And it comes to be that the soothing light
At the end of your tunnel
Is just a freight train comin' your way...

- "No Leaf Clover," Metallica

When December found us we were holed into a corner in the back room, in between a keg of beer and crate of tequila. I was holding him, he was holding me, and I think we were probably the most pathetic looking sight on the planet.
"Seifer, some of the patrons have requested that you sing again." December said, softly. "Squall, I need your help, it's getting sort of busy."
We nodded, straightened ourselves up, and walked into the front part of the bar, blinking a bit at the sudden light.
I helped behind the bar for a while, because I didn't know what I would do if I got up there. What could I possibly sing now that I had everything I wanted?
Suddenly I had to make a decision, because December was pushing me towards the stage.
"No, no." I said, panicking. She smiled, hugged me, and shoved me to the stage. I probably looked like a deer in the headlights, but suddenly everyone was staring at me. I could feel a slight blush start to creep up my face and neck, but I ignored it and picked up the guitar, strumming it lightly like I was tuning it. The chords reminded me of an oldish song, and I started to pick out the keys to it.

No one knows what it's like
To the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

True, in this case, it was probably more apt as "Behind Green Eyes," but hey, no one complained.

And no one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours
Only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours
Only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel mistreated
To be defeated
Behind blue eyes

And no one knows how to say
That they're sorry
And don't worry
I'm not telling lies

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours
Only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

I looked at the crowd, amazed at the reception this song seemed to be receiving. I mean, other than the whole behind blue eyes thing, this song really did sort of reflect me. And no one seemed to care. Everyone loved it.
Odd, that.
Squall smiled at me from across the bar. December made a waving sign at me that I knew meant "keep it up." That meant, of course, that she was selling record amounts of booze to the people who were wandering in off the streets, hearing me sing.

I'd been playing all night. To my amazement, I enjoyed this, and most of the crowd loved it.
It was close to closing time, so I excused myself and went to help December and Squall close up the bar. The crowd actually seemed...disappointed.
We made short time of cleaning and shoeing people out of the bar, and locking up. Walking home hand-in-hand with Squall was great, and December seemed really happy about something. It could have been the exceptional bar sales, but I think she was happy about something else.
We were all exhausted, and all of us fell asleep very fast; December in her room and Squall and I in the living room. It seemed very appropriate that the last thing I saw before I slept was his face.

When I woke up the next morning Squall wasn't in his recliner. I wondered if everything had been a dream, but I heard him in the other room, talking lightly. I stood up and went to see what it was all about.
He was on his cell phone, talking to someone softly. He spotted me by the door and told whoever it was that he had to go, then hung up. He smiled slightly, but not enough to really count as a smile. This is Squall, remember.
"Hi." I grumbled. Mornings. I don't get along with them.
He held out a cup of coffee--he must have made some for himself--and I took it gratefully. I sat at the kitchen table nursing said cup for a while, before Squall's phone rang again. He sighed.
"I'd been keeping it off for a reason..." He said. I was amused--his phone rang to the tone of some music I'd heard at a chocobo racetrack at some theme park once, when I was younger.
He answered it, rolled his eyes, and stood up and went into the living room. I was a little miffed--was there some secret he was keeping from me? But I got over it as soon as I'd finished the coffee and began to hunt around for more. Caffiene and I are good friends.
"What was that all about?" I asked Squall when he walked back in. He shrugged and sat at the table.
It was Friday, so I was going to go to my meeting tonight. Squall seemed resigned to his fate of singing; at least until I got back from the library. His phone rang occasionally all day, and I got the idea he was planning something. Something that I probably wouldn't be pleased about.
December seemed to know something about it, but when I questioned her she just smiled and said "You're imagining things, Seifer."
Not exactly an answer I wanted to hear.

It was cold outside, colder than it had been in a while so when I walked outside wearing my coat I had it buttoned up and my hands shoved in my pocket. My hair had been trimmed--December did it for me--and slicked back. I looked pretty much like my usual self.
Walking to the library was almost pleasant, despite the cold, and I felt happy. For the first time in a long time, I was just happy, for no reason other than things seemed to be going right for once.
At the meeting I talked about how Squall seemed to have forgiven me for the past, and how the townspeople seemed to be forgiving me for my actions. Ron and the others were very congratulatory, and in general it was just a good meeting.
I was walking back to the bar; it was dark at this point, because of daylight savings time, and even colder than before. It had started to snow lightly and drifts of the stuff were piling down around me as I shuffled to the bar, dampening noise and softening corners.
I was really in a very good mood. Until, you know, the sharp pain at the back of my head. I gave a muffled cry, feeling hands grab my shoulders, and then everything was dark.

