I know that sounds like a stupid statement but it was really fucking cold. December had the heater up at full blast and had the fireplace lit. The door was kept shut, also unusual.
No band tonight, just a jukebox, blaring some pop song that I recalled hearing about a decade earlier. Despite it being Christmas, there were a lot of people in the bar. Either they had no families to go back to, or they did and just didn't care.
Regardless, it was busy and we were kept so, and my eyes danced with the tips I was making. My rent to December was my work at the bar, but the tips were my money for extras.
Like cigarettes, munchies, and sodas. No drugs this time. No drugs.
December was grinning and talking to patrons. I knew she was enjoying herself--nothing December likes better than a rush. She's insane, I think, although I remember the boss to a pizza joint in Balamb being the same. He said once that you knew you were meant for that kind of work if you enjoyed "getting your ass slammed." (1) It confused me, for a moment (remember I was like sixteen) until I realized he was talking about the rush and not sex.
We'd just hit a slight lull--there wasn't anyone at the bar itself, only on the floor--when they walked in.
"What's going on?" December said, suspiciously. I hit my forehead with my hand.
Selphie piped up chipperly. "Seifer said that you guys were open on Christmas and that was why you two couldn't come to Balamb for Christmas Dinner!" She set a platter on the bar. "So we brought Christmas Dinner to you!" She looked around at the patrons. "There's plenty, everyone can have some!"
I felt Fujin's eye on me, but I avoided looking at her or talking to her. Or Raijin. I didn't want to get into specifics with them. They looked great, of course. They hadn't had nearly a year of laying waste to their bodies.
December eyed me and I gave her a helpless look. She laughed outright, amused at my discomfort, and left from behind the bar to help everyone set up. She sent me to the store (not closed on Christmas) to buy plastic cups, plates, and cutlery. We had plenty of paper towels.
I got back about thirty minutes later, after several times repeating the Serenity Prayer to myself. I was really fucking frustrated, and I wanted to just kick the entire group out of the bar. Didn't they get it? I didn't want to see them. They were a reminder of a past I had given up, a good past that I regretted losing.
Grant me the serenity
To accept the change I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can....
And the wisdom to know the difference....
I ground my teeth as I walked back into the bar; Zell was talking to Fujin and Quistis was talking to Squall about something; Rinoa was standing at his side, arm interlaced with his. Raijin was staring at Quistis and I wondered, briefly, if he was a new Trepie. My heart pounded--in anger--when I saw Rinoa standing so closely to Squall. She was cheating on him. With Quistis. This would be yet another person she'd stolen from him. Quistis, that is.
My thoughts weren't making any sense. I sighed and set the bag of shit on the bar, which December promptly scooped up and started arranging next to the food. I went about my business of tending the bar; getting beers and such for people. Pretty soon there was a plate of food shoved in my face, and I looked up to see December glaring down at me, a look on her face that told me I had better eat--or else.
I sighed and accepted the plate, and December took over the bartending while I ate. It was all actually pretty good, and I noticed that Squall must have helped with certain things; I recognized his cooking from our days together.
I finished the meal (it was good; I hated to admit it to myself, but it was) and got back to business. The drunks were enjoying themselves, and I saw Selphie beaming. Nothing she likes better than helping people. I sighed.
Pretty soon the bar cleared out, and all that was left were the old group and December (and myself). We cleaned up fast; the bar was closing early tonight, at nine, and it was damn close to closing time. December and I had planned on a smallish Christmas dinner, but now we didn't have to worry about that. We did, however, have gifts to exchange, and we wanted to get home.
"Have you seen Rinoa?" I heard Squall ask December. She shrugged.
"And Quistis?" Zell asked. "They're both gone."
I frowned.
"I think I saw Quistis heading into the bathroom." December said.
I froze and slowly turned to face the single-occupant bathroom. My eyes widened as I saw Zell walking towards it.
I knew, without a doubt, what he'd find if he opened that door. I was halfway on my way towards him when he got there, and I'd almost caught up with him when he flung it open.
"What the fuck?" He said, throwing his arms up over his eyes. I slammed the door shut and prostrated myself against it.
December was there, Zell was freaking out. "Holy shit." He kept saying.
She eyed me, and I knew that she knew that I knew what was going on in there. I refused to move.
"Seifer, open the door." Squall's voice commanded, coldly.
"No." I replied. I was really pretty quite calm about it, even when he drew Leonhart and pointed it at my throat.
"Look, I'm not opening the fucking door, so why don't you just leave?" I said, pleasantly.
"Holy shit." Zell screamed. Fujin was trying to calm him and I narrowed my eyes, only now coming to realize that they must be an item. Especially from the way she was looking at him with her lone eye.
