Chapter 6 –Curiosity Killed the Panda

The night sky was dully lit by ubiquitous streetlamps.They hummed as though chanting in reverence to the uncommonly placid urban sprawl. A rare serene air had befallen the city of Xining. A calmness washed over the hushed streets, only sporadically populated now by the occasional foraging, nocturnal animal.

This tranquillity did not extend into a certain, dingy hotel room in the Chinese city. "Damnit, Pop!" groused a weary and now irate redhead, swiping at an thickly built martial artist with her thigh length braid, the wrist-thick stream whipping just above the crouching Saotome. "Stop tyrin' ta steal my soap!"

"You ungrateful boy!" growled the large man, aiming a haymaker at his diminutive, yet now alert opponent, who lithely evaded the blow. "Hoarding a cure to yourself like that! Have I thought you nothing of munificence?"

"Munica-what?" Clenching a fist, the girl blared, "I told ya, it ain't a cure!" her mind drifting back to the events of the past week.

o-o-o

"I don't feel any different, 'sides still bein' a girl that is," admitted Ranma as she stepped back into the restaurant's main room.

"Let's test it," suggested Ukyo (a little too eagerly in Ranma's opinion), looking meaningfully toward a nearby kettle. She'd been waiting anxiously to see if the soap would really work.

"Okay," nodded the shorter girl uncertainly. She turned to the restaurateur, with whom she was still angry, and ordered tersely, "Just you be ready with cold water if it don't work." She almost hoped it didn't.

"If you applied the soap thoroughly, it should work," commented the moustached man. Ranma frowned and huffed,

"What, ya think I dunno how to wash myself? Honestly!" she grumbled, rolling her eyes, until she noticed Ukyo snickering again. "Yeees?" she drawled grumpily. Ukyo didn't reply save biting her lip and looking Ranma up and down. Raising an eyebrow, Ranma glanced down at herself, and observed her hands, which were planted in little fists on her hips in the classic feminine stance of reproach. "Gaah!" she shrieked, pulling her hands away, and tightly folding her arms. She was beginning to really hope that the soap didn't work.

"Okay, here goes, Ranchan," Ukyo warned as she upended the kettle spilling its contents of her fiancée, who cringed in macabre anticipation. "Woah, I guess..." the chef trailed off ominously.

"What is it, Ucchan?" came the concerned, high pitched reply. Ranma groaned as she looked forlornly down at her five-foot frame.

"I guess... I've got me a girlfriend for a while!" proclaimed the brunette with a giggle.

'At least she wasn't a guy when she said that', thanked the redhead.

o-o-o

The cursed pair left after purchasing some supplies from the restaurant, which they packed along with Ranma's special soap.

"I can't believe after everything, the old geezer charged us for supplies," grumbled the particularly cantankerous girl to the world.

"At least I got us a discount," placated Ukyo. She had experience in bargaining, after all, she couldn't trust Pops as far as she could throw him (which admittedly, was pretty far), when it came to dealing with cash and supplies back home.

It was the time after she had questioned him about some receipts he thought he'd hidden; when he had tried to convince her that he was working on an experimental new sake okonomiyaki, thathad pretty much eroded the last bit of confidence she had in the old man not put himself ahead of the business. They had done far better since she'd taken over those duties three years ago. Heck, if they weren't always on the move, she felt that they could make a killing with an abiding restaurant. But, for the time being she supposed, they'd have to make due with the yatai like they'd always done.

She wondered if it was being kept in good condition. Some friends of her family back in Tottori had agreed to look after it, but not being Kuonji's themselves she didn't feel like they'd take the care and time to do more than let it sit idle gathering dust. She supposed that that was better than they misusing it after all.

"Wish that's all we got," replied Ukyo's self-pitying companion. Sighing, the chef gained her fiancée's attention.

"You know, I meant what I said back there, Ranchan," she said seriously. Ranma snorted,

"What? You mean the 'girlfriend' crack? That was reeeal funny, Ucchan," she commented caustically.

"It wasn't meant to be."

Ranma favoured her with a flat stare.

"Oh, so maybe it was, a little."

"Whatever," interrupted the redhead.

"But it was also true!"

Scowling, said redhead asked her 'what the hell she meant'. Ukyo grabbed the smaller girl by the shoulders, and looked directly at her. "You're going to be stuck like this for at least a month Ranchan. Full-time. That means you're going to have to start acting the part, at least as far as some areas go," she amended earnestly.

