This is Weird!
---Trickster Priest, meet Clown Prince
Part 4.A
A "Slayers" production by G. A. Curtis Wildcat
The only flames that exist in Curtis World come from my
fireplace, comprende?
----------
THREE YEARS AGO
-
The diminutive, black-haired thief snuck into the palace in the dead
of the night. No one would convict him, Phibrizzo, one of Shabranigdu's
foremost loyalists, of stealing the three most powerful amulets on the
continent from a wealthy prince---as long as he remained in the form
of a child. This was only the second time he appeared as a kid in all
his years, and he was going to put his appearance to good use. He
was going to steal the amulets, retreat to his sanctuary, and destroy
them.
His attempt at thievery didn't go unnoticed. As he snuck towards the
room where the amulets were stored, a man in a purple coat and
jester's hat stepped out of the shadows. "Kid, you're not supposed to be
here," he growled. "Go home." He stepped into the moonlight, which
lit up his white face and dark-green hair---odd, especially for a human.
"And what makes you think I'm going to leave?" Phibrizzo shot back.
"Do you want me to tell the king about that little stunt you pulled
with the fountain and the brass racquet?"
The man dashed at him, brandishing a dagger. Phibrizzo deftly
shot out of the way; he started to go for his more powerful
weapons, but restrained himself. He couldn't afford to have himself
found out as a Monster Lord.
This routine continued on for several minutes until the man finally
halted his attack, staring straight at the monster. "If you don't go,
I'm going to have to give you some pie," he said.
Perhaps it was Phibrizzo's imagination, but there was something about
the man's smile that followed that sent violent chills down his spine.
The mention of "pie", though, made no sense. What could be so
harmful about pie? "I'll take the pie, and then I'll do what I set
out to do," the disguised Monster lord retorted.
"All right, fine. Here," the jester remarked, holding out a slice of
pie. It was decorated with a little smiley face, with cherries for
eyes and chocolate cream for a mouth. Phibrizzo took the pie slice
and polished it off in 60 seconds flat.
"Farewell, my boy," the man said as he walked away. Phibrizzo
resumed the hunt for the amulets, wiping the chocolate cream off
his mouth....
A chuckle escaped his lips. (What...what's happening...?) he
shouted mentally. The chuckle became childish giggling. (It must've
been...that pie!...Heh...eh-heh...)
Phibrizzo stumbled back towards the door, hoping to get out of the
castle, but fell face-first on the floor instead. Something in the
back of his mind said that he was going to get caught, but the gales
of all-out laughter prevented him from moving more than a couple feet.
(Blasted...court jester!...I'm going to....) He gasped momentarily,
then resumed his cackling. (...be the...ha-hah...first monster to...
heh...become a total...ha-ha-heh...lunatic....!)
The force of the laughter drove any and all conscious thoughts out of
his mind. Even deeper within, where his transformation abilities
were present and ready to work, something snapped under the weight
and collapsed, burying them permenantly. The monster general remained
where he was, pounding the floor in-between fits.
And that was where the maids and attendants of the prince found him the
next morning: on the floor, with swirls for eyes and a huge grin on
his face.
--
PRESENT TIME
---
Violent explosions consisting of fireballs and flying bandits partially
blocked the horizon. Shouts of "Money!" and "Fight!" echoed distantly
throughout the forest.
Through it all, a half-mile away from the explosions, Xellos was taking
a light nap underneath the shelter of a tree. When the fighting
finally ceased, he glanced up and looked around. "Sounds like Lina'll
be back soon," he muttered. "Guess I'll rejoin her and the others."
He teleported out of the tree.
And wound up rematerializing directly above a purple-coated man
with a white face. It took all of his concentration to keep from
falling on top of him. (-Strange individual,-) he thought. (-He
does seem rather familiar, though...-)
---
THREE YEARS AGO
---
Xellos found the raven-haired boy stretched out on a bed in the
doctor's office. He didn't appear to be in too good a condition,
either. (-Not much surprises me,-) Xellos thought, (-but this one takes
the cake! Just who in the world did this to you?-)
He leaned over and whispered something in the boy's general direction...
