Wow, wasn't that a short chap last time? Well, this should make up for it. I mean, really make up for it. Like I said before, you must hang on a cliffhanger. So, I promise you this chap is so worth it. Really worth it. There's even comedy! Partially. I think. I don't know. But the inevitable has come. I must do this. Don't worry, I won't severely damage the main characters....
Marissa took her tenth sip and shivered. It was so cold out. This was the only place safe from her parents. Her dad barely noticed her and her mom noticed her too much. She didn't even think Jimmy or Julie knew about Summer. How could they? Marissa was the one who told them everything.
She walked down the empty boardwalk, it was calming. It was just her, left to drink. To numb the immense pain. And there was a lot of that pain to numb. Everything with Summer was just overwhelming. Summer shouldn't be in that facility. If anyone should be, it was Marissa. She had the most problems of them all.
The part of the pier that was over water came into focus. That was where her, Ryan, and Seth hung out the one day while hiding Ryan. Life had been relatively simple back then. There wasn't any shooting or suicides to deal with. Marissa wished she could go back to then. When Ryan didn't hate her.
She missed the time she spent with Ryan. They had been a good couple, with the normal bumps in the road. Well, Oliver wasn't a normal bump. A huge mistake from Marissa, befriending him. If she ever got back together with Ryan, she'd believe him no matter what.
Marissa was near the pier, when she noticed two figures. One stood on the railing at the end, and the other stood a few feet away from the first.
"Don't jump, it's that simple," Marissa heard one of them say. She could barely hear it, having to strain her ears. And then it hit her.
That person was about to jump. Kill themself. And what could she do? Nothing, just watch.
Marissa was frozen to her spot as she watched the two figures argue. And then, the person jumped.
She gasped and saw the second person run to the rail. She saw him run down the pier and she knew she was cloaked in the dead of night. The person ran down to the end of the pier and turned. Marissa dropped her full bottle.
It was Ryan.
Ryan didn't notice her as he ran down the beach to the water. To Seth. Marissa was horrified. Seth just jumped off the pier.
She didn't know what to do. Go help Ryan? How could she? She was a little drunk. She couldn't walk right. Marissa closed her eyes and tried to focus. Go help Ryan. Go save Seth.
Marisa ran down to the beach, then kicking off her flip flops and dropping her purse, knowing they would slow her down. She could see Ryan and Seth in the water. Seth wasn't moving. Oh God, that wasn't good. What if Seth died? Hadn't they gone through this already?
She wondered how Ryan could even see Seth. It was so dark under the pier. Everything was enveloped in darkness. She kept going down the beach, not nearly as fast as Ryan had. She never knew he could run that fast. But this was scary. Anyone would run that fast.
Marissa saw Ryan reach Seth, and a little bit of hope formed inside her. But Ryan was going slow. Really slow. She could see the exhaustion. Her buzz had worn off by now. Good thing she wasn't that drunk. She reached the water, hoping Ryan would see her. He didn't. Shit.
The water froze her feet. How was Ryan getting through this? Seth was passed out, and she saw a wave come over the two Ryan kept moving and Marissa headed deeper into the water.
Ryan and Marissa were about seven feet apart, yet he still didn't notice her. The wavers were too rough to see anything. She pushed on, waist deep in the water.
Then she saw a wave come. It was huge. Marissa knew they'd all be taken under. She was near reaching him, when the wave hit.
"Ryan!" Marissa yelled and held out her arm, but it didn't help. Ryan and Seth were taken under, as was she. The wave was pulling her in the undertow, she tried to get to the surface. It was so difficult. As soon as she got up, she saw another wave come. Ducking under, she opened her eyes, maybe she'd see Ryan or Seth underwater. Nothing. Why had she even tried that?
Marissa broke the surface and scanned the ocean through burning eyes. Everything was fuzzy because of the salt water, but she did make out Seth and Ryan. They were being pulled out in the undertow. Ryan was unconscious, and she saw a trickle of blood of both of them. This was so not good.
Marissa tried to swim to the two, pushing herself farther and farther. Not she knew how Ryan felt earlier. She had to get to them. Deciding it might be easier, she went underwater and swam to them. The waves went over her and tried to trap her in the undertow, but she fought them. She was determined to get to Seth and Ryan.
Finally, Marissa reached the two unconscious Cohens and grabbed them. Being tired, she pulled them to the shore. Waves assisted her, but they kept taking them under. They weren't very far away from the beach, but it was still a struggle. Marissa couldn't believe that this was happening. They were happy once. Now, that was gone.
