Okay, this chapter was an idea my friend Kim gave me a very long time ago and I finally wrote it! Sad chapter, I warn you, but after these next two chapters, it will get a little less depressing. And we will soon find out what is up with Ryan. Yeah, I know, it's taking forever. Sorry!

Seth pressed print. He went onto another website and pressed print again. A pile lie on his bed, along with last year's yearbook he picked up after being caught last Summer.

He didn't look at anything just yet, quickly pressing print. Lots of websites had the shooting, more than Seth would've guessed. But they would help him know what happened, and piece together the time he wasn't here.

His mother had been a wreck, making him feel worse. He had been so mean to her, and what had she done to deserve it? Nothing. Exactly. That's what made him feel horrible.

The printer was running low on both ink and paper, but Seth didn't much care. He'd never fill it up. Oh well.

After Seth finished his printing, he sat on the bed, a pile of papers next to him. He picked up the first set of papers. It had been from the day after. He stared at a photo of his fellow classmates running out of the school. Seth wanted to focus, but he couldn't. The picture was too blurry.

Yesterday, a horrific tragedy occurred. Harbor High's halls that are usually filled with laughter and happiness, was instead filled with screams and deafening gun shots. No reports on how many were injured, and there were some casualties. Police are viewing camera footage of the shooting to fully understand why this heinous act of violence occurred.

Seth stopped reading. That sure gave him no information he didn't have. Seth was guessing the next few would be the same. So he skipped a few stories ahead to find a long list. 23 dead. 54 injured. He looked at the first name. Alana Allen. Seth opened his yearbook and searched in the index to find where Alana was. She had been on the softball team, a really good player at that. He saw a picture of Alana and her boyfriend. Then he noticed that the guy was in his English class. The shooter.

Seth went to Alana's pictures and crossed out her face.

He looked at the next name and crossed out his pictures. Seth continued to do this for all the students. The fourth person, Mark Stevenson. Mathletes, Scholastic Scrimmage, Robotics Club. A senior ranked third in the class. Seth crossed Mark out.

The names were in no order, and with every one of them, Seth grew sadder. He stopped at the seventh dead person, a girl by the name of Chloe Ritter, who was the best volleyball player in their school.

Seth skipped ahead a few pages. He found a copy of one of the shooter's journals. The names were crossed out, but was easy to tell who it was. He began to read an entry:

God, I hate this fucking school. Everyone fucking excels, what the hell is up with that? Some of those, no, most of those kids annoy the hell out of me. They don't deserve that glory. Even the kids who have no glory, they still are conceited. Take , whatever the hell his name is. He walks around, using his tough guy bodyguard friend to watch him while he complains about breaking up with . I've heard him in the halls. God, is he ever annoying. He made it on the list a while ago. Stupid clumsy ass. Can't wait to get him. Get them all. I hope every single one of them suffers.

Seth stopped. It was making him sick. He knew who was being talked about. It was him. That's why he had to die. For being himself. Wonderful.

He went back to the list. Number eight, Gabrielle Palenicki. Chemistry club, Biology Club, all around science geek. She had been in his chemistry class, Marissa's old partner.

Rain came down outside. How perfect. You couldn't see past the tree by Seth's window. He used to imagine climbing down that tree and running away. He didn't need the tree when he had.

Back to the list. The ninth person, Kevin Vanallman. Star basketball player, super smart, life ahead of him. He was crossed out.

Only 14 more to go. Fun. He crossed out the next two, who happened to be a couple. There were a Marissa-Luke coupling. Together forever. Well, they could be in heaven together.

Thinking of this couple, Seth thought about him and Summer. Would everything be okay? Seth doubted it nothing could help them climb back up the cliff they had fallen down.

He finally noticed something. Every one of the students had excelled. But that didn't work. Because Seth didn't excel at anything. Sure, he was in clubs, but he was the only member. So that wasn't right. All 77 of them had something in common. Or maybe there was no pattern. But why was it down that way was beyond him.

If Seth focused hard enough, he could hear his mother crying. Her pain made him feel horrible. When had his family fallen apart? When had been the breaking point? Was it during his coma? It had to have been.

Seth had yet to really dwell on his past, but he had time now. He had been in a coma. He kept saying it, but had he believed it? It had been if he was dead for 49 days. Dead. Did he remember anything? How could he? He couldn't have any memories, right?

"He's in a freaking coma, it can't get much worse," Summer's voice echoed in his head. What the hell? Where had that coma from? Seth never remembered Summer ever saying that. Wait a second, Summer had been talking about him. While he was in a coma. How did he remember that? And why had she said that?

