I dwelled on it for a while, pegging December as the informant. She seemed the type, as cool as she was. Oh well. If I went to jail, I went to jail.
And oddly enough, I found myself back in Diablos that night. I was bored, there was nothing to do, so I decided to make myself some more money. Apparently, another popular local band was playing that night, and I was recruited by December to bartend again.
At about seven, the lights dimmed and the band came on. I snorted, not even remotely surprised about who was on stage.
Quistis, wearing a tight black Tshirt with a white longsleeved undershirt and black pants and combat boots, walked onstage carrying a bass guitar. She had taken off her normal wire-rimmed glasses and replaced them with what we in SeeD training had called "birth control glasses," mainly because the wearer was made so ugly by wearing them that no one would sleep with them. Black, thick plastic frames. Her hair was messily piled on top of her head, and she wore a red tie knotted loosely around her neck.
Selphie Tilmitt had exchanged her normal slicker looking dress for a plaid bondage dress of about the same length, with a collar and short sleeves. She wore knee-length lace up leather boots with thick soles and four-inch platform heels. There were also criss-crossing buckles across them. Her hair had been bleached and dyed bright red. She was carrying drum sticks.
Zell--hah! His stupid tattoo had been artistically covered up and he looked almost normal, except that his hair had been bleached and dyed neon green. He had a labret piercing with a hoop going around his lip. I wondered if it was a real piercing or if it was just a really good imitation. He wore a bright green shirt with faded type on it, regular blue jeans, and bright red Doc Martens. He was carrying a guitar.
Squall--oh boy. I winced and looked away. He was wearing a white tshirt and blue jeans, and he basically looked the same as ever. He wasn't carrying an instrument, but that didn't surprise me. Squall can sing. Boy, can he sing.
"What was that?" December asked, noting my wince. I shrugged. "I used to date that guy." I said, smirking. I wondered what she'd make of that.
"Wow, really? He's pretty cute. Why aren't you two still together?"
I snorted. "Cheated on him with his bassist."
She shut up.
The crowd shut up instantly when the band struck the first note. Zell was singing back-up, which was interesting. Chicken-wuss had a higher tenor, and it worked well with Squall's deeper, almost baritone, tenor voice. The song was vaguely familiar, and really quiet. The crowd swayed in time with the music.

"Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are witheld from me
I realize and I can see

That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it
If I please

The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
This losing card I'll someday lay
So this is all I have to say

Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it
If I please

The sword of time will pierce our skin
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works it's way on in
The pain grows stronger--watch it brim

Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it
If I please

A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
'Is it to be, or not to be?'
And I replied, 'Oh, why ask me?'

Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it
If I please

And you can do the same thing
If you please..."

I really did recognize that tune from somewhere, but I couldn't remember where. They didn't introduce it as a cover, but that wasn't overly unusual with older songs. They did a few more, some dealing with death, others with the pain of life, and for some reason it struck my errant humor. Squally-boy, master of internal torment and emotional baggage. How...emo of him.
Things really picked up when they took their intermission; Squall came over and introduced himself to December as Erick, a musician from Balamb.
He looked at me coldly, and then got a bottle of water from December. He stalked off, and I blinked. Was it an act, or was he really pissed at me?
"Your ex seems pretty pissed."
"Yeah, well, we dated a while back. It's had plenty of time to stew in his brain." I rolled my eyes and continued on with my work.

Apparently, there had been a change to the song lineup. Because what was on my set list wasn't what Squall sang next.

"I hear...
A voice say 'Don't be so blind'
It's telling me all these things
That you would probably hide
Am I
Your one and only desire?
Am I the reason you breathe
Or am I the reason you cry?

Always...
Always...
Always...
Always...
Always...
Always...
I just can't live without you!

I love you
I hate you
I can't get around you
I breathe you
I taste you
I can't live without you
I just can't take anymore
This life of solitude
I guess that I'm out the door
And now I'm done with you

Done with you

I feel...
Like you don't want me around
I guess I'll pack all my things
I guess I'll see you around
It's all
Been bottled up until now
As I walk out your door
All I can hear is the sound

Always...
Always...
Always...
Always...
Always...
Always...
I just can't live without you!

I love you
I hate you
I can't get around you
I breathe you
I taste you
I can't live without you
I just can't take anymore
This life of solitude
I guess that I'm out the door
And now I'm done with you

I love you
I hate you
I can't live without you!

I wrapped my head around your heart
Why would you tear my world apart??!

