39.
TRANSIT
-arry?"
Harry snapped back to reality.
He looked up at Dumbledore.
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."
Dumbledore smiled. "Never mind."
"No,what is it?"
"My question concerned you and Miss Johnson."
"Well..."
"Your feet are barely touching the ground. Thus-"
"Your answer is questioned," Harry said. "Wait..."
"As long as you're happy," he said.
"I think so," Harry said.
"That's my greatest wish for you."
"Happiness?"
"That and more. So much more."
He glanced over his shoulder.
"Thinking of joining us, Minerva?"
She frowned.
"I've got chewing gum stuck to my boot."
"Here," Ron said, "Lean on me."
"Thank you, Mr. Weasley."
Hermione pointed her wand at the grayish mess stuck to Professor McGonagall's
boot. "Scourgify." The gum vanished.
"We're going to a movie," Harry said.
"At the Aztec."
"Yeah."
"Well...I hope you have a wonderful time."
"So do I."
"Nervous?"
"No," he said. "Yes."
"You have nothing to be nervous about. Just be yourself."
"Are you sure?"
"Well,of course. You know, I believe there's some kind of gland in the human
brain that burns out the minute you turn twenty, and it allows
you to stop caring what other people think. Of course, I value
the opinions of those closest to me...but you know what I mean."
"I do know what you mean,yeah."
"If you'll allow this temporary excursion into youthful vernacular,
being a teenager can really suck."
Harry's jaw dropped.
"It was awful when I was sixteen and it's still that way. Your body's changing,
you start questioning your place in the world, your whole identity...oh, well,
at least you don't have acne. You have wonderful skin, Harry,has anyone ever told
you that?"
"No," Harry said.
"You have your mother's eyes, but you also have her skin."
"Are we there yet?" Ron called.
"Very nearly, Mr. Weasley." Dumbledore said.
"I'm getting hungry," he said. "I hope they have food."
"Ron, you just ate," Hermione said. "He popped into the
party and pigged out."
"Well, you did, too."
Hermione gasped.
"I'm sorry," Ron said. "I didn't mean to call you a pig."
"S'alright, Ron." Hermione said. "I know you can't help it."
Professor McGonagall bit her tongue.
---
"And now, back to BATTLE OF THE EVIL CHILD GENIUSES-"
There was a knock at the door.
Selma roused herself off the couch.
She opened the door.
A weird group stood on the other side.
There was an elderly man with a long,silver beard and long flowing purple robes,
fronting the group. He disarmed Patty with a polite smile. His arm rested around the
shoulder of a bespectacled teenage kid with dark hair. Beside them, an elderly woman
in green tartan robes stood with two other kids. The kids,to Selma, were nondescript
because she saw so many others who looked just like them at the DMV.
"Selma?" the elderly man asked. His voice reminded her of the voices she heard in
her head, reading fairy tales.
"That's me. Are you Professor Dumbledore?"
"Why, yes, I am."
"Marge mentioned you. C'mon in."
The group moved into the house.
"Just make yourself at home," Selma said. "I know I have."
She disappeared into the kitchen.
She had lied to Marge and told her the state of the kitchen was her fault. Of
course, she'd managed to glue the table and the chairs back together,but the
room still smelled like electrified beer.
She stuck a new cigarette in her mouth, then lit it.
Selma opened the window a crack.
When she turned back, Professor Dumbledore was sitting at the table.
"Careful," she said. "The glue is still drying."
"Don't worry," he said. "My bones are strong. My reflexes are excellent."
"How old are you?"
"Old enough," Dumbledore said.
"You don't smell like an old man."
Dumbledore didn't know what to say.
"Not that I have anything against the elderly," Selma said. "But, y'know,
walk into a Bingo hall some days and the medication sucks all the air out of
the room."
"So do cigarettes," Dumbledore said, with his best Snapesian smirk.
She blew a cloud of smoke at him.
As it neared him, the cloud solidified.
He collected it from the air,smoothed it out in his hands-
-and tossed it back to her. She caught it.
"Whoa," Selma said. "It's light as air."
"Naturally," said Dumbledore.
"So...you're the Gandalf of the bunch?"