If she ever made it out of this, she would attempt to make things good once again.
A wave just like the one that initially took them under came and pushed them close to the beach. Marissa could now stand, and she pulled them out of the water.
Coughing, she turned both Ryan and Seth on their backs. Ryan's breathing was shallow, and Seth's was barely heard. Then she saw Ryan's tiny injury, and Seth's major one.
"Fuck," Marissa cursed and then realized her phone was in her purse, all the way up the beach. She cursed once more, and got up. With the limited amount of energy left, she ran to her purse. She grabbed it and rushed back, falling to her knees in exhaustion. Where was her cell phone? Marissa rummaged through her bag. Found it.
She dialed 911, and stared intently at Seth and Ryan. She prayed they would be okay.
"911. What's your emergency?" The person on the other line answered.
"My friends aren't breathing very well. And I need help. They're bleeding too," Marissa found herself crying already.
"Where are you?"
"I'm at the beach. Under the pier, at eh edge," Marissa answered, looking up for some odd reason. In her mind, she hoped the ambulance was already there. It wasn't.
"We've located you. Now, have you tried CPR?" The attendant said after a few moments. Marissa hadn't even thought about CPR.
"No, but I can try. What about the bleeding? It's really bad. How do I stop it?" She begged as she began to put her hands on Seth's chest a few times. He was barely breathing. Ryan was doing much better than Seth.
"Put pressure on it," The attendant told her and she didn't know how to put pressure on it, and do CPR. Damn it, why the hell was Ryan out? Marissa knew she had to get Seth breathing. She pushed on his chest and few times and checked.
"He's still not breathing. Are they coming soon?" Marissa couldn't do this.
"Yes, they're on their way," Marissa kept doing CPR. Thank goodness her and Summer had taken a lifeguard class a couple of years back. Thank goodness she had paid attention, unlike her other classes.
Marissa knew that she had to do something else for Seth. She put her lips on his and breathed in. That was weird. Why couldn't Ryan wake up? She pushed on Seth's chest again and then she heard sirens.
"I hear them," She commented excitedly and watched as two ambulances drove onto the beach. They sped towards Marissa and the head lights finally illuminated things.
Marissa hung up with the attendant and backed away as paramedics surrounded Seth and Ryan. She let more tears fall as she watched the paramedics perform more CPR, and put the two on stretchers. This couldn't be happening again. Why had Seth done this? Just to hurt everyone even more? Because Marissa was sick of this pain. She wanted to get away.
After a few minutes, someone put a blanket around Marissa.
"Thank you," She whispered to the paramedic.
"You should come with us. We want to make sure you're all right," the paramedic told Marissa and she nodded. She was helped up and into an ambulance. Her purse was given to her and then they put the stretcher in.
Marissa came face to face with the still unconscious Ryan. She quickly looked away, not wanting to see him. Instead she looked out the window behind her and stared into darkness.
Everything hit her than. Seth tried to commit suicide. What was wrong with Newport teens? Did they think suicide was the best way out? Marissa had certainly thought that. Hell, she kind of thought that now.
It was like dominos. Everything happens because of something else. Because Seth was shot, Summer lost it. Because Summer lost it, Seth jumped. Between those two was something. Something Marissa might have understood once, but not anymore.
"Keep this on," Another paramedic told Marissa. The blanket had fallen off her and she begun to shiver. "You know, these two were really lucky you were there."
"What?" Marissa turned and saw paramedics working on Ryan.
"If you hadn't been there, I don't think they would've survived. They would've been caught in the undertow and....they would've both drowned," Marissa felt uncomfortable. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to be back on the pier, drinking down her pain, only thinking about herself. Now that had changed. Would Ryan and Seth be okay? Would Seth be sent away? At least he would be with Summer. Or would he? Marissa wasn't going to let another one of her friends be sent away.
Suddenly, everything went in fast forward. Marissa got out and was taken to a room. Ryan and Seth were wheeled away. She was okay, but had to wait until she was picked up by her mom and dad. She sat there and her parents came in, and embraced the still wet Marissa. Julie had a new set of clothes and flip flops. They started paperwork as Marissa changed, and then she was being escorted out.
Walking out, she saw Kirsten and Sandy.
"Wait," Marissa told her mother and walked over to Sandy and Kirsten. "How are they?"
