Anatawa
By Sukunami Taka
When I see the sun, I'll always know where you are…
"North God Attendant Genjo Sanzo, We charge you with your three companions, the demons Song Goku, Sha Gojyo and Cho Hakkai to go to the heart of Tenjikukoku…"
"Konzen Douji…I, as your honourable Kanzeon Bosatsu entrust this child to you…"
"NANI?" yelled the beautiful monk, more in frustration than any real intention of knowing the reason for the continuous thumps from his ever faithful fan landing on the head of the small wailing child. Exasperated, he gave one last whack and settled back in his seat, lighting a cigarette in the process, "Uruseiyo saru…"
Hakkai smiled, knuckles white on the wheel, "Mah mah Sanzo, we will arrive soon, and then Goku…" Small round years popped up. "Maybe we can find you some delicious food", finished the placid man. "Hai! Sankyuu!" chimed the happy boy, tiny fangs showing through his smile.
Two minutes later
"URUSEI!"
"Demo Sanzo, HAN-RA-ETA!"
"URUSEIYO BAKA SARU..." and down came the paper fan. Goku dodged the first blow only to meet another from the side. Eh..
A clomping black boot removed itself from Goku's sore cheek now red marked with the underside print; Gojyo's eyes opened revealing deep red orbs. Flicking open his lighter the lanky womanizing demon drew a deep smoky breathe, "Urusai, zuuto hangraeta o saru…"
"Naniyo, ero kappa!" rubbing his cheek, Goku pouted and then lunged ferociously at his travelling companion, 'YARRRGGG…" BOOM
Both fell to the bottom of the jeep in a tangled heap. Deadpan eyes stared from Sanzo's blank face. Sighing, he slid back to his seat. Hakkai knowingly shifted to a faster gear, "Daijoubu Sanzo….nah, isn't it a beautiful day? The sun is bright today." Sanzo grunted and looked away.
Hakuryu as jeep halted at the edge of the town. Around him and the four now very quiet travellers, rained pouring cold dripping misery from the darkened choked clouds. Four shadowy forms piled into the old guesthouse, water pooling around them, and following a series of grunts to the terrified girl at the counter and after dragging Gojyo away, four set of doors slammed.
Tentatively a hand crept around a slightly ajar door. A small button nose poked in and gave a few sniffs.
"Ne, San…"
"Ur'sae…"
"Dem…"
"Ur'sae and get the hell out of my room…"
"Moh…" Goku pouted and his eyebrows creased in concern. The voice from the room was subdued and did not come from anger or frustration. The little golden boy popped his head in, "Ne Sanzo, han-ra-eta."
Silence…
Craning his head, Goku tried to look inside but losing his footing, he crashed to the floor, "Itee…" he cringed, waiting for the blows to come. Eh..Sanzo?
He looked up…
The hazy moon shone beyond the large crossed window, as the heavy curtain of rain diverted slivers of light into the room. The sound was deafening, full of hard thin drops, threatening to crash and overwhelm the claustrophobic room. Silhouetted, a thin frame against the window sat the quiet Sanzo, his passive face staring into the shifting glimmering darkness outside. The face of beauty of pure ivory skin adorned with deepset eyes of violet, his bright golden hair a halo melting into the shadows, he looked as if he wanted to go into the darkness…nearby held between his slim unmoving fingers, wisps of smoke trailed from the lit but unsmoked cigarette.
Kirrei…Sanzo…he reminds me of something else…
Goku's mouth moved but he stopped himself, standing by the door waiting for Sanzo, to reprimand him. His shoulders slumped, altogether the picture of a lost little boy. The young priest closed his god forsaken eyes…
Hoshio sama, my master…I couldn't protect you…
Smoke blew out in a slow puff. Gojyo smiled, "The baka saru is missing from his room…"
"Sou."
"Daijoubu no?"
"Ah…daijoubu boku wa..."
"Sou…" The demon child crossed the room, passing the lone figure seated lean on the bed with his head down towards the floor. Vermillion eyes glanced out the window. The early afternoon drizzle had become heavy into the night. It's depressing… but Gojyo knew how much worse it felt for… Ha…
Emerald eyes looked up…
Kana…you should have let me….you should have let me protect you…but I failed…
Haha…if I had died, would you not cry any more…onegai…
I couldn't protect him…
The warm autumn wind wrapped itself around the tall stately deity, his flowing golden hair gently unravelling from its clasp. An empty sigh escaped to the gone wind, as his hazy violet eyes gazed upwards… "Goku…"
Large dazzling eyes peered back, their heretic owner crouched, safe in the embraces of the outreaching branches, his naïve thoughts, his innocent heart locked upon his shining light beneath, "Konzen…"
"Gono…"
"Hai…" Deep emerald eyes rose to meet her rich brown ones. As she leaned over, her lustrous hair fell delicately down her shoulders. The sun rose up behind, eclipsing her open beautiful face but he knew every slight curve of her eyes, her cheeks, her lips as intimately as he knew his feelings for her. He returned her smile and gently took the glass of lemonade.