The kid snapped out of it immediately, blinking his eyes. He then
frowned and glared straight at Xellos. "No, I do NOT have bad taste
in transformations, XELLOS," he snapped. "What'd you say that for?"
Xellos shrugged. "Beastmaster Zelas told me to wake you up. She
didn't say how." He chuckled a little. "Besides, purple really isn't
your color."
Phibrizzo sighed angrily. "I really ought to have a talk with her one
of these da--" His entire body shuddered violently. "What?! Errgh!"
Xellos blinked, confused. "Something wrong?"
"I should know if there's something wrong," Phibrizzo said, nearly
shouting outright. "And I DO know, because for some odd reason, I
can't change back to my normal form!"
"And...how'd this happen?" Xellos inquired, intrigued.
"Welllll," Phibrizzo started, drawing out the first word, "I was
raiding that castle in order to seek and destroy those amulets. I
was attacked by a man in a purple coat and a white face. He
had this grin that scared even me, and that's saying something. He
threatened me with pie, I took it and ate it, and it turned me into a
literal laughingstock for the next 10 minutes. I don't know where he
is now, so don't even ask."
Phibrizzo tried changing back again by putting every ounce of effort
into it. This time, he managed to summon his monster form for a full
minute, but the strain of maintaining it that long caused a violent
vibration that nearly shattered his body---as well as nearly putting
a hole in the roof. His eyes widened as he realized something.
"Could laughing that hard have messed up my morphing?" His
hands went to his face. "The most powerful of Shabranigdu's
minions, trapped in a child's form?" He had to restrain himself
to keep from sobbing; the last thing he needed was to be
embarrassed in front of Zelas Metallium's loopy priest.
"Possibly," Xellos said with a wide grin on his face. "But I can say
this for certain: you can use that form to good advantage, since
children 12 and under eat at the taverns for free! And the special
this week is: `blueberry pie'!"
Too late for restraint. "You're not helping," Phibrizzo groaned
as Xellos phased out. "I only wish I knew where to find that joker...."
he growled as he disappeared as well.
----------------
PRESENT TIME
--------------
(-He's the one!-) Xellos mused, staring at the man below him. (-He's
the same one from Phibrizzo's description!-) He landed behind him,
deciding to talk to him and find out more. "Pardon me, sir, but
you wouldn't have happened to have an encounter with a purple-shirted
kid a few years ago, huh?"
"Oh, yeah," the man chuckled, turning around. "What's it to you,
Zero-Eyes?"
Xellos just shrugged. "Just checking and making sure," he said. "Who
are you?"
"It's not really important, since I can't stay too long in this world,
anyway," the white-faced man grinned.
Xellos's eyes opened a bit wider. "And what's that supposed to mean?"
"What I mean is, I'm from another plane of reality. A plane where
people such as yourself are mere forms of entertainment for the masses.
I didn't want to just watch the action, so I decided to find a way
to become a part of it." He gestured to himself. "And as you can see,
I succeeded. I tried a little experiment with that kid; I was merely
trying to make him LAUGH. Unfortunately, I had to return home, so I
couldn't see what happened next."
"I see..." a smile of Xellos's own faded into being. "Any chance you
could make people laugh without that particular experiment? Without
poisoning the food or the air, I mean? Could be good for a few laughs
on our part, as well."
"I have all kinds of ideas!" the man shouted dramatically. "And they
don't have be diabolically evil, either!"
"Very well, then," Xellos smiled. "I guess I can work with you for a
while. They don't call me `Xellos, the Trickster Priest' for nothing."
"And they don't call me `The Joker' for nothing, either," the
man snickered eerily. He stared at Xellos. "What happened to that
kid, anyway?"
"He's still alive, but he cracked like an egg," was all Xellos had to
say. But that was okay; the Joker never had a doubt, and Gotham City
wasn't the only place where he was going to be infamous.
----
Continued in Part 4.B.
Two strawberry black-headed sorceresses? A certain Knight becoming
clumsy? The Joker's in town, and those pranks aren't the only ones
up the sleeve of his purple sport coat!
