kind of funny magazines?" She glared at Shipwreck.
"With pretty ladies who got no clothes on and a lot of makeup," Althea said.
"You've learned how to pick locks haven't you?" Shipwreck winced.
"Snake Eyes taught me," Althea said proudly. "Ten bucks."
"Can you say blackmail?" Low Light snickered. "I knew you could."
"Which is wrong! Wrong! Right Lady Jaye?" Shipwreck appealed to her.
"Oh yes it is," Lady Jaye said. "Except in this case. Pay her the ten bucks mister."
"Fine!" Shipwreck grudgingly took the money out of his wallet. "Getting so a man can't have any secrets around here anymore!"
"Just shut up and let's go," Low Light snapped. "Let's just get the food and get out of here!"
"Hey! Look! They have wine!" Shipwreck pointed to one aisle and went in.
"Get back here you goon!" Lady Jaye snapped. Soon all the Joes were arguing with Shipwreck.
Althea, being the curious young lady she was decided to explore. She soon found herself in the candy aisle where she saw a young girl her age. She had green hair, a black and pink top and black pants with holes in them. She was stuffing candy into her mouth like crazy.
"I don't think you're supposed to eat all that," Althea said.
"Buzz off!" The girl stuffed her face.
"My name's Althea, what's yours?"
"Zanya," The other girl kept stuffing her face.
"I'm gonna be a big sister soon!" Althea chirped. "I can't wait!"
"Who cares?" Zanya snapped.
Althea shrugged and decided to have some candy herself. She reached for one in a different bin when Zanya slapped her hand. "MINE!"
"HEY!" Althea snapped.
"All this candy is mine! So buzz off!" Zanya snapped.
"It is not all yours!" Althea shouted. "I want candy too!"
"Too bad! Get lost before I belt you one!" Zanya made a fist.
"Oh yeah! Well maybe I'll belt you one!" Althea snarled.
"Just try it!" Zanya shouted.
"Maybe I will!" Althea shouted.
Meanwhile a few aisles over…
"Of all the bloody places we had to shop…" Zartan shouted as he threw a watermelon at the Joes. "DID WE HAVE TO COME HERE TORCH? WAS THIS TRIP REALLY NECESSARY?"
"Aw come on Zartan, you know this is one of the few stores that carry those lime flavored jelly donuts!" Torch said. "Although it wasn't my idea not to bring any weapons here!"
"Look you!" Zarana snapped. "I promised Zartan's stupid girlfriend that we'd look after her kid and have one explosion free day! Buzzer! Get the kid out of here!" She threw some grapes at Lady Jaye.
"I don't have her! Ripper has her!" Buzzer shouted. Then he got hit in the face with a tomato.
"I don't have her! I thought you had her!" Ripper shouted.
"Where's my daughter you twits?" Zartan shouted.
"Of all the times we left without our weapons!" Low Light hissed as he threw tomatoes. "Dreadnoks in the grocery store! It figures!"
"We gotta get Althea out of here!" Shipwreck shouted. "Where is she?"
"You lost her again?" Lady Jaye shouted.
"Oh great!" Roadblock groaned. "Where could she be?"
Suddenly they saw two five year olds fighting, knocking everything over. "Althea!" Shipwreck shouted.
"Zanya!" Zartan shouted.
"Doo doo head!" Zanya shouted.
"Rat face!" Althea shouted back.
"That's my kid!" Zartan and Shipwreck shouted. They looked at each other. "Your kid?"
"Zartan has a kid?" Low Light gasped. All the Joes and the Dreadnoks stopped fighting. "Great! Just what we need, Dreadnoks: The Next Generation!"
"DIE! DIE! DIE!" Both girls rolled around causing chaos.
"Oh isn't that cute?" Shipwreck grinned. "Their first little brawl."
Zartan sniffed. "They grow up so fast."
"Torch get the camera!" Buzzer called out as the girls trashed the aisle. "We gotta tape this!"
"Get her Althea!" Shipwreck shouted. "Kick her butt!"
"No way! Tear her bloody head off!" Zartan shouted.
"Yeah right!" Shipwreck shouted. "Ten to fifty my daughter kicksyour daughter's butt!"
"You're on!" Zartan shouted.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
"Okay so I got yelled at for hours when I brought Althea home with a black eye," Shipwreck sighed. "But the sight of her giving it to that little Dreadnok drip was worth it. Not to mention the fifty bucks I won! You know she still has a lock of green hair she tore out from that fight?"
"Unbelievable," Hank looked at him.
"I know, she's always been a toughie," Shipwreck beamed with pride.
"No, what's unbelievable is that you have been allowed to not only procreate but to be allowed near your offspring!" Hank said. "Let alone raise them and I use that term loosely!"
"Frightening isn't it?" Low Light asked. "And people call mutants freaks!"
"I'm amazed Althea is as sane as she is the more I hear about her life with you," Logan remarked. "Not to mention being so good with money."
"Tell me about it," Shipwreck grumbled. "She kept up that little racket right up until Mara left me. Near the end of our marriage I was paying her over a hundred bucks a week!"
"The scary thing is he has two more little minds to warp from scratch," Roadblock pointed out. "Lord I worry about Barney and Claudius."
"At least Barney doesn't have Shipwreck's DNA," Low Light pointed out. "So there's a chance he could grow up sane."
"I like babies," Shipwreck said. "They're cute and they can't squeal on you. It's when they start talking and getting into your magazine collection they become annoying."
"Remember when the Triplets were little?" Cover Girl said. "And we first found out how smart they were?"
"Ohhhhh…" Shipwreck winced. "That was scary!"
"What happened?" Xavier asked.
"What didn't happen?" Shipwreck groaned.
