Author's Note: Maybe this chapter you'll find out who the small hairy man is! Although you probably already know...tee hee hee. I love secrets!

Author's Note #2: Also, I ask you to excuse the horrible attempt at writing a Scottish accent. I'm not the best at dialects. Don't talk to me about it unless you can barely stand it, K?

Author's Note #3: A bad attempt at an apology. I know I haven't written for so long! I had an extended case of writer's block and then I went and reread the last chapter and realized what a horrible mistake it was to put Donkey in it! Wow, WHAT was I thinking! But back to my original apology...I'm sorry for not writing, but now that I have time, I'll make it up to you guys by finishing this fic by the time my winter break is over!

CHAPTER 7: OF ABSURD SCOTTISH ACCENTS, NEVERLAND, AND PIPE WEED

The two ships lurched and the passengers lost their footing, well, all except for the drunken ones on the Pearl – who had lost their footing before that.

Jane screeched from the crow's nest and Rum fell from the rigging, getting her foot caught and hanging unladylike upside down. Of course, Peter found her and helped her out of the rope, Rum swooning all the way.

As the ship lurched, Angelina fell into James and they landed in a heap on the deck. They both looked at each other, coughed nervously, and quickly untangled themselves. Angelina made a big deal of dusting herself off while James whistled a tune that had somehow quickly come to him. The small man looked from Angelina to James and back. "Ohhhhhh, Ie see whaht's goeeing on heare..." he said with a smile.

"And just who do you think you are?" Angelina asked, switching subjects quickly.

"I'm Peregrin Took." The man said with a bow that ended in a stagger as the ship rocked a bit.

"And what ARE you, Peregrin Took?" James asked.

"Ie'm a Hobbit."

"A Hobbit?"

"Yees, a hobbit. Ie came froom the Shire. Weell, Ie doon't rightly know how Ie caeme to bee heare." He gestured with the pipe in his hand around the boat.

Angelina just noticed the pipe as he gestured and freaked out. She did NOT want the ship to burn. "Put it out, you fool! Put it out!" She screamed, positively tackling the hobbit to get his pipe out.

"Eexcitable oone, isn't sheah?" he asked James.

"You have no idea."

The curling paper unrolled slowly as. Rum smiled evilly. Jack peered over her shoulder.

"What's that?"

"A map of Neverland, smart one." She replied, the moment lost with his stupid question.

"I thought you knew how to get there."

"But I said a map OF Neverland. We're going to find Captain Jacobus Hook and-"

"And swash the living buckles out of 'im!" Jack yelled, swinging his arm around as if brandishing a sword.

Rum gave Jack The Look.

Jack's hand fell to his side and he looked tentatively back at Rum's face. "Swash...swash...buckle...buckle...?" He trailed off, thinking how horrible it would be to have her mad at him. "Nevermind."

"Good. I need an experienced pirate on my crew."

"Why?"

"There's gold in them thar hills, if ya catch my drift..."

"Yeah...no."

"Think of the greatest treasure in the world, Jack." rum took his shoulder and gestured as if painting a picture.

Jack concentrated but all he could think of was a pub with ten willing girls lined up, each with a mug of beer. "Ok..."

"Now double it."

Jack's eyes got wide. "Yeah..."

"But fit it all into this." Rum drew a small gold lamp from her clothes.

Jack looked confused for a moment. Where in bloody hell did that come from? He thought. "A...teapot?" Jack ventured.

"No, a magic lamp. With a genie that could fill you every desire."

"Oh." Jack's face fell and one by one the serving wenches in his head disappeared. "But why are we going to Neverland if you have it?"

"This is only a replica. See? Plastic." She tossed it behind her. "But the real thing...Anything your heart desires, Jack. And only you and I know about it." She ventured an evil cackle but only ended up spluttering. Jack handed her a bottle of rum.

Jchin climbed back onto the rafter he had been hanging from. So, Rum thought she could find something so great and keep it from the crew, well, not on his watch.