---Trickster Priest, meet Clown Prince
Part 4.A
A "Slayers" production by G. A. Curtis Wildcat
The only flames that exist in Curtis World come from my
fireplace, comprende?
----------
THREE YEARS AGO
-
The diminutive, black-haired thief snuck into the palace in the dead
of the night. No one would convict him, Phibrizzo, one of Shabranigdu's
foremost loyalists, of stealing the three most powerful amulets on the
continent from a wealthy prince---as long as he remained in the form
of a child. This was only the second time he appeared as a kid in all
his years, and he was going to put his appearance to good use. He
was going to steal the amulets, retreat to his sanctuary, and destroy
them.
His attempt at thievery didn't go unnoticed. As he snuck towards the
room where the amulets were stored, a man in a purple coat and
jester's hat stepped out of the shadows. "Kid, you're not supposed to be
here," he growled. "Go home." He stepped into the moonlight, which
lit up his white face and dark-green hair---odd, especially for a human.
"And what makes you think I'm going to leave?" Phibrizzo shot back.
"Do you want me to tell the king about that little stunt you pulled
with the fountain and the brass racquet?"
The man dashed at him, brandishing a dagger. Phibrizzo deftly
shot out of the way; he started to go for his more powerful
weapons, but restrained himself. He couldn't afford to have himself
found out as a Monster Lord.
This routine continued on for several minutes until the man finally
halted his attack, staring straight at the monster. "If you don't go,
I'm going to have to give you some pie," he said.
Perhaps it was Phibrizzo's imagination, but there was something about
the man's smile that followed that sent violent chills down his spine.
The mention of "pie", though, made no sense. What could be so
harmful about pie? "I'll take the pie, and then I'll do what I set
out to do," the disguised Monster lord retorted.
"All right, fine. Here," the jester remarked, holding out a slice of
pie. It was decorated with a little smiley face, with cherries for
eyes and chocolate cream for a mouth. Phibrizzo took the pie slice
and polished it off in 60 seconds flat.
"Farewell, my boy," the man said as he walked away. Phibrizzo
resumed the hunt for the amulets, wiping the chocolate cream off
his mouth....
A chuckle escaped his lips. (What...what's happening...?) he
shouted mentally. The chuckle became childish giggling. (It must've
been...that pie!...Heh...eh-heh...)
Phibrizzo stumbled back towards the door, hoping to get out of the
castle, but fell face-first on the floor instead. Something in the
back of his mind said that he was going to get caught, but the gales
of all-out laughter prevented him from moving more than a couple feet.
(Blasted...court jester!...I'm going to....) He gasped momentarily,
then resumed his cackling. (...be the...ha-hah...first monster to...
heh...become a total...ha-ha-heh...lunatic....!)
The force of the laughter drove any and all conscious thoughts out of
his mind. Even deeper within, where his transformation abilities
were present and ready to work, something snapped under the weight
and collapsed, burying them permenantly. The monster general remained
where he was, pounding the floor in-between fits.
And that was where the maids and attendants of the prince found him the
next morning: on the floor, with swirls for eyes and a huge grin on
his face.
--
PRESENT TIME
---
Violent explosions consisting of fireballs and flying bandits partially
blocked the horizon. Shouts of "Money!" and "Fight!" echoed distantly
throughout the forest.
Through it all, a half-mile away from the explosions, Xellos was taking
a light nap underneath the shelter of a tree. When the fighting
finally ceased, he glanced up and looked around. "Sounds like Lina'll
be back soon," he muttered. "Guess I'll rejoin her and the others."
He teleported out of the tree.
And wound up rematerializing directly above a purple-coated man
with a white face. It took all of his concentration to keep from
falling on top of him. (-Strange individual,-) he thought. (-He
does seem rather familiar, though...-)
---
THREE YEARS AGO
---
Xellos found the raven-haired boy stretched out on a bed in the
doctor's office. He didn't appear to be in too good a condition,
either. (-Not much surprises me,-) Xellos thought, (-but this one takes
the cake! Just who in the world did this to you?-)
He leaned over and whispered something in the boy's general direction...