"Ryan's sleeping, and we don't know about Seth," Kirsten answered. She seemed drained.
"What room is Ryan in?" Marissa asked. She wasn't leaving. She wanted to make sure they were okay.
"214. On the second floor," Kirsten answered.
"Mom, I'm gonna stay here," Marissa told Julie and Julie left Marissa her keys. She would go with Jimmy, to her dismay. They hugged their daughter again. Marissa stepped away from them all and went down the hall to the elevator. How many times had she been here? No one was going on the elevator except her. It was too late. The world slept.
Marissa entered the elevator and pressed the number 2. It was a short ride, but long enough.
No one was running frantically around on the second floor like the ER had. She walked out and went to room 214.
This room was slightly different compared to Seth's old room. Marissa went in and saw the sleeping Ryan, and this sight calmed her. Ryan was okay. She saw in a chair next to him and looked around. What could she do while he slept? Her bottle had shattered on the pier. Her full bottle. She hadn't gotten much use of it. Maybe she had a backup in her purse. At least a small one.
Soon enough, Marissa found the backup bottle half the size of her original one. She took a sip. It calmed her even more. Which she needed. Marissa looked over and saw the cut on Ryan's head. It wasn't nearly as big as Seth's gash, but it still had obviously done the trick.
Marissa felt cold. She wasn't wet anymore, but she was still cold. Nothing was keeping her warm. There was nothing she could get to be warm. How could she really be cold? This place was a sauna compared to the temperature of the water.
She took another sip. How could everything, anything, go back to the way it had been? Hopefully, all the dominos had fallen and it was time to rebuild.
000000000000
Ryan's eyes opened to a stained ceiling. Where was he? All he remembered was ice water and the pier and.....Seth. Where was Seth? Was he okay? Ryan hadn't gotten him out. Oh God, what if Seth died?
He shot up, looking around. Ryan heard a shriek and turned to his left. There was Marissa, catching her breath.
"Jesus, Ryan, you scared me.......you're awake," Marissa stared at Ryan in amazement.
"Where's Seth? Is he okay?" Ryan attempted to get up.
"Calm down, he's fine," Marissa pushed him back to the bed. "Sandy came in about an hour ago and told me."
"Oh. Wait, what are you doing here? How did you know about what happened?" Ryan was confused. But Seth was okay, he wasn't dead. thank God for that.
"Well, Kirsten and Sandy are totally obsessing and watching over Seth like a hawk, so I figured I wouldn't let you be left out," Marissa answered as Ryan finally eased himself a tiny bit.
"But how did you figure out about what happened?" Ryan felt a little flattered with what Marissa said. It took a moment for Marissa to answer.
"I was there," She knew she would have to tell Ryan everything. This was something she wasn't ready to tell him. How would he take it? Would he know what she had been doing?
"What?" How could Marissa be there? Ryan never saw her. Of course, it had been dark, but wouldn't he have noticed her?
Wait a second, he had seen her. Her eyes. That was the last thing he saw.
"I had been walking down the pier when I saw you and Seth. I saw him jump. And then you ran to the beach, and I followed. When I reached you guys, you already were out cold. So I got you two to the shore and I called 911," Marissa told Ryan the shortened version of the tale.
"Wow.....um, thank you," Ryan was pretty amazed. If Marissa hadn't been there, he'd be.....dead.
"You're welcome," Marissa smiled at Ryan. She thought back to when she told Ryan she loved him, and he said, 'thank you.' But in the end, he had told her he loved Marissa.
Did he still? She doubted it. That happened over a year ago, a lot had happened between then and now.
"Is Seth on suicide watch?" Ryan was really worried about his brother.
"No," Marissa answered, and Ryan got confused. Why wasn't Seth on suicide watch? He had just jumped off the pier.
"Why?" Ryan didn't understand.
"I didn't tell them," Marissa stared at Ryan. "That he jumped."
"Then what did you tell them?" Ryan didn't think Marissa would've lied. She didn't lie that often. But really she did.
"That we had been on the beach and we started to dare each other. Then Seth got caught in the undertow and hit his head, so did you and so on," Marissa kept herself calm. She wanted to spill everything to Ryan.
"Why did you lie?" Ryan could guess why, but he didn't know if he was right.
"I didn't want Seth to be sent away like Summer did," Marissa turned away from Ryan and she felt the awkwardness between them. She shouldn't be here. He was awake, it was Marissa's time to disappear.
