FYI I just ralized I made a boo-boo. Probing day is actually ont he 30th of MArch. (blushes at own stupidity) SORRY!

This chap-tickery-do-dah is dedicated to all the people who asked me to do a bit more ZAGR, because sorry guys it doesn't look like it's gonna happen. Sorry, blame it on Zim. This is all his fault. The short little Irken does what he wants, no matter what I tell him. He's even messed up MY character!
Also, this is dedicated to Youlovemeanyway, who used the word "Bad-ass' to describe Zim, which I found rather amusing at the time.

The Main control brain was a bit more guarded. It had two guards, which we took out quickly because they were not expecting this to happen. It never had before. I watched over Zim's shoulder as he broke into the main system core for the brain. It fought very little. When he put our signatures into the brain it tried to give us viruses, but we pushed them back into the brain, making her spasm for a whole minute before she could find the antidote. When Zim was done with the circuits, we were essentially invisible to all Irkens. We walked past the dozen or so guards in the passage leading to the Bridge. When the doors hissed open to let us onto the bridge, we had actually stolen two short-range blasters from the guards. They hadn't noticed at all.
But when we walked onto the bridge, looking for the Tallest, I saw them second. The first thing I saw was the huge view screen. On it were two terrified faces. The faces of the Humans from the ship. They were huge, staring at the Tallest.
"Identify yourself, Ship," said Tallest Red, obviously for the second time.
"Yeah, where you from?" said Purple.
"We're travelers," said the male, "We're drifting right now, but we'll leave if we're trespassing…"
They hadn't let on about Zim and I, perfect. I couldn't let them.
I raised my blaster, pointing it at the screen. I saw recognition flicker briefly in their eyes, but not for more than a second, because the screen went black. Sparks erupted from the hole my blaster had made.
"Stupid TV!" shouted Purple. I leveled my blaster at him, but Zim pushed it down, glaring at the rulers he had once worshipped.
"My Tallest!" He cried out, in a voice that sent shivers down my spine. "I'm back for you!"
The tallest spun around, trying to see where the voice had come from. Seeing no one, they crouched together, back to back.
"Who goes there?" Red shouted.
"You don't remember me? I'm hurt, Tallest. I was your best invader."
"Invader? What" Purple started, but Red interrupted him.
"No. I'd know that squeak of a voice anywhere. It's Zim."
"Yes, yes it is," I said, not being able to help it. The power surging through this room was too much not to try to get a piece of.
"Show yourself, Zim, or we'll blow up that junker of a ship you came in. The one with the aliens in it."
"Go ahead, see if I care," Zim said. A wonderful bluff, I thought. Until I looked back at him. He face was impassive, even though he was invisible. He really didn't care.
I don't either, so why do I care?
I do care!
Why?
I don't shut up!
I do care. I care because the woman on that ship is my Mother.
I turned my blaster, not aiming for the Tallest, but instead for the Tech starting to initiate the laser to blow up the ship.
Our ship. The ship we all built together.
"Tiz! What are you doing?" Zim screamed at me. He kept his blaster trained on Red. The tallest were starting to get an idea of where we were by the sounds of our voices.
Two more Techs went down under my fire. I didn't even know where or what I was shooting. A searing pain filled my head, I thought I had been shot, but it didn't hurt anywhere but my head, and I hadn't been shot there.
And then I knew. The chips, the ones Zim had put in me. They were failing, being overridden. Why? They should work, Zim's a genious about these things. So why wouldn't they be-
Oh. Of course! The washer! When I took it out, it took out the main hardware, so the chips don't work. Oh, that makes sense, then.
I stopped firing, taking a quick count of the Techs I had hit. About four, slightly wounded. They'll live, but they're out for the count for a while.
I turned on Zim, tired of listening to him, and found I would have to listen for a while longer: His gun was pointed straight at me.
"Kill them. Now, Tiz."
"What? Why me? They're YOUR hated enemies!"
"Now, or I'll kill you first. Then I'll blow up that stupid ship myself."
Grimacing, I turned my blaster to the Tallest. They were searching for me somewhere to my left. I clenched my teeth and squeezed off two shots. The Tallest slumped to the floor. Zim grinned at me, a sickening smile I hated.
"Very good. There's hope for you yet."
He lowered his blaster, he knew he still had an advantage over me: My mom.
Or so he thought. I wasn't through yet. I turned to him, squeezing off a third, final shot, before dropping my blaster to clatter on the metal floor.