"Seifer." I could hear Rinoa's voice from inside the bathroom, talking quietly to me through the thin wood. "I think you should open the door."
"No fucking way." I hissed. "Quistis has hurt him once already, she doesn't need to do it again."
Squall eyed me, and I swore to myself, knowing he'd heard me and that he was figuring out, from who was inside, and how Zell and I were acting, what had been going on. He paled.
Instead of opening the door, I left. I stormed out of the bar, not caring one bit at this point whether December would be pissed at me for leaving. I left, and I angrily muttered to myself the entire way back home. The door was locked, and I didn't have a key, so I sat on the front porch, still angrily talking under my breath. Stupid Rinoa. Fucking Quistis.
I heard footsteps and I looked up. It was Squall.
His eyes had hardened, and he didn't look even remotely happy anymore. Still, he thrust a package at me.
"We got you something for Christmas." He said, before walking away.
"Squall--!" I exclaimed, jumping up. I tried to catch up with him, but he was running at this point, and Squall runs really fast.
I was losing ground, and I gathered the last of my reserves, felt my leg muscles bunch up, and launched myself at him. I caught him mid-stride, in his side, and knocked him to the ground.
There were tears in his eyes. I haven't seen him actually cry since the day we broke up. I'm sure he has at least once or twice, but...it was a shock.
"...Squall?" I asked.
"Leave me alone, Seifer." He said.
"I--" I trailed off. I wanted to help him, somehow, and I knew then that I still loved him, but Hyne knows I wasn't going to tell him that. Not now.
Instead I looked away, knowing he hated people seeing him cry. I sat in the cold snow, my ass slowly becoming soaked, and every now and then I would hear him inhale raggedly, or a piteous sobbing sound. I ignored it, and waited.
"You knew." He accused finally. I sighed.
"I knew." I admitted.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
I thought about it. "I didn't want to be the one to hurt you again." I whispered.
He sighed and sat up.
I didn't look at him as we shared an almost charitable silence. Instead, I extracted a pack of cigarettes and lit one, slowly inhaling and trying more than anything to relieve the stresses of today.
It didn't work, because Squall started crying again. I awkwardly draped my arm around his shoulders, and to my surprise, he didn't shrug them off. He leaned into me and cried more, burying his face in his hands. "Why?" He whispered.
"I dunno." I replied.
"I thought..." He didn't finish what he thought, but I knew.
I thought she loved me. I thought she'd never hurt me.
I thought no one would abandon me ever again.
Slowly I stood up, and held my hand out to him. He looked up at me in surprise.
"We're gonna catch pneumonia if we keep sitting out here in the middle of the street." I said, conversationally. He nodded slowly and accepted my hand up, and we walked back to December's house. I saw the box he'd shoved at me, lying haphazardly in the snow near the porch, and I was amazed that it hadn't been stolen yet.
"You didn't open it." He said. It was a statement, not a question, not an accuzation.
"Didn't really have a chance." I said. I sat back on the porch, which was clean of snow, and he sat next to me.
"How can I face her again?" He mused to himself. I laughed.
"Well, I don't think giving her a scar across the face will be acceptable this time."
He laughed, slightly. "Probably not."
We sat there for a long time, I'm not sure how long. It was cold, but honestly, I didn't want to go back to the bar, and this was the only place I had left in the world.
"You should open your present." Squall said, suddenly. "Irvine and Rinoa picked it out."
I saw his jaw working at "Rinoa," but I picked up the box anyway and slowly opened it. His eyes weren't on me, but I knew he was watching all the same.
I undid the final bit of wrapping and opened the box. There, lying inside, was a smaller, velvet covered box. I lifted it out and opened it.
Lying inside, on dark material, was a Zippo lighter. Etched into it were the words "One Day At A Time." I blinked.
"Zell told you?"
Squall nodded. "We all hoped you'd make it."
"Why would you care?"
Squall frowned. "Headmaster Cid wanted you to come back to Garden after it was all over...and you didn't. The entire garden had spent the last year hearing about your expertise with the gunblade, and what a good fighter you were, and then we found you here...doing this to yourself." He frowned again. "Let's just say, we were disappointed."
I snorted, and flicked the lighter open. It was a work of art, as far as lighters go, and I could tell that whomever had forked over the money for it spent a lot of money. Zippos don't come cheap; not real ones, anyway.
"Tell everyone thanks for me." I whispered. I tucked it securely into my pocket.
"I'll tell someone." He said. "Just not Rinoa."
I sighed and put my elbows on my knees, holding my head up.
"Seifer? Squall?" December was standing in front of us.
"Hey." I said, shifting to allow her access to the door. She just stood there, hands on her hips, looking at us; Squall miserable because he'd just found out that what he thought was the love of his life was, once again, a big joke....thanks to Quistis....and me miserable because he was.