"Like what?" the petite martial artist asked cautiously. "If you think I'm gonna start runnin' around wearin stupid - "

"That's exactly what I mean, Ranchan! You were about to say dresses, weren't you?" She took Ranma's silence as confirmation. "Ranchan, school uniforms aside, when was the last time you saw me in a dress?"

Ranma's eyes widened behind her thick red bangs. She had been about to answer, when she realized that she couldn't recall Ukyo wearing a dress. When she wasn't wearing a gi, like now, of her okonomiyaki chef's outfit, she always preferred sweatshirts and slacks. Reflecting on it, Ranma noticed that she'd never truly considered it before. Sure, Ukyo did have to wear a uniform, but once that came off, it was straight into a gi, or t-shirt. 'But that meant... oh my', thought Ranma as something finally clicked in her mind.

She gulped and answered Ukyo honestly,

"I really don't remember, Ucchan," seemingly coddled. Ukyo nodded assuredly, asking,

"And does that make me any less a girl?"

Ranma contemplated the chef standing before her. She stared, quite tempted to punch herself. After all, how is a person supposed to explain that they'd only really realised that their best friend was a girl after she'd been cursed to turn into a man? Its not everyday one has an epiphany, and most people aren't exactly prepared to deal with them (noting that in this set of circumstances, some might consider Ranma's epiphany to be less an intuitive revelation, and more a discontinuation of stupidity. But one must digress).

Ranma had always (okay, almost always) at least intellectually known that his companion was a girl. Somehow, he'd never made the connection of Ukyo Kuonji technically being a girl to his best friend Ucchan being one.

Despite evidence to the contrary, Ranma did understand the significance of the commitment involved in being engaged. And like a winning streak in Tetris, more pieces were falling into place, and Ranma found she didn't exactly mind the picture they were forming.

'However,' she pondered evilly.

Realising that the time she made Ucchan wait for her answer would only flummox the brunette furthur, Ranma decided it was time to begin living up toher promises of revenge. She flashed the chef a dazzling smile. The effort of holding back her laughter reddening her features, she answered "No, Ucchan," smiling coyly. "No, it definitely doesn't."

Ukyo blink-blinked. She had been expecting that answer (even though Ranchan seemed to take her sweet time about it). She hadn't been expecting it to be accompanied with a slightly blushing Ranma sporting a secretive smile, as she stared at the ground. Still holding the redhead, Ukyo tapped her fingers giddily on Ranma's shoulder blades, and stuttered,

"Eh, t-thanks, Ranchan." Ranma, rolling her shoulders in response to the not unpleasant sensation , looked up and beamed back,

"You're welcome!" The chef was glad for the support of the younger Saotome's shoulders. "Ucchan, you okay?" The chef nodded shakily, melting internally at the concern in Ranma's soprano voice. "Anyway, you were sayin' somethin' about 'acting the part'?" Shaking away her addled thoughts, Ukyo responded,

"L-like I was saying, Ranchan, you need to behave differently now that you're going to be like this," she indicated Ranma's chest, "for a while. For example," she trailed off.

"Uh huh?" prodded Ranma brightly. Ukyo didn't know what had caused Ranchan's sudden good humour and complacency (though she had a suspicion that she hoped was true), but she was thankful for it.

"You should consider wearing a t-shirt beneath your gi's jacket," she answered, pointedly glancing at the half-open white garment the redhead sported. "After all, it does tend to gape a bit when we spar."

Ranma shrugged nonchalantly.

"Oh, is that all?" she asked casually, but relieved. "Sure, I'll -"

"And a sports bra, too," added the taller of the pair. Ranma gagged.

"What? No way! That's for -"

"Girls?" she supplied.

"Yes!"

"Newsflash,"Ukyo replied flatly. "That what you are for the time being," she added at Ranma's disgruntled look. "Listen dummy, in a few weeks, you'll thank me. Training as hard as we do without support is not pleasant. Trust me," she finished levelly.

"But -"

"But nothing, Ranchan. Do you think these," she poked Ranma's breast, "don't make a difference? I've already seen you grimacing after training when you're a girl. You want that for who knows how long?" She looked down to realise that she was still jabbing Ranma's chest, who was blushing crimson. "Er..." she pulled away her hand and joined her fiancée in reddening. "Okay?"

"Ucchan," began Ranman, her blush receding as her stubborn streak asserted itself, "if it's the discomfort,"

"Pain," corrected Ukyo carefully.