Ryan was still getting a handle on everything. Seth was okay, but he would most likely be sent to a shrink. Too much was happening in Newport. He needed to get away. For just a little bit of time. Everyone did.
Marisa looked down at her purse. The empty bottle peeked out from it. She shoved it back in. Her buzz had been gone for a while. She had finished the bottle long before Sandy had come in an hour ago.
"Ryan....." Marissa started, but didn't know how to end. She missed him. Him and her. She wanted to try. She wanted to tell him everything.
So she kissed him.
Ryan was totally taken off guard. Why was she doing this? They weren't together. But he didn't push her off.
"Uhh...." He tried to form words after they stopped kissing, but he couldn't. He was still in shock.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. That was really, really, stupid. Um, I should go.....somewhere else. I shouldn't have done that....stupid feelings. Uh, I...... bye," Marissa got up and began to leave.
"Wait," Ryan stopped her, so she turned to him, embarrassed. "I'm really confused. Could you maybe explain here?"
"No," Marissa shook her head.
"What?" Usually the person did explain, not object.
"I can't explain," Marissa was so embarrassed. She wanted to leave. Really badly.
"Why not?" Ryan did want to know why Marissa kissed him.
"Because it was just stupid and I shouldn't have done it," Marissa wanted to run.
"But why? Why did you kiss me?" Ryan did care for Marissa, just not in the way she might want. He used to, but not anymore.
"Because....." Marissa slowly walked over. "I miss you."
"I'm right here," Ryan pointed out to her.
"No, I mean us. I miss us," Marissa finally got it out. It felt liberating, now that Ryan knew.
"As a couple," Ryan didn't know Marissa felt that way. He had an inkling of it, but he never thought too much about it.
"Yes, as a couple," Marissa was about to add a sarcastic comment, it wasn't the right time. Ryan nearly died. Sure, let's make him feel stupid.
"Oh," Ryan took a moment to let this idea sink in. He and Marissa never worked, didn't she get that?
"See? I told you it was stupid," Marissa pointed out. It had been a really stupid idea to try to get back together with Ryan.
"No, it's not stupid. Just awkward...." Ryan didn't think he would ever be talking to Marissa about their relationship again.
"It always is between us. At least for me. I'm used to it," Marissa commented. She still wanted to get away, but not as much anymore. At least she got to talk to Ryan, they hadn't really since two weeks ago.
"Right. But we don't work very well together. We can't be together," Ryan had to admit, he had liked the time spent with Marissa, but that time was gone.
"Why can't we? We had a great relationship and then it just went bad..." Marissa argued.
"Whose fault is that?" Ryan couldn't believe he was having this conversation with Marissa.
"That was Oliver. And anyways, you had wanted to get back together, remember? We were back together. Right around when my mom got engaged," Marissa was mad at Ryan. He said he loved her, yet he didn't.
"A lot of things happened since then. When school started up again, I had wanted to get back together, or at least talk about it. But when I walked into that school, you didn't even look at me. You had totally changed," Ryan had partially forgotten about the first day of school. Most of his school memories of this year were from the shooting and after.
"I thought you were gone and done with Newport," Marissa regretted not talking to him until the shooting. When she ran into his arms right away.
"I almost was," Ryan, every so often, regretted coming back to Newport. Chino had been sane compared to Newport.
Marissa didn't know what to say. Why had she brought this up? There was too much going on around them and Marissa and Ryan had too many things in their past that screwed up their future.
She wasn't leaving and she didn't understand why. She should be leaving and forgetting this all happened. But something kept her there.
"What should we do?" Marissa asked Ryan. "Can we try?" She wanted to be with Ryan so badly. He was her rock, her safety.
"I don't know," Ryan would've been gone by now. But there was one problem: He was in a hospital, and hadn't been released. So he had to stay here, stuck with Marissa, feeling uncomfortable.
"We could take it super slow," Marissa suggested. It could work, it had to. "Like, just hang out and slowly get into a real relationship?"
Ryan didn't really want to do this. But he felt like he should, for Marissa. But what did he get out of it? A false relationship.
Of course, there was the possibility of it actually working. Of them actually falling in love. Again.
Maybe Ryan would say yes. He could have something to look forward to. And then the biggest problem they had before came into his mind: trust.
Did Marissa trust Ryan? Last time she said anything about it was a year ago, saying, "I don't trust you." So did she trust him?
"Do you trust me?" Ryan asked, knowing this answer would help him choose.