She walked between us and unlocked the door. "Well, you two, come in, it's cold outside. Don't want you catching pneumonia or something."
Squall looked at me with an amused face, but he stood up and waited for me to as well. We both walked into December's house, where the heater was on, the fire was warm, and the owner was inviting.
December put coffee on and fussed over Squall, which seemed to irritate him and yet...not. I think he just wanted to be taken care of for a little bit, before he actually faced the fact that his life had come to a crashing halt.
I was amused, having never seen the maternal side of December, who had set us up on some of her recliners in front of the fire. We had blankets tucked around us, and coffee in our hands. Squall smirked as he sipped his.
"What?" I demanded.
"Nothing." He said, brushing it aside. He stared into the fire, almost longingly.
I stood up and walked into the kitchen, where December was washing some dishes. I stood next to her, and she turned to face me, her eyes quizzical.
I looked down at my gloved hands, opening them and staring at them, almost questioningly. "I just...wish I could help him." I said, brokenly. "What do you do, December, when someone who used to be the most important person in your life breaks?"
She looked at me, and smiled. "What does your program tell you to do?"
"Nothing. My program only tells me how to deal with me. Not other people."
"My suggestion, Seifer..." And she smiled here, a note of finality in her voice. "Is to just love them the best you can, broken or not."
"I--I didn't say..."
December smiled. "Seifer, I know you entirely too well to just overlook something like this. You love him, right? Still?" I nodded, mutely. "Then just love him, for Hyne's sake. How hard is that?"
"December, Squall...lived his life for Rinoa. I couldn't compete with that anyway; besides, I cheated on him too, once. With Quistis." I laughed ironically. "Quistis always steals his love away."
"I doubt she intends to." December said, kindly. "Here, finish the dishes, I have a present for you, and I have to go get it."
She'd just broken up with me and yet she had a present for me. I rolled my eyes. Probably just an excuse to get me to do the dishes. I took my gloves off, as well as my jacket, and finished the dishes for her.
She still hadn't returned by the time I'd rinsed the last plate off, so I dried my hands and walked out into the living room. Squall was still there, staring at the fire, his face flushed from the heat. I smiled at him (which he didn't see) and walked upstairs, towards our rooms. I could hear her shuffling around in hers, so I walked to mine.
Shopping for December wasn't easy, but I'd finally settled on the right Christmas gift. I believe I've explained that December can fight; well, downtown there was a leather shop and I'd found an exquisite pair of fighting gloves, just the size for December. They had the ancient Centra sign for "December" embossed in them. I think it was meant for someone who was born in December, but it worked. I'd bought them for her, knowing she'd use them wisely.
December walked out of her room at the same time I did mine, with a small, cloth-wrapped package in her hands. She smirked at me, and shoved it into my arms. I handed her the box containing her gloves.
"Open yours first." I said, nervously. Christmas gifts weren't something I was really good at, and I wanted to know if she liked them.
She loved them, and put them on instantly, flexing, and testing the give in them. She pronounced them stout enough gloves and grinned at me to open mine.
I untied the package and the contents spilled out into my hands, silvery fabric against the roughened calluses of my palms. I gaped.
"Where did you get it?" I asked, harshly.
"I saw pictures of you before, and based it off of that." She whispered.
"You made this?" I whispered. In my hands was an exact replica of my old trench coat, with the red crosses and silvery white fabric. And she'd made it.
She nodded and smiled gently. "Do you like it?"
I gulped. A long time ago I'd hated this jacket, hated it more than anything, because it reminded me of my past. But recently I'd come into the knowledge that...my past is the best part of me.
"I love it." I said, smiling. I gave her a hug.
She hugged me back. "I'm glad. Now, let's go downstairs instead of keeping Squall wondering where the hell we are."
"I don't think he's thinking about that." I said, rolling my eyes. Still, I put the jacket on, amazed at how well it fit and how...exact it was. Almost identical to the original.
We walked downstairs to find Squall almost exactly in the same position as when we'd left him. He glanced over and his eyes widened in shock. "...Seifer?"
I smiled. "December made it for me."
His eyes remained on me for a few seconds, and then he frowned and looked back at the fire, his face contemplative. December winked at me and then went back into the kitchen.
"I guess since you broke up with me..." I said, following her into the kitchen. "This means no Christmas sex?"
She laughed and threw a dish towel at me.
(1) This is actually what my boss at Domino's says, and I adore the guy so I had to add it in.
I also, for some reason, adore the Fujin/Zell pairing. I always have. I think they're just cute together. I'm sorry if no one likes it. :(
So, what do ya'll think? This isn't the end...few more chapters, I think.
