Title: …My Hurt Away

Author: Sarah

Spoilers: 312 Jolinar's Memories, 313 The Devil You Know

Rating: I'm going to say 13+ (when in doubt go for the one in the middle-it worked throughout school in multiple choice)

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Stargate SG1 (or 'TARGAT' as it appears on my tv-mucho weird) and I don't own the Evanescence Lyrics.

x

Catch me as I fall
say you're here and it's all over now
speaking to the atmosphere
no one's here and I fall into myself
this truth drives me into madness
I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away

Whisper by Evanescence

x

Sam lay on the couch, the TV blaring in the background not doing its job of drowning out the sounds in her head. She willed away the thoughts playing on her mind wishing everything could just slip away into nothingness. One arm thrown across her face, the other resting across her stomach she eventually fell into a hellish sleep.

Rough hands shook her, she tried to fight back but the arms attached to the hands were pinning her down. She cried out and tried to wriggle free.

"Carter, calm down." The voice belonging to the arms said. "I'm here okay, you're safe. It's all over."

The voice was very familiar; she opened her eyes and almost cried with relief as it dawned on her that she was in the Colonel's arms and not on Netu. Tears of relief joined those of panic and fear on her wet cheeks as she relaxed into Jack's chest.

"It's okay," He whispered stroking her hair. "It's okay."

Sam's crying stopped and her breaths evened out, Jack pulled her into a more comfortable position on his chest, turned to TV off and watched her sleeping for a while before he joined her in the land of nod.

Later that night, Jack woke as the weight on his chest was lifted.

"Hey Carter." He whispered opening one eye.

"Sir, I… thank you for coming over." She was avoiding his gaze and tidying up the books that lay on the floor that she had been reading to take her mind off the events of their last mission.

"I wanted to see if you were alright," He sat up on the couch and grabbed her wrist stopping her. "And obviously you are not."

"It was just a bad dream, nothing I can't handle." She looked into his eyes, the look he was giving her telling her that she was in no position to deny what happened, he knew what it was like.

Jack pulled her onto the couch next to him rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand in soothing circles. Sam watched his thumb on her skin, mesmerised until she worked up the courage to talk.

"It was horrible. The things she had to do, just being there again and having her memories in my head. I could feel what she felt." She said starting to cry again. "It was just so confusing, I could see memories of my mom dying and Jolinar with Bynarr and it hurt so bad."

Jack put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. He kissed her hair lightly as she turned into him and cried.

"I wish that I could just make this go away." She sobbed.

"I know," Sam wondered how much he really did know, she had no idea what had happened to him when he was Iraq or any of his other Special Ops missions. There was so much she didn't know about this man, so much he didn't know about her. "It will never go away Sam but you learn to live with it, push it to the back of your mind and carry on with your life."

She pulled away form his chest and looked down at his damp shirt.

"I got you wet." She smiled before realising how that sounded and blushed. "I…uh…"

"Didn't mean it like that?" He smirked.

"Yeah."

"Come on, I'll help you tidy up." He stood and pulled her with him.

"You don't have to do that, Sir."

"The sooner this place is tidy, the sooner you're safely tucked up in bed, the sooner I can go to sleep, the less grumpy I'll be for my last doctors appointment about my leg in the morning." He replied grabbing the books from the table and sorting them onto a bookshelf.

"Well that was relatively easy." He looked around to find the room relatively devoid of mess. "Bed Carter."

"Yes Sir." She replied and headed toward her bedroom to get into her pyjamas.

Jack took the time to study her living room, his eyes rested on the pictures along the mantelpiece. He walked over and picked one up, it was of a woman that looked very much like Sam: blonde hair, blue eyes, brilliant smile. There were two children in the picture, one obviously Sam at around 6 years old. She was wearing a pink summer dress, her hair was in two bunches and her smile showed the two front teeth were missing. The other child, Jack thought to himself must be Sam's brother Mark, slightly older with brown hair like his father used to have with matching dimples to Sam's.

The next picture along was of SG1; Jack smiled at the memory of the day it was taken be Cassandra. Janet was showing the girl how to use a camera and took the photo of the team without their knowledge. They were in the park sitting on a bench; they looked so relaxed sitting there talking to each other, laughing at someone's joke like they didn't save the world on a daily basis.

"That's one of my favourites." Sam said from behind him.

Jack jumped slightly; he had been too lost in his thoughts to notice the familiar prickly feeling on the back of his neck when he was being watched.

"You shouldn't creep up on people like that Carter." He placed the picture back on the mantle and turned to look at her. "I better be going then."

"Yeah." She looked nervously at her feet. "You could stay, that is if you wanted to, just for tonight."

Jack raised his eyebrow Teal'c style.

"I mean…"

"Sure."

"It's just that the nightmare's aren't as bad when…what?" She looked up shocked.

"I said sure." He walked over to her leaning on the doorframe and took her hand. "All you have to do is ask."

"Please, stay with me?" She asked quietly, inches from his own face.

"Always." He whispered closing the gap to take her soft sweet lips in his. Pulling away he rested his cheek against hers. "I love you Samantha Jean."

"I love you too JJ."

"JJ?"

"Jonathan James." She smiled as he shrugged his shoulders and led her to the bedroom where they slept peacefully in each other's arms.

Finis