Heck Hath No Fury (Like Vampires)

Chapter 4: Strengths and Weaknesses

Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing, only Desmodeus. Any plagiarism is accidental.

"Spoken" 'thought'

Desmodeus woke up in a room of all white, save for the red leather clad vampire reading a magazine beside him. The bed was white, the ceiling, floor, walls and furniture were white too. It was blindingly shiny inside the room. "Where the hell am I?" "You're in HQ's infirmary. You blacked out after you put out the fire." "That's impossible, the spell I cast was barely above a cantrip." 'That couldn't have drained me; I'm a dra-damn. I'm in a human body still.' "Well, apparently, that spell put your lights out. Of course, I suppose the kick, the punch, and the flame breath may have contributed. By the time you cast that spell, I would guess you were running on pure adrenaline." That's when Desmodeus learned his exact limits. As he tried to get up, he heard, and felt, a sickening crunch in his arm. "Gaaaaaaaaah!! My arm! My Bloody Arm!" "You must have broken it with that punch. I would advise you don't move your leg, it's probably also broken." "Damn this human body you stuck me in! How am I supposed to do anything if I break my bones every time I apply any of my strength!! Damn! Damn! Damn!" Integra and Police Girl walked in a moment later. "How are you feeling?" "My bloody arm and leg are broken and my whole body aches, how the hell do you think I feel!" "Police Girl, put more pain killers in his IV." "Yes, master Aluca-""I don't want any of your damn human medicines! Get this tube out of my arm! Take these sticky cups offa...me...whoa...are you digging this air? This is some good air, man. It's so...like, breathable and stuff y'know." "I think that's enough Police Girl." A week later...

"What's going on? Who is this!? Get him away from me!" "Desmodeus, calm down...he's just the doctor, he needs to check your wounds." "Fine, but only if I get more Morphine!" "Later, Desmodeus, after the check up, now please, let the doctor check your wounds." "Alright, now does this hurt?" "No." "Mm hmm, and what about this?" "No." "Okay, and does this hurt?" "No." "How about this?" "YES! Yes! Ouch! Yes!" "Really?" "No." "Thought so." The doctor then proceeded with a few more tests, and several minutes later. "Well, sir, based on these tests, your bones have fully knitted together, and you have a generally clean bill of health." "I see. Thank you doctor...do I get my Morphine now?" "Of course not, you're fully healed, you don't need any more Morphine." "But I neeeed it man! Come on, just a little? Please?" "If you knew what was good for you, you would get yourself into some rehab." Said Integra as she walked in, "and don't you dare break a bone just to get more, or I'll give you a REAL reason to need Morphine." "The vampires get blood all the time, why can't I have Morphine?" "Because they will die again if they don't get it, whereas you will go into withdrawal for a couple of weeks if you don't get Morphine." "Fine...I'll do the rehab or whatever it is...hmph."

Later that night...

'I need that Morphine, I don't care what they say...stupid vampires.' Desmodeus was sneaking/stumbling through the compound, looking for some kind of medical storeroom. 'I don't see why I can't have it...I think clearer, it makes me immune to pain, and I feel good when I have it too. Losers. They can burn back home for all I care.' After some time, Desmodeus found what he was looking for. The room was empty, save for the medicines, and in the middle of the top shelf on the left wall, he found what he was looking for...syringes. He found the Morphine in a box in the corner. He took a few needles, filled them with the stuff, stuck them strategically in his chest, where his shirt would cover the scars, and basked in the sweet euphoric abuse of medical supplies...In basking however, he forgot to even remove the needles from his chest, and furthermore, he made a great deal of noise. It was only minutes later that he was found.