"A thing like that should not be said lightly," Dumbledore said.
"Oh," Selma said. "Okay. Well..."
"I wanted to speak to you about Severus Snape."
She stubbed out the cigarette and sat across from him.
"What about him?"
"Just that...well,he's quite taken with you."
"Well," she said.
"He's not used to feeling what you made him feel earlier. His
life, right now, is one of cold facts and enormous pressures.
He may deny his own feelings, but I tell you I know the man.
I ask only that you be patient with him."
"All right," Selma said. "I'll be patient."
He smiled,then stood up and moved into the living room.
He sat down on the couch. For a moment, he watched the
show airing on the television; it was one of those awful
reality shows-WORLD'S FUNNIEST CAR WRECKS CAUGHT ON TAPE
or something like that. It made him glad that there was no
electricity at Hogwarts. Now that THE X FILES had gone,
there was nothing this box could offer him.
Back in the kitchen, the door opened.
"Mr. Simpson?"
Harry came in from the kitchen.
"Mr. Simpson," he called. "Have you seen Mr. Simpson, Professor?"
"I have not, Harry."
"In that case, could you come out here, please?"
Concerned, Dumbledore rose from the couch and followed Harry outside.
Harry stopped in the middle of the backyard. He looked skyward. Professor
Dumbledore joined him, rested one hand on the boy's shoulder,and-
"There he is," Harry said.
Fawkes sailed past their heads,towing Maggie Simpson,who squealed with delight.
"Fawkes," Dumbledore called. "Come down here this instant."
"Fawkes," Professor McGonagall called,appearing from the side of the house. She
joined them. "Oh,well...that bird never listens to me."
"He listens," Dumbledore said. "He just doesn't obey."
She gave him that look that filled his dreams.
Just then, Homer Simpson came out the back,followed by Hermione and Ron.
"Oh,my God." he said. "Maggie," he called.
"Please,don't worry," Dumbledore said. "He's perfectly safe."
"She sure looks like she's having fun," Homer said. "Professor-"
"Yes?"
"My dad ran out of his pills," Homer said. "It's almost time for his daily
dosage,and I can't-"
"Say no more," Dumbledore said. "We will deliver the medication."
"I'll watch Fawkes," Minerva said.
"Thanks, you guys."
"Not at all," Dumbledore said. Then he touched Homer on the shoulder.
"Homer..."
"Yeah?"
"Your mother..."
Homer smiled; it was wistful and sad,but also loving.
"She's alive," Homer said. "See,I thought she was dead...she wasn't."
---
Dumbledore felt very close to the three people walking with him. There was
Harry, bringing up the rear, and Ron at his side, and he had linked arms with
Hermione. He knew he was safe with them around,and of course the reverse was true.
"Professor?"
"Yes, Ron?"
"I've been wondering..."
"Yes."
"Yes?"
Dumbledore looked down, which wasn't far. Ron was getting so tall. "Yes," he said,
his eyes twinkling.
"I haven't even asked you the question yet."
"The answer will be yes."
Ron grinned.
"Ask me anyway."
"Did my parents name Percy after you?"
"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore," Hermione said. "I never even noticed."
"Yes," Dumbledore said. "They did."
"Sorry he turned out to be such a git."
"I believe there's still hope for Percy."
"You really think so?" Harry asked.
"I do."
They crossed the street,and walked past the statue of the town's founder,Jebediah
Springfield.
"Looks like a tough customer," Ron said.
"'A Noble Spirit Embiggens The Smallest Man,'" Hermione read.
"Does this town look like yours?" Dumbledore asked her. She had grown into
such a lovely young woman.
"No, actually, it doesn't. It's a lot bigger."
"That's right. You live in a village,don't you?"
"Right. Twenty people, and we all know each other."
"And your parents take care of their teeth?"
Hermione laughed. "Their office is in another town. You get in for free,
should you ever need dental work, Professor."
"That's a comforting thought."
As they crossed the street, Ron looked at the bottle of pills.
"Methyl testosterone," Ron read. "What's that?"
"Hormone pills," Hermione said.
"Male hormones, specifically," Dumbledore said.
"Here,it's just down the street," Harry said.