"Pain," rectified Ranma, "that you're worried about, it don't matter. I'm a martial artist. I can stand a little -" She didn't complete her sentence, interrupted as she was by Ukyo shaking her bodily.

"Listen, buster! We're not going to be out in the wilderness forever," she exclaimed waving a hand at their surroundings, "and do you plan to stop training when we hit the next town?"

"Course not!" replied Ranma appalled with the suggestion.

"And do you think I'm gonna let my fiancée bounce around and give any pervert nearby who deigns to watch, a free show!" Shaking her head profusely, her long braid shaking about like wildfire, Ranma mumbled something incoherent. "Do you think so, Ranchan?" asked Ukyo again. Another mumble. "Speak up."

"...No," came the sullen reply.

"So, you'll wear a bra?"

"...Yes," she answered in a tiny voice. Ukyo nodded, satisfied.

"Good. I'll get you some when I'm buying your stockings."

"What?"

"Just kidding," winked the brunette at her fiancée's explosion. Ranma growled back as only a five-foot redhead can.

o-o-o

"What'll we do about Pops, Sugar?" wondered Ukyo, as they ambled at a slow pace, giving them time to discuss the situation, still heading down the hill towards the camp. "He's going to ask questions. Especially when he sees you don't turn back into a guy. And what about this?" she asked indicating her own and Ranma's thigh-length tresses. "Pops isn't the most observant guy when it comes personal grooming, but even he'll notice how long our hair has gotten."

"I don't see why we didn't just cut it back'ta normal," groused her companion. Ukyo made a defensive gesture.

"No way. I love this hair!" she exclaimed sunnily, cradling its weighted length in her arms. "It's just a pity I have to keep this whisker tied into the braid," she mumbled, fingering the offending mythical potion.

"What about me?" came the complaint.

"Don't worry. I'll do your hair when we get back," grinned the chef. Ranma looked to the heavens.

"It is to laugh."Sighing,she asked,"Why didn't we just cut my hair shorter?"

"And me miss a chance to style such silky locks?" Ukyo replied in mock jealousy.

"Would you please be serious?"

The brunette chortled as her short fiancée grumbled in that cute manner she was becoming accustomed to.

"Seriously though, Ranchan. With our hair at this length, we'll be able to go at that spatula-braid style for real. Andthat will be fun," she smiled. Ranma's eyebrows rose as she grinned,

"Oh yeah. I guess I was just too ticked off before. I never thought about that. Good thinkn', Ucchan," she complimented.

"Plus, I still can't wait to do you hair," she snickered. Ranma groaned.

By the time they reached camp, they had decided on a strategy for dealing with the elder Saotome. If Genma asked about it, they'd be truthful. Save revealing the seal of the Dragon's Whisker was in fact another Whisker which Ukyo wore on her hair. Neither teenager had any doubt that the old man would have many misgivings about stealing the whisker for himself if he knew. Nonetheless, both planned to remain silent about the whole matter unless Genma brought it up first. The waterproof soap, they resolved, would have to be kept secret at all costs.

Where'd you two go? Signed the panda-fied Master of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts, as the two hauled their packs closer. And what do you have there? He asked with an oddly suspicious glint in his surreally intelligent panda-eyes. Ukyo grunted as she opened her pack and retrieved the ingredients to the beef bowl they'd be having for dinner. The panda's reaction washed away any fear of his immediately noticing something amiss.

'At least until the food was gone', Ukyo amended mentally.

The again human Genma patted his belly contentedly, as he played with a toothpick in his other hand. "Ah, Ukyo, my boy. That was dee-lish," he cajoled. Ukyo frowned from where she was putting away her dish, and looked at herself curiously. Strange. She hadn't turned into a guy unnoticed to herself (which she conceded had happened a couple of times). She shrugged it off, and spoke quietly to her fiancée, as she grabbed her twin spatulas,

"Ranma, you want to go and, y'know?" The redhead nodded, mouthing back 'sure', before speaking aloud.

"Pop, Ucchan n'me are gonna go ahead and train a little." Genma nodded approvingly, still in the afterglow of his meal. Knowing the answer, Ranma asked if he'd like to join them. After his negative reply, Ranma's eyes narrowed. "Don't even think about eating any of our supplies while we're gone."Genma took on an aghast mien of surprise at this questioning of his character, wailing

"Oh, my disrespectful son doesn't even trust his dear father! Who has sacrificed everything for him. Who has put all his blood and sweat into making him a suitable heir to the School. Oh, my thankless son!" Genma continued crying crocodile tears in this vein for another few minutes. Finding his tear ducts strained (he never could compare to Tendo), he pulled himself together and looked up, expecting his charges to have left so he could help himself to some supplies. Instead, he found an angrily glaring teenager. Her unsettling resemblance to another significant redhead in his life did nothing to hearten him, as she (somehow) seemed to tower above him.

