They took Eamon's body away. I wanted to follow I didn't want to let go yet. But I knew I had to. No one stopped me though a part of me wished they would. That they would say "no, she too young." Or that someone would hold me while I cried. But no more, now I would be Amondine the brave and weather my fate alone. I watched numb as the flames consumed him. As orange and red ate away first cloth then flesh and bone, as smoke drifted and swirled around me like a silver ghost. I put my hand on my heart. It was cold underneath my shift, against my skin. Tears came but I wasn't angry anymore, just sad and alone. Silently I watched as the cold wind carried the smoke away over the mountain, across the fields. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I didn't turn around, I knew it was Eowyn by her light touch. Her hands were not so cold now. Something had warmed her from the inside, Faramir had. He had awakened the sleeping bloom and now she was growing into a beautiful white rose. I cried into her waist as we stood amongst the fires of those who had died.
"The Lords are returning from the east, the battle is won."
I could tell she was trying to sound cheerful but her voice was wavering and I felt her tears falling on my hand.
"The Mithrandir is coming."
I didn't say anything. I only held her more tightly. I knew soon I would have to leave her.
"Soon I will leave to my home, to Edoras I wish you would come with me."
"I would but . . . I cannot I don't belong here . . . I just wish I knew where I did belong."
"Soon you will, soon."
But soon felt like years. The weeks that passed were a mixture of joy and sorrow. Rejoicing that Sauron had been destroyed and sorrow for the loss of my brother and my father. I was very anxious for the King to return because with him came my fate. Until then I followed Eowyn everywhere she went. I was her shadow, dark where she was light, sad when she was happy and alone where she was loved. And she was loved with the deepest love you could ever hope for. But what of me? Everything was changed . . . I was changed. Slowly I was starting to understand.
The day the lords returned was like the earth was born anew. The City was sparkling again and with a far brighter light. It reflected off of the white marble with gleaming brilliance. The color was restored in brighter hues and shades. No more gray or black. Everything was like a rainbow. I seemed brighter now too. Cleaned and healed, newly dressed in blue and yellow but the colors seemed to mock my grief. I wore them though because it was asked of me. Because now I understood why they needed to be worn. I sat on Eowyn's bed as she put my hair up with combs and pins. Now shiny and black like a Raven's wing and not dull, matted and tangled like it used to be. I didn't like it, but I understood that it needed to be done. She put a circle of blue flowers on my head and gave me a few to hold in my hand. She smiled and looked radiant in the midnight blue dress that Faramir had given her when he asked to be her husband. The blue stars on the hem matched the sparkling in her eyes. She too wore a crown of blue blooms, it suited her she was a princess soon to be Queen. But I looked awkward and comical, or at least that is how I felt. But it was this thing called ceremony, this play act they called celebration. So I played along, though I had nothing to celebrate. This is how the world is. I reminded my self.
"You look beautiful Amondine."
Eowyn said as she tucked a blue flower behind my ear.
"I will miss you Eowyn . . . Will you remember me?"
"How could I ever forget you?"
She took my hand and solemnly we made our way to meet the Lords at the Citadel.
The whole City was gathered and we all stood in the crowed court. With flowers in hands and hair, around necks and through braids and belts, spilling over balconies, floating through the air and bursting through the earth. The cheers were deafening, armor shining and sparkling. I held my flowers close to my heart wishing that my brother could be here to see such a wondrous sight, wishing that my father were among the brave men gathered. Eowyn and her brother embraced with tears and smiles. I remember how the King looked, like he was fierce, afraid and happy all at the same time. Faramir came to us.
"My lovely Ladies, you are the fairest flowers in all the city today."
He knelt before me and touched my cheek. Where before I would have felt a thrill being so close to him, now I felt nothing and looked past him toward the shining city.
"I hope that today your heart will be lightened little one. Do not sorrow, for the king has returned and in peace and glory he shall reign."
I feigned a smile and turned away. It was then that I saw him. He stood before the King, robed in white and sparkling like a flaming star. I knew it was him, somehow I just knew and I looked on in awe as the Mithrandir put the winged crown of the city on the King's brow. The silver shone and the gold burned in the pure light of the sun. The light of the silver was caught in the stones of the pendant and reflected in the Mithrandir's eyes. He looked at me. The man who knew my fate, the one whom I had been waiting for . . . Mithrandir. Eowyn was right, he was more than just a man he had a tender power and a wise light that surrounded him. He smiled at me and it was like I was the only being there. Everyone cheered and tossed their flowers in the air, mine fell slowly from my hand and floated limply to the ground.