THIRD PERSON:

"Squall, have you seen Seifer?" December asked, looking concerned. Her pretty features were twisted in a look of worry.
Squall shook his head, bangs trailing in his eyes. "No, I haven't. Should we be worried?"
December shrugged. "Seifer's a big boy, he can take care of himself. I'm just...well, he has a lot more enemies in this town than he thinks, you know?"
Squall nodded. "Well, we'll see what happens. Maybe he went out for coffee with his friends or something." December bit her lip and nodded. She knew something was up, she could tell; Seifer wouldn't go out after the meeting. He felt like she needed him here, and it was a sense of responsiblity that he had that he wouldn't just not let her know where he was.
They waited thirty more minutes and Squall was just about ready to go looking for him when Irvine and Zell burst through the door carrying Seifer.
Squall looked up; the group minus Quistis and Rinoa was supposed to have come here tonight to hear Seifer sing and play; they weren't supposed to have...
He looked again. Seifer was unconscious between the two men, and seemed to be bleeding. December abandoned the bar, and so did he, to run to Seifer.
"What happened?" December cried.
"I think he got jumped." Zell said, heaving the man onto one of the smaller tables nearby. "There's blood all over the back of his head and his right arm is broken."
Squall frowned. "He left Hyperion at home; he wouldn't have stood a chance without it."
"Man, he has bruises all over." Irvine said. Selphie had walked in behind them and looked immeasurably sad, brushing some of Seifer's messed-up hair out of his comotose face.
"Let's get him to the back room." Squall said, authoritively, not trying to let the beating in his heart override common sense. He picked up Seifer by the shoulders and gestured for Zell to get him by the feet, and together they got him laying down on a counter in the back room. December flicked on a light, dazzling them after the darkness.
"He's just knocked out." Selphie informed them after doing a thorough investigation. "Anyone got a phoenix down?"
December investigated the first aid kit and found an old one, it's expiration date long past. "It might work." She said, doubtfully.
"Who's tending the bar?" Squall asked, automatically. December smiled.
"Fujin and Raijin." She grinned full-out. "They walked in right after Selphie, and it really upset them that Seifer was all comotose, so I asked them to watch it for me."
Squall had a vision of Fujin asking a patron "WHAT DRINK?" but brushed it aside. He held his hand out for the phoenix down and examined it's contents.
"It seems alright." He said, popping the cork out and forcing the entire bottle down Seifer's throat. After a few moments Seifer groaned and turned his head.
"He's coming around." Irvine said.
"Ow." He murmured, his left hand going to his forehead. "Quiet, cowboy geek, I've got a hangover."
December started laughing, even as Irvine frowned. "He's alright." She said. "He's gonna be alright."