Zim looked at me, uncomprehending, even as the dark green blood spread like a diseased flower over the red of his Invader's uniform. I turned away, and moved to one of the smaller tech's workstations. I brought up a smaller view of the link between the Massive and our ship. Mom and Dib stared at me. Mom had tears in her eyes. I realized abruptly that when I had broken the screen, it didn't stop them from seeing what was happening on the Bridge.
"Hold on, Mom," I said. "I'll have them bring the ship in."
I yelled some stuff at the techs, who were huddled in a corner trying to avoid the blaster shots. They nodded furiously. I went back to the Brain room, and fixed a lot of the things Zim had done. I made a few minor adjustments, too, but they were barely anything worth noticing.
By the time I got back to the Bridge, Mom and Dib were already there. The Tallest were regaining consciousness. Most of the people within a mile's radius had heard what was happening, and they gathered on the Bridge. Countless ships watched the pandemonium that followed. Anyone who wasn't there in person watched the viewscreens, trying to figure out what was happening, and if they'd have to find a new Tallest.
As it were, the Tallest were fine. Between all the armor they wore and the fact that I aimed at the outsides of their shoulders, I had no doubt that they weren't even knocked out, just stunned. But that didn't stop them being pissed at me.
"You shot us!" Purple yelled at me as soon as I walked onto the Bridge.
"Hey… you did shoot us!" Red agreed after a second.
"Please, my Tallest. Allow me to explain."
"And what are they doing here? Didn't we order them blown up? TO THE DUNGEONS WITH THE LOT OF THEM!" Purple screamed.
"No," Red said quietly, "Let's hear this. It might be funny."
"My name is Tiz," I said. "This is Gaz and Dib. I think you may have heard of us from Zim. See, I'm his son."
They looked at Zim as though seeing him there for the first time, which they probably were.
"Is he dead?" Red asked in a hushed tone.
"Yes, I'm afraid so," I said. I tried not to betray any emotion, but I don't think I pulled it off.
As I told the story as I knew it from beginning to end, the entirety of the Irken Armada watched, but I didn't know it then. All I knew was that I wanted to get away from everybody as soon as possible. Not being executed would be good, too.
After the whole thing was over, the Tallest didn't know what to do. After conferring quietly between themselves, they decided not to kill us, which was fine with me. I guess they figured that if I'd gotten rid of Zim for them I couldn't be all bad.
I don't know if they really realized that they'd obliterated our home planet with deathbeams, but since they didn't want any kid of Zim's around, they sent us off fast to Veya, a planet with over ten million moons. Apparently the moons were Villas, and people lived on them. They were very nice, I guess. Kinda like a private Hawaii.
I don't think of Earth much anymore. Mostly I just think about Zim. I can't help but think there must have been some other way to work things out, some way to make him less... I dunno, hateful. Mom says he wasn't always quite like that, but I don't know.
We had a funeral for him last week, I think he would have thought he deserved it. Since he was in the military, he got the Irken equivalent of a fifty-gun salute. Mom actually cried. I haven't seen her do that in a long time.
In the end, they actually launched the coffin into space, like on Star Trek. It was really sad to seed the tiny brown dot get smaller and smaller until it just disappeared, and I know it'll just go on forever like that.
I stayed in my room for about a week after that, just staring at my ceiling. No one really missed me, we were making the trip to Veya, and everyone was busy keeping GIR from going after his master. The stupid robot couldn't quite figure out that his master was never coming back. Well, almost never.
See, when they sent the coffin into space, it was missing one thing. No, not the body, don't be stupid.
Zim once said to me that an Irken's mind was kept in their PAKs. He said they could be brought back, that's why they lived in the PAKs. The computer said Zim's PAK was defective, that's why he was so crazy.
The coffin was missing the PAK.

Epilogue

When I was nineteen years old, I finished my life's biggest work. It was something that had started when I was barely thirteen years old. When I was nineteen, I finished fixing the PAK.
It took me years to figure out how the PAK worked, I didn't know it nearly as well as Zim did. I studied Irken culture, and in the end I bet I knew more about it than most Irkens. All that was left was to go to the birthing facility.

A bolt of electricity flashed through the lifeless smeet, bringing it to life. It looked around, red eyes not yet adjusted to the darkness of the room.
"Welcome to life, Irken Child," I said, stepping out of the shadows. "Identify yourself." The smeet's eyes flashed, an old spark of insolence as old as time and as new as the day.
"I AM ZIM!"

THE END