I wanted to protect you…
I needed to protect you…
His hands reached out, haltingly clasping the small spray of blood red flowers. Kirrei… in his small captivating eyes, the petite almost stunted petals lay like charcoal rubies beneath the hot sun, each with its own defined shape and life. He turned to leave, head bowed…a heavy hand held back his shoulder, the young boy stopped and looked. The taller demon blinked, releasing him, "She'll like them ne….daijoubu…" Gojyo cradled the flowers to his chest, hoping…
Daijoubu…
Hoshio sama… large mesmerizing eyes, dark with tears stared out… gomene…
"I don't need something I have to protect!"
I don't… I can't… I can't need to protect him, not again…
Why can't he leave me alone... He doesn't need me and I don't want him. Petulant kid, always hungry, always whining, always looking at me with those eyes… those golden eyes… doesn't he know he is an outcast, a heretical child not of this world or the next, heretical child who will never belong here… heretical eyes always seeing the sun… I can't see him in pain again…
He doesn't belong here… I will never belong here… go away child… you don't belong here with me…
He's good for nothing. Have you seen his eyes? He is not from here. He is only living because of his master. Saved as a heretic, have you seen his eyes, no one has his eyes. Unholy. He is a demon. He must be. Go back boy. Seeing him against the night, against the darkness, the moon light against him…demon…he reminds me of something else…
She's gone… he stood, paralysed, a stone sinking into the ocean… I didn't know…
"You don't know who I am, I'd sooner die than touch him."
I would have, perhaps given up… what if I had lost myself and hurt… I can't, not again…
If I had know sooner… there are a lot of ifs…I wish I could have held her for a last time… there are a lot of wishes too… I wish I had known, had felt… everything is gone and I don't even know. Why…I shouldn't be here, shouldn't be living when I deserve death. These hands have held only blood, tasted pain and cries, and blood… red warm blood, salty…warm… still always warm…these hands felt saved held in the caress of its warmth…they never want to let go…
You're a murderer. Those are a killer's eyes. I've missed the old, have you recovered your murderous ways? What have he done? All those demons. Dead. Blood. A pretty man with green eyes collapsed in the jungle, they say he was found covered in blood. I will use you to kill him instead. You have no strength. What can you do? As long as someone believes in him, he will be himself…
Please don't… cowering to himself, holding the strands of accusing red… forgive me…
"I can't forget the past. It is part of me…"
It reminds me, tells me what I am, who I am… it won't let me forget…
She should have killed me…she would have… then there wouldn't have been so much pain. I was willing to let her…maybe my acquiescence would make her cry even more… it's my fault anyway, always my fault…to see him standing there, looking at me. I couldn't… couldn't tell him it was ok. I wanted to die…but I was scared… in the end I was too scared to die…. Looking at him, that instance, his eyes couldn't look at me anymore…and it was my fault again…this red, this blood, stands as my penance… my past…my present and future… I can't change anything, just as I couldn't then…
Red hair, red eyes, you are a demon. Child born of misery, see what he is doing. Causing more pain. It would never come to good. He was with her and now you are here. I don't want you. Stay away, you don't belong. You should die. How can you be here… you should be dead. Every moment, every single moment, you are nothing but pain. Eh, I thought your red hair would burn, it looks like fire…
"Ne Sanzo…"
"Hm…nani…and don't ask stupid questions…"
"Umph…"
"Nani…" Violet eyes turned and blinked. Clutched tightly in the hands of the small boy was a cluster of pure white daisies. Goku glanced up, breaking into a smile as he held the flowers to Sanzo, "Kirrei…" and he carefully places them into Sanzo's hands…
The rain had stopped, allowing the bright sun to shine again in the blue sky. Sanzo paused, one foot in the jeep.
"Sanzo?"
He looked up, meeting Hakkai's smile, "Dai jou bu des?"
The monk turned away, "Huh… I thought I heard a voice calling…"
"A voice?"
"Iya … it's nothing, let's go…" he closed the door.
Gojyo leaped into his seat, grinning as he dragged Goku in. Sanzo looked away… they are all smiling today… "Hakkai, iko…"
The jeep started up, driving away from the sun…the green eyes twinkled… Sanzo is smiling today…
When I see you, I'll always know who I am…