Voices inside your head weren't a good sign of sanity. Crap. Seth knew he was losing it, but not that much. He pushed Summer's voice out of his thoughts and continued to work on the task at hand.

The next girl on the list looked familiar. Two years ago, Seth had been lab partners with her and she had been in a lot of his classes that year. He could've sworn she moved. Either she didn't, or moved back. If she had moved back, it would suck to come right back into town and just die.

Seth went to look at some of the pictures taken. There was enough. He now looked at more shots of students running out. These were closer and clearer. A news crew must've snuck in. He saw a photo of the school with students running out, and one ambulance caught his eye. Three kids, two sitting and one standing, were there that Seth knew. It was Ryan, Marissa, and Summer. Ryan was holding his arm, Marissa was looking at him, and Summer was staring at the doors. Was she waiting for him? Seth didn't want to sound too full of hinself.

But what if she had been? He never came out. At least not by his own. Still, why would she be waiting for him? They had been fighting, or rather never spoke to each other at that time.

"I looked for you," he had told Summer, and she answered, "Same here." there was proof. Or was it? Why wouldn't you say that? She could've just said that so he wouldn't know she hadn't cared.

Another person to cross. This guy Seth remembered pretty well. No, it wasn't himself. But this guy was a water polo dude, ah, the memories. The wonderful memories. He had become captain of the team after Luke left. What a huge loss there. Luke had become bearable in the end, but he dated Marissa's mom. That was just wrong on so many, many levels.

A black X formed over the new water polo captain's face.

More photos. Seth kept flipping between pictures and list. Harbor High did indeed have video cameras, and somehow camera photos leaked out. There were only cameras in the halls, the cafeteria, the auditorium and the library. They could've gotten more but they wanted to waste the money on education. Stupid private school.

Seth saw photos of the hallway. It was from a few minutes before the shooting. The halls were empty, except for a few people with guns.

Six people, two on each floor, stood at opposite ends of the hallways, ready to shoot. Seth flipped to see the library in the beginning of the shooting. Kids were under tables, and one kid lie bleeding. To the table right of that one was Summer.

Seth couldn't see her very well, the pictures were extremely blurry. But it was her, no doubt about it. He stopped looking at the picture.

"Don't leave us Seth. We miss you too much already," Now it was Marissa's voice that had entered his head. Where were these voices coming from? And why now? Why were all these voices just suddenly coming now? At least they were cluing Seth into what had happened.

Marissa had sounded upset. What had been happening? None of them really ever told a story between the month and a half period. They only gave summaries, or just changed the subject.

How much had he hurt these people? Marissa sounded like she was in tears and well, intense drama usually brought her to tears. Divorce, breakups, suicide, and what-not.

His mind was getting too clogged with nonsense. Earlier, it had been clear. He went back to the original task.

Gia Morrison. Nothing was spectacular about this girl. She wasn't a captain or president of anything, she was a relative loner. Once or twice Seth had seen her hanging out with that Riley girl in his class. But Morrison seemed familiar from his reading. Where was it from?

Sean Morrison. Bingo. That was where Seth heard that name form. But who was he? Seth checked the papers. He quickly found Sean. Sean had been one of the shooters.

Sean had planned to kill his sister, and succeeded. Who would do that? Sure, sibling rivalry had to be bad, but was it bad enough that you wanted your sister dead and got your wish?

It made Seth realize other families were affected. A lot worse. He hadn't died, but 23 other people had. No, 29. Can't forget the murderers.

Every person on that list had to have done something to piss off these guys off. Alana must've dumped one of them, and Gia was one of the shooter's sisters. So what the hell had he done?

Next person. Toby Sonne. Seth remembered something about that guy, and how he did something to one of the shooters. Toby had beaten the shit out of Sean two years back. Obviously Sean held grudges.

X marked the face.

"He's your son. You would let him die?" Woah, what the fuck? These voices were scaring Seth out. Now it was Ryan, talked about, Seth guessed, himself.

But to who? Who was Ryan speaking to? It had to be Kirsten or Sandy. Wait, they were gonna let him die? Hold on, that was so not right. His parents were going to let him die. But how and why?

Seth was so confused. Why was his head screwing him up? He had to do this, otherwise, he'd go insane. No, wait, he'd done that already.

But this last memory pissed him off. Why was his parents going to let him die? Ryan sounded pissed, well, anyone would be. But why? Why had his parents wanted that?

