"Sure you could, Zim. Sure you could."
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW PLEASE!" I said angrily. The robot finally let go of my leg and went scampering away.
"Fine," said Dib. "Crash course. Zim: Alien. Came to destroy Earth. But I stopped him, because he's an idiot. Gaz: Hooked up with Zim. I didn't know about it or I would have killed him. Slowly. Then he left, to go back to space, or something. Seven months later you were born. We haven't had word from him since."
"Until tonight."
"Yes."
"Holy God. Do you know how bad the chances of this happening are? Of all the places on Earth, of all the nights…"
I tried to figure out the chances in my head.
"Something like 1:68539075. Only bigger."
"That's great." Dib turned to Zim, who looked like he had a few comments of his own to put in. "I said I'd throw you out, and now I am. Scram, you green bastard."
"I missed you too, Dib."
"You guys still hate each other, don't you?" Mom asked.
"Yeah, I think so." Dib said sarcasticly.
"But that's not the point, now," Zim said. "The point is that the armada is coming to blow your planet up."
"What?"
"Why?" Mom asked.
"Who cares? That's what they do. They blow stuff up. They are coming, though. Which is why I came to get you." "What about me?" Dib asked.
"I guess you can come too, but I'm going to launch you into space once we clear Earth's orbit." He blinked. "Did I say that out loud?"
"Yes, you did," I said.
"Thanks," he muttered.
"Back to Earth exploding. Shouldn't we be doing more panicking?" I asked.
"Yeah, I guess." Mom said.
"Or we could build a giant spaceship and launch us into space to live among the stars!" Dib said excitedly.
"No time," Zim said, shaking his head.
"Could we build a little spaceship and just evacuate the four of us?"
"FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiVVVVVEEE!" Came a shriek from the corner.
"And Gir."
"We could leave him here," Zim said seriously.
"Yeah," Dib said.
(Gir fans pop out of a time-space continuum hole and threaten them with pitchforks and tazers)
"Maybe we should take him after all…"
"Yeah," Dib agreed nervously.
(Fans disappear)
"That was interesting," I said. "Who were they?"
"No one of any importance."
"Okydokie artichokie."
"So, what's wrong with him anyway? I thought robots were supposed to be super smart and stuff."
"He's… er…. Advanced."
"My mommie says I'm special!"
"You don't have a 'mommie' GIR!" Zim shrieked at the dark corner.
"DON BE DISSIN MY MOMMIE!"
Several crashes were heard, and the scream of bending metal.
"Stop wrecking my house!" Dib screamed. "You! Go now. Take your stupid robot, too."
Zim growled, and went to the corner to retrieve the android.
"I'm going back to my base. I'll see you in the morning. Dib, feel free to stay on Earth."
"I'll be there, bright and early."
"Tiz, let's go home," Mom said quietly. "I'll see you guys at Zim's in the morning."
"But, mom…"
"No buts, mister. March."
"Yes, Mom…"

By the time we got home, I had figured out from Mom that Zim's 'base' was the Old Haunted Green House That No One Ever Got Around to Tearing Down. We walked in the front door, and I said good night. Mom, looking tired, went down the hall to her own room. I went to my bedroom, locked the door, went out the window, and headed straight for Zim's.
The old haunted green house was a constant source of scary stories around the neighborhood. The place glowed for no apparent reason. Walking down the cracked stone path, I could swear the lawn gnomes were watching me.
I knocked on the door, and it swung open.
"How did I know you would be here?" Zim said. He was standing in the middle of what had been a living room. Now it was coated in dust it could have been a bathroom for all anyone could tell.
"I had to. Natural sense of curiosity, you know?" "No. I don't."
I walked inside, making a second trail of tracks in the carpet of dust.
"Computer!" Zim screamed suddenly.
"Oh, hi, Zim," said a voice from nowhere. "Did you have a nice trip?" "Yes yes it was remarkable now I order you to tell me why you haven't been keeping this place clean!"
"Didn't seem much point, really. I'd just clean and clean and clean and no one would ever even see the amazing cleanness so I gave up." It burst into tears. "I'm so unappreciated!"
"That's very nice. So can you get the majority of this dust up NOW?" "I suppose so…"
An army of brooms flew out of the wall and began to sweep everything onto a giant hole that had appeared in the floor.