The kid snapped out of it immediately, blinking his eyes. He then
frowned and glared straight at Xellos. "No, I do NOT have bad taste
in transformations, XELLOS," he snapped. "What'd you say that for?"
Xellos shrugged. "Beastmaster Zelas told me to wake you up. She
didn't say how." He chuckled a little. "Besides, purple really isn't
your color."
Phibrizzo sighed angrily. "I really ought to have a talk with her one
of these da--" His entire body shuddered violently. "What?! Errgh!"
Xellos blinked, confused. "Something wrong?"
"I should know if there's something wrong," Phibrizzo said, nearly
shouting outright. "And I DO know, because for some odd reason, I
can't change back to my normal form!"
"And...how'd this happen?" Xellos inquired, intrigued.
"Welllll," Phibrizzo started, drawing out the first word, "I was
raiding that castle in order to seek and destroy those amulets. I
was attacked by a man in a purple coat and a white face. He
had this grin that scared even me, and that's saying something. He
threatened me with pie, I took it and ate it, and it turned me into a
literal laughingstock for the next 10 minutes. I don't know where he
is now, so don't even ask."
Phibrizzo tried changing back again by putting every ounce of effort
into it. This time, he managed to summon his monster form for a full
minute, but the strain of maintaining it that long caused a violent
vibration that nearly shattered his body---as well as nearly putting
a hole in the roof. His eyes widened as he realized something.
"Could laughing that hard have messed up my morphing?" His
hands went to his face. "The most powerful of Shabranigdu's
minions, trapped in a child's form?" He had to restrain himself
to keep from sobbing; the last thing he needed was to be
embarrassed in front of Zelas Metallium's loopy priest.
"Possibly," Xellos said with a wide grin on his face. "But I can say
this for certain: you can use that form to good advantage, since
children 12 and under eat at the taverns for free! And the special
this week is: `blueberry pie'!"
Too late for restraint. "You're not helping," Phibrizzo groaned
as Xellos phased out. "I only wish I knew where to find that joker...."
he growled as he disappeared as well.
----------------
PRESENT TIME
--------------
(-He's the one!-) Xellos mused, staring at the man below him. (-He's
the same one from Phibrizzo's description!-) He landed behind him,
deciding to talk to him and find out more. "Pardon me, sir, but
you wouldn't have happened to have an encounter with a purple-shirted
kid a few years ago, huh?"
"Oh, yeah," the man chuckled, turning around. "What's it to you,
Zero-Eyes?"
Xellos just shrugged. "Just checking and making sure," he said. "Who
are you?"
"It's not really important, since I can't stay too long in this world,
anyway," the white-faced man grinned.
Xellos's eyes opened a bit wider. "And what's that supposed to mean?"
"What I mean is, I'm from another plane of reality. A plane where
people such as yourself are mere forms of entertainment for the masses.
I didn't want to just watch the action, so I decided to find a way
to become a part of it." He gestured to himself. "And as you can see,
I succeeded. I tried a little experiment with that kid; I was merely
trying to make him LAUGH. Unfortunately, I had to return home, so I
couldn't see what happened next."
"I see..." a smile of Xellos's own faded into being. "Any chance you
could make people laugh without that particular experiment? Without
poisoning the food or the air, I mean? Could be good for a few laughs
on our part, as well."
"I have all kinds of ideas!" the man shouted dramatically. "And they
don't have be diabolically evil, either!"
"Very well, then," Xellos smiled. "I guess I can work with you for a
while. They don't call me `Xellos, the Trickster Priest' for nothing."
"And they don't call me `The Joker' for nothing, either," the
man snickered eerily. He stared at Xellos. "What happened to that
kid, anyway?"
"He's still alive, but he cracked like an egg," was all Xellos had to
say. But that was okay; the Joker never had a doubt, and Gotham City
wasn't the only place where he was going to be infamous.
----
Continued in Part 4.B.
Two strawberry black-headed sorceresses? A certain Knight becoming
clumsy? The Joker's in town, and those pranks aren't the only ones
up the sleeve of his purple sport coat!