He had to know. He thought about it, hoping for something else. He needed something else.

"The holidays are killing me without him, I don't know how much longer I can last," His mother. Kirsten wanted him dead. Great. He felt so fucking loved.

Seth's life was falling down. Summer was gone, he was trying to cope with being shot, and on top of it all, his mother had wanted him dead. What a wonderful life.

He looked at the next name. Corrine Jones. Seth found her picture. She and Sean had once been partners at a project. They had been in Seth's class, and they were finishing a project. Somehow or another, it had come out that Corrine did the whole project and Sean received an F.

Only six more dead people to go. He was soon done. Joe McClelland. Now what had he done? Seth never heard of Joe. Probably a freshman. Or a sophomore. Or a junior. Maybe a senior. Seth didn't know much of his school well.

Hannah Green. Seth checked her picture. A sophomore. Life ahead of her too. Not anymore. Strange. Seth thought the shooters were seniors. Why would they have hated a sophomore?

Seth decided to look up the names. He found them quite quickly: Sean Morrison, Jack Lewis, Melanie Lovick, Bill Hughes, Tori Harris, Mitch Polinsky. Those were the shooters. Two girls. That slightly surprised Seth. Well, he couldn't have hurt them or anything. He never had known them, or any girl in their school except for Summer and Anna and Marissa.

Mitch was the one who he sat by in class. Loner, never spoke much to anyone. Sort of like Seth.

Wait, had Seth just compared himself to a school shooter? No way was he like any of them. Or was he? He had fit the criteria. Used to. Not anymore.

Seth closed his eyes to calm down. What was wrong with him? He could not keep his mind on task. Stupid head. He hit it. Ow.

He again looked to the list. Next person: Kara Turner. A lot of girls, Seth noticed. These guys must've definitely had more relationships than Seth. What was he at? Oh, right. Two.

The next two guys went past him, until he reached the most recent casualty. Liz Fisher. That name was probably the closest he was to a death. That was Holly's sister. Seth didn't even know Holly had a sister.

Everyone was done. On to the injured.

It was a depressing task, doing this. But Seth knew he had to. To get a bitter grip on what had happened. On what was happening. So at least he could know why his world was falling apart.

Injured people were far too many to wonder why they were shot at. But everyone had a story about why they were shot, and hell, it might be great to hear them, but Seth didn't want to. He had his own story. And it sucked.

Seth decided to yet again mix it up, look at photos of the shooting. This was such fun. No, it wasn't. Seth was too serious for sarcasm. And that never happened.

Painful closeup shots of students' faces stared up at him. Either someone suck that camera in or they had a really good zoom. Whatever the way, the pictures were uber-depressing. People were crying, blood on people's shirts, it was just fucking depressing. Seth flipped through those pages.

Next were camera shots. Lots and lots of camera shots. He looked at the first floor. If he squinted, he could see Marissa. Except she didn't seem like the Marissa he knew. The Marissa he knew had so many problems and really didn't care about other people's problems. But this Marissa was not that. She had no emotional baggage. The only thing that mattered was that moment.

And she had blood on her. Seth could barely tell, but he saw. Had she been shot? No one ever told him about it. Seth grabbed the injury list and searched for Marissa. Nothing. So why was she bloody?

Confused, Seth looked at the second floor during the beginning of the shooting. Immediately he found Ryan. His usual broodingness was gone and tough guy had emerged. He stood out against the normal Abercrombie people. He always had. Seth just disappeared against those people.

And just like Ryan always did, Seth saw a photo of Ryan taking down one of the shooters. Seth's shooter. Mitch.

Obviously Seth knew that Mitch would get up, but what if he hadn't? Would everyone that was supposed to be shot get shot? Or would lives be saved? If Ryan had pushed harder, what would life be like? Maybe Seth wouldn't have been shot. Maybe Seth wouldn't have been in a coma for 49 days.

And what if Ryan hadn't tried to take the guy at all? What would've happened then? Maybe Seth would've died. No one would know. Seth was just lucky that he hadn't died. Right.

His hand automatically went to his stomach. To his scar. He pushed on it. It didn't hurt. No internal pain, yet so much.

Seth lifted his shirt to look at his scar. A lovely reminder of the day Seth's life ended. He had been living in a normal teenage drama that practically everyone goes through. Sure, there were exceptions, but not everyone gets shot.

He closed his eyes and let his shirt drop back down. He missed his old life. When Summer hated him. Those were the days. He could laugh back then. He didn't know when he last laughed. Too long obviously.