"Who's the other Irken?" asked the computer.
"That's Tiz. He's my kid apparently." "Didn't know you had a kid."
"Me neither," we said in unison.
"Wait… we're Irken? Seriously? Then the planet must be called… Oh god no…"
"Yes. But it means something different in my language."
"What's it like? It's half my heritage, I want to know."
"Hmmm. Irk is… Amazing. Only word for it. We are literally the most powerful planet in the known universe. We conquer planets, it's what we've always done. Soldiers like me, we go ahead, find major weaknesses, and tell the armada so when they come we can take down the planet quickly and easily. We're the most technilogicly advanced, because we have the planet Vort to be advanced for us. Oh yeah. One other thing. Do you like snax?"
"Can't live without em."
"Good. You have at least some Irken characteristics than."
"I can see in the dark, too."
"Really? I can't do that. But I could if I WANTED TO."
"Sure you could."
"And our government is also based on height, but that's not a good thing I think."
"What's that metal thing on your back?"
"This? Most advanced bit of bioengineering known to Irk. It's a pak. We get them at birth. It basically translates any and all known languages and stores our personalities so if we die, it can be put on another body. Plus we can download info instead of memorizing. Neat, huh!"
"That is cool."
"And it's got all sorts of nifty stuff in it."
"Like what?"
"The usual. Parachute, atmospheric adjustor, lasers, and these things."
Thin metal legs emerged from a pink hole and lifted him a good ten feet off the ground.
"Sweet! I wish I could do that!" He dropped back to the ground, and gave me a funny look.
"How badly?"

"I can't believe your elevator is in the fridge." "It is. Believe it, kid." "It's an expression." "Oh." We stepped out of the fridge into a darkly lit tunnel. Doors lined the sides of the corridor.
"I think it's this one…" Zim pushed one door open, and bright light came out.
"Damn that's bright!" "This is the right one. Come on." We walked into the white room. In the middle of it was a white table. Several cabinets or something that looked like them lined the walls.
"How well can you keep track of your mind?" Zim asked me.
Pretty well, I thin- ooh, look at this freckle. Was this here before? Boy this room is white.
"Pretty well." "Oh, good. Wouldn't want you going crazy." "Ummm… yeah…" "See, I have one, for in case I need to do something with one of these kinds of things." "Okay." "You can have it. It'll attach itself." "Will it hurt?" "No, although some people say it's the most excruciating thing they've ever known." "Okay then." He held out a blue and silver thing that looked just like his, but a bit smaller.
"Turn around." I did. I felt a slight pressure, and then a feeling like a thousand needles and then nothing. I couldn't see anything but black. I could have been falling, and I wouldn't know. I wondered for a second if maybe I was dead. I decided that since I was thinking I probably wasn't.
"Am I dead?" I asked.
"Um… no? I think." "Well alrighty then." After a second I could see again. The white room was there, with a few black marks decorating it.
"What the heck are those?" "What the fuck do you think they are? You've got lasers, retard. Can't you feel them?" Strangely, I could. It was weird. I could feel lasers, spider legs, and all sorts of neat gadgets. They felt like extra limbs almost. Testing them out, I tried to extend my legs, and lift myself up. I did, but almost immediately slipped and fell over." "That's normal. You have to learn to walk. Like you did as a baby. Just try not to think about blasting people, you will." "Neat-o" "No, not really." I tried again, this time balancing unsteadily for a minute before toppling over. "Better." The third time I took a few hesitant steps before falling over on top of Zim.
"AAAHHH! No touchie! NO TOUCHIE!"
"Okay okay geez!"
"That's enough of that for right this second. Try a force field."
I did. Two spikes came out to either side, and a thin membrane of color surrounded me for a second. It was the palest blue. After about a half a second, it disappeared. I tried again. It was slightly darker, and lasted slightly longer. The third time I was able to get it to stay, and it slowly darkened the longer I kept it up.
"We already know your lasers work."
"Yeah, um, sorry about that."
"No problem. When I got my PAK I cut the power on the entire planet for five years."
"Really? Wow."
"Yup. It was brilliant. I did it again later, only it stayed for four years."
"Wooooooooow."
"I got in some trouble for that but it was still amazing," He looked thoughtful. "So how about a test?"