"Are you quite done?" she asked condescendingly with folded arms. He nodded, fighting off the urge to say 'Yes, dear'. "Good. We'd better not find anything missing when we get back. If you're really still hungry, why don't'cha turn into a panda an' eat some shrubs or something?" He nodded again. "Anyway," she exhaled, "me and Ucchan are goin' on ahead." Suiting action to word, the two young martial artists headed off, Genma eyeing them warily.

Two hours later, the pair returned, a distinctly distaff glow about the two as they happily recalled the events of their sparring with one another. "Who'da thought my hair would have supported you like that?" Ranma wondered as she pondered a particularly enjoyable sequence in their spar. The weights end of Ukyo's hair had somehow gotten tangled with the cap Ranma had placed at the end of her own hair for the fight during a swipe that Ukyo had deflected. This left the two tangled and varying from fighting back to back, to extreme close quarters with the battle spatulas. Due to superior reach andexperience with the spatula, Ukyo had been coming out the victor.But Ranma, being the stronger of the two, decided to swing Ukyo bodily away off the ground in hopes of dislodging the tangled braids, but had instead sent her larger fiancée spinning above her in a dizzying circle. Never one to allow a little disorientation to come in the way of sparring, Ukyo had continued to dual with her opponent matching spatula for spatula. The real fun began when Ukyo landed and sent Ranma skyward with a mighty heft of her own braid. This littlebout of tit- for-tat had gone on for twenty minutes. Until, suffering from severe cricks in their necks, and almost uncontrollable laughter, they decided to end their stalemate and declare the match a draw.

"I know," breathed back Ukyo whimsically; "Maybe I'll start calling you Rapunchan," she laughed at her own joke. Ranma quirked her lips in puzzlement, completely missing the reference. Ukyo rolled her eyes at this. "As in 'Rapunzel'." Ranma nodded, then frowned,

"No idea."

"She was a fairytale princess," winked Ukyo. Ranma shook her head.

"Pity our tale resembles something H.P. Lovecraft would'a written while high."

o-o-o

They made good time across Qinghai, and would soon pass into the Gansu province. They had come from the south when they had traveled into Qinghai, so decided that leaving China via a different path was prudent.There was no reason to aid Shampoo's tracking of the group.

They were two days the province's capital when Ukyo and Ranma left Genma to spar alone again. He hadn't commented on their hair length at all, and they had made sure not to draw any attention to it. He did grumble a few times about Ranma remaining a girl, but she explained it away by saying she needed to train to get used to her new body. This time however, Genma decided that he'd perhaps slacked off a little in his own training regime the past week, and decided to follow his two dedicated (no doubt thanks to his influence) charges.

As he approached the two still unseen, he was taken aback. They were practicing that ridiculous style they'd developed together that utilized their hair as a weapon. Of course, Genma appreciated any style which advocated the use any part of the surroundings or body to one's maximum advantage – it was a core tenet of Anything Goes after all – yet somehow this particular style made the bald martial artist feel bitter for some incomprehensible reason. He stared at their braids as they snaked about like aerial vipers. Since when had his son's hair been... Hmm. This bore further investigation. He got as close as he could, still avoiding detection, and listened.

o-o-o

Damn it, did those twoonly ever talk about martial arts? He should be proud and all, but still, they were keeping a secret from him. He had an odd feeling that it might be of significance to him in some fashion, as he pictured his son's flowing locks twirling about at will during the spar. He woke with a start himself from the daydream, which had shifted to he himself sparring with a head full of long silky black hair. The two youths returned to camp. He was about to question them, when they wordlessly unrolled their sleeping bags and went promptly to sleep.

Grumbling, he decided to confront the two on the origins of Ranma's extra hair in the morning.

o-o-o

Dedication to the Art, Genma liked, dedication that led to Ukyo and Ranma tiring themselves out to the point where he was the first up and as such had to make breakfast, he most certainly did not. Grousing to himself as he heat up some water, and prepared the few ingredients that Ukyo (such an ungrateful child) hadalloted him, Genma decided that in addition to questioning him, he'd spar with the boy - the BOY - this morning. He poured some water from the heating pan over the fire into a bowl and moved to his boy's sleeping bag. Uncovering him, Genma grimaced at his female form, and quickly tossed the bowl's contents over him.

