Chapter 4 – Tempting Fate
"Probably took off during the night," concluded Ukyo. "I suppose we can't really blame him," she groused, squinting in the poor light of the forest."Its not as though we haven't caused him enough bother since we showed up at Jusenkyo and all, you think Ranchan?" Her fiancée didn't respond. "Ranchan?"she repeated. He glanced at her, and shrugged,
"I guess so." Ukyo frowned at his noncommital reply. She continued,
"Still, I didn't think he'd leave us in the cold like this. But it probably couldn't be helped. He did leave his daughter behind at Jusenkyo after all. But it would have been helpful..." she trailed.
Ha! read the sign presented by the awakening Genma. We didn't need the Guide to get us out of here. The board turned. I'm more than enough to lead us out of this mess. Ukyo began to grow angry when he proffered another sign. That's why I sent him home last night. He held the sign and nodded. You two should be grateful.She fumed when he produced a final sign. We can consider this whole experience to betraining. He turned and she could just make out the small writing on the other side of the wood: Just glad its not my skin she wants.
The sign fell away in several pieces, as Genma dodged theirate chef's spatula. She pursued.Unusually groggy from sleep, theelder Saotome was unable to maintain his evasion long. He took the flat of Ukyo's blade fully on his crown.
"That's for sending the Guide away without thinking," she admonished, and then smacked his prone form a second time. "And that's for caring only about your own worthless butt when Ranchan is the one in danger." She brought down her spatula in one final noisy thud. "And that's for using those dumb signs when you're not even a panda!"
Genma, remarkably shaking off the effects of the beating, held up another sign,
You sure about that, boy? Ukyo scrunched up her face as she considered the large martial artist before her. Ukyo cursed mildly, aimed as much at the panda as it was at the drizzle that had just soaked through his clothes.
He turned to his freshly female fiancée,brows scrunchingonce moreat herpeculiar reticence. "You okay, Ranchan?" he inquired. The girl slowly craned her neck topeer at the dull sky through the thick canopy.
"Fine, Ukyo," she answered.Her tone indicated otherwise. The brunet imagined that having a death warrant recently placed on one's head could somewhat detract from from one's spiritedness. Yet, Ranma's behaviour seemed unlike that of a condemned individual. It almost reminded him of Tsubasa's early behaviour around Ryoga. Before the crossdresser had really flew off the handle.
And when had been the last time that Ranma had directly addressed her as 'Ukyo'?
A deadly 'twang' cut through his contemplation. He swung his battle spatula in a wide arc, intercepting the arrow that had been on course for Ranma's torso. Ukyo smiled when he noticedthat the redhead was standing a distance from where she had been crouched. She would have dodged anyway. They spied rustling in a clump of bushes in the direction from which the arrow had flown.
"Come out!" Demanded Ukyo reaching for his second spatula.He held it defensively, using the other to motion at the forest."We all see you." Or rather, Ukyo and Ranma did. Genma was in parts unknown.
Gradually the anticipated lavender-haired individual emerged from the scenery, holding a bow with an arrow nocked... Which she loosed without ceremony. Ukyo sighed gladly when Ranma didn't try to showboat and pluck the arrow form the air, choosing instead to roll out of harm's way. "Ranchan! You alright?" she asked with concern.
"Like I said; just fine, Ukyo," she replied as mechanically as before, while her would-be killer was readying another arrow.
"Stop already!" screamed Ukyo at the girl, before she could fire off a third projectile. For a wonder, she did, lowering her bow and flinging away her arrow. "Huh?" blinked the chef, glancing at Ranma, who maintained a ready stance, shrugging back. "What do you want?"asked the chef oftheir attacker, immediately realising how stupid a question it was. He balked as the Amazon dropped her weapon and began moving towards them. Ukyo blinked as Ranma stepped nearer to him, almostpossessively. The apparently unarmed Chinese girl pausedfive metresfrom the pair.
"Husband," she said to Ukyo in a very thickly accented voice, as though the word had only just been learned. "You come back with Shampoo, now."
"Like hell she will!" snarled Ranma hotly. "She is my fiancé!" Ukyo's eyes widened at the forceful declaration. So he wasn't misremembering...
"Ranchan..?" heasked, subdued. Ranma looked up at him intently, somehow also keeping an eye on the Amazon, until her determination shifted into confusion.
"Wait a minute," demanded the redhead,"'Shampoo'?" she repeated dubiously.
The Amazon frowned, then pointed to herself announcing,
"Shampoo. Is wife." She pointed to the chef. "Ucchan. Is husband." Finally she directed a look at Ranma. Her eyes narrowed as she said, "Ranchan. Is obstacle," before producing a butterfly sword from... somewhere, diving at the redhead.