"What are these pills supposed to do?" Ron asked.
"Any number of things," Dumbledore said.
"Is that it, over there?" Hermione asked, pointing
to the Retirement Castle.
"Yeah," Harry said.
"Did you go in last time?"
"No," Dumbledore said. "Homer's father ran out to us."
"I visited my grandfather at his nursing home until he died," Hermione said. "It
was such a creepy place. Like a prison."
"Mmm." Dumbledore said. "The way the the elderly are treated saddens me at times."
Hermione squeezed his arm.
Ron ran onto the Retirement Castle's lawn.
There were people sitting near the door,under a colorful awning. They waved
at Ron. He grinned and waved back.
"Look at this place," he said.
Hermione and Professor Dumbledore joined him.
Harry stepped onto the grass.
The pain he felt in that moment made the Cruciatis Curse feel orgasmic.
"Hey," one of the men under the awning said.
Dumbledore turned in time to see Harry, standing there near the edge of the
grass, on his feet and convulsing, as if he were being electrocuted by
something under the ground-and now Hermione and Ron saw,too-Hermione gasped,
and Ron said "Hang on, mate-" but they were both too late.
A fountain of blood exploded out of Harry's scar,out of his head,staining the grass
in front of him and drenching his clothes. His knees gave out and he fell.
Dumbledore didn't remember how he got to Harry so quickly. One moment, he was
standing a few yards away and then the next he was right there,kneeling
beside Harry. He was aware of Ron and Hermione-"Is he breathing?" one of them
asked, hysteria blurring the difference in pitch.
He wasn't breathing.
His heart wasn't beating, either.
It would not, could not end this way, he thought.
Dumbledore opened Harry's mouth and breathed for him,ignoring the blood
on his face.
"One. Two. Three."
Miss Granger was pumping his chest with her hands. Good.
He breathed into Harry again.
This time, Harry coughed.
"Yes," Dumbledore exclaimed-
-and now,orderlies and nurses were pouring out of the Retirement Castle. They
moved Harry onto a stretcher and relayed him from the grass into the building,
followed closely by Ron,Hermione and Dumbledore.
TRANSIT
-arry?"
Harry snapped back to reality.
He looked up at Dumbledore.
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."
Dumbledore smiled. "Never mind."
"No,what is it?"
"My question concerned you and Miss Johnson."
"Well..."
"Your feet are barely touching the ground. Thus-"
"Your answer is questioned," Harry said. "Wait..."
"As long as you're happy," he said.
"I think so," Harry said.
"That's my greatest wish for you."
"Happiness?"
"That and more. So much more."
He glanced over his shoulder.
"Thinking of joining us, Minerva?"
She frowned.
"I've got chewing gum stuck to my boot."
"Here," Ron said, "Lean on me."
"Thank you, Mr. Weasley."
Hermione pointed her wand at the grayish mess stuck to Professor McGonagall's
boot. "Scourgify." The gum vanished.
"We're going to a movie," Harry said.
"At the Aztec."
"Yeah."
"Well...I hope you have a wonderful time."
"So do I."
"Nervous?"
"No," he said. "Yes."
"You have nothing to be nervous about. Just be yourself."
"Are you sure?"
"Well,of course. You know, I believe there's some kind of gland in the human
brain that burns out the minute you turn twenty, and it allows
you to stop caring what other people think. Of course, I value
the opinions of those closest to me...but you know what I mean."
"I do know what you mean,yeah."
"If you'll allow this temporary excursion into youthful vernacular,
being a teenager can really suck."
Harry's jaw dropped.
"It was awful when I was sixteen and it's still that way. Your body's changing,
you start questioning your place in the world, your whole identity...oh, well,
at least you don't have acne. You have wonderful skin, Harry,has anyone ever told
you that?"
"No," Harry said.
"You have your mother's eyes, but you also have her skin."
"Are we there yet?" Ron called.
"Very nearly, Mr. Weasley." Dumbledore said.
"I'm getting hungry," he said. "I hope they have food."
"Ron, you just ate," Hermione said. "He popped into the
party and pigged out."
"Well, you did, too."
Hermione gasped.
"I'm sorry," Ron said. "I didn't mean to call you a pig."