His son was immediately awake sputtering and complaining, and other than the fact that his son was still his daughter, Genma wasn't surprised. "Geez Pop, what'cha do that for?" She wailed, as she sat up. "You know how long it takes for that sleeping bag to get dry again?"

Genma blinked before fainting. He was a dead man.

o-o-o

Growling at his own foolishness, Genma tucked into his breakfast. Jumping to horrible conclusions and fainting, he would have been ashamed if his old buddy Tendo had been here to see it. The explanation Ranma and Ukyo had given him when he awoke and asked about Ranma's long hair had made a modicum of sense, but it seemed Ranma still hadn't realized that he'd been woken with a splash of hot water. Genma didn't mention it, hoping that maybe the whole thing had been a horrible dream. Yes, that was it: a horrible dream. He'd tell the boy to turn back, and then he'd be a man among men, and no katanas would become intimate with Genma's jugular in the near or far future. Liking this plan, Genma loudly declared over the cooking fire's remains,

"Boy, you've been a girl long enough. Change back so we can have a proper man to man spar."

Ranma glowered at him.

"Didn't ya hear anything we just said, Pop? If I change back, that dumb whisker's effects will make my hair grow 'til I'm bald. I may wanna carry on the school and all, but that don't mean I wanna look like ya. C'mon Ucchan," she said finishing her breakfast quickly, "let's go ahead and spar again." The pair promptly left Genma to the rest of his meal.

When they were far enough away, with no hills or inclines around, Ranma paused. "Ucchan, I think Pop knows I can't turn back."

"What do you mean?" she asked, worried.

"Well, this mornin', right before Pops fainted, he splashed me to wake me up."

"Ranchan,"she spoke reassuringly."I know. You've been complaining about that all morning." The apprehensive look in Ranma's eyes did not help her confidence that everything was okay. The shorter girl was shaking her head.

"Ucchan, I think he used warm water. I was just so out of it that it didn't click that that was important, you know?"

"Do you think he knows about the soap?" Ranma shook her head again.

"I don't think so. I mean if we had a 'cure' in hand, do you think he'd waste a second in getting his paws on it?" Ukyo nodded. Ranma had a good point.

"So, what do we do in the meantime? If he suspects..."

Genma relaxed, letting loose one of the 'sealed' techniques. Decloaking himself from the Umi-senken, he moved away undetected. He had some soap to find.

o-o-o

"Yatta!"

"What the?" screeched Ranma as she and Ukyo were returned to camp to find Genma standing in a victory pose over Ranma's pack. Genma gulped when he noticed his furious son-turned-daughter.

"Now son, this isn't what it looks like..."

"Really," drawled Ranma, "cos to me it looks like someone's funeral!"

"Eep!"

o-o-o

Lying back in her bed in the hotel room, Ranma thanked Ukyo, who had clobbered Genma with her spatula before his latest attempt to steal the soap paid off.

"You're going to have to do something about this, Ranchan," mumbled Ukyo tiredly, "He'll just keep trying to steal it otherwise. Regardless of whether we tell him it isn't a cure or not. And you know Pops," she nodded at his prone, twitching form, "once he really wants something..." she trailed off when she saw the nascent smile illuminated by streetlight sneaking in through the half shuttered window, appear on her fiancée's face. "You havesomething in mind, don't you?"

"Yep."

"Do share, 'girlfriend'," she snickered. The remark didn't dent Ranma's smile which had graduated from sly to sinister.

"I'm gonna let him have it," the redhead answered wickedly. Ranma explained, and the chef grew a smile as nasty as her fiancée's.

"That is evil, Ranchan... Can I help?"

o-o-o

As good a tracker as Shampoo was, she was under no illusions. Her husband's head start was too great. It was unlikely she'd catch his group again until they reached their destination, which she knew was Japan. She also knew that Japan had a population several thousand times that of Joketsuzoku. Having some semblance of where in Japan her husband and the redheaded slattern were headed would be most useful. This is why she found it very fortunate when she happened across a heavily muscled boy who fit Ling-Ling and Lung-Lung's description of the group's erstwhile travelling companion, right down to the bandanna.

All she had to do was question the male, and find where in Japan her husband resided, go there, kill the baggage, woo her husband and bring him home, and accept her tribe's adulation for upholding the Laws of the Joketsuzoku. Simple...

But why did she feel that ominous shiver run down her spine?