Seth looked to the list and lazily X'd people out with his Sharpie. He saw his name and skipped it, no idea why thought. Everyone else that lived didn't get skipped. Maybe he was special. Yeah, right.

On to pictures later in the shooting. He couldn't believe he was doing this. It was so weird. But it took up time that Seth had plenty of.

First floor, Seth saw no one he knew. Probably had gotten out by then. Lucky them. And next was the third floor. Second got passed over, thank God. The third floor was practically empty, except for the bodies. First floor had been mostly filled then. Seth went to the next page.

Immediately he began to get sick. He held his stomach, his scar. His heart raced, and he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. But when he opened his eyes, it was still there.

Seth stared at himself, unconscious and dead. He was bloody, really bloody, just lying in a pool of it. Eyes shit, peaceful, at rest. He had been dead. Well, he looked like it.

He didn't want to look at himself, but he couldn't not. Life a car accident, you couldn't help but stare at the wreckage.

People were running past him, not giving him a second glance. He was helpless to everyone. Seth remembered thinking how he wanted to help all those hurt people, but he couldn't. They were gone.

All his own blood was getting to him, and he ran to his bathroom to throw up. God, he hated himself.

Once he was done, and he cleaned up, he looked at himself in the mirror. It wasn't Seth Cohen in the mirror. It was someone else. Someone who had lost everything in life. Someone who should've died. Someone who shouldn't be here.

He walked back to his bed and moved the pictures out of his eyesight. He now wanted to see his shooter. Maybe he'd know why he deserved to die.

In his yearbook, he searched up Mitch Polinsky and went to his photo.

Mitch looked innocent, not like a guy who would kill other people. And then, Seth knew what he had done.

It was two years ago, and he was trying to get away from the water polo team. Skating in the front of the school, he zoomed past everyone waiting for a ride.

Mitch Polinsky had just paid for his coffee and saw Seth Cohen skateboarding. That kid was okay, not like the twenty-odd that had already gained a spot on the list. One day, Mitch and his friends would teach them all.

Seth wasn't paying attention to his surroundings, had he ever? He just needed to get away. Luckily, he was pretty far ahead of the team. He looked back to see how far ahead he was. An okay distance.

Mitch had seen Sean, with his dumbass sister waiting for him and their ride, Sean's parents. So he walked. And found the twenty-first person on the list.

Seth ran into Mitch, by accident, and made him spill coffee everywhere. Everyone erupted in laughter, except for Mitch, Seth, and Sean. Even the water polo team were cracking up as they ran.

Mitch met eyes with Seth for just a second, waiting for an apology. But Seth was embarrassed enough, and couldn't get the word, "Sorry," out. So he got up and sped off knowing Luke and his goons were catching up.

For a year and a half after that, Mitch was tormented by that day, being called everything in the books. His friends and him were always teased, that's why they did it. Got back at everyone.

So when Mitch Polinsky got home, with his coffee-stained shirt, he added Seth Cohen to the list.

One simple word practically cost Seth his life. Why hadn't he said it? One warning he'd give himself. Say sorry, no matter what. It could be a matter of life and death.

Seth's eyes floated to a picture of him and Summer. They were smiling, happy, unknowing of what was going to happen next. It had been taken almost a year ago, on the pier. He picked up the photo.

"How did we fuck ourselves up so bad, Summer?" He asked the photo, wanting an answer. He didn't get one. Go figure.

Ideas struck him and he dropped the photo on the bed, next to the pictures, and the list, and the yearbook.

The yearbook say there, unfinished. Seth had forgotten one person who wasn't on the casualty list, but who would eventually be. The shooting was the cause of death. The person wasn't killed in it, but because of it, the person was dead. Seth flipped to the page with the dead kid. Hope in the eyes, happiness in the smile. That had long disappeared.

And then, Seth crossed himself out.

AH! What have I done? Well, I have to say, the beginning of the next chapter did come straight from the O.C. itself. I swear the idea had been developed before it occurred on the t.v. Anyways, if your name was in here, I so didn't mean for that. It had been late, and I needed names, so I started looking anywhere for names. Some of them are related to me, and I do know some people that are by the name of these people(not the full name), but it doesn't matter. Please review, and I am so sorry for the really long wait!

Oh yeah, thanks Kim for the idea. If you hated the idea, blame her. Her name: Rockin' FluteTrumpet? I think. The name with Stranded Memories in it. Read that. It's good. Well, my part isn't. Lindsay is so not Lindsay there. I'm rambling. Must stop. Damn it.