"Stop!" cried Ukyo moving to parry the blade's strike. He didn't have to. Shampoo had stopped in mid-swing, and stood staring at Ukyo. "W-why did you stop?" he flustered. Ranma meanwhile had made no attempt to move, and continued to glare at the Amazon with animosity burning coldly in her blue eyes. The Amazon, Shampoo, pondered over the question for a minute, seemingly planning out the answer in her head. Eventually she explained,
"Where husband from, wife obey. Shampoo obey until break Ucchan-husband in. Then he be proper Amazon husband." Ukyo considered the implications of this for a moment, before coming to a conclusion.
"Alright, 'Shampoo'," he promulgated, "as your husband," Ranma gasped, "I command you to remain here and not follow us. I also command you not to try to hurt Ranchan."
"No," came the succinct reply. Ukyo was perturbed.
"But... you just said - "
"This Shampoo cannot do. No kill woman what defeat Amazon woman big dishonour. No marry man what defeat Amazon woman biggest dishonour." The girl proclaimed this with a finality. Ukyo realised wasn't she going to budge on the matter. But the girl had obeyed his earlier command not to attack Ranma. What was different? Of course. Deepening his voice as much as he could, he intoned in a slightly squeaky falsetto,
"Shampoo! As your husband, I command you not to try to hurt Ranchan in the foreseeable future. I also command you to remain here when Ranchan and I leave, and not to try to track us for a week, alright?" he finished weakly. Ukyo was worried that the Amazon would be as stubborn as before, and felt this fear validated when the girl's brows knotted, and muttered,
"What 'foreseeable'?"
The chef sighed in relief.
"It means 'for a long time'."
Shampoo considered this, and came to a decision.
"Is okay. Shampoo obey husband." Ukyo cheered inwardly. "But soon," she smiled,"Shampoo break husband in. Then it no matter."As the sentence had finished the girl had glomped onto Ukyo. She looked at him smokily as Ranma grit her teeth and raised her fist. "Wo ai ni," she breathed silverly, before releasing the chef, and smirking at Ranma, who looked about ready to pummel her. Considering that said girl was emanating a battle aura redder than her hair, Ukyo felt it prudent that they should leave sooner rather than later.
o-o-o
At last! He'd been travelling for three days before he came across his pack, concealed beneath some shrubs where he surmised they had camped several nights earlier. The famished boy tucked greedily into his supplies. Only visions of redheads and okonomiyaki chefs had nourished him the past few nights. With food now in his belly, the same visions drove him to strive onward.
As Ryoga trudged across the sodden earth, he contemplated the position in which he'd found himself. How could he love two girls? Any lingering doubt that Ranma was now a girl had been swept away by her most womanly reaction to that pervert who had tried to molest her by the stream.
Ah, Ranma, with her glittering azure eyes, her dazzling smile, her elfin face, her lithe, well built... Ryoga's eyes glazed over. But what of Ukyo! With her earthy humour, her smooth, lovely face, her flowing dark hair, her long curvaceous...He wiped away drool.
o-o-o
Doesn't this seem somehow... malapropos?
Whatever could you mean?
o-o-o
Ranma, a paragon of feminity and grace! Ukyo, with her unique bubbly exuberance and beauty!
The angel and the nymph. How could he choose?
Why couldn't he have them both!
o-o-o
Fix it.
Killjoy.
Now!
o-o-o
What the hell was he thinking? Of course he couldn't have them both. That would be immoral, and Ryoga Hibiki wasn't immoral. He dashed away some thoughts that threatened to disprove this, as he continued on his lonely trek.
Much later, Ryoga spied a single hut standing on a nearby hill. He reluctantly ceased his ruminations on how to maneuver two girls into a three-way relationship. After all, it would only be immoral if the other two didn't know about one another.A thin stream of smoke attested tothe cabin's occupancy. Perhaps he could ask for directions. He plodded haggardly up the gentle slope, and knocked.
"Oh, honoured customer," exclaimed the Guide in surprise. "Welcome back to Jusenkyo!"
o-o-o
It had been four days since they'd left behind Shampoo, and three since they'd been rejoined by Pop. His forays into cowardice had long since lost their shock value on his two students. This however, didn't prevent a most unpleasant (for Genma, at least) display of their displeasure upon his reappearance.
Ranma had reacted as Ukyo expected when Pops strolled nonchalantly back into camp the morning after they encountered the Amazon. Since then he had been oddly detached from conversation. As they didn't stop to periodically heat the kettle - wanting to put as much ground as possible between them and Shampoo that head start would allow - this left Ukyo with nobody to talk to. Save a grumpy, sign-wielding panda. She was beginning to feel decidedly grumpy herself; her nascent annoyance at Ranma's laconic responses to her attempts tobegin conversation, growing by the day.