Always...
Always...
Always...
Always...

I see....
The blood all over your hands
Does it make you feel
More like a man?
Was it all
Just a part of your plan?
The pistol's shakin' in my hands
And all I hear is the sound....

I love you
I hate you
I can't live around you
I breathe you
I taste you
I can't live without you
I just can't take anymore
This life of solitude
I guess that I'm out the door
And now I'm done with you

I love you
I hate you
I can't live without you
I love you
I hate you
I can't live without you
I just can't take anymore
This life of solitude
I pick myself off the floor
And now I'm done with you

Always
Always

Always...."

"Whoa. Your boyfriend seems pretty pissed at you." December said, sliding a drink to a customer.
"Not my boyfriend anymore." I grunted. I was hoping that she'd stop bringing this up; did she think I needed a reminder that Squall, apparently, hated me?
They finished up an hour later and I walked out of Diablos with six hundred. Not as good as last night, but pretty good. I felt rich, but I knew that I could easily blow all of the money I had if I wasn't careful.
Quistis walked up to me as I was walking back to my place and looked me over. "Rage." She said. She stuck her hand out. "Name's Dagger."
I raised my eyebrows. "Who gave you that name?"
She smirked. "Erick." I bit my lip, trying to contain the laughter that threatened to burst out. Instead I looked at the people who were ranged behind her; Just Selphie and Zell, but it was enough to intimidate me. All I had was a lousy 9mm handgun.
"I take it 'Erick's' still pissed at me." I commented, shoving my hands in my pockets, turning, and starting back towards my room.
"That's an understatement." Selphie said.
Zell spoke up. "I think he sorta hoped you two could get back together after the sorceress war, and...you know who...spoiled all of that."
I wrinkled my nose. Rinoa. Then I snorted. "Whatever. I'm not getting back with him."
Quistis flushed and crossed her arms. "At least talk to him."
"No." I wondered when he'd decided he hated me; when he threw the gunblade at my head in my room, or after.
"Did you get my note?" I nodded.
"What do you have to say?"
"It's bullshit." I said, rolling my eyes. I heard her stop walking suddenly. "I'm not leaving Dollet. Fuck that."
"S--Rage..."
"Look." I roared, whirling around to face them. "You guys continue doing whatever the fuck it is you guys are doing here. If I get arrested, so fucking be it. It's my life."
"Man...you need help." Zell said, rolling his eyes. He turned around and started back to the bar. Selphie cast a mournful look at me and did the same.
Quistis looked in my eyes, and her face softened. "Seifer..."
"Don't call me that." I hissed.
"Fine. We're just worried about you."
"Whatever." I snorted. "I don't need your worry, instructor. I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself. In case you don't remember, I'm older than you are."
"By like a month." Quistis rolled her eyes. "S...Rage, you're hurting more people than just yourself, here."
"Watch me care." I spat, turning on my heel and heading into the building.

December came to my room that night. How she learned where I live, I dunno, but I answered the door in jeans and nothing else, and I was really startled. I thought it was either Squall coming to kill me or Quistis coming to berate me.
"Hi." I said, running my right hand through my hair. "Do you need something?"
December smirked. "I was wondering if you'd considered the offer of working regular."
"Oh." I said. I really hadn't, and I think she realized it as soon as it was out of her mouth.
"Obviously not." She said. "Can I come in?"
"Uh...sure." I said, stepping aside and mentally blessing myself for having cleaned house the other night. I'd even done laundry, so there was less of it scattered around on the floor.
"Rage, you're really good." She said. "I won't tell anyone your identity, since you seem so damn intent on keeping it a secret, but I need help there. And I can't hire you regular and keep it under the table; the feds'll come in and notice you."
"I know." I said. I grimaced. I really didn't want to get hired by December, since I'd pegged her as an informant.
Something caught my eye. It was another note; why I hadn't noticed it by now was beyond me, but it was lying on my nightstand, and I recognized Squall's spiky handwriting anywhere. There was just one word on it, but my eyes widened.
"Jezebel."

