The Bad, Bulky, Beefy, Boastful, Bombastic, Buxom, Green Bubble!

James Norrington & Saraman

Gandalf and Bilbo were sitting up on a lofty hill overlooking Bag End. Bilbo pulled out a pipe and started smoking. Then Inspector Gandalf took out his pipe. Unfortunately, he accidentally brought out his dreaded bubble-blowing pipe that he often used in battle. Bilbo blew a large smoke ring and it drifted slowly down the hill, towards Bag End. Gandalf followed by blowing a large green bubble that went through Bilbo's smoke ring and shot down the hill at break-neck speed. Frodo was enjoying a casual stroll down the road leading to Bag End when suddenly he heard a whooshing sound, as of a cannon ball rushing for him. He looked quickly up, surprised, to see a humongous green bubble headed straight for him! He tried to jump out of the way, but it was too late. The bubble hit him with such force that it knocked him fifty feet back down the road and burst on him. Frodo jumped to his feet faster than a fly buzzing around Aragorn's putrid empty head. The smell was so bad, people in the West swore they could smell something, but they didn't know what it reminded them of. They kept blaming it on each other. Meanwhile, poor Mr. Frodo was sprinting down the road faster than a professional runner in the 90 yard dash. As he neared Sam's house, his gardener came running out to help him.

"Mr. Fr-!" But he could never finish what he was saying for he was mowed down at that second by Frodo who was running so fast, he couldn't stop in time. After Sam picked himself up, he realized the "horrible stench" was emanating from Frodo. But since Frodo had run him down, the scent was on him too! Sam was aghast! He shrieked and ran to Rivendell, where he promptly bumped into Elrond and passed the scent off to him. Elrond transmitted it to all the Elves, Erestor (who was visiting Rivendell) spread it among the Elves of Loth-lorien, who futilly endeavored to pour every bottle of perfume they could find at hand upon each other. Boromir was visiting Rivendell and returned to Gondor, spreading the scent throughout the land. After this, Galadriel gave it to Haldir, who went to Rohan to deliver a message and gave it to Theoden King. Theoden King gave it to Eomer and Eowyn who promptly gave it to everyone in Rohan and the lands surrounding it. Eomer gave it to Wormtongue. Wormtongue traveled to Isengard and gave it to Saruman. And lastly, but not least, Saruman gave it to Sauron over the palantir.

Oh! I forgot a few people. Sauron gave it to every orc in Mordor. (Actually, it was just a double dose. They already smelled putrid) He also gave it to the Black Riders.

Meanwhile, back at the Shire, Frodo spread it to everyone. That is, all except Gandalf. He flew away with his 'Go go Gadget Helicopter' to Rohan, where he thought he would be safe. But actually, as soon as he crept into the stable to abscond with Shadowfax, the horse already had it, so he gave it to Gandalf.

And that, my friend, was how everyone in Middle-earth became stinky. (That is, all except for Legolas because he's special)

Finis