He had been so open that night after they'd called the truce. Just enjoying one another's company, and discussing things that didn't pertain to the associated subjects of martial arts or food. They had always gotten along, like buddies do. They'd never gotten along like that.
It had continued on into the next day, when they'd arrived at Joketsuzoku. After accidentally eating the first prize, Ukyo had defeated Shampoo with that same technique they had sparred in the night before. The chef had turned back to the table to see Ranma giving her (well, him at the time) a thumbs-up. Ukyo had never been so pleased to receive someone's approval as she had then. And then Ranma had smiled at her. That moment had seemed to freeze. Ranma and she had shared the beginnings of something that they never had before. Something Ukyo had always hoped they could one day share.
Naturally, something had happened to interrupt. She only recalled a fragmented account of the following events. According to the Guide, she'd been given the Kiss of Marriage by the Amazon; a pledge that Shampoo would track her (him) to the ends of the earth and return with Ukyo as her husband.
The chef realised that Ranma had challenged Shampoo, naming Ukyo her fiancée. This recollection actually made Ranchan's attitude over the past few days even more irksome.
When Ukyo regained cognizance, it had been to Ranma's concerned face.That moment had been spoiled by an infuriating reaction by that new body. And before anything could be said, the Guide had a hold on them, moving like a man possessed, for their sakes.
Thinking more on it, it hadn't been after Shampoo had attacked three days ago that Ranma had began acting coolly; it was after they'd left the village. However, the second incident with the girl seemed to have caused Ranma to distance himself further that before, something which Ukyo failed to understand. He'd been adamant about his engagement with Shampoo, yet remained somewhat cold to the subject of the engagement herself. Ukyo resolved to unravel this. If for nothing else, because it annoyed the ever-loving hell out of her.
o-o-o
The three martial artists rose to the pitter-patter of rainfall. Having gone to sleep in their cursed forms, this day promised them no respite. By unspoken agreement, they deigned not to train that morning. The dire weather seemed a match for the group's mood. Ukyo began sleepily making breakfast, but reduced the servings when she saw Pops idly helping himself to a nearby cluster of bamboo.
Ranma sat down in her oversized gi, and wordlessly took a proffered bowl. They ate in rain sodden silence for a few minutes, Ukyo keeping his growing ire calm, giving himself time to fully wake up. When he felt ready, he quietly demanded, "Spill it. Now." Ranma frowned, eyeing her dish.
"But I wanna eat it
"Oh, ha ha." Commented Ukyo. "Its likeyousaid, Ranma," he paused, noting the girl's eyes widen when Ukyo dropped her pet name."You don't hang around somebody for a year, or in this case, ten years, and not learn anything about them. So 'fess up," he demanded again. "What's eating you?"
Looking away, the girl brushed at imagined dirt on her gi,muttering,
"I don't know what you mean," in the same maddening tone she'd been using for days. Fighting to keep growing ire under control, Ukyo ploughed onward.
"You've been, for want of a better term, moping about ever since we left Joketsuzoku." Ukyo saw she flinched at 'moping'. A hit; a fine hit! "And you've been even sulkier since Shampoo attacked us." Ranma flinched again. "So, I ask you again: what is the problem? I mean, your fretting about is costing us time on Shampoo. You want her to catch us?" he asked rhetorically. Ranma placed the dish down and stood, still looking away, and mumbled,
"Yeah, like you'd hate that so much." She moved away, leaving behind a thoroughly addled okonomiyaki chef. One who hadn't missed the pout on Ranma's face.
'What had that got to do with any...' Ukyo's hand flew to his mouth in a little gasp. Ranma was...she was...he was... Two emotions warred in Ukyo's head at this realisation. One of them was gross irritation. The other, something quite different. The latter feeling won out, as burgeoning smile appeared behind his hand. He lowered it, to see that the reaction tohis new understading had not gone unnoticed by Ranma. The girl quickly looked away, and made a show of casually staring into the distance.
Ranma glanced surreptitiously at Ukyo, to see him staring right back at her, sporting a grin like the cat that ate the canary. Ranma didn't know that she liked that grin. In fact, she was certain she didn't. Yet, the unwavering expression lifted her spirits. Ranma grinned toherself. The redhead felt better than she had since Joketsuzoku. Her smile faded a bit at that thought. Ucchan's grin remained.
o-o-o
"Sorry to bother you, but could you tell me where I..."
The current Guide had worked at Jusenkyo for twenty-five years. In that quarter of a century of dealing with choleric cursed victims, ignorant customers, arrogant Amazons, and the somewhat crackers Musk; he had developed a level of patience that would shame a saint on Prozac. However, this...boy, was beginning to test it.
"Honoured customer," moaned the Guide languidly, "You in Jusenkyo last time. You in Jusenkyo time before that. You still in Jusenkyo, sir!" The boy in the bandanna looked around.
"Are you sure? I was certain that this time I..."