"Why is that a big deal?" Marissa had blocked the breakup out of her mind.
"Because that's how we broke up the first time. You couldn't trust me," No one had trusted Ryan at that time.
"Oh," Marissa now remembered. Everything with Oliver and how Ryan had been right.
"So do you?" Ryan stared at Marissa as she thought. She trusted him. But why couldn't she say it?
Ryan looked down, he knew. Marissa still didn't trust him. But then again, did he trust her?
"I don't know," She found herself saying. No, she did trust him. Why could she not say it? Her mouth would not say the words she wanted to.
"Okay then," Ryan had his answer. They couldn't be together. It was impossible.
"No, I do. I mean, I think," Marissa tried to redeem herself. She wanted to be with Ryan.
"You think?" The question should have a simple answer. Yes or no. At least it should be simple.
"Yeah," Marissa agreed. She wasn't going to do it. She wasn't going to tell him.
"Well...." Ryan began, but Marissa interrupted him.
"Ryan, I love you," Marissa exclaimed to him and silenced the room. She told herself she wouldn't do that, and she did. Damn it.
"Um...." Ryan didn't know what to say. He thought this was over. Hadn't they gone through this before? But then, he had loved her, but now, he didn't.
This was just getting more and more complicated by the second.
"Sorry," Marissa apologized for her stupidity.
"No, um.......uh.....' Ryan had nothing to say. Like usual. He never had anything to say. That's why he never said much. Before. He had to speak up now, say things, the world had become too silent.
"I'm gonna go. Sorry," Marissa turned away form Ryan. She felt tears, this was really it. She was in love with a dream.
Her and Ryan would never be. They could barely be friends.
Ryan thought about this. He didn't love Marissa anymore, but he had enjoyed the time he spent with her. She made him feel good. Like at the carnival, or on Thanksgiving. And he cared about her.
He couldn't believe he was actually doing this.
"Wait," He was doing this. He doubted it would work, but they both needed something sane to hold onto. Marissa turned around, and looked at Ryan. "I guess we can try."
00000000
Kirsten was in shock. Again. He was lying there. Again. He had almost died. Again. Why was this happening? What had happened? They hadn't told her much, of course, they weren't told much. The only witness was Marissa, and all she said was that they were in the water and got hurt. Real descriptive.
It was Saturday morning, Seth had slept all Friday. The doctors guaranteed he would wake up today. They were sick of Kirsten, since she bugged them every time she saw one. They hadn't been in to check on Seth in a while. She swore they were avoiding her.
But why shouldn't she be worried? Seth just got out of a coma. What if he fell into one again? Maybe he hadn't been ready to come out. Kirsten was going to wake him up if he didn't soon.
Sandy came in to check on Seth and Kirsten.
"How's Seth?" Sandy asked.
"Sleeping. How's Ryan?" Kirsten felt bad that she hadn't checked on Ryan at all. She had been so obsessed with Seth that Ryan didn't get any attention.
"He got discharged. Him and Marissa should be here soon," Sandy signed the papers, Ryan's injuries weren't nearly as bad as Seth's. Ryan did get hurt, but it was only a scratch compared to Seth.
And soon enough, Ryan and Marissa walked in, holding hands. Kirsten noticed it immediately. She got up and hugged Ryan, glad to see him okay.
"Um, we just got a call from Mr. Roberts saying Summer had visitation. Will Seth be awake soon?" Marissa asked as Ryan stared down at his brother. It felt like the beginning of November again, and Seth had just fallen into his coma.
"I don't think so," Kirsten doubted it.
"But he's okay, right?" Ryan couldn't believe that Seth had jumped off the pier. It wasn't right.
"He should be fine. Just needs to rest, he hurt his head pretty bad. You two should go. So you can see Summer," Kirsten told Ryan and Marissa.
"Are you sure? Because we can stay," Ryan asked immediately.
"No. Go. Summer'll be happy to see you guys," Both Kirsten and Sandy knew.
"All right. Bye guys. Call us if there's any change with Seth," Marissa had begun to leave.
"Okay," Kirsten told Ryan. And he reluctantly followed Marissa. Kirsten knew why Ryan was so worried.
Sandy soon left, to go check on something. How could people leave while someone was in the hospital? Kirsten could not understand it.
She looked at Seth, and saw the deep gash. That was what was keeping Seth asleep. It had to be painful.