"Whoa, Rage, you okay?" December waved her hands in my face. I blinked.
"What?" I replied, intelligently.
"You've been staring at me for like a minute without saying anything." She looked concerned.
I was going to kill her.
Not December. December wasn't our informant. It was that self-serving bitch Jez. I was going to kill her. I really was. She was Squall's informant. He had just let me know.
I looked at December. Her eyes were pleading with me, and I sighed.
"December...you have to absolutely promise me that you won't tell anyone."
"You act like you're someone really horrible, like Adel." She laughed. "Come on, Rage. It's not a huge deal."
"No, actually, it is, my name could get me killed." I crossed my arms and looked at her. "No promise, no workie."
She sighed. "I promise, Rage. You know my word is my bond."
"Fine." I sighed. A real job. How boring. "Four nights maximum."
She grinned. "Sure thing. You've gotta fill out the tax papers." She dug around in her bag and withdrew a few papers. "That's why I've gotta know who you are."
Solomnly, I accepted the papers and grabbed a pen from the nightstand. I sat on the other end of my bed from her, set the papers on my bookcase, and started to fill them out. She didn't look over my shoulders, thank God, and I lost my nervousness as I filled in the necessary blanks.
I handed her the papers and swollowed. She read through them, and I saw her eyes widen.
"S-Seifer Almasy?" She whispered. I nodded, and crossed my arms.
She bit her lip. "You're really him? The...the Sorceress' Knight?"
"The one and only." I said. Part of me wanted to smirk; I've never seen December lose her composure, especially not to this extent. The other part of me was worried she'd rat me out.
I cleared my throat. "Can you see why I didn't exactly want this to get out?"
"Understandably." December seemed a little more coherent. She smiled. "I don't know why I never put two and two together...they circulated pictures of you a few months back and I thought 'Wow, that guy looks like Rage.' Never thought it'd actually be you, though."
"Well...I hope no one else came to those conclusions." I sighed and sat down on my bed. "Just...look, December, I'm serious when I say that I could die for this. People don't like me, and I can't say I blame them."
"Well, they can go fuck themselves." December said. She sat down next to me. "Rage...Seifer...what the hell do I call you?"
"Rage."
She smirked. "Fine. Rage. You're not a total asshole like ninety percent of the population of this city. That's a plus. Most of the people who'd want you dead don't know you. You're not an asshole. You're...well, I'd almost say a nice guy." I wrinkled my nose and she laughed. "Deny it, but it's true. You've got issues, but I've seen you help people that you didn't need to help."
I sighed. Jacks mewed from under the bed and then hopped on my lap. I petted her lightly.
"You have a cat?" December looked at me with one eyebrow raised.
"Jez..." I trailed off for a second, my expression darkening. Then I smiled. "Jez found her and made me keep her. Her name's Jacklyn, Jacks for short."
December played around with Jacks for a while, much to the cats delight. I watched, my adrenalin levels still coming down from admitting to someone who I really was. Then I saw her pause and look back at me.
"Does your ex-boyfriend know who you are?"
"Yeah." I sighed. "It was a long time ago."
"...Erick isn't his name, is it?"
I shook my head.
"What is his name?"
I smirked in spite of myself. "Squall Leonhart."
She dropped the cat.

"Listen, Squall..."
"No. Fuck you, get out of my room, go fuck yourself." Squall said, angrily. I could see the beginnings of tears in his eyes, and my heart broke.
"Look, Squall, we were drunk. It wasn't my fault. She doesn't mean anything to me. I love you."
"Yeah, right. Tell someone who'll believe your stories, Seifer." Squall said. He shut the door in my face. I could hear him crying in his room, trying to keep it quiet and succeeding for the most part.
As I walked away, dejectedly, I could hear him crying out. "I hate him!"
My heart broke for real. A tear began, and I wiped it away. Never again, I vowed. I'll never love again.

I woke up from that horrible replay with an unusual warmth on my right side. I looked over. Oh, right. December.
After a little bit of discussion, we'd come to an agreement. I have to say, after a year of holding myself away from sex, it's nice to get back into the swing of things. I found myself thinking of Quistis, and I wished I could have taken all of it back. If only...if only I hadn't gone to that party three years ago; Squall hadn't wanted me to go, he'd had a "bad feeling" about it. I went anyway, and ended up getting drunk and screwing Quistis. I confessed the next day, of course, and he promptly broke up with me. Not that I blamed him, but still. If I hadn't gone to that party...I'd still be with Squall, and I'd have helped him save the world instead of fighting against him. I'd have made SeeD. I know I would have because Squall would have kept me from doing something stupid on my field exam.
Ah, well. Thinking about the past hurt. Instead I turned to the present, where December was stirring next to me. p> "Suicide is Painless" is the orignal MASH theme, it was written and performed by Johnny Mandel, NOT, as most people believe, Marilyn Manson. Who sucks ass.
"Always" is property of Saliva.