"S'alright, Ron." Hermione said. "I know you can't help it."
Professor McGonagall bit her tongue.
---
"And now, back to BATTLE OF THE EVIL CHILD GENIUSES-"
There was a knock at the door.
Selma roused herself off the couch.
She opened the door.
A weird group stood on the other side.
There was an elderly man with a long,silver beard and long flowing purple robes,
fronting the group. He disarmed Patty with a polite smile. His arm rested around the
shoulder of a bespectacled teenage kid with dark hair. Beside them, an elderly woman
in green tartan robes stood with two other kids. The kids,to Selma, were nondescript
because she saw so many others who looked just like them at the DMV.
"Selma?" the elderly man asked. His voice reminded her of the voices she heard in
her head, reading fairy tales.
"That's me. Are you Professor Dumbledore?"
"Why, yes, I am."
"Marge mentioned you. C'mon in."
The group moved into the house.
"Just make yourself at home," Selma said. "I know I have."
She disappeared into the kitchen.
She had lied to Marge and told her the state of the kitchen was her fault. Of
course, she'd managed to glue the table and the chairs back together,but the
room still smelled like electrified beer.
She stuck a new cigarette in her mouth, then lit it.
Selma opened the window a crack.
When she turned back, Professor Dumbledore was sitting at the table.
"Careful," she said. "The glue is still drying."
"Don't worry," he said. "My bones are strong. My reflexes are excellent."
"How old are you?"
"Old enough," Dumbledore said.
"You don't smell like an old man."
Dumbledore didn't know what to say.
"Not that I have anything against the elderly," Selma said. "But, y'know,
walk into a Bingo hall some days and the medication sucks all the air out of
the room."
"So do cigarettes," Dumbledore said, with his best Snapesian smirk.
She blew a cloud of smoke at him.
As it neared him, the cloud solidified.
He collected it from the air,smoothed it out in his hands-
-and tossed it back to her. She caught it.
"Whoa," Selma said. "It's light as air."
"Naturally," said Dumbledore.
"So...you're the Gandalf of the bunch?"
"A thing like that should not be said lightly," Dumbledore said.
"Oh," Selma said. "Okay. Well..."
"I wanted to speak to you about Severus Snape."
She stubbed out the cigarette and sat across from him.
"What about him?"
"Just that...well,he's quite taken with you."
"Well," she said.
"He's not used to feeling what you made him feel earlier. His
life, right now, is one of cold facts and enormous pressures.
He may deny his own feelings, but I tell you I know the man.
I ask only that you be patient with him."
"All right," Selma said. "I'll be patient."
He smiled,then stood up and moved into the living room.
He sat down on the couch. For a moment, he watched the
show airing on the television; it was one of those awful
reality shows-WORLD'S FUNNIEST CAR WRECKS CAUGHT ON TAPE
or something like that. It made him glad that there was no
electricity at Hogwarts. Now that THE X FILES had gone,
there was nothing this box could offer him.
Back in the kitchen, the door opened.
"Mr. Simpson?"
Harry came in from the kitchen.
"Mr. Simpson," he called. "Have you seen Mr. Simpson, Professor?"
"I have not, Harry."
"In that case, could you come out here, please?"
Concerned, Dumbledore rose from the couch and followed Harry outside.
Harry stopped in the middle of the backyard. He looked skyward. Professor
Dumbledore joined him, rested one hand on the boy's shoulder,and-
"There he is," Harry said.
Fawkes sailed past their heads,towing Maggie Simpson,who squealed with delight.
"Fawkes," Dumbledore called. "Come down here this instant."
"Fawkes," Professor McGonagall called,appearing from the side of the house. She
joined them. "Oh,well...that bird never listens to me."
"He listens," Dumbledore said. "He just doesn't obey."
She gave him that look that filled his dreams.
Just then, Homer Simpson came out the back,followed by Hermione and Ron.
"Oh,my God." he said. "Maggie," he called.
"Please,don't worry," Dumbledore said. "He's perfectly safe."
"She sure looks like she's having fun," Homer said. "Professor-"
"Yes?"
"My dad ran out of his pills," Homer said. "It's almost time for his daily
dosage,and I can't-"
"Say no more," Dumbledore said. "We will deliver the medication."