Why couldn't he wake up? It had been two days after the shooting that Seth fell into the coma. He couldn't do it again. The doctors told Kirsten not to wake him, even if she was incredibly worried. Which was all the time. She was going insane staring at him.
It was eight hours later when she heard Seth groan. Thank God. He moved, and opened his eyes. Not again. He already knew he hadn't succeeded in killing himself. Damn it. What had happened/ how long had it been this time? Three months, a year perhaps?
He sighed and pushed himself up to see his mother. The person eh least wanted to see. He prayed he had slept for a long time so Kirsten would've forgotten everything.
She hadn't.
"Hi," Seth looked at her and she got up and hugged him without saying a word. She was happy he was up, but she was still a little upset with what he had said before.
"How do you feel?" She looked down at him. Right then, he noticed his head was in excruciating pain.
"Head hurts," Seth could tell his mom was still pissed, but did care.
"Figures," She commented as she sat back down in her seat.
"How long have I been out?" Seth hoped it had been nice and long.
42...." Yes. That was long enough. "...hours," What? Hours? Damn it.
"Oh," Seth was ready to get it. The yelling.
"I know I should be mad at you, but I can't. You and Ryan both almost died, and I would feel horrible if I was mad at you and I never saw you again," Kirsten was a bit mad, but worry and joy overtook that.
"Ryan almost died?" Seth was sick. He had almost killed his brother.
"Uh-huh. Good thing Marissa was there, because if she wasn't there, you'd be dead," Kirsten didn't quite understand what had happened and how Marissa got in the mix.
"Marissa?" Seth knew Marissa wasn't there. Had Ryan, like called her?
Wait a second, Marissa saved their lives. She didn't seem like the saving lives person. She was more take her own life person. They all were.
"Yes," Kirsten could tell Seth was confused by the story.
"How's Ryan now?" Seth really felt bad. He only wanted to kill himself, not Ryan.
"He got discharged this morning. He and Marissa went to visit Summer," Kirsten figured this would start the time where Seth would be pissed.
"They went to see Summer?" Now that Seth was alive, he wanted to see Summer. And he screwed that up.
"I wanted to wake you up, even before that, but the doctors wouldn't let me. All the doctors hate me here now because I bugged them all so much," Seth hadn't yelled yet, but she figured he soon would.
"I guess I can see her next time," Seth wasn't going to fight with his mom. His new vow. It hurt everyone too much when he did.
"Yeah," Kirsten was surprised from his calmness.
"Mom, what did they tell you happened?" Seth knew Kirsten would've mentioned his suicide attempt if he was on suicide watch and the psych floor. And she hadn't. Somebody had been lying.
"Marissa didn't tell anyone much, just that her and Ryan found you, and you were hanging out at the beach, and you guys started daring each other, and during a dare, you and Ryan got caught in the undertow and she pulled you both out," Kirsten explained. To her, it was truth. To him, it was bullshit.
"That didn't happen," Seth would have to tell Kirsten that he jumped some time. He'd take the consequences. Psych floor, all of that. Even if it went far enough, he could see Summer at the hospital.
"Then what did?" Now Kirsten was really confused.
"Well, Ryan found me at the pier and Marissa must've met up with him later, but, I, um..." Seth didn't want to tell her, but he knew he'd have to.
"What?" Kirsten had a bad feeling.
"I jumped off the pier," Kirsten felt the whole world stop around her. Was this true? Had Seth really jumped? had he really given up on life?
Seth looked down and away from his mother. He knew he broke her heart. He had wanted to die. Seth didn't know if he still did, but was beginning to think he did.
Kirsten couldn't say a word. She felt so sick. Had she pushed him over the edge, figuratively speaking? When she told him how they would've taken him off life support, had he decided right then and there that he wanted to die?
"Mom, I...." Seth started to say, but was interrupted. He was going to apologize, but had he wanted to? Maybe he wasn't sorry he wanted to die.
"Why?" Kirsten asked him as tears cascaded down from her eyes. She felt like a horrible mother.
"I don't know. I guess, I felt like I didn't deserve to live," Seth didn't look up at his mother. He couldn't.
Kirsten took time to let it absorb. Her son wanted to die. How could she say something that would make him feel better? Was there anything to say?
"Seth, why would you even think that?" Kirsten kind of knew the anser. But her son was suicidal, and she needed to hear the answer from him.
"I was shot. People planned to kill me. And you wanted to take me off life support. No one wanted me alive, and I dint think I should've been," Seth wished to be anywhere else. He felt as though every word that came out of his mouth hurt his mother more.
