Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except my genius. Or should I say, ginny-us! Fernando is by Abba. Not me.
A Life, Worth Living?
Chapter 3: Harry Potter, Boy Saviour
Harry Potter of number 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey, sat at his kitchen table finishing off the last of a runny scrambled egg. His family had left for the day, uncle Vernon off to work, and Petunia and Dudley off buying gifts for Dudley's girlfriend Des'Ree, whom neither Vernon nor petunia had met. Harry's green eyes glinted with despair as he swished his messy black hair out of his eyes, thinking only of his dead parents, and his -or Voldemort's- impending DOOM , DOOM, DOOM. Striking a manly pose, he wandered outside to where Sirius Black's amazing flying phantom rested. Humming Abba's "Fernando" under his breath, he wiped a invisible fleck of dust off the beast and thought of all the people in his life who left him, and didn't want him, and abandoned him. They would one day PAY!
Suddenly, Draco apparated into the front yard, looking wheezy, but still irresistibly attractive. If you were a drinking apparatus into ferrets, that is.
"The British are coming!" Draco shrieked manfuly. "We must hide with the giant squid."
"That tramp? I never want to see her again! After she toyed with my affections like that, how can you expect me to ask her for help?" Harry struck another pose, showing off his grease drenched biceps, glistening in the sun just waiting to work on the motorcycle-to-end-all-motorcycles.
"Well sorry, it's only our lives on the line!" In the face of such dizzying logic, Harry had to choice but to invite Draco on to the back of the motorcycle, the former clutching a snapshot of a impressively large cephalopod the latter clutching his beautifully stemmed goddess of a Goblet. Zooming off into the sunset, something happened.
Ginny and her best friend Volodymyr Kyrylyuk were playing dress up, Ginny in her father's best robes, Volod in Molly's. They were into role-playing. They were best friends. Suddenly Volodymyr went crazy and strangled Ginny with molly's best sash. Ginny fought back valiantly but Volod was too strong. Also, his name was suspiciously like Voldemort and so he was secretly evil. Satisfied with his success, he brought her back to life using the arvadek adava. Unfortunately he miss pronounced the first word and ended up with a room full of hungry aardvarks, and no ants in sight. Molly came in to…clean… and efficiently swept the aardvarks out of sight, correctly performed the spell and tisked to Ginny, giving her an exasperated look before clearing out.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Percy's girlfriend, Penelope Clearwater, was in the process of discovering her abilities as an animagus, turning herself in to a moose, and was so pleased by the sensation that she did not want to turn back. Percy, being the practical sot that he was, turned around and proposed to Fleur, being not completely floored by her answer of "oui!"
The wedding was set for august the 34th, 1953, and so some preparations had to be made in getting all the guests back in time to a date that never happened. What Percy was most worried about, however, was finding the perfect flowers for his corsage. What he did not know however, was that his father was secretly a florist. If that's no crazy, then I don't know what is.
To be continued…..
