Blub, Blub, Blub

Saraman

Inspector Gandalf was strolling about in Minas Tirith, not doing anything in particular, just strolling and enjoying the view. He moseyed over to the fountain to have a looksy at his reflection.

Ah, he thought. I look like an old man. I'm not old. Really. Perhaps I should shave my beard. It used to be grey. If only I wouldn't have had that stupid accident in the woods and dropped the entire rest of the bucket of bleach on my head. That was a mistake. Now I'll have snowy white hair forever! He was so preoccupied looking at his reflection that he didn't even notice the tiny figure sneaking up behind him.

"Ahhhh!"said Gandalf as he fell face first into the fountain. "Blub, blub, blub." Pippin was most remorseful.

"I'm sorry, Gandalf," he said. "May I help you out?" Inspector Gandalf, unfortunately, was in no condition to be helped out.

"Go go Gadget raft!" screamed Gandalf. "Man the lifeboats, we're going down!" His raft blew out of his back and filled with air. But, as usual, it had a hole in it and Gandalf sank at once. "Ahhh! Oh no! Who let the sharks loose in the fountain? Ahhh! Back! Back! Take this! And that! And that!" Snap! Snap! Shink! Crunch!

"Yow! That's my rear!" Such was what Denethor heard coming from the courtyard as he sat in his palace eating a marvelous feast that had been set before him. Denethor was alarmed.

"Look to the window," he ordered a servant. "See what the commotion is." The servant walked to the window, and glancing out for but a moment, came sprinting swiftly back.

"My lord," he began. "The one they call Mithrandir, he is swimming in your fountain!"

"Yes," said Denethor drowsily. "What of it?" His eyes widened at the realization. "Swimming in my fountain? What manner of madness has come over him? Do continue."

"Yes, my lord," agreed the servant. "He is shouting and thrashing wildly about as if something was chasing him."

"Chasing him? I must see to this, at once." Denethor wiped his face with a napkin and rose out of his chair. He went to the door and ordered several guards to follow him. As Denethor entered the courtyard, he saw that what the servant had said was true. Denethor began to shout at Gandalf:

"Stay! Stay this madness, at once!" Inspector Gandalf continued to beat the water with his staff and splash and thrash manically about.

"Guards," said Denethor. "Remove Mithrandir from the fountain." The soldiers swiftly stepped forward. Laying hands on Gandalf, they roughly dragged him out.

"Get your jaws off me!" shouted Gandalf, resisting the guards fiercly. "Alright, that's it! Go go Gadget breath!" Inspector Gandalf breathed out a horrible, tremendously smelly breath. It was as if a shockwave had hit the guards and Denethor. They all were blown away, nearly all the way to the courtyard door.

"That should teach you to eat me!" said Gandalf, wringing out his soaked hat. With that, he turned and walked out of the courtyard. When Denethor and his guards finally came to themselves, they lethargically got up and went back into the throne room to recover. When Denethor finally felt like himself again, after some three hours, he spoke to his guards.

"Find Mithrandir and bring him to me, immediately!" he roared. The guards returned two hours later with black eyes and broken noses.

"Please send some other guards," said the chief guard. "I am finished with trying to capture the elusive Mithrandir. I am going to my house." With that he stormed out, the other guards following.

Meanwhile, Inspector Gandalf was searching for Pippin, who he knew had shoved him into the fountain in the first place.

"I'll get that little brat someday!" snarled Inspector Gandalf, his eyes gone crazy and his mouth foaming with rage. He ran for the House of Stewards. Pippin sat by Denethor, singing a pretty tune and not the least bit suspecting what was about to happen. Suddenly, Pippin heard a familiar voice shout: "Go go Gadget breath!" A frightfully horrid stink wafted towards Denethor and Pippin, who immediately jumped up and ran for cover. They obviously did not run fast enough. The stench caught them only a few paces from the thone and wreathed itself about them. Denethor and Pippin sprinted from the room, waving their arms frantically about and gagging and hacking. Inspector Gandalf stood by, quite pleased that he had had his revenge against Pippin, who learned his lesson never to play any more tricks on Gandalf. Inspector Gandalf was not in his right mind until well into the next day.

The End