"I'll watch Fawkes," Minerva said.
"Thanks, you guys."
"Not at all," Dumbledore said. Then he touched Homer on the shoulder.
"Homer..."
"Yeah?"
"Your mother..."
Homer smiled; it was wistful and sad,but also loving.
"She's alive," Homer said. "See,I thought she was dead...she wasn't."
---
Dumbledore felt very close to the three people walking with him. There was
Harry, bringing up the rear, and Ron at his side, and he had linked arms with
Hermione. He knew he was safe with them around,and of course the reverse was true.
"Professor?"
"Yes, Ron?"
"I've been wondering..."
"Yes."
"Yes?"
Dumbledore looked down, which wasn't far. Ron was getting so tall. "Yes," he said,
his eyes twinkling.
"I haven't even asked you the question yet."
"The answer will be yes."
Ron grinned.
"Ask me anyway."
"Did my parents name Percy after you?"
"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore," Hermione said. "I never even noticed."
"Yes," Dumbledore said. "They did."
"Sorry he turned out to be such a git."
"I believe there's still hope for Percy."
"You really think so?" Harry asked.
"I do."
They crossed the street,and walked past the statue of the town's founder,Jebediah
Springfield.
"Looks like a tough customer," Ron said.
"'A Noble Spirit Embiggens The Smallest Man,'" Hermione read.
"Does this town look like yours?" Dumbledore asked her. She had grown into
such a lovely young woman.
"No, actually, it doesn't. It's a lot bigger."
"That's right. You live in a village,don't you?"
"Right. Twenty people, and we all know each other."
"And your parents take care of their teeth?"
Hermione laughed. "Their office is in another town. You get in for free,
should you ever need dental work, Professor."
"That's a comforting thought."
As they crossed the street, Ron looked at the bottle of pills.
"Methyl testosterone," Ron read. "What's that?"
"Hormone pills," Hermione said.
"Male hormones, specifically," Dumbledore said.
"Here,it's just down the street," Harry said.
"What are these pills supposed to do?" Ron asked.
"Any number of things," Dumbledore said.
"Is that it, over there?" Hermione asked, pointing
to the Retirement Castle.
"Yeah," Harry said.
"Did you go in last time?"
"No," Dumbledore said. "Homer's father ran out to us."
"I visited my grandfather at his nursing home until he died," Hermione said. "It
was such a creepy place. Like a prison."
"Mmm." Dumbledore said. "The way the the elderly are treated saddens me at times."
Hermione squeezed his arm.
Ron ran onto the Retirement Castle's lawn.
There were people sitting near the door,under a colorful awning. They waved
at Ron. He grinned and waved back.
"Look at this place," he said.
Hermione and Professor Dumbledore joined him.
Harry stepped onto the grass.
The pain he felt in that moment made the Cruciatis Curse feel orgasmic.
"Hey," one of the men under the awning said.
Dumbledore turned in time to see Harry, standing there near the edge of the
grass, on his feet and convulsing, as if he were being electrocuted by
something under the ground-and now Hermione and Ron saw,too-Hermione gasped,
and Ron said "Hang on, mate-" but they were both too late.
A fountain of blood exploded out of Harry's scar,out of his head,staining the grass
in front of him and drenching his clothes. His knees gave out and he fell.
Dumbledore didn't remember how he got to Harry so quickly. One moment, he was
standing a few yards away and then the next he was right there,kneeling
beside Harry. He was aware of Ron and Hermione-"Is he breathing?" one of them
asked, hysteria blurring the difference in pitch.
He wasn't breathing.
His heart wasn't beating, either.
It would not, could not end this way, he thought.
Dumbledore opened Harry's mouth and breathed for him,ignoring the blood
on his face.
"One. Two. Three."
Miss Granger was pumping his chest with her hands. Good.
He breathed into Harry again.
This time, Harry coughed.
"Yes," Dumbledore exclaimed-
-and now,orderlies and nurses were pouring out of the Retirement Castle. They
moved Harry onto a stretcher and relayed him from the grass into the building,
followed closely by Ron,Hermione and Dumbledore.