"Yes sir. I sure," answered the Guide more calmly than he felt. It began to rain and the uniformed man sighed. "Please come in, sir. I make dinner, then I lead you out of cursed springs," again, he thought resignedly.
o-o-o
It was still raining when the Guide began to lead the martial artist out of Jusenkyo anew. Deciding to lead him to a different exit in hopes that he wouldn't find his way back again, the Guide and the umbrella-sporting boy tread close to several of the springs. They were passing by one particular pool when a sharp gust of wind caused a little earth to shift on a nearby rocky hillside.
With the earth, shifted some small pebbles, or more specifically, some small load-bearing pebbles. The small stones careened down the hillside followed closely by more than half a dozen head-sized rocks, on a trajectory to land in a certain pool.
Ryoga's danger sense kicked in as several stones splashed into the pool to his left. Instinctively, he brought his umbrella down to block the spray. He was wet enough as it was.
He turned back to the Guide, who was staring at him in shocked relief. "Sir, you is very lucky customer! That is very cursed spring." Ryoga frowned as the Guide began reciting the 'too too tragic tale' of some animal that had drowned in the pool twelve hundred years ago. "Is terrible, sir."
"No need to worry," instructed the Lost Boy. "It wasn't as though I was going to fall in," he pointed out. The Guide regarded him as though he'd just asked what colour blue was.
"Uh, sir. Water splash enough cause curse," he informed the boy. Ryoga blinked twice, then turned in horror. Skin crawling, he asked,
"You mean I was nearly cursed by the Spring of...?
"Drowned Orang-utan, sir. Is very cursed spring!" Ryoga nodded mutely in full agreement.
"To think, I could have been..." he gulped.
'Wait a minute,' he thought. If one only needs to be splashed, then Ryoga could get some 'Drowned Girl' spring water for Ukyo. How happy she'd be when he arrived and cured her! Then she'd thank him, and... they could finally go out on their date! (Though he'd have to keep it secret from Ranma. He wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.) But this was perfect! "Where is the Spring of Drowned Girl?" asked Ryoga intently.
"Here sir, is Nyannichuan: Spring of Drowned Girl," announced the uniformed man, after leading the muttering figure to the correct pool. The boy nodded absently, and produced a flask from his backpack. Emptying the contents on the ground, he asked,
"Will this hold enough to curse someone?" His concern growing, but still having a job to do, the Guide nodded nervously.
Ryoga knelt cautiously by the spring's edge and carefully lowered the flask's opening into the water. He filled it almost completely, his hand never touching the surface. Standing, he sealed the container, and turned to face the Guide, a wide smile on his face. "Now I'll be able to cure Ukyo-san," he said dreamily, more to himself than to his companion. He stepped forward, unaware of the protruding root in his path.
"No, sir. You no understand," warned the Guide. "Spring water, it," he began, stepping closer to Ryoga, only for his foot to fail to find purchase on a slick piece of stone beneath him. "Aaiiiyaaa!" he wailed as he tumbled inexorably forward.
"Hey, are you okay? Do you need help?" inquired Ryoga from atop the Nyannichuan's bamboo pole. His quick reaction had gotten him away from the dangerous splash. A Chinese girl in very oversized green garments broke the surface, yelling shrilly.
"No! That it!" shrieked the girl. "You worst customer ever!" she admonished, pulling herself from the pool. "You stay hell away!" she ordered, moving off as Ryoga looked on.
"Hey," he called. "What was it you were saying about the water a minute ago?" he questioned, still balanced on the pole. The female Guide only answered with some muttered Chinese, which Ryoga, with his limited knowledge of the language, translated as best he could. "Why would she want me to 'go and phone myself'?" he wondered aloud.
o-o-o
What was that?
You were too distracted. You didn't notice that it kept raining?
So he had his umbrella ready. And the Guide slipped before he could trip on the root. Clever. But why?
Considering some of the things you have planned for this guy, does he really deserve a curse, too?
Undoubtedly.
Really? Hell, you even have him infatuated with the Saotome kid.
Been working on that.
So you've come up with something that will change his lust for the kid into something else?
One might say that.
One might also say what you've come up with. Fate did.
You sick bas... Heh heh. Reflecting on what you just said, do you still feel he deserves a curse, too?
Well, he does have some rather glaring character flaws.
That's my department. Well, do you?
All right, Fate begrudged. But if he comes back here again... How does the 'Hibikinichuan' sound?
I'd say overkill.
Funny. I'd say just the right amount of kill.
You would.
And how.
o-o-o
o-o-o o-o-o
o-o-o o-o-o o-o-o
Author's Note: Yes, Fate and Karma are annoying. Their involvement in the story will decrease as it progresses.
Also, this site is still removing word spaces when I upload or edit a chapter. Its frustrating, but it can't be helped.