Kirsten never thought she'd be having this conversation with Seth. He seemed so fine when he came out of the coma, and then, he lost it.
"If you want to tell the doctors about what really happened, I don't care. Maybe I deserve to get locked up," Though one of the only things that lately had been on his mind was Summer, and you could guarantee that Seth was thinking about her, he wasn't. Seth really thought he was crazy. He didn't know if he was gonna try again, but he might as well. He could only guess where his life would go.
Kirsten thought. Should she tell them? Seth might get sent away. He could be with Summer, but was sending him away really the solution? She wouldn't see him, they could ignore the problem.
"I'm not gonna," Kirsten knew what would happen. If she had to do something for him, other than have him talk to her and Sandy, then have him go see a therapist. That's as far as she would go.
"What?" Seth was ready for her to jump out of the seat and tell the doctors. He wasn't expecting this.
"I won't tell them as long as you don't try again," That was a fair deal. An easy deal. To Kirsten.
But Seth didn't know what would happen next. He didn't know if he could promise not to attempt suicide. It seemed so simple, right? Just don't kill yourself. But that was a little difficult for Seth.
Kirsten got afraid. Seth hadn't answered. He really wanted to kill himself.
"You want to do it again," She said aloud, looking at Seth for a nod or shake of his head. Nothing came. She knew he did. And how could she stop him? If he really wanted to, he would do it. She couldn't stop him. She could fight him forever, and send him away, but would it really stop him from wanting to kill himself?
She stood up, not believing she was going to do this. Maybe it would stop him, she hoped that, or maybe it would push him more.
"Just don't let anyone see you," She told Seth and walked out. She got to the doorway and leaned outside it, sobbing. What had she done? Had she just given up on her son? She felt sick. What if he really did attempt?
Seth sat there, awestruck. His mother had just given up on him. She didn't care. She really didn't care. Now what was left? Nothing. No one was going to stop him.
So why was he so afraid? He was getting his wish. He was going to end it. But he felt different now. No. He was going to do this.
Seth got up and went to his clothes. A pair of scissors had been in his pocket in case he couldn't jump. He almost didn't put them in his pocket. There were there for what reason exactly? This reason.
He walked back to the bed and sat down. Looking at his wrist, he saw the faintest line. Had he done it before? Yes. Years and years ago. He stopped by himself. He didn't remember why now. Probably something with Summer.
Ironic. Summer saved him, yet she destroyed him.
Did he want to do it? Really give up completely? Maybe he did, since everyone else did. Plus, he had earlier.
He sat there with the scissors to his wrist, ready to give up. Who knew he was giving up so soon?
Kirsten was afraid of what she would find when she would walk back in. Would she even walk back in? It would hurt too much.
Seth couldn't do it. He couldn't. What was wrong with him? He had wanted to do this.
But something had changed. No one cared anymore. That's why he was going to do it. But that's why he was halting.
Closing his eyes, Seth pressed the scissors to his skin, and felt it puncture. It stung. He pushed deeper. And pulled. He opened his eyes, seeing that he had already pushed pretty far. He was bleeding.
He shut his eyes and pushed harder and opened his mouth in pain.
"Mom," Seth found himself saying. She stopped crying as hard when she heard. Had he done it? "Mom," He said again, louder and clearer this time. She stood up and turned to the door. Walking in, she saw Seth with a pair of scissors to his wrist, blood dripping down his arm. A line of red had formed.
Kirsten's heart broke.
"Seth..." She whispered as he looked up to her, with pain in his eyes.
"I need someone to stop me. Because I don't think I can," Seth told her, feeling helpless. If she wasn't there, he would've kept going.
She walked to him and took the scissors out of his hand, and blood ran out form the wound faster. She held him close and found herself crying harder as she hugged him.
"I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry. I couldn't do it. I'm so sorry," Seth could feel a tear run down his face as his mother let all her tears fall. He couldn't finish it.
"It's okay. It'll be okay. Eventually it will. I'm just so glad you didn't go through with it fully," Kirsten told Seth. She knew things would be completely different now, knowing what happened. Slowly, they'd get better.
"I am too," And Seth really meant it.
Am I evil or what? I know, time to yell at me. But nothing bad occurred. Well, to you maybe. Ryan and Marissa are hard for me. It took me so long to just get through that. Well, please review, I've got a lot more for ya!