The whole City was carpeted with blooms and was like a soft pale blue blanket in the early light. As the sun crept up into the deep black, it was like the City was burning again. Only this time not of fire, of sparkling gold and orange. Diamonds seemed to litter the cityscape as I looked out across what I knew to be my home. How strange that now I was leaving it at it's most beautiful. I understood the Irony. A sweet wind blew in from the west and picked up my hair that I had let loose. It flew my garland down across the wall shrinking off into the blue that was now fading from the sky. I shivered and felt alone, but I wasn't. I turned my head and there he was. I said nothing only waited as he slowly approached. The only sound to be heard was his white staff on the ground. He stood by me and we watched the sun slowly rise and the stars fade into the red.
"Say fair well to the indigo blue, the pale palace of midnight, the day is coming soon."
He said with a soft voice. I wrapped my arms around myself trying to remember where I had heard those words before. It was a song that my brother used to sing to me. I lifted my head and sang in a quiet tone, I sang for him.
"And now how you cry, drip loose silver tears from those eyes. Eyes that fill the purple sky . . . Now thy are dead and see no more."
A small tear slid down my cheek and the wind blew chilling it as it made a silver streak down my face.
"Who are you?" I asked him in my bravest tone. "What does Mithrandir mean?"
"It meant . . . " He started slowly. "It meant Grey Pilgrim...I am, Gandalf The White."
His voice was kind and powerful, his gaze was deep it pierced my being and burned my soul. I wanted to look away but I was compelled.
"I was there. The rider who slew the beast, The light that lifted you into the sky. I saw you at the Citadel"
I cupped my hands around the pendant holding it close to my heart.
"I know who you are."
My breath caught in my throat.
He took my hand, it felt frail but mystery and magic flowed through his palm and into mine. We walked in silence together past the gnarled white tree. I gazed upon the tiny green buds that sprouted from its bare branches. It felt strange, like somehow we were connected, like the way the roots of the tree clung to the earth or the way the buds sprouted from the bare white wood of the tree.
"There is something you must know Amondine. A long time ago when the earth was young and the stars were new, there was born a race of beings. They taught the trees to sing and they lived under the stars."
He lifted his hand to the sky and all the stars shuttered and shimmered.
"One of these, Anga Raama he was called because he used the deep arts to make himself wings."
I looked out over the horizon and a black raven drifted by, the morning light playing on his wings turning them green and blue.
"Because he disobeyed, he was banished to the unseen world. But he made himself a key . . . "
He glanced at the pendant, the jewel shimmered and grew hot.
"He parted the mists."
I held my breath and closed my eyes imagining glassy waters and a curtain of mist before me. I reached out with my mind and parted it revealing silver glass and pale grey skies.
"There he found Tintila Isilme, Lady of the moonlight."
He lifted his hand to the sky and the moon that was fading vanished from sight as if he had wiped it away.
"Their blood runs through you, and you will soon have a great choice to make."
My heart skipped a beat and I felt dizzy. Was this where I belonged? Was it true, could I be one of those, those children of the stars? Would they know me like he knew me? This great Sage that now stood before me in the light of the newly risen sun like some kind of glowing statue of gold. Surly it could not be.
"There is more to this story, much more." He said looking down on me with bright eyes. "But that is for another time. Eowyn has requested that you travel with her, while we make our way to Edoras. There, she will lay her uncle to rest. Then you will travel north, with me to the Golden Wood and meet Galadriel . . . Lady Of Light. She will tell you what else you need to know."
He spoke the name 'Galadriel' With such reverence, such awe that I could not help but smile excitedly though I meant to keep a grave face and be respectful. At this he smiled broadly and put his hand on my head. But then doubt and fear washed over me.
"But I am not a Starchild. I am only small and meek. A shadow who follows, that is all. I have stayed in the Houses of healing but I am not healed, my wound is not of flesh and blood . . . I am alone."
"Do not fret, for this is only the beginning. You have much to learn about your past . . . without a past, you have no hope for the future. Do not fear, for your past is great indeed and soon you will learn of it."
He leaned over and stroked the pendant, it's fiery light reflected in his eyes.
"No. You are not a child of shadow Amondine. You are a Daughter of hope."
Epilogue
My Story, My Choice
From that moment on, from those words spoken something stirred within me. A strong longing, an unquiet deep within me and a willingness to grow and change. I wanted to learn and not be afraid anymore. Yet I was tossed between these strange worlds. One I did not know, one I thought I knew. All I could do was follow behind and learn. Slowly I became part of who I used to be, regaining my feeling and my trust but I would never be the same. Everything was different all around me, so I changed determined not to be lost in the vastness of this New Age.
That is how I came upon this book. It was given to me in Edoras by my Lady. It is Midnight blue like her dress, with a shining silver star. She wished me to take down my story that one day she might read it and know what I have done. It was sad, saying goodbye to her and Faramir, but hardest of all was leaving the city and going far off into this strange and wondrous world. Now I must close this chapter with a choice. Shall I stay, and better learn this world that I know? Or shall I go with my kin, part the mists and become forever entwined in the Mysteries of my heritage? The time is drawing near. My life is waiting to be lived.