Oh. Ow. This was easily the worst pain ever, even more than when Squall's people beat me when I was defending Edea. I ached, and I had a feeling that the arm I wasn't using was broken; I could feel the sharp, stabbing pain going down to my fingers and up to my shoulder, running through my veins and lighting my nerves on fire.
Finally I opened my eyes and I saw a group huddled around me; Irvine, Zell, Squall, December, and Selphie. I blinked and looked at them.
"....It's not a hangover, huh?" I asked. Zell shook his head, unusually solomn.
Selphie had a few cure spells on her and graciously used them to mend my broken arm and the bit on the back of my head; Squall, Irvine, and Zell left to go fight a monster and draw some more from it. I sat there in the back room, flexing my arm experimentally.
I tried hard to think about my last conscious memory. I'd been walking home from the NA meeting, going to the bar...it had been snowing...
And I'd felt a sharp pain on the back of my head, and people grabbing at me. I stared at the wall, agast. I'd been jumped?
"Picked up on it, huh?" Selphie said. I looked at her at the sound of her voice; December had gone up front to calm the patrons down so it was just her and I.
She had tears in her green eyes, and I was momentarily confused. Then I shrugged the confusion off. Selphie is just in general a rather nice and compassionate person, so seeing anyone in my condition would probably upset her.
Surprise, surprise. "I thought they'd be able to get over it." She said, shaking her head sadly. "You know, the whole sorceress' knight thing. If we got over it, the ones who had to fight you, you'd think they'd be able to get over it."
"I guess not." I said, slowly.
"When we found you all slumped over, we thought you were dead." Selphie said, sadly. "Irvine cast scan and you were just knocked out, but we were scared. Squall'd really flip out if you just up and died on us."
I looked down. The guys, whoever they'd been, had really beat the fuck out of me, but luckily the jacket that December had made me was still in one piece, if a little bloody. I laughed, shortly. I was worried about my jacket, and I could have died.
"I don't think Dollet wants me." I said.
"I don't think any city does." Selphie replied. She sighed. "It's so sad!"
"Yeah, well, that's life." I shrugged out of my jacket and walked over to the sink, turning on the cool water and trying to get the majority of my blood out of the collar.
I was actually pretty successful; the blood hadn't dried, there was soap on the sink, and I only used cold water so the stain wouldn't set. December came back while I was doing it and smiled at me, then dug around in the cleaning cabinet and came up with some color safe bleach that she used to wash stains out of her clothes on the rare occasion that she spilled alcohol on them.
That did the trick, and I was left holding my clean, damp jacket. I smiled and tossed it on the coat hook back there to dry. Then I sat in one of the chairs the group had drug back there and regarded Selphie.
My memories of her are vague at best. I remember being rather annoyed at her and Irvine's exclusive friendship at the orphanage, and I remember thinking that they were so cute it was sickening. I remember beating the crap out of Irvine for teasing Squall over something while Selphie watched and shattered glass with her squeals, which eventually brought Matron over to ground me for a week.
At Garden, I recall her being a messenger on my last failed SeeD attempt and fighting off some monster with Zell and Squall. After that, only seeing fleeting glimpses of her during battles. Really, I don't feel like I know her at all.
And yet here she was, so upset over my plight.
What the fuck? I thought to myself. Really, this group was entirely too nice to me. I'd tried to kill them, and here they were...forgiving me.
Forgiveness granted, without even being asked for.
Suddenly I wondered if there was a Hyne. Was he trying to tell me something?
"Why?" I asked Sephie. I suddenly realized by the clueless look on her face that no, she was not telepathic, and no, she had not a fucking clue of what I was talking about.
"Why do you guys try so hard to help me?" I enhanced. "I tried to kill you."
She looked distressed. "Are you trying to kill us now?" She asked. I shook my head no.
"When what's the problem? You're not that person anymore. I think the person who you are now's a pretty decent guy!" She said. She was trying to sound exhuberant, but the tears still lingered in her eyes. "All of us do, even Zell. And Irvine forgives you for beating him up when we were with Matron." Selphie added.
I frowned; I'd hoped no one would remember that.
"Seifer, I'm really not good at explaining stuff." Selphie said, urgently. "We want to like you, we want to believe that you're not a total jerk. We're trying." She paused. "We also want to like you for Squall. You know? We want him to feel like we don't hate the guy he loves."
I looked away. Squall.
Almost as if by talking about him he was summoned, there he was, with Irvine and Zell in tow, at the door. Zell shot us a thumbs-up and I gathered that they'd gotten the cure spells they wanted.
"Curaga." Squall said. He cast the spell from where he was and instantaneously I felt about ten times better. I grinned.
"Thanks." I said, indicating Irvine and Zell as well. I knew how much of a pain in the ass some of the monsters around Dollet could be.
"No problem." Zell said. He looked like he wanted to shadowbox.
"Those guys aren't gonna know what to do." Irvine commented. "They thought they'd leave you for dead, and that you'd have to stay in a conventional hospital where it takes months or years to heal right, even if you did get rescued." Irvine grinned. "Imagine the looks on their faces when they see you walking around, good as new. They didn't expect your buddies with paramagic to show up."
I looked at Selphie, and she looked at Squall, contemplatively.
"I'm going to go help December." I said, standing up. I walked out and left them to talk about whatever it was they were going to do.

Imagine my shock when I walked out and I saw Fujin and Raijin helping December. Not that she really needed it, no one was playing and the crowd was kind of small.
"Yo, Seifer!" Raijin said, waving. He was pouring a beer for someone, rather clumsily. "Glad you're up and alive, ya know?"
I blinked.
Fujin nodded at me. "We're all glad." She said. I looked at her in astonishment. The association with Zell must be mellowing her out.
She smiled, adjusted her eyepatch, and served the drink she was holding to whomever had ordered it.
"Hey!" Selphie said, poking her head out. "It's not very busy out here, is it?" Whatever decision it was the people behind the bar had needed to come to had obviously been decided, but they showed no indication as they filed out.
"No, it's not usually when someone's not playing." December said, boredly.
"Well, let's play, then!" Selphie said, all of her former chipperness back in full force.
"We don't have a bass player." Squall intoned.
"Seifer can play bass!" Selphie said, excitedly. She turned to me. "Will you fill in for us? It's been so boring without playing!"
Zell was nodding as well and December's eyes brightened. Having Just Cause, the now popular and famous band, play at her bar would definitely bring in some dough.
Squall must have seen the doubt in my eyes, be cause he looked directly at me and said "The people here like to see you play, and they like to see you sing, and fuck those assholes who jumped you."
Everyone stared at Squall. I'd heard him say "damn" before, but...that was about it.
"That settles it!" Selphie said, jumping excitedly. "We have our stuff in the Ragnorak, and you can borrow our bass, Seifer!" She grabbed my by the wrist and dragged me out of the bar. I shot a look at December, but she just wiggled her fingers in a goodbye.

"Behind Blue Eyes" belongs to the Who. Not me.